Not being folks who would let past animosities get in the way of turning an "honest" Dollar, President Flatbottom of the Rosebud Falls Scenic RR Co., The Fat Capt. of the Roundtuit & Faraway, and Mr. Tangerine Jack of the Dixie D have collectively decided that a very attractive opportunity to gain some quick cash may exist in orchestrating a hostile takeover of the Iraqi National Railroad which operates under the name of "Eden Lines"!
Mr. TJ has been dispatched to explore the situation "in depth" directly on scene there in Iraq! During his absence, Mr. Flatbottom has detailed his senior Vice President Brownface (Picillo Pete's 2nd cousin) to oversee the day to day operation of the Dixie D, and report to the Fat Capt. should he require advice or policy determinations!
Since there is no direct or indirect rail connection between Tidewater Virginia and Iraq, it is expected that this deployment will be rather lengthy in nature. TJ has been equipped with a veritable stable of homing pigeons so that he can promptly report his findings to his partners!
________________________________________________________________
THIS TALE IS PLACED IN HONOR OF OUR FRIEND TJ AND ALL THOSE WHO HAVE PUT THEIR HOBBIES AND FAMILY LIVES ON THE SHELF IN ORDER THAT THEY COULD SERVE OUR COUNTRY!
Railroad tycoons meet at port as Mr. Tangerine Jack departs on mission to conquer foreign rails. The Fat Capt and Mr. Douglas Flatbottom meet with Mr. Tangerine Jack and cemented final plans for the conquest of the railroad system in Iraq known as The Eden Lines. The Fast Trawler "SS Minnow" on loan from Piccolo Pete, President of Rosebud Fisheries, has been assigned to transport TJ and his commando crew on the voyage to foreign ports. The Fast Trawler SS Minnow is scheduled to complete the trip in just under 3 weeks. Capt Carrales of THE NORMA & MICAELA RAILROAD has donated one of his aircraft to escort the fast trawler in its mission to deliver Commando Group TJ.
_____________________
Tom Trigg
After a brief stopover at Gibraltar for food, fuel, and updated intelligence, the SS Minnow departed for an undisclosed destination in the Eastern Med. Commando Group TJ has fully recovered from it's bout of "Mal de Mare" and has resumed (somewhat constrained by vessel size) training and preparations for it's mission.
Upon reaching shore and disembarking TJ gratefully accepted deliverance and was heard to say "Now I know why I'm in the Railroad business; The Fat Capt. can keep his big iron boats!" He then stated that he thought "Flatbottom was just trying to get rid of him using that little trawler for such a long voyage; and Harmonica Pete found every rut and rough spot in the whole darn ocean!"
Achmed and his 47 camels (from the RT&F Middle Eastern Division) were then engaged to transport Group TJ to it's destination in Iraq; and TJ was heard to exclaim "I'll never complain about bouncing on some boat again after taking this ride!"
There have been rumors of a clandestine crossing of the Syrian-Iraq border at some time in the dead of night by a long camel train. A homing pigeon has just arrived at the East Coast US base of the Roundtuit & Faraway with an arrival message from Mr. Jack!
MEMO
TO: Doug Flatbottom
FROM: Fat Capt
Text: Doug, will you please order that darn beancounter Brownface to stop trying to make such drastic changes in the operation of the Dixie D without consultation! Darn fool wants to stop washing and waxing locomotives in order to lay off a couple of people and save money. As you know, TJ believes that you need to keep equipment clean and in pristine condition in order that it works when you need it! Besides, he has proved that the waxing of equipment has reduced friction and increased fuel economy! TJ hates those beancounters, they go to any end to save a penny and wind up losing dollars!
To: The FatCapt Rule #59 of the RbFSRWy Operation Manual clearly states that, and I quote, "under no circumstance should any effort be consumed at cleaning the exterior of any equipment until such time as it has accumulated at least a thickness of one half inch. Trains may be rerouted through rain storms for the purpose of cleaning." I'm afraid that the young Mr. Brownface is correct and those employees will have to find new work elsewhere. I understand that there might be a lubrication position open in Commando Group TJ.
Your friend
Douglas Flatbottm
Top Secret: FOUO
Commando team TJ captured Eden railways state of the art repair facility and refit shop at 1630 local time. Facility was cleverly disguised as a ice cream shop. Also captured were two advanced locomotive prototypes. Request technical assistance team be dispatched to site for analysis of captured equipment.
