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Not Having Friends In The Hobby. Fear I am Losing The One Possible Friend I have In It.

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  • Member since
    February 2005
  • From: Vancouver Island, BC
  • 23,330 posts
Posted by selector on Monday, October 19, 2020 9:57 PM

Even lone wolves need some social interaction now and then. That can be as sterile as a forum or as touchy-feely as support groups. Sometimes a kind word to a checkout clerk is all one needs if they look up and smile.

I agree that a well-led club of any kind will greet new faces and offer all kinds of encouragement to return. The lack of skills or knowledge should be no impediment to either the prospective member or the club.

  • Member since
    October 2010
  • 383 posts
Posted by Billwiz on Monday, October 19, 2020 8:54 PM

As a pastor, I would like a friend, especially one who shares my model railroad interest. 

  • Member since
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  • From: west coast
  • 7,667 posts
Posted by rrebell on Monday, October 19, 2020 8:03 PM

Some people are a lot bussier than you think. I lived in a town where you rairly got to talk to your neigbors, they had buisness to run or second jobs, I usually had two jobs going at once, one being 40hr plus comute and dead time (required lunch) so that ment 55 hrs a week and my other job was being a landlord who did most of their own work, many times I brought home parts and went to work so I missed dinner, even on those days when I got home at a decent hour. Depending on how many people in his ministry, you might have been lucky to talk to him at all.

  • Member since
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  • From: Columbia, IL
  • 394 posts
Posted by wdcrvr on Monday, October 19, 2020 8:02 PM

I have been building a basement HO layout for the last 10 years.  There is a club about a 20 minute drive from me.  I went there several times and was usually ignored.  Eventually the one guy who actually talked to me gave me some paperwork to fill out in order to REQUEST membership in the club.  It went on and on about all the requirements I would have to meet including a $10 fee to even be considered.  Then after showing up for so many meeting during a certain amount of time I would be considered for membership.  Maybe, maybe not.  Nobody gave me anything that described what benefits I might get out of being a member.  I never went back.  I have been a lone wolf and if that is what I can expect from club membership I will remain a lone wolf.  I also happen to be a woodcarver and have belonged to woodcarving club for almost 30 years.  The woodcarving club was and still is an organization that promotes new members!!  So, if you run across some other modelers to socialize with, that's great but don't let the lack of modeler friends slow you down.  This forum has been great for me and I am sure you will find plenty of support  here.  

wdcrvr

  • Member since
    March 2020
  • 290 posts
Posted by Engi1487 on Monday, October 19, 2020 7:37 PM

York1

Without knowing the Pastor, I can tell you that based on my church's two pastors, they barely have time for their own families, let alone setting aside time for friends.

Good luck.  I hope you can work through this.



Thanks I do appriciate it. I should mention (I didnt as I feared the post would get to long to read) that he does have a model railroading blog, which he adds content to when he can, so he does have some time. He even did a NMRA podcast which I enjoyed listening too. He isnt a bad guy, and does have time for family, even helping his chldren move to university and visit them.

I will see what happens as time goes on. Another paster in the hobby is Ron Marsh who models the BNSF. He has a youtube channel called "Rons Trains N Things."
  • Member since
    July 2006
  • From: Central Vermont
  • 4,565 posts
Posted by cowman on Monday, October 19, 2020 7:34 PM

I started collecting things and one day mentioned something I had bought to a fellow that came to the farm monthly.  He took up the hobby and passed me in amount of layout finished.  We'd go to train shhows together and share what we had done on our own layouts, though we never worked together on a layout.

Sadly, his aging body has made it  impossible for him to get to his layout.  I had a number of his things packed to take to a show and  hopefully sell for him, nut covid struck, and that part of life is on hold.

Now the son of a long time friend. who is retired Navy, has taken up building a Lionel layout.  I have shown  him my little HO layout and last week I went to see his progress.  Though he is only a couple of miles away, I doubt we'll work together, but we will share what we have done.

Unfortunately the nearest clubs are about an hour away, in opposite directions, and my aging eyes are beginning to dislike night driving.

Even though I am a lone wolf, I have found a lot of "friends" here on the forums.  I have only met a couple of forum members, but I feel we are a group, working together to help each other out.

