Marriage and Modelling

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by michealfarley

I'm curious for those out there who are married:

Does your wife/husband also take an interest in your hobby?
To what extend is that interest? Kit-building, painting scenery, etc.?
Does your wife/husband support the time/money it takes?
How have you been able to get your wife/husband involved with you?

From time to time my nickname has been "The Beast in the Basement". I take that as a hint and ease up when that comes up.

My wife has no interest in the hobby, although having been to Trainfest a few times, I think she appreciates the amount of work that goes into it. I think she's neutral on the historical aspect and the scenery, but when I show up with a kitbashed-this or scratchbuilt-that, she remarks "I don't know how you can stand working with those small parts!"

As far as the money goes, the employment situation hasn't been good the last 2 years, so I've had NO money to spend (not to say I haven't spent some - average < $5 per month). Now I'm working two jobs so I have NO time for anything. Which is sad, because I have a few for-profit projects sitting on the workbench just waiting for the time when I'll fini***hem. Fortunately my client knows my situation and he is most patient with me. My feeling is that she'd like me to make a profit at this hobby. That's fine, but I'd like to keep it fun and not make it something I have to do.

I might be able to get her involved when it comes to scenery, but anything else, I can forget it.

[billpe]

Our hobbies have brought us closer together. I hear of people that their spuoses do not aprove or get up set. we both came from broken marriages because of Hobbies. Didn't know it at the time that we where both train nuts...( yes NUTS )...to the point that we both grew up on the same track watching the same trains....Just two different towns....Trains can't bring people together or rip them apart. But the attitude of it can.
If he/she is not interested, tough luck but if you really love him/her... be there...not in the train room.. when he/she is talking to you. If she is interested Yahoo. My better half is interest activly in both hobbies. Stunt Kites and trains.

[michealfarley]

I took the link to this thread and e-mailed it to my fiance. She got a good kick out of it. Very impressed with the variety of people and involvement.

I think I have her agreed to try some scenery work once I get that far on my own layout!

Thanks again to everyone!

[locomutt]

QUOTE: Originally posted by easyaces

My better-half has been very supportive over the years that I've been in the hobby, but she almost goes off the deep end when I mention buying a new loco or two, or some cars when its not in the budget.[xx(]

Ouch! That sounds very real. My wife has been VERY supportive of the RR for the
17+ years we've been married,She's actually done some work on the layout.
Yes when you mention putting something like that in the budget,look out!

[Anonymous]

I have to admit I was a bit concerned about how my wife would take to the idea of me doing MRR but to my surprise when she seen the magazines I was bring home she was soon hooked herself. She is now in charge of town design while I consentrate on laying track and designing my maintenace yard.[:)]

[NHRRJET]

My wife is very supportive of my avocation AND vocation. . . .model railroading and working for the real railroad. The best of both worlds. She lovingly refers to the New Haven RR as my "mistress." The key to having a spouse understand and respect this hobby as I found it is to control the hobby, not let it control you, and know when to "shut it off."

[Anonymous]

My marriage actually helped rekindle my love for trains.
My wife has show great interest in helping me model (actually she likes watching the trains). But she has gone out of her way to get me many items for my layout, a Veranda, many misc. rolling stock and such. Infact I've kinda cursed myself. My father in law has gotten into modeling and has spent hundreds of dollas on a DCC system, engines and rolling stock. Not bad you say? Well the curse is, now when we visit, we have to sleep in the living room b/c he converted my wife's old bedroom into a layout. But at least he and I and my wife have fun.

[AggroJones]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Davidvd59
Whenever I meet a woman I show her my hobby, if she reacts negatively I through her *** out the door!

Right on, blood!

[Anonymous]

"OUCH"

[Anonymous]

No man NEEDS a woman to be happy, but he may need his trains! But every man was made to suffer and find out for himself! As my co-workers tell me, I should be as miserable as they are!

[Anonymous]

Realy it's your choice.
[bow]BNSF[bow]

[CBQ_Guy]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Davidvd59

My EXWIFE hated trains. She threw out about $2500.00 of O gauge equipment on me while I was at work. It was my son's favorite train. She was extremely jealous of those trains. Since I couldn't kill her (laws you know) we divorced. I still model railroad. I have my son. Whenever I meet a woman I show her my hobby, if she reacts negatively I through her *** out the door!

