Jason, don't let him get you down-you're a family man, have a respectable career, own your own home, & are doing things when time allows. You're allowed fun occasionally IMO!
I'm always surprised at parents' that expect absolute "cookie cutter" perfection at doing things from their adult children. My thoughts are, things could be worse, & the parents' should remember that you could be living in a shelter, no job, no nothing. My response would be, "Dad, I'm doing pretty doggone good for myself-if you don't like the way I'm doing things, then you can do it for me per your specifications!" (IMO)
Just my thoughts. I've dealt with co-workers recently that just "can't believe" that my fiance' & I haven't set a wedding date yet. (ones that have believe in BIG WEDDINGS & pay $$$$ for them) when we do, we do. It'll be small & civil also-we're not in a hurry.
I've always had 110% support from my parents' for my model railroading. They gave me the dining room table when I was a kid for my "layout" until my dad built me a 4x8 in the basement. Actually, my Mom who is in the hospital right now, always asks how I'm coming on my weathered train cars. Like I said, 110% support, then when I was 12-13 years old, & even now when I'm 42. (yes, I'm thankful for them!)
You're doing very well for yourself Jason-just do what needs to be done, when you can, & enjoy your trains when you can-I just bought my 1 1/2 story bungalow in Sept, & I'm doing the same-it'll all get done eventually-ignore everyone else!
(PS-EXCELLENT choice on your cat's name-my fiance' named one of her rabbits she had "Chessie" (my suggestion) yeah, I'm partial to Chessie & B&O also!)
Years ago I had a relative that was always telling my parents that my model hobbies were wrong and I needed to stop wasting money on them and get out and play sports ball and come help them with their farm.
My dad told them to go take a flying leap! They had 2 sons who were capable of working but spent all their money on dope and booze and trying to fix old broken down junk cars. My dad pointed out that he knew where I was at night and what I was up to, and didn't have to get a call from the sherrif to come get me at the jail! lol He told them that if I wanted to work for them I would tell them, and they would pay me, they had the idea I was supposed to work for FREE! not hardly!! lol
I have a few relatives now who say things like ''nice toys what do they do? sit there? why don't you make the little toy cars move?'' I ignore them, I run my trains, I govern my little railroad empire and I have FUN!! and thats all that matters, not what the uninformed and plain ignorant folks think...it's all about you having fun.
Every one I live with does to an extent.
My brother and his friends hate it with a passion, he actually has taken a BB gun to a few of my "non-hobby quality" equippment. He always puts holes into the foam base, and he likes hiding my tools. (he lost all my drill bits)
My Sister doesn't really care, she likes some of them because of the color or how there shaped or their logo.
My Mother always nags about it being a waste of time and money.
My father doesn't seem to care much, he'll deal with my bro if my stuff is messed with, but he won't put any money into it.
Vincent
Wants: 1. high-quality, sound equipped, SD40-2s, C636s, C30-7s, and F-units in BN. As for ones that don't cost an arm and a leg, that's out of the question....
2. An end to the limited-production and other crap that makes models harder to get and more expensive.
Ex wife....No problem now!!
Hey I was active duty Air Force for 10 years!! AMMO!!
Modeling the N&W freelanced at the height of their steam era in HO.
Daniel G.
My late wife thought anything that was not interesting to her was aproblem. I waited 30+ years to have a layout of any size and actually working. Im a retired Fire fighter ( Capt ) and as the house is now all mine I have the layout I always wanted.
She thought a garden Railway would be ok but unfortunatly passed away before that happened. I have one now as well as the basement. The rest of the family tolerates Dads railroad. My daughter buys "G" scale buildings for Christmas and Birthdays. Nice!! The grand daughter likes my garden trains. Ok with me.
Dave
Howdy, Trooper. Glad I'm not meeting you professionally!
All of the presently living members of my family are either supportive or indifferent to my model railroading. (My wife of 47+ years got me into Japanese prototype modeling before we were married.) My parents, both of whom lived past 90, never really approved, but once I was out of their house I was out of their control and they accepted the situation.
