I have learened that making freinds as an adult is diffcult, and I am worried that I am losing the one person/connection I have in the hobby. I am a guy who, does not have any close friendships or has anyone to do things with. I am someone who is fine with his own company and does not feel lonely all the time, but I realize that I do want to have my own group of friends, and am working torwards that.But in model railroading I am worried I am losing the one person I know in the hobby. In 2018 my interest in the hobby was rejuvinated when I discovered my long lost Mehano CNR 4-8-2 bullet nosed betty locomtoive, which was part of the various Presidents Choice trains sets, this one that was my first. It was in need of fixing so I conntacted the federation of railway modellers of my province (Canada) that got me in touch with someone that lived close in my area. He is the president of the NMRA chapter in my area and a Pastor. We ended up chatting via email and hit it off very well. However being that his job was a paster and was very demanding at time we only would meet twice, and once told me he could not meet as he was needed. He even have me some old issues of MRR and other related publications. I did enjoy talking with him in person, on facebook messanger and on the phone once or twice, but at train shows where he was due to promote the NMRA, I was not able to have a long conversation with him, as he did his own shopping, sitting at the booth etc. I felt coming to the show was a mistake, as I felt this was the one way to talk with him, and didnt get to talk for very long. He even invited me and my folks to see a play that was a fundraiser for their church, which was nice.We only talk on messanger, and someone we reply to each others posts on the various model railroading facebook groups. I will at times message him saying hi or to start a conversation going to keep our connection going, but either he does not reply or only gives brief replies I even messaged him about the possibility of seeing a layout together (in winter of 2019 or 2020 before Covid-19 happened) that belong to someone he know from long ago, but told me he didnt have time to chat, and that due to his work schedule didnt have time to do those sorts of trips. The layout was three hours away, and the guy wanted more then one person to visit as, he needed more to operate. I am worried I am losing the one personal connection in the hobby. I understand people come and so and drift apart, but I dont know what to do about this. I'm 26 and the guy is in his mid fifties. I understand his work situation, but I am not feeling that maybe uncovering my locomotive was a mistake. The only people I have to talk about the hobby, are those on facebook groups or these forums, but they are only brief interactions. The only clubs are an hour to several away, with none in my area. I feel I cant join at the moment, as I need to improve my skills to contribute.Does anyone not have any close friends or anyone to model with? What could I do to at least maintain this connection, as he is the only friend who shares my interest.
Engi1487The only clubs are an hour to several away, with none in my area. I feel I cant join at the moment, as I need to improve my skills to contribute.
That's not the way it works. You join, run trains, and when it comes time to do maintainance, install scenery, or build a structure, they'll teach you what you need to know.
I used to drive an hour to operate on a layout every week.
Chip
Building the Rock Ridge Railroad with the slowest construction crew west of the Pecos.
I'll echo what Chip suggested. Join the club, even if you feel like you're not expert enough. Most clubs are anxious for new members. You can explain when you contact them what your limitations are, and I'm sure they would be able to help.
Without knowing the Pastor, I can tell you that based on my church's two pastors, they barely have time for their own families, let alone setting aside time for friends.
Good luck. I hope you can work through this.
York1 John
I lost my one true modeling buddy when my dad passed away in 2012. I know one or two others, but we have zero in common as to what we want to achieve. So, I am mostly a lone wolf...and I'm ok with that!
Chuck - Modeling in HO scale and anything narrow gauge
I started collecting things and one day mentioned something I had bought to a fellow that came to the farm monthly. He took up the hobby and passed me in amount of layout finished. We'd go to train shhows together and share what we had done on our own layouts, though we never worked together on a layout.
Sadly, his aging body has made it impossible for him to get to his layout. I had a number of his things packed to take to a show and hopefully sell for him, nut covid struck, and that part of life is on hold.
Now the son of a long time friend. who is retired Navy, has taken up building a Lionel layout. I have shown him my little HO layout and last week I went to see his progress. Though he is only a couple of miles away, I doubt we'll work together, but we will share what we have done.
Unfortunately the nearest clubs are about an hour away, in opposite directions, and my aging eyes are beginning to dislike night driving.
Even though I am a lone wolf, I have found a lot of "friends" here on the forums. I have only met a couple of forum members, but I feel we are a group, working together to help each other out.
