TJ's mission

[Capt Bob Johnson]

Not being folks who would let past animosities get in the way of turning an "honest" Dollar, President Flatbottom of the Rosebud Falls Scenic RR Co., The Fat Capt. of the Roundtuit & Faraway, and Mr. Tangerine Jack of the Dixie D have collectively decided that a very attractive opportunity to gain some quick cash may exist in orchestrating a hostile takeover of the Iraqi National Railroad which operates under the name of "Eden Lines"!

Mr. TJ has been dispatched to explore the situation "in depth" directly on scene there in Iraq!   During his absence, Mr. Flatbottom has detailed his senior Vice President Brownface (Picillo Pete's 2^nd cousin) to oversee the day to day operation of the Dixie D, and report to the Fat Capt. should he require advice or policy determinations!

Since there is no direct or indirect rail connection between Tidewater Virginia and Iraq, it is expected that this deployment will be rather lengthy in nature.   TJ has been equipped with a veritable stable of homing pigeons so that he can promptly report his findings to his partners!

________________________________________________________________

THIS TALE IS PLACED IN HONOR OF OUR FRIEND TJ AND ALL THOSE WHO HAVE PUT THEIR HOBBIES AND FAMILY LIVES ON THE SHELF IN ORDER THAT THEY COULD SERVE OUR COUNTRY!

[ttrigg]

Railroad tycoons meet at port as Mr. Tangerine Jack departs on mission to conquer foreign rails.

The Fat Capt and Mr. Douglas Flatbottom meet with Mr. Tangerine Jack and cemented final plans for the conquest of the railroad system in Iraq known as The Eden Lines.  The Fast Trawler "SS Minnow" on loan from Piccolo Pete, President of Rosebud Fisheries, has been assigned to transport TJ and his commando crew on the voyage to foreign ports.  The Fast Trawler SS Minnow is scheduled to complete the trip in just under 3 weeks.  Capt Carrales of THE NORMA & MICAELA RAILROAD has donated one of his aircraft to escort the fast trawler in its mission to deliver Commando Group TJ.

_____________________ 

THIS TALE IS PLACED IN HONOR OF OUR FRIEND TJ AND ALL THOSE WHO HAVE PUT THEIR HOBBIES AND FAMILY LIVES ON THE SHELF IN ORDER THAT THEY COULD SERVE OUR COUNTRY!

---

 

[ttrigg]

PBY from the NORMA & MICAELA air force makes emergency drop of medical supplies.


President Brownface acting chairman of the Dixie D confirmed that he had been in secure voice contact with Capt. Harmonica Pete of the Fast Trawler SS Minnow.  Cpt. Harmonica had reported that the entire Commando Group TJ had been leaning over the gunwales feeding the fish for the last several hours.  The PBY made an accurate air drop of sea sickness medications to the SS Minnow.  Cpt Harmonica confirms that all the commando group is now peacefully sleeping below decks and expects no further interruptions to the voyage to Iraq.

[Capt Bob Johnson]

After a brief stopover at Gibraltar for food, fuel, and updated intelligence, the SS Minnow departed for an undisclosed destination in the Eastern Med.   Commando Group TJ has fully recovered from it's bout of "Mal de Mare" and has resumed (somewhat constrained by vessel size) training and preparations for it's mission.

Upon reaching shore and disembarking TJ gratefully accepted deliverance and was heard to say "Now I know why I'm in the Railroad business; The Fat Capt. can keep his big iron boats!"  He then stated that he thought "Flatbottom was just trying to get rid of him using that little trawler for such a long voyage; and Harmonica Pete found every rut and rough spot in the whole darn ocean!"

Achmed and his 47 camels (from the RT&F Middle Eastern Division) were then engaged to transport Group TJ to it's destination in Iraq; and TJ was heard to exclaim "I'll never complain about bouncing on some boat again after taking this ride!"

There have been rumors of a clandestine crossing of the Syrian-Iraq border at some time in the dead of night by a long camel train.   A homing pigeon has just arrived at the East Coast US base of the Roundtuit & Faraway with an arrival message from Mr. Jack!