I give...your experience was MUCH worse than my minor matrimonial irritations!

[Anonymous]

My EXWIFE hated trains. She threw out about $2500.00 of O gauge equipment on me while I was at work. It was my son's favorite train. She was extremely jealous of those trains. Since I couldn't kill her (laws you know) we divorced. I still model railroad. I have my son. Whenever I meet a woman I show her my hobby, if she reacts negatively I through her *** out the door!

[CBQ_Guy]

I'm not gonna go through my sad story again!
(Got cash, got a basement...pretty much all I need.)[sigh]

[Anonymous]

Marriage and model railroading can exist peacefully,provided you maintain a balance. Gone are the days when I set up a 4x8 in our 1st apartment one day while she was at work. [:0]Hey, our new furniture was on order, but not due for over 30 days. I was just trying to fill up the space! [:D]
Sweetie relented until the new stuff arrived, then back into storage it went. After the kids arrived I had lots of time,mostly evenings where I could go down the basement after night-night time, and spend working on something. One must remember though that Little League baseball, family get togethers and regular household chores cannot be supplanted by the trains. Otherwise your going to get derailed BIG TIME![:0]
Share your hobby with her too. And not just the Ladies Auxilliary of the Local train club! True, Sweetie has met many of the "better halfs" of the club, and has struck up friendships with them. Let her see the rest of the hobby, not just the trains. Let her see the Art, the History, and the Lore of trains. While my wife has other interests, she appreciates my hobby deeply. Sharing the hobby with Sweetie has paid great dividends for me. The more she learns, the better she lets Santa treat me![;)]

[newhavenguy]

My girlfriend/wife to be is not only supportive, she's an NMRA member. We railfan, operate and build models together. She can't wait until I get my new layout up and running so we can do the scenery and run trains.

[fiatfan]

Try getting her her own room!

Then you could have a contest to see who does a better job. Invite an equal number of relatives from each....

Well, maybe not.

Tom

[Anonymous]

hey guys how do you get your wife out of the train room? all she wants to do is take over the layout im having a whale of a time getting any thing done.

[MudHen_462]

Marriage or Modeling, huh ?

Which one are you going to pursue ?

[krump]

enduringexp is right
... now about scrapbooking...
(I love how she creates artful memories with her hobby) - great

[krump]

better if you marry a model though[:I][^][:D][;)][(-D][:-^][yeah]

[Anonymous]

I think that we should accept the fact that women's brains are wired differently from men's. Typically, women are not interested in MR, but that is ok and sufficient if they are supportive and tolerant. Most of us need a diversion that allows some "free time" to do our own thing. MR provides a great outlet for individual expression and creativity. It would probably be a mistake to expect wives and girlfiends to get involved. When I putter around with stuff, I really don't want someone hovering over my shoulder. So be thankful if you just have the time money and space to enjoy this hobby. And if you have someone who gladly and lovingly tolerates your peculiar avocation, you are golden!
Bryant

[Sunset Limited]

I agree with you enduringexp 100%. I have friends too, that there hobbies were racing and spend their time at those x-clubs instead of there house where there wife was waiting for them! They will spend there whole paycheck there and in the doghouse for weeks! I grew up with trains, and really love this hobby. This is such a stess relief! My wife does support my hobby. When my oldest daughter was 2 at the time, she sometimes will get cranky, my wife would take her in the train room where I was running my trains and she would watch my trains and that solved the problem until I stop running my trains. Hey! I think she took after me! come to think of it!

[Anonymous]

I think the two can get along just fine as long as everybody remembers one thing. Modelling is a HOBBY. After seeing what some people spend for the hobby, it amazes me that they have a relationship. With many locos over $200 each and rolling stock at $30 each, a 10 loco layout with 50 cars would cost $3500, not to mention bench, track, structures and scenery. Some of the newer steam locos (Big Boys) are $600. I have had many friends that lost their families because of so-called hobbies like drag racing, boating, hunting. The problem they had was they neglected their families both emotionally and financially while spending most of their time AND MONEY on the hobbies. Model within your means. It is nice to think of having a $20,000 layout with all the laser cut structures and expensive locos and rolling stock, but you can find a lot of good deals on lesser expensive products if you take your time and shop wisely. You don't need to compete for with anybody, just satisfy yourself. Keep everything in perspective, and all should get along just fine.