Don't be afraid to go it alone, there are a lot of folks here that will help you. Don't keep your hobby in the closet, drop hints of it to other friends, they may or may know someone who has a model railroad. Another thing you can do is, if you have a local hobby shop, you can leave your name (index card with your name and number) at the register and they can give them to folks buying model rr items. Confidentiality stuff makes it so they can't give you other peoples names, but they can give out your name, since you requested they do so.
Good luck,
Richard
York1 Without knowing the Pastor, I can tell you that based on my church's two pastors, they barely have time for their own families, let alone setting aside time for friends. Good luck. I hope you can work through this.
I have been building a basement HO layout for the last 10 years. There is a club about a 20 minute drive from me. I went there several times and was usually ignored. Eventually the one guy who actually talked to me gave me some paperwork to fill out in order to REQUEST membership in the club. It went on and on about all the requirements I would have to meet including a $10 fee to even be considered. Then after showing up for so many meeting during a certain amount of time I would be considered for membership. Maybe, maybe not. Nobody gave me anything that described what benefits I might get out of being a member. I never went back. I have been a lone wolf and if that is what I can expect from club membership I will remain a lone wolf. I also happen to be a woodcarver and have belonged to woodcarving club for almost 30 years. The woodcarving club was and still is an organization that promotes new members!! So, if you run across some other modelers to socialize with, that's great but don't let the lack of modeler friends slow you down. This forum has been great for me and I am sure you will find plenty of support here.
wdcrvr
Some people are a lot bussier than you think. I lived in a town where you rairly got to talk to your neigbors, they had buisness to run or second jobs, I usually had two jobs going at once, one being 40hr plus comute and dead time (required lunch) so that ment 55 hrs a week and my other job was being a landlord who did most of their own work, many times I brought home parts and went to work so I missed dinner, even on those days when I got home at a decent hour. Depending on how many people in his ministry, you might have been lucky to talk to him at all.
As a pastor, I would like a friend, especially one who shares my model railroad interest.
Even lone wolves need some social interaction now and then. That can be as sterile as a forum or as touchy-feely as support groups. Sometimes a kind word to a checkout clerk is all one needs if they look up and smile.
I agree that a well-led club of any kind will greet new faces and offer all kinds of encouragement to return. The lack of skills or knowledge should be no impediment to either the prospective member or the club.
Engi1487But in model railroading I am worried I am losing the one person I know in the hobby.
Oh boy... I know you are new here. The "old guys" have heard me say all this before.
I do not have any model railroad friends, and I would not invite a model railroader over to my house to see my layout, except for a handful of forum members from here.
If you want hobby friends, take up wargaming. You cannot be a wargamer without friends. There is no such thing as a lone wolf board gamer or wargamer.
This forum is as far as I go into the world of socializing with fellow model railroaders.
-Kevin
Living the dream.
Hi! I understand your situation. I definently was a "lone wolf", keeping my MRR social interests on forums and replying to comments on my youtube channel. And I was content.
But ever since I found out my college has a model railroader club, I've found how valuable it is to have physical friends in this hobby for me. I realized that the reason I never considered having real life friends in the hobby was simply because I hadent met one yet. Obviously I understand that needing physical friends in this hobby is not for everyone, but I'd recommend everyone to atleast try out a club.
Perks of being in an engineering college!
Anyways, yea I would search for clubs around you. Be aware of imposter syndrom. Trust me, few actually know what theyre doing, dont be afraid of not knowing too much. We're all here just to have fun!
Side note, I actually met a great friend through my youtube channel, he and I would always comment lengthy conversations in the comment sections, and we would always hit it off. Now, we email each other every few days. Its been great!
Finally, if you happen to be near Paoli, PA, or Champaign IL, I'd be down to meet someone new!
Cheers!
Charles
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Modeling the Santa Fe & Pennsylvania in HO
Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLb3FRqukolAtnD1khrb6lQ
Instagram (where I share projects!): https://www.instagram.com/trainman440
The NMRA has a feature to find fellow modelers in your area.
Shane
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel
An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
A realist sees a frieght train
An engineer sees three idiots standing on the tracks stairing blankly in space
I think you have lots of friends - Right here! While you're solo in your hobby at home and no one close by, these forums can be a great help and inspiration to not just you, but everyone. You came here to talk about losing a friend, yet your 'virtual' friends on the board came to talk to you and share their experiences.