[ttrigg]

Commando Group Searches for rails.

Tangerine Jack, Commander of Commando Group TJ, complains about maps provided by the RbFSRWy.  "The maps provided by Douglas (Douglas Flatbottom of the RbFSRWy) which he assured me were up to date and less than three days old, showed rail lines over this bridge.  As anyone can plainly see, Doug's maps are wrong."  Local natives assured this reporter that the rails were torn up almost three years ago.  Tribal leader Omar da Tentmaker said that the new rail line is about sixty mile to the east, and has agreed to provide camel transport to the commando group for the three day journey across the desert.  Commander Tangerine Jack  stated the he for one had had enough of these "ships of the desert" and wondered if there was a water borne passage and fishing boats.  When offered magnificent Arabian Stallions at ten times the price, TJ stated that it was not within the operations budget.

[ttrigg]

Commando Group Reaches Rail Head


With assistance from Achmed and Omar, Commando Group TJ has reached the military railhead of the Eden Lines.  Commander Tangerine Jack was quoted as saying "there were no casualties in the peaceful capturing of the rail head at Sadarn-al-Raq."  The two old men who had been guarding the rail head with antique sling shots surrendered without resistance to Commando Group TJ.  Tangerine Jack and his men quickly repaired a military train that had been at the station due to unlubricated wheel bearings.  Omar daTentmaker said he had been offered a fair price for his camels prior to them being rendered down into fat which was used to lubricate the trains wheels.  After loading equipment seized from the local Iraqi National Guard the newly formed Task Force TJ set out to capture the main headquarters of the Eden Lines.

[Capt Bob Johnson]

MEMO

TO:   Doug Flatbottom

FROM: Fat Capt

Text:  Doug, will you please order that darn beancounter Brownface to stop trying to make such drastic changes in the operation of the Dixie D without consultation!   Darn fool wants to stop washing and waxing locomotives in order to lay off a couple of people and save money.   As you know, TJ believes that you need to keep equipment clean and in pristine condition in order that it works when you need it!    Besides, he has proved that the waxing of equipment has reduced friction and increased fuel economy!    TJ hates those beancounters, they go to any end to save a penny and wind up losing dollars!

[ttrigg]

Memo From The President

RbFSRWy

To: The FatCapt

Rule #59 of the RbFSRWy Operation Manual clearly states that, and I quote, "under no circumstance should any effort be consumed at cleaning the exterior of any equipment until such time as it has accumulated at least a thickness of one half inch.  Trains may be rerouted through rain storms for the purpose of cleaning."  
I'm afraid that the young Mr. Brownface is correct and those employees will have to find new work elsewhere.  I understand that there might be a lubrication position open in Commando Group TJ.

 

Your friend

Douglas Flatbottm 

[tangerine-jack]

Top Secret:  FOUO

 

Commando team TJ captured Eden railways state of the art repair facility and refit shop at 1630 local time.  Facility was cleverly disguised as a ice cream shop.  Also captured were two advanced locomotive prototypes.  Request technical assistance team be dispatched to site for analysis of captured equipment.

 

End transmission

العالم العربي و هي الاكبر في مجال خدمال النقل (الركاب و البضائع)وتعتبر العمود الفقري لنقل الركاب في مصر حيث يبلغ حجم نقل الركاب بالسكك الحديدية ما يقرب من 1.4 مليون راكب يوميا و يبلغ نصيبها من نقل الركاب اكثر

[Capt Bob Johnson]

MEMO

TO: TJ

FROM: Fat Capt

TEXT:  That one looks pretty well mushed to me, I doubt it's good for much of anything but spare parts!

I've got a little used branchline (granary went out of business) that switched grain hoppers.   It used an old Navy Yard 44 tonner (1953 model) for motive power.   I can shake that loose from ops and have it sent over to you and only charge the railroad $1/2 million + shipping and handling of course!   If you need to see a pic I think Doug can send you one in his next missive!

By the way, you better get on Flatbottom about his no cleanum rules!   Brownface is fixin to get rid of your washers and polishers!    He's gonna drive Dixie D into bankruptcy!   Dern beancounters!

