Howard Zane Today, of course my folks have long passed and now I have two kids and six grandkids....and two very ex-wives who think I'm a nutcase who will never grow up as I still play with toy trains. I sold two almost complete PFM Crown collections, and many other brass models to help pay for 17 years of college and grad school for both kids. My daughter today is a well established shrink who still thinks my possum is not fully cooked, and my son, the architect cannot understand why I model in the mid-20th century as he thinks I should have mag-lev trains and curtain wall /glass buildings. My present wife is quite supportive and my kids and grand kids are just wonderful......just not into trains nor even making an effort to understand what the hobby is about. Question: is there something I am missing in presenting my layout and the hobby to my family. As I approach the big 80, of course I am wondering what happens to my HO world when I depart. This is an old and recent discussion, and I read many interesting replies and I do have sort of a plan, but with out my kids understanding how important this hobby is to me and my legacy, I'm a bit concerned . Advice would be most welcome. Thanks, HZ
Today, of course my folks have long passed and now I have two kids and six grandkids....and two very ex-wives who think I'm a nutcase who will never grow up as I still play with toy trains. I sold two almost complete PFM Crown collections, and many other brass models to help pay for 17 years of college and grad school for both kids. My daughter today is a well established shrink who still thinks my possum is not fully cooked, and my son, the architect cannot understand why I model in the mid-20th century as he thinks I should have mag-lev trains and curtain wall /glass buildings. My present wife is quite supportive and my kids and grand kids are just wonderful......just not into trains nor even making an effort to understand what the hobby is about.
Question: is there something I am missing in presenting my layout and the hobby to my family. As I approach the big 80, of course I am wondering what happens to my HO world when I depart. This is an old and recent discussion, and I read many interesting replies and I do have sort of a plan, but with out my kids understanding how important this hobby is to me and my legacy, I'm a bit concerned . Advice would be most welcome.
Thanks,
HZ
There is no deep or magical answer to this. People are who they are and some will never understand anothers passion for something. My wife and I just met up with the grandmother of a kid she used to look after as a paid caregiver. The grandmothers husband is a limo driver in his 70's and he enjoys staying active. He related to us that he just did a job for a retired black lady police office who was a total fanatic about the pop star Prince, who died not that long ago. The husband/limo driver drove this Prince fanatic from the Washington DC area all the way up to Princes estate where she toured it, sort of like Elvis's Graceland type of place. This lady was a HUGE Prince fanatic, died her hair purple, purple clothes and ad interior decorating in her house, purple car - everything Prince to the n-th degree. Now many people would look at her and think she was nuts, crazy, boarding on insanity.
There are people fanatical about sports, Star Wars, or you name it, to the point they spend tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars on said obsession. Trains can be like that and many people will never understand or appreciate any of these passions - moreover, they will likely be annoyed by the passion if anything. Nothing you can do, you'll never win their approval.
Best most men can do is find a wife who at minimum tolerates it well and better yet, is supports it. My first wife hated my hobby and back in the 1990's only let me spend 20 dollars on per month grudgingly. I could afford much more but that was her limit, yet she spent lots of money traveling to Europe and bought a new car every 4 years etc. Predictably that marriage didn't last; my second wife is much more train friendly and even comes to train shows with me to Timonium etc.
Bottom line is you enjoy your hobby as best you can, you'll never change come peoples attitudes or feelings, and best you can do is what is within your power. You, having been a pilot and financially well-off should be able to control that hobby to your liking and make plans for what happens to your toys after you are gone, but of course take care of all of that while you are able. You may not get much cooperation from family or relatives however, unless perhaps one of them is incentivised by getting a some financial payout from taking care of those toys to your preferences. But the only way to be totally sure things are done the way you like is like the old saying goes - if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.
Rio Grande. The Action Road - Focus 1977-1983
Bayfield Transfer RailwayThe other guy's hobby is always a waste of time.
My friend spend a lot of money and time building a RC plane. On it's maiden flight he flew it a round for five or ten minutes and then crashed it. All i could think is, "What a waste of time and money." lol. I will take model trains and slot cars over RC planes any day.