End transmission
العالم العربي و هي الاكبر في مجال خدمال النقل (الركاب و البضائع)وتعتبر العمود الفقري لنقل الركاب في مصر حيث يبلغ حجم نقل الركاب بالسكك الحديدية ما يقرب من 1.4 مليون راكب يوميا و يبلغ نصيبها من نقل الركاب اكثر
The Dixie D Short Line "Lux Lucet In Tenebris Nihil Igitur Mors Est Ad Nos 2001"
TO: TJ
TEXT: That one looks pretty well mushed to me, I doubt it's good for much of anything but spare parts!
I've got a little used branchline (granary went out of business) that switched grain hoppers. It used an old Navy Yard 44 tonner (1953 model) for motive power. I can shake that loose from ops and have it sent over to you and only charge the railroad $1/2 million + shipping and handling of course! If you need to see a pic I think Doug can send you one in his next missive!
By the way, you better get on Flatbottom about his no cleanum rules! Brownface is fixin to get rid of your washers and polishers! He's gonna drive Dixie D into bankruptcy! Dern beancounters!
TJ
Keep us informed of your mission. Nice crisp pics. Shame your camera was already packed when we met in the car park behind the steakhouse as you left on your covert mission. My lieutenant struck out in her effort to record this momentous occasion. However it is viewable and if I can get pic to load and I am striking out so far. Never had the problem before. Beginning to think forces at work to block the event being leaked to the world.
` Hey,be careful out there.`
Ian P - If a man speaks in a desert where no woman can hear, Is he still wrong?
Four days before he left,TJ entrusted me with this item to keep in a safe and secure place. `One of Thirty` he said. I will treasure it.
CONFIDENTIAL
TJ, I took another look at those things you captured. It looks to me like they came from that outfit that recently went under; if that is the case, we can unload our old junk on that railroad and sell what you got for spare parts at a nice profit! We also get paid to get rid of our junk, while the new subsidiary shows a paper loss that would have to be paid for out of it's oil holdings. Give me the word, and I'll start a couple of my Suez Max tankers in that direction!
Doug, look at this opportunity. We get paid for our junk, then we make a killing on the oil they have to use to pay us! I'm looking at 800 or 900 % profits out of this after we make all the expenses and payoffs!
TO : Doug Flatbottom, PRES. RFSRR
FROM: Fatcapt, Pres, CEO, COO, RT&F
TEXT: That grumpy old reprobate Ben from the Chocolate Servicing railroad up there in the foothills of Pennsylvania called me wanting to get in on this deal of taking over the Eden Lines. Did you spill the beans on this thing??? Next thing you know we're gonna hafta split the takings so many ways it won't be worth the doing!
Beings Old Ben does send us care packages at holiday season, and only charges us for the merchandise and no freight, I guess we'll have to bend and let him in on the deal! Maybe you can figger out some way we can stick him with a lot of the cost of this venture so's the 3 of us can make even more on it!
Hey, do you suppose you can talk that Carrales guy down there in Texiass to loaning you his PBY again? I might be wanting some pictures took from an areo plane!
Regards to the Mrs.
The old round Capt.
TJ,
Email me a cool training shot at Camp Shelby or wherever you're going for predeployment training; like doing one of the obstacles or tactical thingies. If it's any good i'll post it on the Army homepage and link it here. I'm at david.vergun@smc.army.mil. No smiling or anything. Look real mean. I know you won't have trouble doing that
tangerine-jack wrote: Top Secret: FOUO
Guess we know what happens when them there Chi-neeze built engines hit a camel.
I hear the camel is fine, just need to buff out a little paint on its fur.
Have fun with your trains
EXPRESS MESSAGE
Hey there chocolate man! If you are really serious about adding a carload of those Kisses on to that bargeload of care package we're fixin to send over to T-Jack you'd best get your old Hershey RS-3 cranked up and rolling! We need that stuff!
It's costing me money holding that tug from sailing! I already turned down a couple of jobs for it just to accommodate you! I don't care if the fuel oil to get it here is 4 cent higher this week, you'll just have to bite the bullet! Sides, when you get down here with that train, you can go fishin; they tell me the flounder are bitin pert good!
It's also costing Ole Flatbottom and me a small fortune in ice for those reefer cars we got sitting there waitin to be loaded onto that barge!
