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Not Having Friends In The Hobby. Fear I am Losing The One Possible Friend I have In It.

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Posted by TheFlyingScotsman on Friday, October 30, 2020 5:50 AM

BigDaddy

 

 

 
TheFlyingScotsman
My achilles hell is mechanical hypochondria.

 

I'm lost, even if you meant heel

 

I did. Does that not help? Although now I look at it hell might fit the bill too when I am shimming my passenger cars for the pertfect ride height or, as was the case a couple of weeks ago, wishing I could grow a 3rd hand when I was trying to re-assemble the drive train on a Key mallet.

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Posted by Track fiddler on Friday, October 30, 2020 1:08 AM

I lost my friend Ron that was always present at Gary's Model Railroad Club in St Louis Park and present at all the model railroad shows to help.

One of the reasons I loved Ron so well is because he was always willing to help anyone around him.

The other reason I love Him so much is he was the best man you would ever wish to spend the day with.

After his stroke he would say things that didn't even make sense but I always put my arm around Ron and let him know somewhat indirectly how much I loved him.

A couple of railroad shows later he fell off a stepladder in his garage and hit his head on the floor

I never got to say goodbye to Ron but that beautiful man will always remain in my heart just as well as Leo Nieser

 

Ron Is my still my friend and always will be

 

 

 

John

 

 

 

Eng1487 Continue to love your friend

He is right there with you and always will beYes

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Posted by BigDaddy on Thursday, October 29, 2020 8:27 PM

TheFlyingScotsman
My achilles hell is mechanical hypochondria.

I'm lost, even if you meant heel

Henry

COB Potomac & Northern

Shenandoah Valley

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Posted by TheFlyingScotsman on Thursday, October 29, 2020 8:23 PM

DAVID FORTNEY

I am also a lone wolf. I do have two friends in trains but they are 3 railers. We go to meets when we can and socialize when we can. 

But in saying that my layout is rather small being only 5x11 and I don't enjoy ops but I like building my layout with Kato unitrack and just running trains and having fun. The couple of clubs I was thinking of joining were condescending and as soon as I said about just running trains and or using Kato unitrack it was like I was an outcast. I left and never went back. 

I'm now 74 and building my layout now is not as easy as it once was but beings I now live in a over 65 complex and a smaller area to build my layout does not mean I will enjoy it less then when  I had a much larger layout when I was younger. Yes I take the easier way of building a layout now by using unitrack and pre built buildings but does that mean I'm less of a modelrailroader?  Heck no!!  

Dave

 

I couldn't agree more with you David. I tried joining a club about 15 years ago but the hierarchy was ludicrous.

We all have our limits and limitations within the hobby but often unless you can produce the most phenomenal airbrushed graffiti on a boxcar you are a pariah.

Having spent years looking at my BLI Big Boy and being annoyed with the tender height I finally realised how to get the correct line through by adding 2mm spacing bars between the frame and body. I am clicking my heels thinking how clever I am but the more talented would be laughing their heads off. Others would be saying I was being picky.

Many of us also have diverse interests and we have only so much time to spend on the hobby. This also plays unfavourably with some.

I myself am like you to see my trains rumble past once in a while is enough for me and no I do not want to do loads of switching either.

My achilles hell is mechanical hypochondria. That can keep me busy for hours. Big Smile

 

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Posted by Engi1487 on Thursday, October 29, 2020 4:20 PM

SeeYou190

 I do not have any model railroad friends, and I would not invite a model railroader over to my house to see my layout, except for a handful of forum members from here.

-Kevin

 

SeeYou190


I have to ask Kevin, why would you not invite a fellow model railroader to see your layout? Are you conerned about being critiqued about your work?

 

 
Engi1487
But in model railroading I am worried I am losing the one person I know in the hobby.

 

Oh boy... I know you are new here. The "old guys" have heard me say all this before.

I do not have any model railroad friends, and I would not invite a model railroader over to my house to see my layout, except for a handful of forum members from here.

If you want hobby friends, take up wargaming. You cannot be a wargamer without friends. There is no such thing as a lone wolf board gamer or wargamer.

