Marriage and Modelling

[michealfarley]

I'm curious for those out there who are married:

Does your wife/husband also take an interest in your hobby?
To what extend is that interest? Kit-building, painting scenery, etc.?
Does your wife/husband support the time/money it takes?
How have you been able to get your wife/husband involved with you?

I ask for the following reasons:
My mother hated it, and resented the time and money my father and I spent on the hobby. I've dated women that think it's great, and have even built kits with some former girlfriends. The girl I'm about to marry is fully supportive of my hobby, doesn't say a word about cost, but she's not really interested.
I.....(gasp)....wish I could get her more involved, as I think it would be a good activity we could share.

Am I crazy for thinking that our hobby can thrive in relationships, rather than being a strain on them?

[Anonymous]

My wife has no interest what so ever in MRR. Sometimes I feel like she thinks I'm a little crazy when I get excited over a new model.

She does however support me in getting our daughter (who is 2) involved. She loves the trains! She even sits on a stool at the LHS and watches the trains on the test track. So someday I hopefully will have a modeling buddy in my little girl!

Being a model railroader has always been a lonely past time for me. None of my family has interest in it, but it's OK it's all I've ever known!!!

[Anonymous]

My experience is similar to wes454 - including a two 1/2 year old daughter who loves the trains. My wife is supportive, but really not interested. Of course, I feel the same way about her quilting.

I think you'll find that it is good to maintain separate hobbies/activities. I know when you are first dating/married, you want to spend all your time together, but trust me this will pass... [;)]

Andrew

[CP5415]

[#ditto]

My soon-to-be 3 year old daughter loves to play with choo-choo's. Whenever I take her to my LHS, she's always pulling Athearn boxes off the shelf & hands them to me.
SNIFF SNIFF, shes the child I've always wanted! [;)]
My wife thinks I'm crazy for wanting to spend money on new stuff.
She's supportive to a point. She likes to make snide remarks whenever I'm on the WWW or thumbing my way through Walthers paper cataloge.
Oh well, I have never & will never say anything about her scrapbooking, no matter how much it costs as I know my Proto PA's will be here soon!! WOO HOO

Gordon
I'm really happy that she finally has a hobby that she can spend money on.

[cnw4001]

You'll eventually get lots of replies indicating wives support and many that they don't support.

My wife has several trains of her own and often runs them at our club and other times I can't do anything to get her to run trains.

At the risk of pointing out the ovbious, like everything else in life, some folks like what you like and other's don't.

[egmurphy]

Everyone has their own opinion on the issue. I think that the fact that she's supportive is the most important factor. Marriage is tough enough without having your spouse anti-trains (including time, money and space expenditures).

My wife has some interest in model railroading, although she knows little about trains. She has painted figures, and details on cars. She's interested in scenery and is pushing me to get to that point with the new layout so she can help. She's got her own hobbies, but I like the fact that she has some interest in mine.

"...our hobby can thrive in relationships..." Definitely.

Good luck with both the wedding and the layout.

Ed

[orsonroy]

So far, I've never dated a woman who actively hated any of my hobbies. Then again, I've rarely dated any that participated in any of my hobbies.

I've been with my wife for five years now (married two). She actively supports me in my hobbies. I think it helped that she was introduced to my last layout fairly early on in the relationship. It was pretty far along, so she got to see whole trains make complete loops through partially finished scenery (and completely finished in some areas). She could see that the hobby required a variety of skills and a largish investment in time. While she doesn't actually model, she does like coming with me on railfanning and (especially) steam fantrip excursions. She also trys to buy me gifts that will fit into the hobby (she just gave me three Branchline house kits for my birthday!).

In exchange for her support, I do actively try not to live in the basement. Most of my kit building is actually done in the TV room, all painting is done outside and in batches, and I do most of my layout work either while she's not home, or on weekend mornings (I get up 2-4 hours before her). I make sure to spend at LEAST as much time with her as with my hobby! We're going on vacation in July/August. Two days of the vacation will be for me, chasing the OC's steam engines around. The other five days of the vacation will be for her (well, the both of us), by heading East to DC and Colonial Williamsburg. Train will not be spoken during the latter part of the hobby!

[StillGrande]

Both my daughters are very interested in my trains. My wife was the one who told the real estate agent we needed a train room with a house attached. She is really interested in building a garden railroad. That is still a couple of years off though. I need to build my empire first.