Get the lead out!
Fatcapt!
Fatcapt, Pres., CEO, COO
Round Tuit & Faraway Railroad Company
Delmarva Peninsula
Douglas Flatbottom, Pres.
Rosebud Falls Scenic Railway Co
Left Coast America
Dear Doug,
Can you believe that neighbor of yours Vic is trying to get a piece of the action! Just look at that picture of him, that tin suit he wears is gonna rust away in a week or so! Slip him some oil so he don't squeak! Do something to keep him from claiming a share of the take; even if you have to contract him to do some runs on your railroad with that falling apart homebuilt dime store equipment he runs!
Unless he brings a big bankroll to the table I don't even want to talk to him about letting him in on our takeover of the Eden Lines; if we ever decide it'd be worth doing!
By the way, send me another carload of carrier pigeons to put on the barge; TJ put a note on his last message that he was running out. Seems that the Arabs are stealing them and saying they taste just like lamb!
Your friendly enemy,
Fatcapt.
Tin Suit? Tin Suit?
OK you asked for it!
Giant Robot! Activate!
Robot, up an away!
Uh oh, Your in deep trouble now!
There they are!...its FatCapt and his henceman Flatbottom!
Giant Robot! ATTACK!
Atomic PUNCH!
Crush them now Giant Robot!
Activate Finger-rockets!
Fire!
Hope you enjoy the smoking remains of your Railroads there Buddy!
This Has Been An American International Production
Giant Robot, avalable now at Sharper Image.*
Heres the TV spot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbOjEPbSkpU
* Nuclear powerpacks sold seperatly
Hey Flatbottom, It looks like you need to get the boys in the white coats after that Vic guy, has he been smoking or drinking something illegal???
Man, I aint trusting my money to somebody that far out! How can he ever run a railroad wearing that tin suit? Next thing you know he'll be trying to tell us that he's the super locomotive of the future!
Heck, I'd bet old Ben's dingy ole Hershey RS-3 could outpull anything he's got, even if he wore that tin suit!
FROM: Fatcapt
TO: The Honorable Douglass Flatbottom, President RFS RR Co
TEXT: Boy, Have you ever got your act together. You sure took care of the work out there on your side in short order! I'm going to break my rules and talk with TJ about giving you another 5% of the cut! You earned it just by taking care of the tin suit guy! Don't recruit too many of those chocolate commandos as you must remember that Ben is retarded (er, retired) and probably can't afford to send but one carload of chocolate! His railroad is just for a bit of supplemental income, and running it interferes with his fishing and crabbing!
I'm hoping to have everything loaded and set the sailing board in the next day or so! Should I notify you or Carrales about when we'll need that picture taking airplane?
One good thing about the PBY, they don't have to worry about any old reverse thruster, they just throw out an anchor if it's going too fast when they set er down!
FROM: Fatcapt, Pres, CEO, COO - RT & F
TO: Douglass Flatbottom, Pres - RbFSRWy
TEXT: The crabs, since ole Ben is sending a reefer full of chocolate down here from central PA, there should be no problem in backloading the crabs; and we should be able to have Ben make his fuel cost out of it while all 5 of us turn a tidy profit on it! (We can cut Carrales in on that since he ‘s lending us his big bird.)
Equipment, unless the bean counters can see a way for us to sell that junk to the "Eden Lines" at about a 950% profit PLUS shipping costs, I wouldn't hardly think it worth wasting our time doing!
Sailing, I'm told we may be loading the barge and getting it ready to sail on Sunday; will advise.
MEMO:
FROM: Fatcapt, Pres. CEO, COO, RT & F
TO: Douglass Flatbottom, Pres., RfSRWy
TEXT: Tow left Delaware Bay Sunday, July 22, 2007 at about 1400 EDST! PBY had Red Sea Crabs unloaded and was refueled and serviced for it's further flight. Capt. Holtgrewe informs me that the PBY contacted him via radio and the rondevous for picture taking was made. PBY made several passes taking pictures from ahead, and both sides of the tow! The plane will be dispatched directly to Rosebud Falls so that you can see the pictures and confirm that your reefer full of fresh fruit for Commando Group TJ did arrive and was duly loaded onto the carfloat! Request you send the PBY on back to Texas with our sincere thanks for the assistance! (Might have it take some of that soup in the bread bowl down there for the Major!)
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