The most important thing to realize is that, deep down inside, a father's child is that father's child, even if that child's child just made him a great-grandfather. It takes a very secure personality to deliberately surrender the desire to control, even though attempting to exercise such control is totally inappropriate.
A possible fuse-puller on the situation is to ask your father what's really got his shorts in a knot. Odds are, it has nothing to do with either you or your hobby (but he can't tell Mister Scrooge what all or he'll be joining the ranks of the formerly employed.)
Chuck [MSgt(ret) USAF, modeling Central Japan in September, 1964)
David Parks I am the terror that flaps in the night!
Even if your Dad doesn't approve of your hobby, be glad that he's still around. My Dad got me started with trains when I was a little boy, and marvelled at how quickly his son surpassed him in his ability to figure out the complicated wiring of a model railroad. He never said a negative word about my trains. Smoking got him at an early age, though, years younger than I am now.
Don't make an issue of it, especially with someone who may not be with us for too many more years.
My father-in-law, on the other hand, is now 91, still sharp and self-sufficient, as is his "child bride" of 87. He checks my Railimages site now and then, and thinks the trains are pretty cool.
It takes an iron man to play with a toy iron horse.
My dad doesn't like the hobby. For many reasons, mostly just because it makes what he calls a mess but I call it a sea of hidden treasures, and I do like treasure hunts...
-beegle55
Phoebe Vet wrote:Mine says: "I'm really busy here. Don't you have something that needs doing in the train room?" ROFL. She bought me a 4-6-2 K-4 Pacific for Christmas.
Mine says: "I'm really busy here. Don't you have something that needs doing in the train room?" ROFL. She bought me a 4-6-2 K-4 Pacific for Christmas.
Mine does this too when she is scrapbooking. Which by the way stop in one of those stores sometime and see what you can find....But hey that is another subject.
Thanks for the help and support.
selector wrote:This pretty well sums it for me, too. Son is still Dad's son, but doesn't need Dad's approval for whom to vote. Dad doesn't sign any loans or car/truck ownership papers, too....does he? Does Dad hold a good chunk of the house equity maybe? If any of these is true, then Dad may be a bit peeved and remorseful in agreeing to foot the bills until you pay up. If none of it is true, then Dad needs to be fixed with your State Trooper eyes and say in measured terms that you no longer welcome the criticism about your hobby. He should find something else to talk about when the two of you are around. IOW, be honest and courageous....tell him what is bugging you, since he seems to have no compunction about being honest with you. I suspect it will get your heart pounding in a way that stopping a drunk driver hasn't...sorry, it won't be much fun, but it's gotta git dun.
This pretty well sums it for me, too. Son is still Dad's son, but doesn't need Dad's approval for whom to vote. Dad doesn't sign any loans or car/truck ownership papers, too....does he? Does Dad hold a good chunk of the house equity maybe? If any of these is true, then Dad may be a bit peeved and remorseful in agreeing to foot the bills until you pay up. If none of it is true, then Dad needs to be fixed with your State Trooper eyes and say in measured terms that you no longer welcome the criticism about your hobby. He should find something else to talk about when the two of you are around.
IOW, be honest and courageous....tell him what is bugging you, since he seems to have no compunction about being honest with you. I suspect it will get your heart pounding in a way that stopping a drunk driver hasn't...sorry, it won't be much fun, but it's gotta git dun.
Selector has some excellent points. Never, ever borrow money from parents. Don't ask about how I learned that lesson. One consequence, as selector alluded to, is that it gives controlling parents leverage into your adult life.
And yes, many of us are always looking for our father's approval. In my case, it was brought home to me when my father was visiting when I received my wings at Pensacola (Navy pilot training). His remark was when was I going to get a real degree like my brother-in-law (just completed his PHD in physics)? Really stung until a therapist once asked me why I thought my father was even thinking about me at any given time and place. Suddenly, I no longer needed his approval, and I could ignore his manipulations (which quickly died away when they had no effect). And our relationship improved significantly - we were free to share without pressuring each other for anything.
