How did you cope with the loss of an enthusiastic fan of your model railroad?

[mondotrains]

Hi Guys,
I don't mean to get too personal but I've met some real kind folks on this forum and thought that maybe someone has experienced my situation and might have some advice.

A few weeks ago my dad died....he called to wish me a happy 56th birthday and 2 hours later, he had a fatal heart attack. Needless to say, even though he was 82 years old, I hated losing him. Now, several weeks later, I'm having difficulty with my model railroad hobby. You see, my dad was one of my biggest fans. Everybody he knew heard about my "wonderful" layout. In fact, a couple of months ago, when he was in the hospital, he convinced one of the nurses to bring her grandchildren to my house to see "the layout".

Now that he's gone, I'm having difficulty in the "train room". Every time I add something, I think about how I would like him to see it and then I realize he will never step foot in my train room again. It may sound silly, but without him I've not only lost a father but my most enthusiastic fan.

I would appreciate any thoughts you might have and insight on how to cope.

Thank you,
Mondo


.

[fiatfan]

Mondo,

I am so sorry for your loss. Since my biggest fan is still with me, I cannot put myself in your shoes.

An idea has just come to mind. Can you name an idustry after him? Or maybe out his picture on a bill board or a store window? Something so that he can see and know what you are doing?

If you think these are silly ideas, please accept my sincerest apology.

Again, my condolences on your loss.

Tom

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I send my condelences it never gets easy losing a family memeber. I to lost my greatest fan, my grandfather. Though he never saw the actual layout he always asked about it. Before his death it was just a toy to play with, after his death it became a memorial to him. Every new peice i put on I know he's sitting in heaven watching my progress. I would suggest taking a few weeks and not working on it and when your ready you'll know and you'll start working on it again. Remember it's a hobby and it should bring you joy, so if your not having fun don't force it let it come back to you.
Andy

[mondotrains]

Hi Tom,
Thank you for your thoughtful note! I'm going to consider your ideas. I especially like the idea of naming an industry after my dad. A photo of him somewhere on the layout as you suggested is a great idea. I've got a digital camera photo of him with his "grandog" Sally. A photo of him with our dog could be worked into a billboard....maybe I can create a fictitious dog food brand and have that picture of dad and Sally worked into the add on the billboard.

Thank you again,
Mondo

QUOTE: Originally posted by fiatfan

Mondo,

I am so sorry for your loss. Since my biggest fan is still with me, I cannot put myself in your shoes.

An idea has just come to mind. Can you name an idustry after him? Or maybe out his picture on a bill board or a store window? Something so that he can see and know what you are doing?

If you think these are silly ideas, please accept my sincerest apology.

Again, my condolences on your loss.

Tom

[Anonymous]

Another idea is if he worked for a company that had rail cars maybe adding a couple of those. My grandpa had stock for general dynamics so my general dynamics tank car gets a lot of service on my layout. I think the billboard idea is a great idea too I might end up doing that.

Andy

[mondotrains]

Hi Andy,
Thank you so much for your note. I really appreciate your insight and will take your advice.

Mondo

QUOTE: Originally posted by george745

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I send my condelences it never gets easy losing a family memeber. I to lost my greatest fan, my grandfather. Though he never saw the actual layout he always asked about it. Before his death it was just a toy to play with, after his death it became a memorial to him. Every new peice i put on I know he's sitting in heaven watching my progress. I would suggest taking a few weeks and not working on it and when your ready you'll know and you'll start working on it again. Remember it's a hobby and it should bring you joy, so if your not having fun don't force it let it come back to you.
Andy

[Anonymous]

Mondo your grieving..its a process and you will lose interest in things that you like. its only natural to be sadden after a loss as big is yours..i to have had the feelings you jave. all i can say is hold in there and time heels all wounds.

[Anonymous]

Hi Mondo-

I want to express my sympathy to you for the recent loss of your Dad . You and I are of approximately the same age, and I lost my Dad to cancer at the age of 80 almost nineteen years ago, and it still seems like just yesterday that he and I were talking about his life, his adventures, and what he hoped that I could accomplish with mine.

That your Dad was an enthusiastic supporter of your model railroading should inspire you to continue to pursue what he'd want you to do. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to stop your life and the things that fulfill your needs for creativity and relaxation. Everyone grieves differently, and only you know how you will get through this phase in your life. A lot of that depends on how you and your Dad related to each other. If your Dad could talk to you right now, what would he suggest for you to do? You know.

My Dad was an amateur woodworker and I inherited a lot of his very worn hand tools that I remember him buying secondhand over fifty years ago. I recall him using them, and my abusing them. He always tried to teach me how to work with them correctly, but I was more interested in building models. . .Shortly after he passed away, I got them out, cleaned and sharpened them, and made a silent commitment to him that I'd teach myself, what he had tried in vain to have me learn from him. And I did just that, still have all those tools, and now use them in my custom furniture business. Every time I cut a mitre, or use one of his old Stanley handplanes, I know he'd be proud of what I'm doing. I'm literaly in touch with him in some way, every day in my shop. I'm proud to admit that I still seek his praise, and if I ever consider taking a shortcut, or not doing something to the best of my ability, I fear his disapproval.