When I moved to another state, I felt like I lost my hobby friends. Started to build a layout, found a hobby shop that while not so close, I went there to see what was new or if I needed something. Eventually, I met others in the hobby. Now I have friends, some close, others an hour or more away.
In this modern day and age, many things can be done 'virtual' with your computer, like Skype, Zoom and more.
As another poster stated, the NMRA ( nmra.org ) can be a help to find fellow model railroaders or clubs in your area.
I'm sure many folks will reply to any type of question you have regarding your model railroading quest.
Hang in there, don't give up. You've found friends here!
Neal
Trainman440Finally, if you happen to be near Paoli, PA, or Champaign IL, I'd be down to meet someone new! Cheers! Charles
Charles, unfortunately my church had to cancel our Christmas train event, otherwise I would invite you to join us. Not far from Paoli!
Perhaps this would help with the fear (from Dune):
"I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me.When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain."
Rio Grande. The Action Road - Focus 1977-1983
One thing I would advise is to not just look for model railroaders. Are there any railroad museums, or fan-trip railroad operations, etc. in your area? Do you belong to any railroad historical societies for the railroads in your area (CN, CP)? You might find some folks who are interested in trains but aren't model railroaders, or are model railroaders but it's secondary to their interest in real railroads.
To be honest I wasn't going to comment, but a couple of things have interested me.
If a person is building a layout with no help then the person is a loner. Seeking help from either a club or on a Forum a loner the builder still is.
Building a club layout with other members then they become a team.
Wanting friends in model railroading is difficult as a loner. Often it is having to make the first move and those parties wanting the same thing.
Fear! Well fear is only man made. What is man made can be broken. Fear will not bite.
Instead of fearing something, change the word to apprehensive. Immediately a sense of relief descends and things become brighter. A problem is only a challenge to overcome.
Ask a question to club members or to Forum members - a friendly colleague is found.
Happy modeling.
David
To the world you are someone. To someone you are the world
I cannot afford the luxury of a negative thought
So to get to first principles - just how DOES one make friends who share this hobby? We are too few in number for pure chance to work very much, although I do remember a mail carrier in my home town who told me he probably knew where every modeler in town lived because he saw who got MR and RMC!
As a boy it was easy because back in my youth nearly every boy had toy trains, even if they were not particularly interested. It was easy for those who were particularly interested to get to know each other.
As an adult? Well, my very best model railroad friend happened to be a carpenter contractor who was hired by my parents to fix their garage and he happened to see my model trains on the workbench in the basement (this was while I was a college student, so I was an adult but still spent summers at my folks house). So he initiated the friendship which has now lasted 45 years.
I got to know a few folks by striking up conversations at hobby shops but far more while railfanning trackside, where there are good reasons to chat with those who also have camera straps around their necks and listen to scanners. Not all railfans are modelers of course but I would say railfanning is how I got to know the greatest number of my model railroad friends, who of course are also now railfanning buddies. We talk model trains all the time but our actual times together are more likely to involve railfanning.
The third way is that our local NMRA Division is very active and over time you get to know more fellow members, perhaps there are layout tours, bus trips to train shows, giving or listening to clinics, that sort of thing. You get to know names and that leads to saying hello or sitting side by side at a clinic, that sort of thing. And with the NMRA Divisional activity often leads to getting to know others in the Region and going there for meets and clinics. Maybe these are not close intimate friends but people you know by name, feel free to join at lunch at a train show or sit next to on a tour bus, that sort of thing. Acquaitances for sure, and I'd call it friendship.
And in all cases, the friends know other friends and the circle grows. That is how I got invited to operating sessions. I didn't know the owner - the owner asked his friends to tell other friends.
I do not get help with my layout from these friends, except in the way of advice or now and then someone finds prototype information that they know I am looking for. So I can't agree that a person who gets no help on the layout is per se a lone wolf.
Dave Nelson
Just a few thoughts being a pastor and having been in a town as a lone wolf at one point. Pastors can vary widely as to how they have time. We never know how our day will go and how much time we will have. Every church is different too- large churches put more demands however there are often associates to help. The demands on time can also vary widely day by day. It is not like a regular job where you can plan on a 9-5, one phone call can rearrange everything. It may be that he can not schedule something with certainty.