[easyaces]

My better-half has been very supportive over the years that I've been in the hobby, but she almost goes off the deep end when I mention buying a new loco or two, or some cars when its not in the budget.[xx(]

[brothaslide]

QUOTE: Originally posted by michealfarley

Am I crazy for thinking that our hobby can thrive in relationships, rather than being a strain on them?

The only time hobbies (model railroading, scrapbooking, quilting, etc.) put a strain on our marriages is when we make those hobbies a priority over our spouse and children. I think that's why some lable us model railroaders as "geeks" because we are more insterested in things rather than people.

I like trains but I love my wife.

Sean

[mondotrains]

Mike,
The guys who have replied to your posting thus far have provided some great input. I think I can provide some additional insight here....you see, my First Wife, to whom I was married for 20 years before our divorce, always complained that I "smothered" her. Unfortunately, I believed that we should spend most, if not all of our time together. The poor woman had to attend "stamp collecting" shows when I was a stamp collector. They are kind of like train shows, but the guys are real nerdy. I hope I can get away with saying that, considering I was a stamp nerd back then. Can you imagine attending stamp shows when you haven't got the slightest bit of interest in stamp collecting?
I got into MRR just after marrying my second wife and it has contributed positively to our relationship. She's into sewing and quilting, and I've got my trains. Sure, she likes visiting me in the train room now and then, but I really don't consider getting her into the hobby because men and women NEED their separate interests! We've been married for 10 years now and I can tell you that having my own hobby has paid off.
You will find that just having dinner with your wife, going to family functions and watching TV or DVD's will provide plenty of "together time" and the MRR hobby will provide you with some "apart" time.

Hope this helps and good luck in the marriage.
Mondo

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by easyaces

My better-half has been very supportive over the years that I've been in the hobby, but she almost goes off the deep end when I mention buying a new loco or two, or some cars when its not in the budget.[xx(]

That is one reason why I do not share my hobb(ies) with my wife! [;)] I've almost always been involved in one hobby or another since we were married a long time ago. Photography at first, model railroading and photography later. While I don't think she would actually say too much about what toys I buy, I think it is better to be safe than sorry.

Of course I'm probably one of the few in the hobby who has made more money in it than I have spent on toys. I've had quite a few of my articles and photos published in the model press, and they do help pay for things.

I have a friend who has some of his new purchases mailed to me so that his wife does not get to see the parcels when they arrive, as she is a stay at home mom. For years I had my own personal post office box near where I worked for my hobby mail and parcels (I am now retired). It was more convenient for me to be able to pick up my mail during my lunch time than having to go to the post office after work and pick up the parcels which could not be delivered because no one was at home. And secure from the wife too!

She has her things to do, and I have mine and I like it that way! [:D]

Bob Boudreau
Canada

[dragenrider]

Marriage and modeling can co-exist peacefully! [:)]

My wife doesn't give a fig about my modeling, but she parks her sports car under a tree so I can have our one car garage. She doesn't complain when I go to train shows or hobby shops. She occasionally even tags along "for the ride". She doesn't even blanch when I walk in with bags of goodies. With genuine curiosity, she'll ask what I've found. She smiles and nods when I show off a newly painted engine, a fine rolling boxcar, or a new mountain.

The only complaint is that she doesn't like to go on train rides because they are boring! But I dare not leave her at home or go for a ride without her! [;)] She'd be furious at being left out.

I guess I married an angel [angel] compared to my first wife! [}:)]

[vsmith]

Well just to illistrate my situation... I just found out this weekend that the Building Department (her) issued a Stop Work Order on my layout construction. Seams I went over the Allowable Building Area by about 50% of the previously Approved and Permited building area, and the owner of the disputed property (her) is threatening severe repercussions! [:(]

Now I will only have about 1/2 the space I was planning on using for my layout, 8' x 10' instead of 8' by 20', on the down side I have to compact my layout into its new tiny world, one the plus side, I might actually finish it in my lifetime...[sigh]

Oh Well, Guess you know who has the final say about this Hobby at our household...[V]

[Anonymous]

Even if she doesn't take an interest in your hobby, you should still see if there is anything that she likes that you can get into (a little bit) its gotta go both ways.

Keep in mind it's also a good idea to have different activities from one another, so you don't smother each other working together and then get sick of each other.

