Growing up in North Jersey during the 40's and 50's, my dad was like a god to me with his huge model railroad as were his friends also with huge pikes. I'd count the days, hours, and minutes until the next visit...and of course the thrill of entering his model empire in our basement. My mom was quite supportive and actually helped build the layout...mostly in the scenery phase.
Today, of course my folks have long passed and now I have two kids and six grandkids....and two very ex-wives who think I'm a nutcase who will never grow up as I still play with toy trains. I sold two almost complete PFM Crown collections, and many other brass models to help pay for 17 years of college and grad school for both kids. My daughter today is a well established shrink who still thinks my possum is not fully cooked, and my son, the architect cannot understand why I model in the mid-20th century as he thinks I should have mag-lev trains and curtain wall /glass buildings. My present wife is quite supportive and my kids and grand kids are just wonderful......just not into trains nor even making an effort to understand what the hobby is about.
Question: is there something I am missing in presenting my layout and the hobby to my family. As I approach the big 80, of course I am wondering what happens to my HO world when I depart. This is an old and recent discussion, and I read many interesting replies and I do have sort of a plan, but with out my kids understanding how important this hobby is to me and my legacy, I'm a bit concerned . Advice would be most welcome.
Thanks,
HZ
Howard,
.
I raised three girls, no sons. The girls, my wife, and all their friends always thought the trains were weird to say the least. The amazing thing was that when they were old enough to have boyfriends, the boys all loved the trains. My sons-in-law all look forward to seeing what I am working on.
So, from my limited viewpoint, you seem to get more respect for the trains from people who have not lived with them for their entire lives. How about your kids "others" in their lives? How do they like the trains?
As far as how to get respect... I am at a loss. Sorry. Since the youngest daughter moved out my wife has become a lot more interested in the trains, but I do not know why, or if will last. I think she might be more tolerant because she is also getting what she wants now. Big new bathroom, new bedroom, etc. It isn't a competition between the trains and the family anymore. We both are getting what we want.
-Kevin
Living the dream.
We only had one daughter who turned 40 last week. As a small one she liked seeing the trains and what progress I had made. She never had any interest in them but appreciated that they took me away from planes and all the tension and crap I endured with commercial aviation for all those miserable years. She has now given us 2 grandsons, 5 & 7, and they love the trains thanks to Thomas. They see the difference between Thomas and what I do and are very excited by it all. My son-in-lw is a computer geek who speeks fluent MS, Xbox and all that stuff I have no interest in. He has never said anything much about the trains but I'm sure he thinks I'm half a bubble off. Likewise!
As to respect I don't think I receive any when it comes to the trains and I don't care. As long as they leave me alone in my train room I'm a happy camper. They appreciate I have a hobby and I'm very serious about it and that's good enough for me. My wife is a quilter and the same goes for her. I have no interest but appreciate her enthhusiasm for her hobby as well.
I'll be 67 next week and I have been doing this since diapers were replaced by underwear. I do this for me and really don't need anyone's respect for the hobby other than the customers I paint trains for. They respect what I produce for them and that's all I care about.
Roger Huber
Deer Creek Locomotive Works
I have no interest in darts, or in go-karts, or in motorized water-craft. I have no interest in radio controlled anything...well, except maybe trains. I don't do stamps, I don't do art, I don't dance (gawd, I sure don't do dance!), not interested in acting.
I think that should be the way to frame your question...why can't I get others as interested in, or passionate about, trains as I am? I don't really ask myself that question because I would understand that I'm not really interested in what they do for pastimes. It's not that I don't respect them, or their passion, or that they're accomplished and dedicated to their craft; it's just that I have no passion for it. I would support them, acccompany them to stores so they could shop, but I would probably wait in the car or go for a walk. Text me when you are checking out.
I don't expect people to respect what I do for a hobby. I would hope they'd respect me for pursuing a hobby and making reasonable use of my free time. If they express disdain or dismay at my choice, then that says much more about their encumbrances and limitations in life, and hobbies ain't one of them.
My .
My wife and I have filled the entire basement and one bedroom with our trains, dollhouses, and miniatures. My brother came over once and said, "Look at all the money you wasted on toys!" I replied, "Gee, I could have invested it in rounds of golf!" The point is that someone outside the hobby is not going to share or understand our passion for "toys."
As to the disposition of our collections, many of my friends have started their own "estate sales." I'm seventy and have started to give away some items. Some went to kids. Some to friends. Some to family. My wife knows to contact members of my club when the time comes. I won't be giving any to my brother. He probably wouldn't understand.