My wife understands that I enjoy model railroading as an artistic hobby. I may not be a Michaelangelo, but I'll easily settle for a "that's cute" response from her.
More important is the effect my various hobby pursuits (model railroading, woodworking and just being handy with any tool in working around the house) has had on my daughter. WhIle not a train buff, my efforts did inspire her to be creative in her own arts and crafts way while growing up. That led to a business degree in marketing and obtaining substantial competencies in several Adobe programs, not to mention a job in her chosen field. It could have been anything else, such as fine scale modeling or oil painting. The point is- my hobby pursuits inspired her on her own, and that is the true legacy for which I have our wonderful hobby to thank.
I know that when I am long past, as yet unborn grandchildren of hers will be told of her father's skillful hands and love of trains- perhaps they will become similarly engaged in creative hobbies of their own and obtain the pleasure and satisfaction as I have.
More than that I cannot ask, as trains to them may well be A.I. driven autonomous creatures crossing the country at speeds far above today's, and the echo of a steam whistle or a diesel horn just a faint hint on the wind.
Cedarwoodron
First I would like to say that Howard is an original and will never be forgotten by the folks who have had the pleasure to get to know him. His ideas have been a big influence on many. I have altered my Ebay bidding techniques to match comments he privately shared with me (and it helped). Likewise, I changed the way in which I present models for auction photographically (and it helped). When I want to weather steam power and not "ruin" it, I dust it with powdered graphite as he does (no gloppy chalk buildup)...I was at a modeler's home just last night to deliver a model I sold on Ebay, and I saw this wonderful narrow gauge layout he was building. During the course of our conversation, it became apparent that he was influenced by Howard. We talked about how Howard models water, and this gentleman took that and just does it a little bit differently, to suit his vision of Colorado--but we were unable to talk layout design and construction without talking about how Howard does it. I'm proud to consider Howard my friend and "mentor" in this hobby.
To the larger question: my family thinks I'm crazy and the Hollywood media does not help because if and when they present someone who builds models, it is most often done in a very negative light so as to compare us almost to nutjob loaners, incapable of getting a date, or worse even serial killers...
Some on these forums have taken me to task for comments I made about wanting to make a profit when I sell something, as though I'm crazy for wanting to preserve my own capital at least on big ticket items. In my case, the family stops thinking you are crazy when you can buy and flip models for actual profit, so that actually does help in the opinion department.
Take a little comfort in knowing that we are not the only ones in America facing an "identity crisis". For example, in contemporary jazz music there is this attitude that if you sell out to make a good living, you are selling out or cheapening your "art". So many look down on Branford Marsalis and Chris Botti as "sellouts"...there's this thing that the "real" jazz players are starving and barely getting by, and everyone who makes money is some kind of "fake musician" "sellout" who is not being true to "art" however you choose to define art. Some of the finest trumpet guys in the world are now taking gigs for $15 pay just so they can play the kind of music they want to play. (Roger Ingram is older and at a point in life where maybe he can do that occasionally, but that is unfortunate).
I think the American media trades in stereotypes, and that is actually much of the problem. They get a lot of mileage out of mischaracterizing people. Maybe that's why I watch less and less TV...
John Mock
Oh, I actually work in a small office of about 15 design engineers, part of a 5000+ person engineering firm. This office is mostly all licensed professionals, too (that means we are held responsible for public safety and can even be sued if we make a mistake). These are all highway, traffic and bridge design professionals.
Since I have models shipped to my work now (where there is always someone available to sign for it), when I whip out a new brass model, or even as yesterday, a new Athearn Genesis Rio Grande 4-6-6-4, they are actually quite impressed and start asking questions about the model.
So when I start talking about steam locomotives and bridges being designed by graphical methods...and Coopers' loadings and slide rules, without the aid of cadd like we have today, they can appreciate the enormous effort that went into the design and a little bit of the complexity. These guys never saw an articulated steam locomotive, either, until yesterday...and I got to talk about Annatole Mallet and simple versus compound steam operation.