This forum is as far as I go into the world of socializing with fellow model railroaders.

-Kevin

 

GJZ
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Posted by GJZ on Sunday, October 25, 2020 2:43 PM

I too am a lone wolf, but I don't mind it as I like to have a little switching.  I also did look at joining a club but realized I just didn't have the time to commit to it. I'm not a skilled modeler at all but enjoy reading and watching videos from MR Video Plus along with working on my own buildings

There was a time I went away from posting on any forums because so of the posts I got back where if you didn't follow the protype or have Broad radius that your models looked toy like.

I understand where you're coming from, but for me doing my models is a way for me to escape from all the crap and just go into my own little world.

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Posted by DAVID FORTNEY on Saturday, October 24, 2020 2:15 PM

I am also a lone wolf. I do have two friends in trains but they are 3 railers. We go to meets when we can and socialize when we can. 

But in saying that my layout is rather small being only 5x11 and I don't enjoy ops but I like building my layout with Kato unitrack and just running trains and having fun. The couple of clubs I was thinking of joining were condescending and as soon as I said about just running trains and or using Kato unitrack it was like I was an outcast. I left and never went back. 

I'm now 74 and building my layout now is not as easy as it once was but beings I now live in a over 65 complex and a smaller area to build my layout does not mean I will enjoy it less then when  I had a much larger layout when I was younger. Yes I take the easier way of building a layout now by using unitrack and pre built buildings but does that mean I'm less of a modelrailroader?  Heck no!!  

Dave

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Posted by Ringo58 on Friday, October 23, 2020 5:51 PM

It is a little upsetting to know I don't have any real life friends who are into the hobby, but I have found many here. I have learned everthing I have done on my layout here and am very greatful for the members on here. 

As far as I know, theres only one local club to me and they charge $30 a month to be a member- no thanks! I miss going to shows and meeting new people. I follow a few people on Instagram who I have talked to but all are short with me so I definetly get it. But that does not stop me. I don't know much of what I am doing but I make it work and have fun in the process! 

Don't be scared off by people who claim to be know it alls. They ruin the fun for everybody. Just do what you like and have fun in the process. I hope once this pandemic is over I will meet some new people at shows or hobby shops!

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Posted by PRR8259 on Friday, October 23, 2020 11:14 AM

A few more thoughts:

Most of my friends in this hobby I met either in the train store where I once worked (they would invite the store employees to come visit their layouts, and we did just that) and at train shows.  I functioned as an extra pair of eyes watching the inventory and minimally waiting on would-be brass buyers at the Timonium show for a dealer, for the privilege of getting into the show early and getting to circulate and buy what I wanted to buy before the public got in.  In return, I sat there all day helping to make sure nothing grew legs.  (Dealer in question had a $4000 passenger train set, on consignment, walk off previously, so it WAS justified, as he ate that cost with the consignor).

So at Timonium, I met some people that have certainly become lifelong acquaintances, who I know their first and last name, in some cases having been to their home several times.  Some of us have had our health issues, and I pray for them as they have prayed for me when I had a serious illness.  When they see me they always ask how I'm doing.

In most cases I met people just by trying to be friendly and talking to them.  Sure we all have different railroad interests, and some of my friends are dead and gone now, but I remember them fondly and we had some good times running the products we had purchased at the show, together, that evening, in an attic with a big layout.

I remember what trains my friends liked, owned in brass and would have purchased in plastic; as I have gotten older and matured a bit, the trains I now like, strangely, they would most certainly "approve" of.  It has taken me a lifetime to appreciate certain railroads, but now with hindsight, I can.  When I sit in my basement (again these guys are dead and gone) I derive satisfaction knowing they would absolutely love some of the stuff we have to run now.

Some locos on my layout are there in memory of them (one guy always bought every single road number, even in brass OMI diesels).  His motto was "if it's worth having, it's worth having in quantity".

Maybe that's why I buy multiple units of a given model.

John

 

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Posted by Engi1487 on Thursday, October 22, 2020 8:02 PM

NVSRR

The NMRA has a  feature to find fellow modelers in your area.   