[powlee]

TJ

Keep us informed of your mission. Nice crisp pics. Shame your camera was already packed when we met in the car park behind the steakhouse as you left on your covert mission. My lieutenant struck out in her effort to record this momentous occasion. However it is viewable and if I can get  pic to load and I am striking out so far. Never had the problem before. Beginning to think forces at work to block the event being leaked to the world.

`      Hey,be careful out there.`

[powlee]

Four days before he left,TJ entrusted me with this item to keep in a safe and secure place. `One of Thirty` he said. I will treasure it.

 

[ttrigg]

Memo From The President
RbFSRWy

To: Commander; Commando Group TJ

If I understand the FatCapt correctly, this is the hunk of junk he is looking to sell you.


On the other hand Rosebud Fall Scenic Rail Ways can offer this fine specimen of motive power for a nominal lease fee of five dollars per mile and twenty five cents per switch crossed.

Some obvious differences between the two engines are: The engine offered by the FatCapt require highly skilled diesel mechanics and impurity free diesel fuel, which as you are well aware of can be hard to find in the desert.  The masterpiece offered by RbFSRWy can be operated by most anyone able to read the gauges and can operate on a range of fuels readily available, crude oil, used motor oil available in large quantity at any military motor pool, to cut wood to dried camel dung.  We await your reply

Your Friend
Douglas Flatbottom

[Capt Bob Johnson]

CONFIDENTIAL

TJ, I took another look at those things you captured.   It looks to me like they came from that outfit that recently went under; if that is the case, we can unload our old junk on that railroad and sell what you got for spare parts at a nice profit!   We also get paid to get rid of our junk, while the new subsidiary shows a paper loss that would have to be paid for out of it's oil holdings.   Give me the word, and I'll start a couple of my Suez Max tankers in that direction!

Doug, look at this opportunity.   We get paid for our junk, then we make a killing on the oil they have to use to pay us!    I'm looking at 800 or 900 % profits out of this after we make all the expenses and payoffs!

[ttrigg]

RbFSRWy
From the Desk of the President
Confidential

To: FatCapt
Indeed, this expedition has potential for vast margins of profit.  I have about twenty carloads of marginal random length timbers that were heat cured during last years forest fires.  I'm wondering if Commander TJ could find some unsuspecting villagers to offload this firewood.  As far as old equipment, what was damaged by Vinie and his gang of hooligans during last years raids has long since been repaired or dropped to the bottom of the local lake.

[ttrigg]

RbFSRWy
From the Desk of the President
Confidential

To: Commander, Commando Group TJ:


The Rosebud Falls symphony would like to offer to conduct a musical / moral building tour for the boys assigned to your commando group.  They are willing to do this show free to your troops and all they ask in return is for reimbursement of travel and lodging expenses.

[Capt Bob Johnson]

MEMO

TO :  Doug Flatbottom, PRES. RFSRR

FROM:  Fatcapt, Pres, CEO, COO, RT&F

TEXT:  That grumpy old reprobate Ben from the Chocolate Servicing railroad up there in the foothills of Pennsylvania called me wanting to get in on this deal of taking over the Eden Lines.   Did you spill the beans on this thing???   Next thing you know we're gonna hafta split the takings so many ways it won't be worth the doing!

            Beings Old Ben does send us care packages at holiday season, and only charges us for the merchandise and no freight, I guess we'll have to bend and let him in on the deal!    Maybe you can figger out some way we can stick him with a lot of the cost of this venture so's the 3 of us can make even more on it!

            Hey, do you suppose you can talk that Carrales guy down there in Texiass to loaning  you his PBY again?  I might be wanting some pictures took from an areo plane!

            Regards to the Mrs.

The old round Capt.

[FJ and G]

TJ,

Email me a cool training shot at Camp Shelby or wherever you're going for predeployment training; like doing one of the obstacles or tactical thingies. If it's any good i'll post it on the Army homepage and link it here. I'm at [e-mail]. No smiling or anything. Look real mean. I know you won't have trouble doing that

[Capt Bob Johnson]

Dave, based on what was in his last posting (another thread) I'd say he's already "Over There!".