As other posters have said, you know what you have to do. And keep enjoying your family hobby. That is really great to have that much family support.
I'd like to start out by saying THANKS to all the vets here! I didn't know so many of you were in the service. Many of my family were/are. I hurt my knees when I was in military school.... haven't been able to run since I was 16 years old. (theres this new surgery I'm counting on....)
anyway when loved ones have a problem with our hobby it's a sensitive problem. It's easy to say we'd tell em to bugger off,... but that can be hard and usually isn't a fix.
Jason, maybe the problem your dad having is that he isn't as included? or that your priority list now differs from his (not that you should match) or I've even seen that a father can be jeolous when his son surpasses his accomplishments... whatever it is I think a less iron fist approach is the way.
I actually have the same thing going on that Mr. Beasley described. Not that my wife suggested getting my trains out of my sisters attic (long story), but she does think if I didn't have my trains I'd want to watch chic flix, hang out with her friends want to visit the in-laws... I told her it's better than the list Mr. B put up but she says I wouldn't be doing that anyway (?????????????) if anyone does figure this one out let us know. So far my solution is not to mention it as much.
No one I know. My parents are very supportive, (except when dad jokes about me taking up 2/3 of the basement and forgetting to return his tools!) and my two baby brothers don't really care (one is barely a year old and just likes to look at them, the 3 year old likes to look at the scale vehicles) and my other brother (11) doesn't really care except when I'm busy working or operating and he wants me to do stuff with him.
Some of my friends kid me about it, but I think they're just envious that I have a hobby that I really love. The other ones think my layout's really cool.
- Luke
Modeling the Southern Pacific in the 1960's-1980's
hubbards98 wrote:Personally, I would say that it is none of his buisness and I wouldn't be long telling him such...I can see if you were 12 and you neglected your school work or other obligations, but you are a grown up adult living with your family in your house and your house (and your wife) then your rules...plain and simple
Makes me thankful my family is supportive. My wife got me train stuff for Christmas I would have never thought about buying for myself!
I had an uncle who didn't see the point; he was good with electronics, so when I was a kid he "fixed" an American Flyer loco while discussing out loud what was the point to the hobby--but so what, he was a great guy and I've always thought the world of him anyway.
Regarding a father's disapproval, likewise-- so what. You say he's a great father, so let it go. Be happy your father is still alive and you can enjoy other activities with him. Mine, who got me into railfanning and railroading when I was young, passed away when I was in elementary school.
Family is too important to dwell on this.
Driline wrote: Speaking of expensive hobbies NON train related.Brother in law has....1) $30,000 boat he can't afford, sits 9 months of the year in a storage lot he can't afford2) $6,500 ATV sits in the garage he can't afford (while his house roof needs replaced)3) $4,000 motorcycle he can't afford4) Numerous guns as he is an avid hunter + ammo, gas, time$40,500 in toys that sit for most of the year........ Yea....who's the smart one here?
Speaking of expensive hobbies NON train related.
Brother in law has....
1) $30,000 boat he can't afford, sits 9 months of the year in a storage lot he can't afford
2) $6,500 ATV sits in the garage he can't afford (while his house roof needs replaced)
3) $4,000 motorcycle he can't afford
4) Numerous guns as he is an avid hunter + ammo, gas, time
$40,500 in toys that sit for most of the year........ Yea....who's the smart one here?
Does he use the excuse that he needs the guns, boat and ATV to feed his family??I hear that one a lot where I live!
Driline wrote: Its MONDAY. DON'T YOU GUYS HAVE JOBS OR SOMETHING ELSE TO DO! LOLI'm off today because of Martin Luther King Day, so I get to spend the rest of the day sceniking my layout and running trains. Whoo hooo! See you suckers later.