Shane

 



I see. The site and regions seperated are a bit difficult to navagate. Could you list me steps to use this feature please?

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Posted by rrebell on Thursday, October 22, 2020 5:49 PM

I can see the opps point though, around where I am their are only two real hobby shops, both far away for me (dozens have closed over the years). NMRA out here is not very freindly and full of clicks (tried it a few times). Nearest true clubs are way too far away for me (public transport). Most clubs have closed too.

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Posted by wjstix on Thursday, October 22, 2020 3:59 PM

SeeYou190
 
danno54
I'm fine without friends in the hobby. My experience was with too many of these friends becoming critics. My layout and everyone elses. I don't model what they like it's wrong? I'm not that interested in prototypical or operation orders. I build what I enjoy. Most not-in-the-hobby guests are more appreciative of the modeling.

 

Well said, and I feel the same way.

I agree 100%.

-Kevin

 

 
I would agree also. Same reason once I got a good open-reel tape deck I stopped being in bands - I got sick of everybody arguing about how a song should be done. With multitrack recording I could just do it the way I felt it should be.

That being said, I think it depends re the OP and what he/we mean by 'friend'. For example, I would consider the guys on my bowling team to be my friends but I only see them once a week at bowling (although with the pandemic we're not bowling this season). We don't 'socialize' together otherwise. Same way, I have guys I've known for years that I see once in a while at a train show or NMRA local/regional meet etc. It might be someone like that - someone the OP could get together with once in a while, but not be their BFF, would work; or say a club that met once a month that he could get involved in.
Stix
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Posted by SeeYou190 on Thursday, October 22, 2020 2:31 PM

danno54
I'm fine without friends in the hobby. My experience was with too many of these friends becoming critics. My layout and everyone elses. I don't model what they like it's wrong? I'm not that interested in prototypical or operation orders. I build what I enjoy. Most not-in-the-hobby guests are more appreciative of the modeling.

Well said, and I feel the same way.

I agree 100%.

-Kevin

Living the dream.

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Posted by PRR8259 on Thursday, October 22, 2020 1:06 PM

Engi1487--

Wow, ok, a lot to unpack here.

Pastors tend to get stretched thin.  They just are.

I recently closed my Facebook account specifically due to my own personal concerns regarding their outright censorship of the TRUTH, and I have no intention of EVER rejoining. 

I'm 52, and have very few people in my circle who are into model trains, so I completely understand your concerns as they are in fact similar to my own concerns.  However, I love trains and I don't have to share the hobby with friends to be happy.  Sure, it's sometimes easier to share it with friends, but I love the trains themselves, reading and learning the history of the trains, and running my own models of the trains that I like is relaxing at the end of a long day.

Quite honestly, from my interactions with a few of the people on these very forums, and how mean/sarcastic/snide/pain-in-the-butt one of them has been to me, if I ever met him in person, my first response would be to punch him square in the face and lay him out.  (I have not beaten up anyone since 7th grade and that was purely in self-defense as the other guy started it and I put up with his crap for literally months before beating the crap out of him such that he ran away crying, straight to the principal).  So, I'm not normally an aggressive individual.

Within my own circle of model railroading aficianados and railfans, well, not everyone would qualify as a socially well-adjusted individual.  They just do not.  Some of them require patience.  I have to cut them some slack as perhaps in life they haven't been as blessed as me.  There's a reason that the character Sheldon Cooper in that one TV sitcom likes trains--some very talented people who may happen to be socially awkward happen to like trains.  It has more to do with the way that people think, and perhaps for some, trains are very calming.

Now, please do not assume that I'm judging you or anyone in particular.  I only said what I said to provide the context that, within the hobby of model railroading, there seems to be a higher percentage of introverted people than perhaps within the general population.  In any case it can be hard for some of us to just get along well with others.  Add on top of that the differences of interests regarding railroad prototype, era, etc. and there's plenty of reasons one might even get into an argument.

I've been a member of a train club in the past:  The Penn State University Model Railroading Club.  That was a great experience during my college years, but the student union building that held their layout was subsequently demolished and replaced, and their layout would have been completely disassembled as a minimum, and I do not even know IF they still exist at all.