Don't ever abandon the relationship you had with your Dad. Complete your layout as a way of embracing the good memories you shared with him. I like the idea of naming an industry after him, as someone suggested. Perhaps he had a favorite automobile or truck. Duplicate a model of that if you can. Consider parking that vehicle in front of a restaurant that resembed one of his favorites. Do you have any knowledge of his boy hood home and what it looked like? Try to duplicate that in miniature. What was his favorite color? Adapt that somewhere in the theme of your railroad - on a structure, a particular piece of rolling stock, or a special excursion train. Did he have a favorite expression? Why not work that in somewhere as a slogan on a billboard? The possibilities are limitless.

It is perfectly natural for you to not feel like working on your railroad right now, or perhaps even posting on this Forum. On the other hand, it takes guts to come forward and seek support from us on this Forum. It sounds so trivial to say this, but you need to take each day as a unique day, a brand new day, and just let it happen for the time being. I am having to do that too, for my 34 year old nephew disappeared while swimming off the coast of Maui 8 days ago, and he is probably lost, although no trace of him has been found. I have found that staying involved on this Forum, and just staying busy, has helped me cope. When I think about him, I strive to recall what a fine young man and devoted father he was, and the good times we shared.

Again, my condolencences to you and your family.

BILL

[lupo]

Mondo , my thoughts are with you and your family

I hope you can find a place to remember your dad on the lay-out,
maybe a memorial park with a large tree, or you could name a square or avenue after him or model the family-house.

It is a good thing to give your biggest fan a place on the lay-out he loved so much


I thank you for sharing your feelings with us

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by lupo

Mondo , my thoughts are with you and your family

I hope you can find a place to remember your dad on the lay-out,
maybe a memorial park with a large tree, or you could name a square or avenue after him or model the family-house.

It is a good thing to give your biggest fan a place on the lay-out he loved so much


I thank you for sharing your feelings with us

thats a good idea. I hope spon you will be able to work on your layout. I'm sorry for your loss

[CP5415]

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad Mondo.
It's never an easy thing to deal with, trust me I know what you are going through.

My Dad died in 2000, 4 days before Christmas. Seven months before my first child was born.

He was the one that got me started on trains. Both real & modeling.

I had a rough time with it, but I've managed to get through those times while modeling.
I inherited all of his model railroad stuff, but with some of the monetary inheritance, I went & bought a few things that my Dad "contributed" to my layout & I cheri***hose items as the last things he bought for me.

Again, my condolances Mondo, you will pull through these times & you will want to go back to modeling in time. Trust me.

Gordon

[philnrunt]

Mondo- I am so sorry for your loss, and all of the replys cover the ideas that I would have. In a span of 3 years, I lost my entire family, and my best friend of 40 years,all of them big promoters of my RR hobby. I realized that they gave validation to my efforts, that everything was ran thru them to get their feedback. I still really hav'nt gotten over it completely, and I don't guess I ever will, but now when I work on any project, I hear their comments( only in my head, thank god) and still draw strength from them.
Hang in there( a phrase my momma used alot) and again, my condolences.

[locomutt]

QUOTE: Originally posted by mondotrains

Hi Guys,
I don't mean to get too personal but I've met some real kind folks on this forum and thought that maybe someone has experienced my situation and might have some advice.

A few weeks ago my dad died....he called to wish me a happy 56th birthday and 2 hours later, he had a fatal heart attack. Needless to say, even though he was 82 years old, I hated losing him. Now, several weeks later, I'm having difficulty with my model railroad hobby. You see, my dad was one of my biggest fans. Everybody he knew heard about my "wonderful" layout. In fact, a couple of months ago, when he was in the hospital, he convinced one of the nurses to bring her grandchildren to my house to see "the layout".

Now that he's gone, I'm having difficulty in the "train room". Every time I add something, I think about how I would like him to see it and then I realize he will never step foot in my train room again. It may sound silly, but without him I've not only lost a father but my most enthusiastic fan.

I would appreciate any thoughts you might have and insight on how to cope.

Thank you,
Mondo


.

I am very sorry of your loss. My father got me started in model railroading,at the
tender age of 6. I didn't start modeling in earnest until I was about 13,and
I've continued modeling since. In later years after I moved out of the homeplace
Every time I would see Dad,or talk on the phone with him,he always asked
about the model railroad. I lost Dad a little over 3 yrs ago,and it is,or can be
hard to let go.The idea of naming a business particularly appealed to me,
because that is what I've done for My Dad,on My railroad.

Walt

[dave9999]

Mondo,
Sorry to hear about you loss. I'm lucky to still have both parents living. I'm SURE that everyone here will
remember you in their prayers. Good luck in returning to your passion for modeling. I obviosly didn't know you dad, but from what you wrote I'm sure he would want you to continue as if he were still with you.