Terry
My soon-to-be ex-wife hates the trains, and always has. My daughter appreciates them now, but originally was jealous of the space.
My girlfriend says she likes them and has even invited me to re-build my layout should we end up moving in together. I like this approach the best. At least she understands.
It takes an iron man to play with a toy iron horse.
Howard Zane but with out my kids understanding how important this hobby is to me and my legacy, I'm a bit concerned
Your kids and grandkids are your legacy, not your railroad.
maxman Howard Zane but with out my kids understanding how important this hobby is to me and my legacy, I'm a bit concerned Your kids and grandkids are your legacy, not your railroad.
They are PART of your legacy. Not ALL of it.
Shall we speak about reputation? Good works? Artistic creations?
Ed
My mother worked for an agency which worked with railroads so we always lived in railroad towns. She was very suportive and bought me stuff all of the time. My sister thought my electric trains were cool but she had no interest in playing with them herself. She had one boyfriend in high school who was into the hobby. She tried to get her husband into it but it wasn’t really his thing. Because of the way my railroad is presented, visitors all like it and think it‘s cool. I never force anyone to look at it. I never say, “Hey check this out.” If they look at it it’s because they were drawn into it themselves. They don’t see it as someone playing with trains nor do they see me as a train geek. They see the miniature scenes and enjoy checking out the miniature world I created. They love the tiny people and buildings and don’t really pay much attention to the trains because they are just one part of the miniature world. They see it as 3D art instead of a train set. They see the model part more than the railroad part. Most of my friends are artistic and into arts and crafts or other hobbies so they understand. I just have to keep the crazy ones from playing Addams Family with it. Of course my son loved it because he was a mini me. He loved everything I did. My girlfriend likes it but she wants all of the doors and gates to open when she pushes them with her finger. I always play with her more than I play with myself and she always comes first. She knows the value of it all too so when I‘m gone she gets to sell it and spend the money on whatever she wants.
Hi Howard --
"Question: is there something I am missing in presenting my layout and the hobby to my family."
Nope. They just aren't interested, and that's okay. My wife is passionate about horses; I enjoy them but don't share her passion, and that's OK. Same with me and my model trains. (Though the amount of space the boxes take up does irk her...)
Bottom line, the hobby is for you to enjoy. If you want other people to enjoy it with you, you will be forever disappointed -- unless you join a club, where you'll find plenty of like-minded individuals. As for other people -- why do you need their approval? Who cares if they think you're a bit dotty because you're into model trains? I belong to a train club, and we're all a bit dotty. Model trains are only a small part of that. :)
"I am wondering what happens to my HO world when I depart."
A legitimate concern. One of our club members, who is in his early 80s, has designated pieces of his equipment to go to different club members when he's gone. Another member passed away and willed his collection the club; we kept some equipment, members bought others, and still others were sold to benefit the club. Perhaps you can make arrangements with a local hobby shop or model train club to either purchase your collection when you are gone -- that way your family doesn't get gypped -- or to sell the equipment on consignment with a set percentage going to your family. That way you know it won't get trashed, and the collection can help your family just as it did when the kids needed to go to college.
Hope some of this helps.
Aaron
Howard:
You have long since cemented your legacy where it counts: amongst other modelers, and the elite ones at that. I lost my Dad 18 months ago. He bought me my first train set when I was 12. He never had much interest, but helped me when needed. He was an avid golfer, tried to get me involved, but golf was never my thing. We had different interests, and when I took up the hobby at 47, he was all smiles as I showed and explained my first layout attempt. Likewise, I listened a hundred times about his frustration at hole whatever. Point is, common interests don't make a family. Dad and I both walked this easy but fine line between respect and, for lack of a better term, indifference to each other's interests.
How do I get respect from family? You earn it like everyone else.
And just because they may not share your interests (like you may not share theirs), they may secretly respect or admire you for what you do do and enjoy.
Tom
https://tstage9.wixsite.com/nyc-modeling
Time...It marches on...without ever turning around to see if anyone is even keeping in step.
Howard,let them read your forum entry,that should help
tstage How do I get respect from family? You earn it like everyone else.
I remember saying that to my father. He didn't like hearing it.
I am fortunate to live in a country where model railroading is a socially well received hobby, although you can always run into folks belittling grown-ups playing with trains. There are quite a few celebrities, including top politicians, who "confessed" their addiction in public.
The wonderful Miniatur Wunderland show in Hamburg also helped to promote the hobby to a broader public.