Other clubs I was a part of, well their goals were not aligned with my personal goals, so I drifted away.  Some wouldn't accept children under a certain age (in their minds with good reason, but my children wouldn't have hurt their precious valuable merchandise, because my wife and I actually taught them to RESPECT other people's property unlike many other parents).  If you won't accept my kids, who I'm trying to help retain SOME interest in model trains, then you do not get me.

So, I have maybe 2 train friends to hang out with.  One always wants me to use my limited vacation time to take him railfanning--which I can't because I need that time for my family vacations and burned too much of it just getting my kids to baseball lessons.  That guy has no family and doesn't get that my responsibility is to them first.  The other guy is great, is buying a train store, and we go to shows and occasionally run trains together, but still it isn't all that often.

I would say just hang in there; try to find a model railroading club.  Even a few locals you might meet at a train store.  Try to find someone you can help with their layout.  That's how you learn and get more proficient.  I learned what to do and what definitely not to do by helping others.  One was a pastor who built a layout for youth outreach, using people who were thrown out of a local model railroad club over stupid dcc arguments.  (A local club actually was really stupid and threw out the people who did all the scenery work, because they didn't conform to the new president's DCC philosophy, so they gladly helped the Pastor build a layout--they were older and just wanted something to DO!)

John

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Posted by thomas81z on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 8:39 PM

my layout isnt really up to multi ops, my son when he comes down is

the only one i operate with . Went to scale rails a few times ahhh im good love the layout but when i brought my MTH big boy to run on it , i was told they dont like " oddball locomotives" to be run . i loved hanging out at metro trains & hobbies before it was bought out sooo basically back to " lone wolf"

im good with that but i will show anyone who wants to learn 

SeeYou190

 

 
Engi1487
But in model railroading I am worried I am losing the one person I know in the hobby.

 

Oh boy... I know you are new here. The "old guys" have heard me say all this before.

I do not have any model railroad friends, and I would not invite a model railroader over to my house to see my layout, except for a handful of forum members from here.

If you want hobby friends, take up wargaming. You cannot be a wargamer without friends. There is no such thing as a lone wolf board gamer or wargamer.

This forum is as far as I go into the world of socializing with fellow model railroaders.

-Kevin

 

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Posted by Trainman440 on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 7:09 PM

Billwiz

Charles, no.  I am aware of St. Albans, although have not had an opportunity to see it.  My church is in Honey Brook and we hold a Christmas event where a bunch of us bring in layouts.  We have Z, N, HO, O (Lionel), G and Lego train layouts.  Plus we built a 4 x 8 Christmas village layout in our bible study/train group.  

When things ease up around here I'd love to see St Albans - and show you our layout as well (not much but its trains!).  

Oh great! Yea, tbh I went to St. Albans a few times when I was still a teen, and while their layout is cool, the people there felt a bit snarky and unwelcoming. They do have a cool layout though!

Yea, be sure to hit me up next time whenever you guys do another open house!

PM sent for contact method.

Charles

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Modeling the PRR & NYC in HO

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Posted by danno54 on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 4:54 PM

I'm fine without friends in the hobby. My experience was with too many of these friends becoming critics. My layout and everyone elses. I don't model what they like it's wrong? I'm not that interested in prototypical or operation orders. I build what I enjoy. Most not-in-the-hobby guests are more appreciative of the modeling.

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Posted by Billwiz on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 4:37 PM

Trainman440
Hi! Do are you referring to the St. Alban's Model Railroad Club by chance? I believe I've been there a few times and thought it was pretty cool! I'd love to drop by sometime once the Covid situation eases.  Charles

Charles, no.  I am aware of St. Albans, although have not had an opportunity to see it.  My church is in Honey Brook and we hold a Christmas event where a bunch of us bring in layouts.  We have Z, N, HO, O (Lionel), G and Lego train layouts.  Plus we built a 4 x 8 Christmas village layout in our bible study/train group.  

When things ease up around here I'd love to see St Albans - and show you our layout as well (not much but its trains!).  