Its MONDAY. DON'T YOU GUYS HAVE JOBS OR SOMETHING ELSE TO DO! LOL
I'm off today because of Martin Luther King Day, so I get to spend the rest of the day sceniking my layout and running trains. Whoo hooo! See you suckers later.
Well that explains why the office is so empty. Good it just means I can get more work done and I don't have to deal with pesky questions.
Driline wrote:Its MONDAY. DON'T YOU GUYS HAVE JOBS OR SOMETHING ELSE TO DO! LOL
Dr. Frankendiesel aka Scott Running BearSpace Mouse for president!15 year veteran fire fighterCollector of Apple //e'sRunning Bear EnterprisesHistory Channel Club life member.beatus homo qui invenit sapientiam
I can't say I have anyone that actively disapproves of my hobby. My wife knew enough about it before we got married and so now activelly participates with me in it. My in-laws are either disintrested, intrested, or frustrated garden railroaders (frustrated that it costs so much), there are two inlaws that active against but both are hunters and see this as a waste of time and money. My response is, if you guys were better hunters it wouldn't cost you a fortune in ammo, and I do just fine buying a whole beef off my uncle rathering than freezing my keester off in a tree-stand for a maybe deer.
The only real problem can be my mother and my mother -in- law who think anything train related is a good present. I think I finally gotten my mom disabused of this idea and am now working on my mother - in- law. Step 1. Does it say Chicago, Milwaukee, St. Paul & Pacific RR, No? Than I don't need it. Step 2. Does it say Great Northern? No? Then I don't need it. Step three does it look like it is from the turn of the century to the 1950's? No? Then I don't need it. Step 4 Does it say Hallmark or Lionel on it? Yes? Then I don't need it.
reklein wrote: Guys,its his DAD who doesn't approve.Its not like telling some acquaintance where the door is. This could destroy an otherwise normal relationship,or indicate some deeper seated trouble that needs to be aired. I'm not sure what the problem is. Why don't you ask Dad straight out what it is he doesn't like about your participating in the hobby.You have training in dealing with people,catch him sometime with your uniform on and your pistol in the holster and ask him what it is he doesn't like about your trains. For you I'm sure trains provide a relief from dealing with all the weirdos and druggies and others just trying to get away withstuff,that you encounter in your daily routine.The club is a great idea to share time with a bunch of guys with interests outside your occupation.
Guys,its his DAD who doesn't approve.Its not like telling some acquaintance where the door is. This could destroy an otherwise normal relationship,or indicate some deeper seated trouble that needs to be aired. I'm not sure what the problem is. Why don't you ask Dad straight out what it is he doesn't like about your participating in the hobby.You have training in dealing with people,catch him sometime with your uniform on and your pistol in the holster and ask him what it is he doesn't like about your trains. For you I'm sure trains provide a relief from dealing with all the weirdos and druggies and others just trying to get away withstuff,that you encounter in your daily routine.The club is a great idea to share time with a bunch of guys with interests outside your occupation.
I'm no psychologist, but I got a clue for ya reklein. Its got nothing to do with the trains or hobbies. Its much deeper than that. This guy could have taken up "knitting" and it wouldn't be good enough for dear old dad. There are are probably skeletons in this closet you don't want to know about.
Lackawanna Route of the Phoebe Snow
secondhandmodeler wrote:I think a few modelers are a little more obsessed than they realize.
I've seen those guys. Most of them are single and look like this....
I on the other hand put Family first, then responsibilities, and finally the hobby last. The wife is very supportive. She's bought me engines, cars, etc. And best of all she critiques my work when I ask her to. The extended family is very supportive as well. All 5 of my brothers and sisters grew up with the lionel train set around the tree at a young age so my sisters love it. They also buy me engines for Christmas! I can't think of anyone who has thought negatively about it. Too bad my boys didn't get "into" it, but their generation is video games and such...too bad.