Having said that, I failed to pass on the bug to my son. While my wife likes my hobby (but does not share it), my son for a long time thought his dad is completely cuckoo. That changed a few years ago, when he picked up painting war hammer figures and building dioramas for them on a semi-professional level. Now he really appreciates my work, which makes me happy.
Many thanks for the fine comments. Perhaps the answer is as many suggested, they just are not into model trains. And that is fine. I do recognize that I am a dinosaur and that is fine also. Things, taste, and interests change drastically from generation to generation. At the Timonium show,it has been over ten years since we have seen teenagers come to the show sans parent or accompanying adult.
I do respect my kid's and grandkid's interests and I have certainly helped them with their careers. Perhaps they do understand and respect my interest in model trains, just not showing it. Still, you would think an almost 3000 sq. ft. model rairoad would capture some batting eye lashes..............then again they have no use for my other hobbies, like playing old time music. My complete family looks at me and Sandy my wife as Ma and Pa Kettle or dirt poor hill-billies since we play mountain music on fiddle, banjo and guitar. Again, it must be the changing times!
They do love my Corvette!
Respect? I don't get no respect...it's tough, I'm tellin' ya, tough! No respect whatsoever!
If my family respects me, it certainly wouldn't be for the hobby that I allowed to keep us apart. Maybe there's some there, as I've made some efforts, but not much to be done about it now.
I have a handful of close friends who understand my passion for the hobby, and I think that they respect me for the things I do for them....hobby-related, of course, and it's mutual.As for other acquaintances, I respect and/or admire their skills, but they don't need that from me anymore than I need it from them.
While the grandkids have occasional interest in the trains, it's a fleeting thing, and I think that my obsession with model railroading is difficult for others to understand...there are times when even I don't understand it. At least, when I'm gone, there'll be no squabbling over who gets what, as no one is interested enough to care...perhaps that consideration will create a bit of post mortem respect.
Howard ZaneThey do love my Corvette!
There ya go, Howard, you've just answered your own question: there's simply no accounting for some people's tastes.
Wayne
Just tell your grandkids your railroad is the original version of Minecraft's Creation Mode! You're building your own world, adding details, and fighting off spiders and creepers to keep it clean and perfect.
Being 27, I can't say I've thought much about my railroad's legacy and what will happen to it all. Most of my friends and family don't have any interest in model railroading themselves, so I interact with them about other things and find other ways to enjoy my time with them. I'll talk about the trains and show them the railroad if they bring it up and have any interest in what I'm doing, but I don't typically bring it up myself. Repowering a Tyco diesel with a Hobbytown chassis may be a point of excitement for me, but it's unlikely that anyone else is going to share that feeling. That's what groups and forums like this are for!
_________________________________________________________________
Howard,The few stiff necks that was in my family wouldn't understand the simple joy there is in having a hobby simply because they was sooo caught up in their money,money and more money world and now they are all long time dead..
My kids,grandkids,sisters,brother in laws,nieces,nephews fully accepts my hobby as part of me and they are comfortable with that. My oldest grandson and one brother in law is in the hobby.My youngest grandson could care less.
I am who I am and I need nobody's approval or respect for my hobby..
Larry
Conductor.
Summerset Ry.
"Stay Alert, Don't get hurt Safety First!"
Who gives a **** what others think. Have fun' Most people in this country anymore are sick to begin with' they spend more time staring at their smart phone than talking to their family.
Even my parents were not that supportive of my trains, espically once I was in mt teens. They could never understand why I was obsessed with trains and not sports, cars and girls. I had quite the collection of PFM brass Shays that I ran at the local HO club layout and a nice Lionel layout with Dept 56 buildings at home. In my late teens I had a small garden railway in the neighbor's garden as my mother would not allow it in hers. They ostrisized me thru my early adult life for being a train nut. Wasn't till I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder in my late 30's that things started to settle down, apparently that diagnosis made it more digestable to them that I was the odd ball(to them)that I was. My wife supports my hobby, she knows where the money is being spent and what I am doing(not drinking, chasing other ladies or gambling). She even goes to some of the larger gatherings for my gauge 1 live steam/G scale live steam ups as there are other spouses there to visit with. She enjoys the social aspect that I do not, and I enjoy "playing" trains with others. I long ago "got over" the fact that some will not understand the obsession with trains, just as I do not understand thier obsession with sports or whatever thier interests are. I do my thing and I am happy, nuff said! Howard, you have had an awsome lifetime in the hobby, espically on the brass side of things. I always wanted to come to the show you used to host out on the east coast. Several of my models came from there, just thru friends that picked them up for me. There isnt much you can do beyond tying more computer control of your layout that will interest the younger generation. They are either interested or could care less and will remain glued to thier tablet/smartphone ect. Mike
Silly NT's, I have Asperger's Syndrome
Howard Zane My complete family looks at me and Sandy my wife as Ma and Pa Kettle or dirt poor hill-billies since we play mountain music on fiddle, banjo and guitar.