 

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Posted by Trainman440 on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 3:09 PM

Billwiz
 
Trainman440
Finally, if you happen to be near Paoli, PA, or Champaign IL, I'd be down to meet someone new!  Cheers! Charles

 

Charles, unfortunately my church had to cancel our Christmas train event, otherwise I would invite you to join us.  Not far from Paoli!

Hi! Do are you referring to the St. Alban's Model Railroad Club by chance? I believe I've been there a few times and thought it was pretty cool! I'd love to drop by sometime once the Covid situation eases. 

Charles

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Posted by drgwcs on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 11:54 AM

Just a few thoughts being a pastor and having been in a town as a lone wolf at one point. Pastors can vary widely as to how they have time. We never know how our day will go and how much time we will have. Every church is different too- large churches put more demands however there are often associates to help. The demands on time can also vary widely day by day. It is not like a regular job where you can plan on a 9-5, one phone call can rearrange everything. It may be that he can not schedule something with certainty.

Model railroading is a outlet to me. We do have a club where I live and I am a member- that is a great way to make friends. We have not been as active lately although we have reopened. The NMRA can help but looking at stats there are a lot more out there that are not in it that are. I lived in a little town for several years where I thought I was about the only one interested. Well lo and behold another guy put an announcement in the paper that he was looking to form a model railroad club. We met at the library and we actually got a group going fairly quickly. Unfortunately I was only there in town about another six months but it was the start of a modular railroad. In Chicago, although I was close to a club I never joined- I was dual vocational at the time both in the ministry and a job and never had the opportunity to go. I would check and see if there are any clubs in your area- if there are not see about an announcement in the paper and a paper in the closest hobby shop. (even if it is an hour away- that helped our club)

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Posted by dknelson on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 11:51 AM

So to get to first principles - just how DOES one make friends who share this hobby?  We are too few in number for pure chance to work very much, although I do remember a mail carrier in my home town who told me he probably knew where every modeler in town lived because he saw who got MR and RMC!   

As a boy it was easy because back in my youth nearly every boy had toy trains, even if they were not particularly interested.  It was easy for those who were particularly interested to get to know each other.

As an adult?  Well, my very best model railroad friend happened to be a carpenter contractor who was hired by my parents to fix their garage and he happened to see my model trains on the workbench in the basement (this was while I was a college student, so I was an adult but still spent summers at my folks house).  So he initiated the friendship which has now lasted 45 years.  

I got to know a few folks by striking up conversations at hobby shops but far more while railfanning trackside, where there are good reasons to chat with those who also have camera straps around their necks and listen to scanners.  Not all railfans are modelers of course but I would say railfanning is how I got to know the greatest number of my model railroad friends, who of course are also now railfanning buddies.  We talk model trains all the time but our actual times together are more likely to involve railfanning.  

The third way is that our local NMRA Division is very active and over time you get to know more fellow members, perhaps there are layout tours, bus trips to train shows, giving or listening to clinics, that sort of thing.  You get to know names and that leads to saying hello or sitting side by side at a clinic, that sort of thing.  And with the NMRA Divisional activity often leads to getting to know others in the Region and going there for meets and clinics.  Maybe these are not close intimate friends but people you know by name, feel free to join at lunch at a train show or sit next to on a tour bus, that sort of thing.  Acquaitances for sure, and I'd call it friendship.  

And in all cases, the friends know other friends and the circle grows.  That is how I got invited to operating sessions.  I didn't know the owner - the owner asked his friends to tell other friends.

I do not get help with my layout from these friends, except in the way of advice or now and then someone finds prototype information that they know I am looking for.  So I can't agree that a person who gets no help on the layout is per se a lone wolf.  

Dave Nelson

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Posted by NorthBrit on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 11:16 AM

To be honest I wasn't going to comment, but a couple of things have interested me. 

If  a person is building a layout with no help then the person is a loner.  Seeking  help from either a club or on a Forum a loner the builder still is. 

Building a club layout with other members then they become a team.

Wanting friends in model railroading is difficult as a loner.  Often it is having to make the first move and those parties wanting the same thing.

 

Fear!   Well fear is only man made.  What is man made can be broken.  Fear will not bite.