I remember a couple where the wife made the husband go and play a round of golf every sunday rain or shine so she could have the house to herself for a couple of hours. [:)]

[JPowell]

Well let's see.... My wife and I have been married for almost 2 yrs now and last July, moved into a bigger rental unit that what we previously had. I got a HO starter set from Bachmann for a X-mas present in 2002. our new house, sits directly across from a activve CSX spur that serves New Venture Gear and a local beer distrubitor here in DeWitt NY. Since we've been in the new place, I've started construction on my 1st layout. For a beginner layout, it's bigger than most (approx. 9'x9' , "C" shaped). I've had to dismantle the bale for the time being so that maintenance guys can fix the basement foundation on the outside of the house (concrete sidewalk around foundation has settled about 2-3' in areas and my basement floods when it rains alot, sucha as last month!) Anyways, she fully supports my interest in the hobby and is always letting me buy more stuff for it. So, that's the jist of the hobby in our house.

[coalminer3]

Hard work at tolerance and flexibility are the keys. Above all make and take the time for kid's activities.

In our house, genealogy, outdoor activities, church activities, and railroads coexist amicably; especially when she (the genealogist) found ancestors who worked on the railroad and wondered about jobs, working conditions, etc. in the long ago.

On a lighter note, the wife of a late friend of mine said, "I know where he is (in the basement) and what he's doing; sure beats lying awake at night wondering where he is and what he's doing."

This is a good thread - I'm looking forward to reading more

work safe

[Anonymous]

My wife is quite supportive in my new hobby, but its more for the reason I got back into it than the actual hobby itself. My brother in law was killed in a tragic accident two days before Thanksgiving, leaving my sister with three young kids. My brother in law had started taking my nephew to train club just this year and my nephew really enjoyed the activity. I just happened to be at my sisters house a couple of weeks after the accident and she asked my Dad if he could take my nephew to the Train Club Christmas party, but my Dad already had a prior engagement. On the spot I volunteered. I took my son and daughter and my nephew and we had a great time. So now its my guarenteed time to spend with my nephew and my kids, and my wife is totally supportive. Of course I've had a train track set up on our Dining room table since Christmas. :) She's more of an angel than just a wife.

Orion

[Jetrock]

My wife isn't interested in the modeling aspects, but she enjoys trains and likes to go with me to railroad museums, on Amtrak trips, and tourist railroads. We even spent our fifth wedding anniversary at the Western Railway Museum where she studied for her graduate class and I archived railroad photos all weekend!

She doesn't know a great deal about railroads but has picked up a few things due to my incessant foaming, and like many females in proximity to railfans, she loves the Chessie logo! I am hoping to find an older C&O boxcar with the sleeping-kitty logo that fits my era (1940's-50's) but so far without luck.

She certainly doesn't begrudge me the time I spend on model railroading--as it has largely supplanted one of my previous hobbies (promoting and managing nightclubs and punk rock shows, and performing with my own band) which means that while I might be in the garage, I'm not out until 3 AM at bars and nightclubs (or at least a lot less.)

As far as money goes, she knows I pay my share of household expenses and doesn't begrudge me what I spend on my hobbies--and, quite frankly, she doesn't ask how much I spend at the hobby shop and I don't ask how much she spends at Macy's--we just tell each other that the new boxcar/earrings look "great, honey!"

[IRONROOSTER]

My wife tolerates my hobby, as long as I tolerate hers. While she goes to the odd train show, mostly I go alone. But then I don't go to many bead shows either. The key of course is never putting the hobby first or even second and having activities that you do together.
Enjoy
Paul

[sparkingbolt]

My wife is supportive,and enjoys my hobby although she is not actively involved. She is even proud to show people things she knows is an accomplishment. She let's me spend as much as I want to money wise, but I control myself .BUT! -- I know that she is more the exception than the rule, based on comments from other guy's wives as they react to my hobbies.

Sometimes we tollerate things better at the beginning of a relationship than than we do well along into it.

If trains or any other pasttime, yours or hers, (pets, motorcycles, cars, hunting., etc..) could come between you and a prospective mate, and you aren't willing to give up trains (etc), proceed with caution. Ours is not a cheap hobby, it takes up space and can take up lots of time. And it can be veiwed as simply playing with toys, as would a 4 year old, something you may be expected to outgrow. Make sure you know where you stand and where she (or he, for any forum gals) stands. As much as she and I like my hobby, I'd unload it if it came down to "it or her". Dan

[simon1966]

Ideas for getting the wife involved......................