My complete family looks at me and Sandy my wife as Ma and Pa Kettle or dirt poor hill-billies since we play mountain music on fiddle, banjo and guitar.
When my family has a reunion, you just know there's a Walmart somewhere that is empty.
Jeff Foxworthy
LINK to SNSR Blog
Well, my middle son all of a sudden at 42 last year decided to get into trains. He has filled his living room (not married obviously) with 3 rail O gauge. He and I now go to train shows together. My oldest and youngest sons aren't into trains, but accept that I am. I have got my grandson interested in Thomas and Lionels, we'll see where that goes. My wife is tolerant, probably because the trains have never come first - either in time or money.
As for respect. Well I long ago stopped worrying over what others think of me.
Paul
I'm 60 (61 in August) I have 3 sons and 7 grandchildren. It appears that only one, 7 year old Jacob is interested in trains or my under construction layout. Oldest son has always been a computer geek. He designs and installs IP camera and other security systems. It helps that he's a modeler (scifi space ships) and he's helped me with some electrical things on the layout.
Middle son followed me into the Army and is also making a career of it. His interests are hunting and fishing. No interest in modeling but he will handle disposition of my gun collection.
Youngest works in marketing for a large satellite TV provider. He's the sports nut in the family.
I recently had 2 of my grandson's here for a month and that's when I discovered Jacob's interest in model railroading as a hobby. He's only 7 but if his interest stays the same, he will get what the local museum won't take.
My wife is very supportive.
As for worry about what others think, I simply don't. I spent my working years as an Army Infantryman and then as a police officer, so if anyone wants to think I'm a child because I "play with trains" let them. I just don't care.
The only respect in the model railroading aspect of my life that I care about is maybe someday earning the respect of my fellow model railroaders.
I don't think anyone in my family or any of my professional contacts from my two careers think any less of me because I am a model railroader.
I 100% understand and sympathize. It's especially hard for me as a 16-yr-old who relies on my parents for most of the $ that goes towards trains. It's especially hard to explain why I decide to model Thomas & Friends. To them, it's very juvinile and they don't understand why it's so important to me. I think that once I get a real layout set up and have something to show for all of my work it might get better- but the thing they don't understand is that I could be out there doing bad stuff like all the other kids and instead I'm in the garage fiddling with model trains. It's not really a constant source of tension but still present.
A quote attributed to Mark Twain:
"When I was a teenager, I thought my father was the biggist fool that ever lived. Now, in my thirties, I have noticed that he is a man of great wisdom, and I am amazed how much he has learned in the past fifteen years!"
Jim
One day I hope to build a railroad legacy for myself. See the railroad below.
My dad loves the Santa Fe but he's not interested in model railroading or building it but he wants to play with it when put together. He tells me he saw the Soo Line growing up in Minneapolis. His favorite hobby is gambling(if you call it a hobby I don't) not mine. I get bored and I'm not the only one either. My mom, brother and sister hate it also. One good side note though he paid attention when he was growing up in the 1970s.
I tell my mom's family about my hobby ideas and drawing and etc. But they all have the same emotional look when I talk trains with my dad.
My mom is interested I talk about my hobby but I also realized she gets bored. When the conversation goes more than a couple of minutes. Kinda when she talks about her crocheting and sewing clubs.
My brother has a hobby called video games. I'm not a fan of video games but I'll play few games for one to three hours depending on mood.
Railroading is my passion even though I couldn't get a job with the real thing, this is my second choice. (That wasn't an insult.) I always wanted to do both.
Amtrak America, 1971-Present.
Disclaimer: This post may contain humor, sarcasm, and/or flatulence.
Michael Mornard
Bringing the North Woods to South Dakota!
To me the situation is simple. My family and my friends respect my hobby and I respect their interests too. When I show them something like a scratch built brass critter the inevitable response is WOW! In fact, many of them are impatient for me to start my layout. I have one sister in law who doesn't comprehend the intricate details of model railroading and who has chuckled at me once or twice, but I don't try to argue with her. There is no point, and we get along just fine.
Dave
I'm just a dude with a bad back having a lot of fun with model trains, and finally building a layout!