Instead of fearing something,  change the word to apprehensive.  Immediately  a sense of relief  descends and things become brighter.   A problem is only a challenge to overcome.   

Ask a question   to club members or to Forum members   - a friendly colleague  is found.

Happy modeling.

David

To the world you are someone.    To someone you are the world

I cannot afford the luxury of a negative thought

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Posted by wjstix on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 10:51 AM

One thing I would advise is to not just look for model railroaders. Are there any railroad museums, or fan-trip railroad operations, etc. in your area? Do you belong to any railroad historical societies for the railroads in your area (CN, CP)? You might find some folks who are interested in trains but aren't model railroaders, or are model railroaders but it's secondary to their interest in real railroads.

Stix
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Posted by riogrande5761 on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 10:30 AM

Perhaps this would help with the fear (from Dune):

"I will not fear.  Fear is the mind-killer.
I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me.
When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain."

Rio Grande.  The Action Road  - Focus 1977-1983

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Posted by Billwiz on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 9:31 AM

Trainman440
Finally, if you happen to be near Paoli, PA, or Champaign IL, I'd be down to meet someone new!  Cheers! Charles

 

Charles, unfortunately my church had to cancel our Christmas train event, otherwise I would invite you to join us.  Not far from Paoli!

 

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Posted by nealknows on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 7:00 AM

I think you have lots of friends - Right here! While you're solo in your hobby at home and no one close by, these forums can be a great help and inspiration to not just you, but everyone. You came here to talk about losing a friend, yet your 'virtual' friends on the board came to talk to you and share their experiences. 

When I moved to another state, I felt like I lost my hobby friends. Started to build a layout, found a hobby shop that while not so close, I went there to see what was new or if I needed something. Eventually, I met others in the hobby. Now I have friends, some close, others an hour or more away. 

In this modern day and age, many things can be done 'virtual' with your computer, like Skype, Zoom and more. 

As another poster stated, the NMRA ( nmra.org ) can be a help to find fellow model railroaders or clubs in your area. 

I'm sure many folks will reply to any type of question you have regarding your model railroading quest. 

Hang in there, don't give up. You've found friends here!

Neal

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Posted by NVSRR on Tuesday, October 20, 2020 1:24 AM

The NMRA has a  feature to find fellow modelers in your area.   

Shane

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel

An optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel

A realist sees a frieght train

An engineer sees three idiots standing on the tracks stairing blankly in space

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Posted by Trainman440 on Monday, October 19, 2020 11:17 PM

Hi! I understand your situation. I definently was a "lone wolf", keeping my MRR social interests on forums and replying to comments on my youtube channel. And I was content.

But ever since I found out my college has a model railroader club, I've found how valuable it is to have physical friends in this hobby for me. I realized that the reason I never considered having real life friends in the hobby was simply because I hadent met one yet. Obviously I understand that needing physical friends in this hobby is not for everyone, but I'd recommend everyone to atleast try out a club. 

Perks of being in an engineering college!

Anyways, yea I would search for clubs around you. Be aware of imposter syndrom. Trust me, few actually know what theyre doing, dont be afraid of not knowing too much. We're all here just to have fun!

Side note, I actually met a great friend through my youtube channel, he and I would always comment lengthy conversations in the comment sections, and we would always hit it off. Now, we email each other every few days. Its been great!

Finally, if you happen to be near Paoli, PA, or Champaign IL, I'd be down to meet someone new! 

Cheers!

Charles

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    January 2017
  • From: Southern Florida Gulf Coast
  • 18,255 posts
Posted by SeeYou190 on Monday, October 19, 2020 10:28 PM

Engi1487
But in model railroading I am worried I am losing the one person I know in the hobby.

Oh boy... I know you are new here. The "old guys" have heard me say all this before.

I do not have any model railroad friends, and I would not invite a model railroader over to my house to see my layout, except for a handful of forum members from here.

If you want hobby friends, take up wargaming. You cannot be a wargamer without friends. There is no such thing as a lone wolf board gamer or wargamer.

This forum is as far as I go into the world of socializing with fellow model railroaders.

-Kevin

Living the dream.

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