1. Kids are the obvious one. My 2 boys love the trains and what mother can resist seeing a Dad and his family playing together! Of course, if you are just getting married you may not want to rush into having kids just to make model RR more accepatble[;)]

2. Tap her skills.
Is she and artist? Does she have hobbies herself that include the use of color, texture etc. (needlework, beading, painting, photography, etc. etc..) Asking for input that taps into her skills and interest can stimulate an interest. I am currently getting help and seeking advice for the back drop and some structure weathering and painting. My wife is very artistic, so we were able to "share" my airbrush purchase.

3. Tap her history.
Model as scene from her past. I am building a model of a coal mine where her grandfather was killed in the late 40's. She got involved with the research, finding old photos and coming with me to photograph what was left of the place. I think that the research and history side is a great way to get someone else involved.

[jjbmish]

I have been married for almost 21 years and my wife has always been very tolerant of my trains. She was a little amused when she found out I "played" with trains while dating but never made fun of it, and she actually has fun running the trains now and then. I tried to get her interested by buying her an "n" gauge train set, (I model 'HO') but she wasn't interested.

She has always bought me a couple of cars for Christmas, with the exception of one year. She thought that since I hadn't worked on the layout (we had moved into a new train room, I mean house) that I wouldn't want anything train oriented. I explained to her how much I enjoyed the trains (well actually I moped around the house for the day) and she has gotten me something every Christmas since.

We always try to spend one day of our vacation doing something train oriented. Usually a train ride or a museum. The kids sometimes complain, but they have as much fun as I do. Of course there was the "Elvis" impersonator that almost chased my wife off of one scenic railway, but that's the only time she didn't really enjoy the ride.

Like some of the guys have said, she'd rather have me down in the basement working on the layout instead of going out drinking. And as long as I get major purchases approved before hand, she has no problem with me spending money on the layout. Do I wish she would work on the layout with me? Yes, but she has her interests (scrapbooking) and I have mine, and its worked for us for over 20 years.

John

[Anonymous]

I think the two can get along just fine as long as everybody remembers one thing. Modelling is a HOBBY. After seeing what some people spend for the hobby, it amazes me that they have a relationship. With many locos over $200 each and rolling stock at $30 each, a 10 loco layout with 50 cars would cost $3500, not to mention bench, track, structures and scenery. Some of the newer steam locos (Big Boys) are $600. I have had many friends that lost their families because of so-called hobbies like drag racing, boating, hunting. The problem they had was they neglected their families both emotionally and financially while spending most of their time AND MONEY on the hobbies. Model within your means. It is nice to think of having a $20,000 layout with all the laser cut structures and expensive locos and rolling stock, but you can find a lot of good deals on lesser expensive products if you take your time and shop wisely. You don't need to compete for with anybody, just satisfy yourself. Keep everything in perspective, and all should get along just fine.

[Sunset Limited]

I agree with you enduringexp 100%. I have friends too, that there hobbies were racing and spend their time at those x-clubs instead of there house where there wife was waiting for them! They will spend there whole paycheck there and in the doghouse for weeks! I grew up with trains, and really love this hobby. This is such a stess relief! My wife does support my hobby. When my oldest daughter was 2 at the time, she sometimes will get cranky, my wife would take her in the train room where I was running my trains and she would watch my trains and that solved the problem until I stop running my trains. Hey! I think she took after me! come to think of it!

[Anonymous]

I think that we should accept the fact that women's brains are wired differently from men's. Typically, women are not interested in MR, but that is ok and sufficient if they are supportive and tolerant. Most of us need a diversion that allows some "free time" to do our own thing. MR provides a great outlet for individual expression and creativity. It would probably be a mistake to expect wives and girlfiends to get involved. When I putter around with stuff, I really don't want someone hovering over my shoulder. So be thankful if you just have the time money and space to enjoy this hobby. And if you have someone who gladly and lovingly tolerates your peculiar avocation, you are golden!
Bryant

[krump]

better if you marry a model though[:I][^][:D][;)][(-D][:-^][yeah]

[krump]

enduringexp is right
... now about scrapbooking...
(I love how she creates artful memories with her hobby) - great

[MudHen_462]

Marriage or Modeling, huh ?

Which one are you going to pursue ?

[Anonymous]

hey guys how do you get your wife out of the train room? all she wants to do is take over the layout im having a whale of a time getting any thing done.