[vsmith]

Top Secret:  FOUO

Guess we know what happens when them there Chi-neeze built engines hit a camel.

I hear the camel is fine, just need to buff out a little paint on its fur.

[Capt Bob Johnson]

EXPRESS MESSAGE

Hey there chocolate man!   If you are really serious about adding a carload of those Kisses on to that bargeload of care package we're fixin to send over to T-Jack you'd best get your old Hershey RS-3 cranked up and rolling!   We need that stuff! 

It's costing me money holding that tug from sailing!   I already turned down a couple of jobs for it just to accommodate you!   I don't care if the fuel oil to get it here is 4 cent higher this week, you'll just have to bite the bullet!   Sides, when you get down here with that train, you can go fishin; they tell me the flounder are bitin pert good!

It's also costing Ole Flatbottom and me a small fortune in ice for those reefer cars we got sitting there waitin to be loaded onto that barge!

Get the lead out!

Fatcapt!

[Capt Bob Johnson]

Fatcapt, Pres., CEO, COO

Round Tuit & Faraway Railroad Company

Delmarva Peninsula

 

Douglas Flatbottom, Pres.

Rosebud Falls Scenic Railway Co

Left Coast America

 

Dear Doug,

 

            Can you believe that neighbor of yours Vic is trying to get a piece of the action!   Just look at that picture of him, that tin suit he wears is gonna rust away in a week or so!    Slip him some oil so he don't squeak!   Do something to keep him from claiming a share of the take; even if you have to contract him to do some runs on your railroad with that falling apart homebuilt dime store equipment he runs!

 

            Unless he brings a big bankroll to the table I don't even want to talk to him about letting him in on our takeover of the Eden Lines; if we ever decide it'd be worth doing!   

 

            By the way, send me another carload of carrier pigeons to put on the barge; TJ put a note on his last message that he was running out.   Seems that the Arabs are stealing them and saying they taste just like lamb!

 

                                                            Your friendly enemy,

                                                            Fatcapt.

 

[vsmith]

Tin Suit? Tin Suit?

OK you asked for it!

Giant Robot! Activate!

Robot, up an away!

Uh oh, Your in deep trouble now!

There they are!...its FatCapt and his henceman Flatbottom!

Giant Robot! ATTACK!

Atomic PUNCH!

Crush them now Giant Robot!

Activate Finger-rockets!

Fire!

Hope you enjoy the smoking remains of your Railroads there Buddy!

This Has Been An American International Production

Giant Robot, avalable now at Sharper Image.*

Heres the TV spot:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbOjEPbSkpU

* Nuclear powerpacks sold seperatly

[Capt Bob Johnson]

Hey Flatbottom, It looks like you need to get the boys in the white coats after that Vic guy, has he been smoking or drinking something illegal???

Man, I aint trusting my money to somebody that far out!   How can he ever run a railroad wearing that tin suit?  Next thing you know he'll be trying to tell us that he's the super locomotive of the future!

Heck, I'd bet old Ben's dingy ole Hershey RS-3 could outpull anything he's got, even if he wore that tin suit!

[ttrigg]

RbFSRWy
From the Desk of the President

Confidential

To: Fat Capt

As to your request for temporary use of the PBY.  Your request has been approved.  You have been scheduled for the next airlift services open time slot.  Current mission of the PBY is the elimination of the al qada submarine forces (mission completion date later this week.).

Follow up mission is to transport an unknown metallic bars, yellow in color, and as heavy as lead, for disbursement and examination between the three CEO's.

 After a brief stand down for maintenance the aircraft will be available for your use.

As per your request for a specific outer garment, in particular, a white cotton long sleeved jacket with leather strapping and stainless steel fasteners.  The item has been found and dispatched with the appropriate husky attendants.


As per your request for assistance with that chocolate guy from Pennsylvania, please be advised that a fully trained commando squad is being form of the best trained and best equipped chocolate bunny destroyers the world has ever seen.