Model railroading is a outlet to me. We do have a club where I live and I am a member- that is a great way to make friends. We have not been as active lately although we have reopened. The NMRA can help but looking at stats there are a lot more out there that are not in it that are. I lived in a little town for several years where I thought I was about the only one interested. Well lo and behold another guy put an announcement in the paper that he was looking to form a model railroad club. We met at the library and we actually got a group going fairly quickly. Unfortunately I was only there in town about another six months but it was the start of a modular railroad. In Chicago, although I was close to a club I never joined- I was dual vocational at the time both in the ministry and a job and never had the opportunity to go. I would check and see if there are any clubs in your area- if there are not see about an announcement in the paper and a paper in the closest hobby shop. (even if it is an hour away- that helped our club)
Billwiz Trainman440 Finally, if you happen to be near Paoli, PA, or Champaign IL, I'd be down to meet someone new! Cheers! Charles Charles, unfortunately my church had to cancel our Christmas train event, otherwise I would invite you to join us. Not far from Paoli!
Trainman440 Finally, if you happen to be near Paoli, PA, or Champaign IL, I'd be down to meet someone new! Cheers! Charles
Hi! Do are you referring to the St. Alban's Model Railroad Club by chance? I believe I've been there a few times and thought it was pretty cool! I'd love to drop by sometime once the Covid situation eases.
Trainman440Hi! Do are you referring to the St. Alban's Model Railroad Club by chance? I believe I've been there a few times and thought it was pretty cool! I'd love to drop by sometime once the Covid situation eases. Charles
Charles, no. I am aware of St. Albans, although have not had an opportunity to see it. My church is in Honey Brook and we hold a Christmas event where a bunch of us bring in layouts. We have Z, N, HO, O (Lionel), G and Lego train layouts. Plus we built a 4 x 8 Christmas village layout in our bible study/train group.
When things ease up around here I'd love to see St Albans - and show you our layout as well (not much but its trains!).
I'm fine without friends in the hobby. My experience was with too many of these friends becoming critics. My layout and everyone elses. I don't model what they like it's wrong? I'm not that interested in prototypical or operation orders. I build what I enjoy. Most not-in-the-hobby guests are more appreciative of the modeling.
Billwiz Charles, no. I am aware of St. Albans, although have not had an opportunity to see it. My church is in Honey Brook and we hold a Christmas event where a bunch of us bring in layouts. We have Z, N, HO, O (Lionel), G and Lego train layouts. Plus we built a 4 x 8 Christmas village layout in our bible study/train group. When things ease up around here I'd love to see St Albans - and show you our layout as well (not much but its trains!).
Oh great! Yea, tbh I went to St. Albans a few times when I was still a teen, and while their layout is cool, the people there felt a bit snarky and unwelcoming. They do have a cool layout though!
Yea, be sure to hit me up next time whenever you guys do another open house!
PM sent for contact method.
my layout isnt really up to multi ops, my son when he comes down is
the only one i operate with . Went to scale rails a few times ahhh im good love the layout but when i brought my MTH big boy to run on it , i was told they dont like " oddball locomotives" to be run . i loved hanging out at metro trains & hobbies before it was bought out sooo basically back to " lone wolf"
im good with that but i will show anyone who wants to learn SeeYou190 Engi1487 But in model railroading I am worried I am losing the one person I know in the hobby. Oh boy... I know you are new here. The "old guys" have heard me say all this before. I do not have any model railroad friends, and I would not invite a model railroader over to my house to see my layout, except for a handful of forum members from here. If you want hobby friends, take up wargaming. You cannot be a wargamer without friends. There is no such thing as a lone wolf board gamer or wargamer. This forum is as far as I go into the world of socializing with fellow model railroaders. -Kevin
SeeYou190 Engi1487 But in model railroading I am worried I am losing the one person I know in the hobby. Oh boy... I know you are new here. The "old guys" have heard me say all this before. I do not have any model railroad friends, and I would not invite a model railroader over to my house to see my layout, except for a handful of forum members from here. If you want hobby friends, take up wargaming. You cannot be a wargamer without friends. There is no such thing as a lone wolf board gamer or wargamer. This forum is as far as I go into the world of socializing with fellow model railroaders. -Kevin
Engi1487 But in model railroading I am worried I am losing the one person I know in the hobby.
Engi1487--
Wow, ok, a lot to unpack here.
Pastors tend to get stretched thin. They just are.
I recently closed my Facebook account specifically due to my own personal concerns regarding their outright censorship of the TRUTH, and I have no intention of EVER rejoining.