I think they get it and appreciate the models for what they are.
Howard Zane ...and two very ex-wives who think I'm a nutcase who will never grow Olson: ex-wives have to think negatively about their ex. It helps validate how things ended up. My daughter today is a well established shrink who still thinks my possum is not fully cooked, Olson: As long as she doesn't keep asking you, "What do *you* think...?", be okay with her opinion of your hobby. and my son, the architect cannot understand why I model in the mid-20th century as he thinks I should have mag-lev trains and curtain wall /glass buildings. Olson: It's not his fault. Since beginning in the 1920's, the whole architectural industry has been critical of the past; to the point that very, very little of anything that existed prior to the 1920's is even taught in schools of architecture anymore. The whole emphasis is on (dystopian) futuristic things. Tell him you like the "retro-Steampunk aesthetic"...he'll understand that. My present wife is quite supportive and my kids and grand kids are just wonderful......just not into trains nor even making an effort to understand what the hobby is about. Question: is there something I am missing in presenting my layout and the hobby to my family. Olson: Maybe. Imagine if someone showed you their, for example, den that had been converted into some sort of "scrap booking nirvanna", that looked like a mini craft store. Appreciate it without asking, "Why do you bother doing it?". They should be the same way and you shouldn't expect any more from them. I don't get why people do crossword puzzles, but they do them. As I approach the big 80, of course I am wondering what happens to my HO world when I depart. Olson: You might feel better if you arrange for its disposition, now, and stipulate it in your Will. Maybe donate some to a RR Club and arrange for the Executor to auction the rest. This is an old and recent discussion, and I read many interesting replies and I do have sort of a plan, but with out my kids understanding how important this hobby is to me and my legacy, I'm a bit concerned . Advice would be most welcome. Thanks, HZ
...and two very ex-wives who think I'm a nutcase who will never grow
Olson: ex-wives have to think negatively about their ex. It helps validate how things ended up.
My daughter today is a well established shrink who still thinks my possum is not fully cooked,
Olson: As long as she doesn't keep asking you, "What do *you* think...?", be okay with her opinion of your hobby.
and my son, the architect cannot understand why I model in the mid-20th century as he thinks I should have mag-lev trains and curtain wall /glass buildings.
Olson: It's not his fault. Since beginning in the 1920's, the whole architectural industry has been critical of the past; to the point that very, very little of anything that existed prior to the 1920's is even taught in schools of architecture anymore. The whole emphasis is on (dystopian) futuristic things. Tell him you like the "retro-Steampunk aesthetic"...he'll understand that.
My present wife is quite supportive and my kids and grand kids are just wonderful......just not into trains nor even making an effort to understand what the hobby is about.
Question: is there something I am missing in presenting my layout and the hobby to my family.
Olson: Maybe. Imagine if someone showed you their, for example, den that had been converted into some sort of "scrap booking nirvanna", that looked like a mini craft store. Appreciate it without asking, "Why do you bother doing it?". They should be the same way and you shouldn't expect any more from them. I don't get why people do crossword puzzles, but they do them.
As I approach the big 80, of course I am wondering what happens to my HO world when I depart.
Olson: You might feel better if you arrange for its disposition, now, and stipulate it in your Will. Maybe donate some to a RR Club and arrange for the Executor to auction the rest.
This is an old and recent discussion, and I read many interesting replies and I do have sort of a plan, but with out my kids understanding how important this hobby is to me and my legacy, I'm a bit concerned . Advice would be most welcome.
"Legacy" is the positive impact (known and unknown) one has had in the lives of all the people they've met; not the things one leaves behind. Take steps to try to give the things you value a good home; where they'll be appreciated, and don't worry if that means they go outside the family.
Also, I'm confused by the question, "How do you get respect from the family?" There's a big difference between interest in and enthusiasm for a hobby and respect. I'm sure they can respect you without being interested in model trains. Can you respect your son without being enthusiastic about a new skyscraper, he likes, being built in Dubai? See? Totally different issues.