Don't be afraid  to go it alone, there are a lot of folks here that will help you.  Don't keep your hobby in the closet, drop hints of it to other friends, they may or may know someone who has a model railroad.  Another thing you can do is, if you  have a local hobby shop, you can leave your name (index card with your name and number) at the register and they can give them to folks buying model rr items.  Confidentiality stuff makes it so they can't give you other peoples names, but they can give out your name, since you requested they do so. 

Good luck,

Richard

  • Member since
    March 2012
  • 716 posts
Posted by trwroute on Monday, October 19, 2020 7:19 PM

I lost my one true modeling buddy when my dad passed away in 2012.  I know one or two others, but we have zero in common as to what we want to achieve.  So, I am mostly a lone wolf...and I'm ok with that!

Chuck - Modeling in HO scale and anything narrow gauge

  • Member since
    February 2018
  • From: Flyover Country
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Posted by York1 on Monday, October 19, 2020 7:10 PM

I'll echo what Chip suggested.  Join the club, even if you feel like you're not expert enough.  Most clubs are anxious for new members.  You can explain when you contact them what your limitations are, and I'm sure they would be able to help.

Without knowing the Pastor, I can tell you that based on my church's two pastors, they barely have time for their own families, let alone setting aside time for friends.

Good luck.  I hope you can work through this.

York1 John       

  • Member since
    December 2004
  • From: Rimrock, Arizona
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Posted by SpaceMouse on Monday, October 19, 2020 6:45 PM

Engi1487
The only clubs are an hour to several away, with none in my area. I feel I cant join at the moment, as I need to improve my skills to contribute.

 

That's not the way it works. You join, run trains, and when it comes time to do maintainance, install scenery, or build a structure, they'll teach you what you need to know. 

I used to drive an hour to operate on a layout every week. 

Chip

Building the Rock Ridge Railroad with the slowest construction crew west of the Pecos.

  • Member since
    March 2020
  • 290 posts
Not Having Friends In The Hobby. Fear I am Losing The One Possible Friend I have In It.
Posted by Engi1487 on Monday, October 19, 2020 6:20 PM

 I have learened that making freinds as an adult is diffcult, and I am worried that I am losing the one person/connection I have in the hobby. I am a guy who, does not have any close friendships or has anyone to do things with.

 I am someone who is fine with his own company and does not feel lonely all the time, but I realize that I do want to have my own group of friends, and am working torwards that.

But in model railroading I am worried I am losing the one person I know in the hobby. In 2018 my interest in the hobby was rejuvinated when I discovered my long lost Mehano CNR 4-8-2 bullet nosed betty locomtoive, which was part of the various Presidents Choice trains sets, this one that was my first.

 It was in need of fixing so I conntacted the federation of railway modellers of my province (Canada) that got me in touch with someone that lived close in my area.

 He is the president of the NMRA chapter in my area and a Pastor. We ended up chatting via email and hit it off very well. However being that his job was a paster and was very demanding at time we only would meet twice, and once told me he could not meet as he was needed.

 He even have me some old issues of MRR and other related publications. I did enjoy talking with him in person, on facebook messanger and on the phone once or twice, but at train shows where he was due to promote the NMRA, I was not able to have a long conversation with him, as he did his own shopping, sitting at the booth etc. I felt coming to the show was a mistake, as I felt this was the one way to talk with him, and didnt get to talk for very long.

 He even invited me and my folks to see a play that was a fundraiser for their church, which was nice.

We only talk on messanger, and someone we reply to each others posts on the various model railroading facebook groups. I will at times message him saying hi or  to start a conversation going to keep our connection going, but either he does not reply or only gives brief replies

 I even messaged him about the possibility of seeing a layout together (in winter of 2019 or 2020 before Covid-19 happened) that belong to someone he know from long ago, but told me he didnt have time to chat, and that due to his work schedule didnt have time to do those sorts of trips. The layout was three hours away, and the guy wanted more then one person to visit as, he needed more to operate.

 I am worried I am losing the one personal connection in the hobby. I understand people come and so and drift apart, but I dont know what to do about this. I'm 26 and the guy is in his mid fifties. I understand his work situation, but I am not feeling that maybe uncovering my locomotive was a mistake.

 The only people I have to talk about the hobby, are those on facebook groups or these forums, but they are only brief interactions. The only clubs are an hour to several away, with none in my area. I feel I cant join at the moment, as I need to improve my skills to contribute.

Does anyone not have any close friends or anyone to model with? What could I do to at least maintain this connection, as he is the only friend who shares my interest.

Tags: Friends , Friendship , NMRA

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