I hope everything works out for you and your family. Dave

[DonaldAgne]

Dear Mondo,

I was very sorry to hear that you lost your father. Any time that you feel the need to talk about it, we'll be here to listen. Take care.

[mondotrains]

Good morning guys,
I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes after reading all of your condolences and thoughtful responses to my posting. Bill, I'm real sorry to hear about the recent loss of your nephew. I am also sorry to hear of the losses others have experienced. I offer my condolences to you.

I initially wasn't sure I'd like using a forum to communicate with model railroaders but I can tell you now that you folks are the BEST. I live in Rocky Hill, Connecticut, about 10 miles south of Hartford; probably hundreds, if not thousands of miles from most of you but I feel like you are all "close by".

My dad got a brand new 1950 Ford when I was 2 years old. I have a photo he took of me and my cousin sitting on the front bumper. I'm going to find a model of that car and paint it yellow and black just like dad's and place it on the layout...of course I'll have 2 HO scale kids sitting on that bumper.

Thank you all again and happy model railroading.
Mondo

[Eriediamond]

mundo. Please accept the condolences of or family to yours on the loss of your dad. Everone grieves in different ways, but as proud as your dad was of your skills as a model railroader, I'm positive he would want you continue with your modeling. I lost my dad back in 1977, and although he did'nt share in my modeling, we had a close bond in our jobs. He was an over the road trucker and back in the fifties he tought me how to drive the big rigs and to take pride in what I do. I followed in his foot steps and he still rides with me when I'm on the road. May your dad be with you as you continue modeling as my dad is still with me. Sincerely, Ken

[brothaslide]

Mundo,

I'm encouraged that you feel comfortable sharing a painful time with all of us.

Always remember the encouragement and happiness that your father gave you and that you were blessed to have a father who cared about you and supported you in such a special way.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sean

[Anonymous]

Hello Mondo,

I see you've been offered many condolences yet I wanted to offer my own as well.

I've much empathy for you because my grandfather ignited my love of model trains when I was very young. Though I loved him tremendously whether we operated trains or not, the sharing of this hobby served only to strengthen our bond. The tragedy was that I assumed he'd be around forever in the physical sense. I was a kid; what kid ever thinks a loved one will some day die? So when he made his transition I was not only devastated but I loss interest in model trains for years.

Fast-forwarding to adulthood, my interest is back...yet there are moments where I wish he were here to critique my layout sketches...or question why I prefer streamliners to heavyweight consists (his first love!). But what I've learned to accept is that, on a spiritual plane, he IS still with me...because he's in my heart. This lessens the impact of sadness and buoys my own spirit to continue to enjoy a gift that he shared with me many, many years ago.

Only the body dies. The spirit lives forever. In time, if you can meditate on this long enough...you'll feel your Dad's presence always. My prayers are with you and I wish you the best during what I know is a difficult time.

Andrew

[robengland]

I feel for you. My Dad died totally unexpectedly 8th March this year. I had been out of this hobby for 30 years and was just starting to get back into it at the time. Model railroading was (and still is) a great escape for me. My wife and sister are both recovering from cancer etc etc, so life gets a little stressful: I have channelled all that stress and grief into energy on the railroad and as a result made remarkable progress given the time I can devote to it (and blown a truckload of ca***oo but that's what it's for). I've also read over 100 back issues of Model Railroader and other mags, for whenever I needed a quick fix of escapism. I reckon it has kept me sane (or as close as I ever was) and got me through a very tough phase. I guess I didn't link my Dad with my railroad in the same way you do, but my thought for you is to embrace the hobby as a great escape.

Also see the latest MR, where a guy built an entire outdoor layout in memory of his Dad.

best wishes
Rob

[mondotrains]

Hi Rob,
Thank you for the note! I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I hope your sister and wife both recover fully and stay healthy.

Again,
Thank you,
Mondo

QUOTE: Originally posted by robengland

I feel for you. My Dad died totally unexpectedly 8th March this year. I had been out of this hobby for 30 years and was just starting to get back into it at the time. Model railroading was (and still is) a great escape for me. My wife and sister are both recovering from cancer etc etc, so life gets a little stressful: I have channelled all that stress and grief into energy on the railroad and as a result made remarkable progress given the time I can devote to it (and blown a truckload of ca***oo but that's what it's for). I've also read over 100 back issues of Model Railroader and other mags, for whenever I needed a quick fix of escapism. I reckon it has kept me sane (or as close as I ever was) and got me through a very tough phase. I guess I didn't link my Dad with my railroad in the same way you do, but my thought for you is to embrace the hobby as a great escape.

Also see the latest MR, where a guy built an entire outdoor layout in memory of his Dad.

best wishes
Rob

[robengland]

Both are fitter than I am [D][D] Model railroading not being the world's best form of exercise an' all....

BTW: tell every woman you know to get that lump checked the moment they find it. Every week counts.

Now back to more cheerful topics like the UP lawsuit...