[jjbmish]

I have been married for almost 21 years and my wife has always been very tolerant of my trains. She was a little amused when she found out I "played" with trains while dating but never made fun of it, and she actually has fun running the trains now and then. I tried to get her interested by buying her an "n" gauge train set, (I model 'HO') but she wasn't interested.

She has always bought me a couple of cars for Christmas, with the exception of one year. She thought that since I hadn't worked on the layout (we had moved into a new train room, I mean house) that I wouldn't want anything train oriented. I explained to her how much I enjoyed the trains (well actually I moped around the house for the day) and she has gotten me something every Christmas since.

We always try to spend one day of our vacation doing something train oriented. Usually a train ride or a museum. The kids sometimes complain, but they have as much fun as I do. Of course there was the "Elvis" impersonator that almost chased my wife off of one scenic railway, but that's the only time she didn't really enjoy the ride.

Like some of the guys have said, she'd rather have me down in the basement working on the layout instead of going out drinking. And as long as I get major purchases approved before hand, she has no problem with me spending money on the layout. Do I wish she would work on the layout with me? Yes, but she has her interests (scrapbooking) and I have mine, and its worked for us for over 20 years.

John

[simon1966]

Ideas for getting the wife involved......................

1. Kids are the obvious one. My 2 boys love the trains and what mother can resist seeing a Dad and his family playing together! Of course, if you are just getting married you may not want to rush into having kids just to make model RR more accepatble[;)]

2. Tap her skills.
Is she and artist? Does she have hobbies herself that include the use of color, texture etc. (needlework, beading, painting, photography, etc. etc..) Asking for input that taps into her skills and interest can stimulate an interest. I am currently getting help and seeking advice for the back drop and some structure weathering and painting. My wife is very artistic, so we were able to "share" my airbrush purchase.

3. Tap her history.
Model as scene from her past. I am building a model of a coal mine where her grandfather was killed in the late 40's. She got involved with the research, finding old photos and coming with me to photograph what was left of the place. I think that the research and history side is a great way to get someone else involved.

[sparkingbolt]

My wife is supportive,and enjoys my hobby although she is not actively involved. She is even proud to show people things she knows is an accomplishment. She let's me spend as much as I want to money wise, but I control myself .BUT! -- I know that she is more the exception than the rule, based on comments from other guy's wives as they react to my hobbies.

Sometimes we tollerate things better at the beginning of a relationship than than we do well along into it.

If trains or any other pasttime, yours or hers, (pets, motorcycles, cars, hunting., etc..) could come between you and a prospective mate, and you aren't willing to give up trains (etc), proceed with caution. Ours is not a cheap hobby, it takes up space and can take up lots of time. And it can be veiwed as simply playing with toys, as would a 4 year old, something you may be expected to outgrow. Make sure you know where you stand and where she (or he, for any forum gals) stands. As much as she and I like my hobby, I'd unload it if it came down to "it or her". Dan

[IRONROOSTER]

My wife tolerates my hobby, as long as I tolerate hers. While she goes to the odd train show, mostly I go alone. But then I don't go to many bead shows either. The key of course is never putting the hobby first or even second and having activities that you do together.
Enjoy
Paul

[Jetrock]

My wife isn't interested in the modeling aspects, but she enjoys trains and likes to go with me to railroad museums, on Amtrak trips, and tourist railroads. We even spent our fifth wedding anniversary at the Western Railway Museum where she studied for her graduate class and I archived railroad photos all weekend!

She doesn't know a great deal about railroads but has picked up a few things due to my incessant foaming, and like many females in proximity to railfans, she loves the Chessie logo! I am hoping to find an older C&O boxcar with the sleeping-kitty logo that fits my era (1940's-50's) but so far without luck.

She certainly doesn't begrudge me the time I spend on model railroading--as it has largely supplanted one of my previous hobbies (promoting and managing nightclubs and punk rock shows, and performing with my own band) which means that while I might be in the garage, I'm not out until 3 AM at bars and nightclubs (or at least a lot less.)

As far as money goes, she knows I pay my share of household expenses and doesn't begrudge me what I spend on my hobbies--and, quite frankly, she doesn't ask how much I spend at the hobby shop and I don't ask how much she spends at Macy's--we just tell each other that the new boxcar/earrings look "great, honey!"