Here is the first sentence of an article in last month's Trains:
"Standing on a section of right-of-way abandoned long ago, a light breeze cools the warm sunrays and produces the only sound in a location that seems thousands of miles from civilization."
There is someting fundamentally wrong with this sentence. I mean in terms of English usage and writing.
Before I tell you what is wrong (and of course you know that's coming!), do any of you guys wish to take a stab at what the problem is?
I'll check in again after a while.
I find problems with English usage, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure in almost every issue of Trains. Some have several errors.
I know most people don't care about this. (Obviously, I do. ) But with the Internet, along came the gradual butchering of the language. Dozens of errors can be found in Internet articles every day, and over time it gets worse and worse. What's sad is that the low standards are spreading to the print media also. There was a time when one would hardly ever find English mistakes in legitimate print publications.
Trains was once virtually perfectly edited. I wish those days would return. I find the errors jarring, and they lessen my enjoyment of reading. I have read the magazine since I was about 8. I hate seeing it go downhill.
I know budgets are tight for magazines these days, but it seems like they could afford an English-major grad student to help out for a few hours each month, if that's what it takes.
By the way, the article was very good, and the photos spectacular.
Still in training.
I'll take a stab at a correction:
"Standing on a section of right-of-way abandoned long ago, I enjoy a light breeze that cools the warm sunrays and produces the only sound in a location that seems thousands of miles from civilization."
Brian (IA) http://blhanel.rrpicturearchives.net.
It implies that a light breeze was standing on a section of right-of-way.
Bruce Kelly It implies that a light breeze was standing on a section of right-of-way.
We all know a light breeze can't stand, it's mobile and free flowing.
Or, perhaps:
"As I stand on a section of right-of-way abandoned long ago, a light breeze cools the warm sunrays and produces the only sound in a location that seems thousands of miles from civilization."
Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it...
Lady Firestorm, my resident language cop, and I concur.
The sentence should begin "As I stand on a section of right-of-way abandoned long ago..."
Everything else seems fine.
Howz dat?
While still smarting from the good nuns knocking it into my head 55+ years ago, the subject is the light breeze. The action is on the warm sunbeam which is on the abandoned right away.
seppburgh2 While still smarting from the good nuns knocking it into my head 55+ years ago, the subject is the light breeze. The action is on the warm sunbeam which is on the abandoned right away.
Lady Firestorm and I concur on another thing.
Mr. Seppburgh served his time in hell like we did!
PS: Tree68 beat us by a matter of minutes, if not seconds! Good job!
Lithonia OperatorStanding on a section of right-of-way abandoned long ago
It's been 50 years ....
Is "Standing on a section of right-of-way abandoned long ago" a dependent clause used as an adjective, without a noun to which it refers?
York1 John
The other day I wrote ' I roast my nuts at Christmas time'... well I had to fix that up a bit!
Hey, guys! You nailed it!
The light breeze is the subject of the sentence, and there's just no way a breeze is standing on a right-of-way.
The suggested fixes do the job.
This isn't really that hard.
A few months ago (I wish I had saved the mag, because I meant to ask you folks about it.) in Trains, there was a run-on sentence that I spent about ten minutes simply trying to figure out what the heck it was saying. I never could. And neither could my wife. I have a degree in Journalism. She has two college degrees. But we were stumped.
Free hall passes for all of you!
Miningman The other day I wrote ' I roast my nuts at Christmas time'... well I had to fix that up a bit!
Uh ... your nuts or your sentence!
York1 Lithonia Operator Standing on a section of right-of-way abandoned long ago It's been 50 years .... Is "Standing on a section of right-of-way abandoned long ago" a dependent clause used as an adjective, without a noun to which it refers?
Lithonia Operator Standing on a section of right-of-way abandoned long ago
Yes. Actually technically it does have a noun, the breeze. And that's why the sentence is wrong, because that's not the intended meaning.
It should be something like: "... , a railfan feels a light breeze which ... "
Lithonia OperatorAnd that's why the sentence is wrong, because that's not the intended meaning.
Thanks for making me think! This sitting around the house for weeks watching TV has not been good for my brain, which wasn't in real good shape before this all began.
LO-- both
Every passing generation criticizes the following generation on its usage of the language - any language in any country.
I feel certain the generation before Shakespeare would sware the man didn't know how to write as they read his works.
Never too old to have a happy childhood!
BaltACDI feel certain the generation before Shakespeare would sware the man didn't know how to write as they read his works.
Four hundred years later, I agree with them.
And yet not a single reader was confused at the meaning. Not really. NO one thought the author actually meant any of those screwy meanings. I am sure my grammar is poorly. 'Me want food" is pretty clear, even if wrong.
Were I so inclined, I would make fewer mistakes.
Does Hemingway pass this test?
I'd settle for them to correct every time they use "lead" when they meant "led".
Hey operator, I agree totally with your observations. I am the son of a high school English teacher, and although she did not use rulers to the side of the head, her corrections were almost the same.
I winch at most of the news articles I read now and don't get me started on listening to the speech of a millennial.
Post more of these giving us a chance to exercise our doctor English muscle
The basic tenant of communication - is the thought the writer intended to share with their readers, actually communicated? Yes or No!
BaltACDThe basic tenant of communication - is the thought the writer intended to share with their readers, actually communicated? Yes or No!