I'm 52, and have very few people in my circle who are into model trains, so I completely understand your concerns as they are in fact similar to my own concerns. However, I love trains and I don't have to share the hobby with friends to be happy. Sure, it's sometimes easier to share it with friends, but I love the trains themselves, reading and learning the history of the trains, and running my own models of the trains that I like is relaxing at the end of a long day.
Quite honestly, from my interactions with a few of the people on these very forums, and how mean/sarcastic/snide/pain-in-the-butt one of them has been to me, if I ever met him in person, my first response would be to punch him square in the face and lay him out. (I have not beaten up anyone since 7th grade and that was purely in self-defense as the other guy started it and I put up with his crap for literally months before beating the crap out of him such that he ran away crying, straight to the principal). So, I'm not normally an aggressive individual.
Within my own circle of model railroading aficianados and railfans, well, not everyone would qualify as a socially well-adjusted individual. They just do not. Some of them require patience. I have to cut them some slack as perhaps in life they haven't been as blessed as me. There's a reason that the character Sheldon Cooper in that one TV sitcom likes trains--some very talented people who may happen to be socially awkward happen to like trains. It has more to do with the way that people think, and perhaps for some, trains are very calming.
Now, please do not assume that I'm judging you or anyone in particular. I only said what I said to provide the context that, within the hobby of model railroading, there seems to be a higher percentage of introverted people than perhaps within the general population. In any case it can be hard for some of us to just get along well with others. Add on top of that the differences of interests regarding railroad prototype, era, etc. and there's plenty of reasons one might even get into an argument.
I've been a member of a train club in the past: The Penn State University Model Railroading Club. That was a great experience during my college years, but the student union building that held their layout was subsequently demolished and replaced, and their layout would have been completely disassembled as a minimum, and I do not even know IF they still exist at all.
Other clubs I was a part of, well their goals were not aligned with my personal goals, so I drifted away. Some wouldn't accept children under a certain age (in their minds with good reason, but my children wouldn't have hurt their precious valuable merchandise, because my wife and I actually taught them to RESPECT other people's property unlike many other parents). If you won't accept my kids, who I'm trying to help retain SOME interest in model trains, then you do not get me.
So, I have maybe 2 train friends to hang out with. One always wants me to use my limited vacation time to take him railfanning--which I can't because I need that time for my family vacations and burned too much of it just getting my kids to baseball lessons. That guy has no family and doesn't get that my responsibility is to them first. The other guy is great, is buying a train store, and we go to shows and occasionally run trains together, but still it isn't all that often.
I would say just hang in there; try to find a model railroading club. Even a few locals you might meet at a train store. Try to find someone you can help with their layout. That's how you learn and get more proficient. I learned what to do and what definitely not to do by helping others. One was a pastor who built a layout for youth outreach, using people who were thrown out of a local model railroad club over stupid dcc arguments. (A local club actually was really stupid and threw out the people who did all the scenery work, because they didn't conform to the new president's DCC philosophy, so they gladly helped the Pastor build a layout--they were older and just wanted something to DO!)
John
danno54I'm fine without friends in the hobby. My experience was with too many of these friends becoming critics. My layout and everyone elses. I don't model what they like it's wrong? I'm not that interested in prototypical or operation orders. I build what I enjoy. Most not-in-the-hobby guests are more appreciative of the modeling.
Well said, and I feel the same way.
I agree 100%.
SeeYou190 danno54 I'm fine without friends in the hobby. My experience was with too many of these friends becoming critics. My layout and everyone elses. I don't model what they like it's wrong? I'm not that interested in prototypical or operation orders. I build what I enjoy. Most not-in-the-hobby guests are more appreciative of the modeling. Well said, and I feel the same way. I agree 100%. -Kevin
danno54 I'm fine without friends in the hobby. My experience was with too many of these friends becoming critics. My layout and everyone elses. I don't model what they like it's wrong? I'm not that interested in prototypical or operation orders. I build what I enjoy. Most not-in-the-hobby guests are more appreciative of the modeling.
I can see the opps point though, around where I am their are only two real hobby shops, both far away for me (dozens have closed over the years). NMRA out here is not very freindly and full of clicks (tried it a few times). Nearest true clubs are way too far away for me (public transport). Most clubs have closed too.
NVSRR The NMRA has a feature to find fellow modelers in your area. Shane