As for the fellow in the tin suit.  A squad of tin man eliminators has been dispatched.



We anticipate his total and complete capitulation within hours.


Your devoted associate
Douglas Flatbottom.

[Capt Bob Johnson]

MEMO

 

FROM:  Fatcapt

TO:  The Honorable Douglass Flatbottom, President RFS RR Co

TEXT:  Boy, Have you ever got your act together.  You sure took care of the work out there on your side in short order!   I'm going to break my rules and talk with TJ about giving you another 5% of the cut!   You earned it just by taking care of the tin suit guy!    Don't recruit too many of those chocolate commandos as you must remember that Ben is retarded (er, retired) and probably can't afford to send but one carload of chocolate!   His railroad is just for a bit of supplemental income, and running it interferes with his fishing and crabbing!

            I'm hoping to have everything loaded and set the sailing board in the next day or so!   Should I notify you or Carrales about when we'll need that picture taking airplane?

            One good thing about the PBY, they don't have to worry about any old reverse thruster, they just throw out an anchor if it's going too fast when they set er down!

[ttrigg]

RbFSRWy
From the Desk of the President

Confidential

To: Fat Capt

Just received word from Cpt. Jeramiah Jones (pilot of the PBY) and he states that since they had lost one of their anchors from the PBY, they have been using crabbing nets when landing.  He tells me that he has almost a  ton of "Red Sea Crabs" and was asking if I knew of a point of delivery for these items.  Since there is not any real demand for crabs in this part of the country, Would you have the means to transport said merchandise to the Pennsylvania area for retail sale.  I understand that there is a large market in that part of the country for this type of product, since these will be "imported goods" we should be able to apply a hefty margin of profit on them.  Allowing room for ice, I would say that a 40 ft ice car should handle the load.

Cpt. Jones has forwarded by carrier pidgin the following photograph of the crabs in question.

I await your reply

As Always
Douglas Flatbottom

[ttrigg]

RbFSRWy
From the Desk of the President

Confidential

To: Fat Capt

I have it on reasonably reliable sources that that fellow in the tin suit has lost most, if not all, of his trackage right of way.  Seems as though his local governmental authority seized his right of way for housing construction.  My sources tell me that he currently has more motive power that track on which to run them.  In his predicament I'm sure that we could pick up some of his excess local freight/passenger equipment for a cheap song.

Some examples of his excess equipment are as follows.






As Always
Douglas Flatbottom

[Capt Bob Johnson]

MEMO

FROM: Fatcapt, Pres, CEO, COO - RT & F

TO:  Douglass Flatbottom, Pres - RbFSRWy

TEXT:  The crabs, since ole Ben is sending a reefer full of chocolate down here from central PA, there should be no problem in backloading the crabs; and we should be able to have Ben make his fuel cost out of it while all 5 of us turn a tidy profit on it!   (We can cut Carrales in on that since he ‘s lending us his big bird.)

Equipment, unless the bean counters can see a way for us to sell that junk to the "Eden Lines" at about a 950% profit PLUS shipping costs, I wouldn't hardly think it worth wasting our time doing!

Sailing, I'm told we may be loading the barge and getting it ready to sail on Sunday; will advise.

[Capt Bob Johnson]

MEMO:

 

FROM:  Fatcapt, Pres. CEO, COO, RT & F

TO:  Douglass Flatbottom, Pres., RfSRWy

TEXT:  Tow left Delaware Bay Sunday, July 22, 2007 at about 1400 EDST!    PBY had Red Sea Crabs unloaded and was refueled and serviced for it's further flight.   Capt. Holtgrewe informs me that the PBY contacted him via radio and the rondevous for picture taking was made.   PBY made several passes taking pictures from ahead, and both sides of the tow!  The plane will be dispatched directly to Rosebud Falls so that you can see the pictures and confirm that your reefer full of fresh fruit for Commando Group TJ did arrive and was duly loaded onto the carfloat!    Request you send the PBY on back to Texas with our sincere thanks for the assistance!   (Might have it take some of that soup in the bread bowl down there for the Major!)