Well, yes.
At the risk of Zug hitting me with a virtual brakestick, the sentence could be "fixed" by little more than putting ellipsis between the "Standing" clause and the business with the sunrays. That correctly expresses the elision that the writer may have (inadvertently) engaged in as a translation of stream-of-consciousness.
But still -- we have grammar as a basis for rhetoric for a reason, and as written it is one of those things that can bring readers to a screeching halt in their fluent reading to realize did he just say sunrays or a breeze was standing on the right-of-way and not shining or blowing in the scene?
And that is the very antithesis of what I'm sure the writer intended to 'communicate'.
One thought I had was the context of the statement - although the OP did say it was the opening sentence in the article (I can't find that issue). If the writer had already placed himself in the location, the sentence isn't as bad as it was.
1. On a forum of this type, grammar and spelling mistakes can be overlooked. Weird spell-check corrections, fat fingers, or typing a train of thought may contribute to mistakes. To point out grammar or spelling mistakes to a forum poster is bad manners.
2. Written published or submitted material is a different matter. A high school senior should make sure his or her college application essays are absolutely perfect. Magazine articles should be perfect. CNN's chyrons or news tickers should be perfect.
York11. On a forum of this type, grammar and spelling mistakes can be overlooked. Weird spell-check corrections, fat fingers, or typing a train of thought may contribute to mistakes. To point out grammar or spelling mistakes to a forum poster is bad manners.
I might still point out an error that changes the meaning of something - like a brand name or technical term. Or I'll try to make light of it - say if someone wrote "tunnel boar" or "tunnel boor..."
I sometimes catch myself writing as I would talk, with implied words or meanings vs the "Queen's English." In fact, that's how I would characterize the sentence in question, which is where my context point comes from.
I usually re-read my posts, which is when I often catch such gaffes.
As for ottospel....
rrbrewer Hey operator, I agree totally with your observations. I am the son of a high school English teacher, and although she did not use rulers to the side of the head, her corrections were almost the same. I winch at most of the news articles I read now and don't get me started on listening to the speech of a millennial. Post more of these giving us a chance to exercise our doctor English muscle
Personally, I "WINCE" when people use the wrong word. Especially when complaining about other's use of language.
I also "WINCE" when someone reverses the use of "THEN" and "THAN", which thankfully I have not seen in this thread (yet).
Semper Vaporo
Pkgs.
Semper Vaporo rrbrewer Hey operator, I agree totally with your observations. I am the son of a high school English teacher, and although she did not use rulers to the side of the head, her corrections were almost the same. I winch at most of the news articles I read now and don't get me started on listening to the speech of a millennial. Post more of these giving us a chance to exercise our doctor English muscle Personally, I "WINCE" when people use the wrong word. Especially when complaining about other's use of language. I also "WINCE" when someone reverses the use of "THEN" and "THAN", which thankfully I have not seen in this thread (yet).
And, it seems to me that the accepted meanings of some words has been reversed--"arguable" used to mean that there was merit in debating a matter; now many people use it to mean "there is no point at all in tryng to debate--and consider "inarguable" to mean that there coould be merit is debating the matter.
As I recall, the proper use of various homonyms was emphasized when I was in the second grade.
Another failing, which I have noticed recently, is misspelling a banner across the bottom of a newscast as one letter is left out, and what is put up is senseless.
Johnny
rrbrewerI winch at most of the news articles I read now and don't get me started on listening to the speech of a millennial.
Just keep the winch rolling in the line.....Harbor Freight has inexpensive ones.
I once worked with someone who excelled at malapropisms and the like. Never used a small word if there was a big word available, even if it was wrong.
Lithonia Operator Here is the first sentence of an article in last month's Trains: "Standing on a section of right-of-way abandoned long ago, a light breeze cools the warm sunrays and produces the only sound in a location that seems thousands of miles from civilization." There is someting fundamentally wrong with this sentence. I mean in terms of English usage and writing. Before I tell you what is wrong (and of course you know that's coming!), do any of you guys wish to take a stab at what the problem is? I'll check in again after a while. I find problems with English usage, grammar, punctuation and sentence structure in almost every issue of Trains. Some have several errors. I know most people don't care about this. (Obviously, I do. ) But with the Internet, along came the gradual butchering of the language. Dozens of errors can be found in Internet articles every day, and over time it gets worse and worse. What's sad is that the low standards are spreading to the print media also. There was a time when one would hardly ever find English mistakes in legitimate print publications. Trains was once virtually perfectly edited. I wish those days would return. I find the errors jarring, and they lessen my enjoyment of reading. I have read the magazine since I was about 8. I hate seeing it go downhill. I know budgets are tight for magazines these days, but it seems like they could afford an English-major grad student to help out for a few hours each month, if that's what it takes. By the way, the article was very good, and the photos spectacular.
I agree with your larger point that editing at many publications has gone downhill. However, the example you provide is not really that egregious from a comprehension standpoint; context clearly tells the reader that it's the writer who is standing and not the breeze. This is one of those errors you only notice when you're actively looking for a reason to be irritated.
I think one of the main issues these days is that so much content is being put out there compared to the pre-Internet era that there's not enough manpower to edit all of it with any degree of thoroughness.
Our community is FREE to join. To participate you must either login or register for an account.