MONEY IS NOT THE ISSUE HERE.
TIME IS THE ISSUE.
HONEY DO!!!!!!!!!!!!
GARRY
HEARTLAND DIVISION, CB&Q RR
EVERYWHERE LOST; WE HUSTLE OUR CABOOSE FOR YOU
Driline wrote: wjstix wrote: Well, with my wife of two years, it seems like any money I spend on anything is a major issue. It didn't make much sense since we both work and have decent salaries, until I found out that those annoying calls we were getting that I figured were just people telemarketing stuff were actually bill collectors calling because she had run up her credit cards and basically stopped making payments on them because there wasn't enough money. To be fair, she wasn't spending the money on herself, but on her unemployed daughter and her baby (we also pay her rent and car payments) and other family members to a lesser extent. So I'm making more money than ever before - and waiting to hear today about a promotional job I applied for that would mean a decent raise - but have less to show for it. Wow...that is scary. Your situation does not look good. Although it sounds like you went into this relationship with eyes wide open. If it were me, I'd be looking for the exit stage left.
wjstix wrote: Well, with my wife of two years, it seems like any money I spend on anything is a major issue. It didn't make much sense since we both work and have decent salaries, until I found out that those annoying calls we were getting that I figured were just people telemarketing stuff were actually bill collectors calling because she had run up her credit cards and basically stopped making payments on them because there wasn't enough money. To be fair, she wasn't spending the money on herself, but on her unemployed daughter and her baby (we also pay her rent and car payments) and other family members to a lesser extent. So I'm making more money than ever before - and waiting to hear today about a promotional job I applied for that would mean a decent raise - but have less to show for it.
Well, with my wife of two years, it seems like any money I spend on anything is a major issue. It didn't make much sense since we both work and have decent salaries, until I found out that those annoying calls we were getting that I figured were just people telemarketing stuff were actually bill collectors calling because she had run up her credit cards and basically stopped making payments on them because there wasn't enough money.
To be fair, she wasn't spending the money on herself, but on her unemployed daughter and her baby (we also pay her rent and car payments) and other family members to a lesser extent. So I'm making more money than ever before - and waiting to hear today about a promotional job I applied for that would mean a decent raise - but have less to show for it.
Wow...that is scary. Your situation does not look good. Although it sounds like you went into this relationship with eyes wide open. If it were me, I'd be looking for the exit stage left.
Well most of what has happened - the baby etc. - happened after the marriage. What was supposed to be a temporary "helping out" with the rent is now going into it's second year. O well.
Blue Flamer wrote: For those of you who do not know, SWMBO stands for, SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED. Rumpole of the Bailey was a British TV show about a henpecked lawyer who always referred to his wife as, "she who must be obeyed", and who always won the case, (like Perry Mason). PBS is the U.S. Public Broadcasting System. It was quite a funny show IMHO.
I had to chuckle at that...my wife's favorite T-shirt is a a Big Dog shirt with "SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED" on the front. I never knew where it came from until now.
Reality...an interesting concept with no successful applications, that should always be accompanied by a "Do not try this at home" warning.
Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins become a tourist attraction.
"Oooh...ahhhh...that's how this all starts...but then there's running...and screaming..."
John Busby wrote:Hi sfrailfanI do the accounts in my house But I still talk to SWMBO before that next MRR purchase, regards John
Hi sfrailfan
I do the accounts in my house
But I still talk to SWMBO before that next MRR purchase,
regards John
John.
I have not heard SWMBO for a number of years now. Not since Rumpole of the Bailey went off the air on the Buffalo, N.Y. PBS station.
For those of you who do not know, SWMBO stands for, SHE WHO MUST BE OBEYED. Rumpole of the Bailey was a British TV show about a henpecked lawyer who always referred to his wife as, "she who must be obeyed", and who always won the case, (like Perry Mason). PBS is the U.S. Public Broadcasting System. It was quite a funny show IMHO.
As far as $$$ are concerned around here, we have three bank accounts. OURS, HERS and MINE. The Joint chequing account that my Company Pension goes into and all household bills are paid out of as they come in. If there is a shortfall coming on the account, we each deposit from our own separate accounts that our Government Pension cheques go into. We do not carry a balance on any of the three Credit cards we own and we do not put anything on a credit card that we cannot cover from our personal accountswhen the bill comes in.
SWMBO will let me buy anything that I need, (within reason), as long as it gets used. She goes out and buys three or four hundred $$$ worth of clothes & shoes a couple of times a year and she NEVER wears jewelry, not even a watch, so I stopped buying it 20+ years ago.
By the way, we celebrated our 45th. anniversary in August.
Blue Flamer.
But I still talk to SWMBO before that next MRR purchase, because she is home all day she knows if any domestic emergency has come up that needs an urgent injection of funds like when the washing machine decided it was easier to drain onto the floor than out of the pipe it's meant to.
I only get a hard time when that new steamer I want is black SWMBO has this idea that all steam locos are the colourfull passanger engines she remembers from her child hood.
Or the garden needs some financial imput SWMBO insists we must try and have a nice garden as well as the trains well thats understandable it makes home a nice place when the weather is right to appreaciate the garden.
Every purchase of non esentials is descussed before it is made to try and get the best allround result.
While I am not poor I sure am not rich iether.
The last RR purchase was $2.40 so I could finish a model off, it was one SWMBO asked me to make for the other RR in the garden.
Not much spent that pay as we are saving to get SWMBO's private retreat done up and thats going to be a big job, that might require a builder to do some of the work depending on what we find once we have saved enough and ripped the room apart.
swknox wrote:Can I twist this around for a lil bit please... how bout a guy who is still single but datting? How do u break the news that MRR will be a part of the relationship to the future Mrs. Right... when ever he finds her. Thats the problem I got. Any help would be grateful.
(Bear in mind that this was in Japan almost half a century ago.)
Her first clue was the presence of numerous copies of MR in the humble abode she moved into.
Then there was the day I decided to visit and photograph a local coal mine. She wasn't interested in going along (she was literally hip deep in the lace bedspread she was micro-crocheting - her business at the time, not a hobby.) When I returned, with a bunch of expended film and copies of Tetsudo Mokei Shumi (the Japanese MR,) Tetsudo Fan and Tetsudo Pictorial (railfan mags with English-lettering titles) she asked if I was planning to model Japanese railroads. I allowed that might be the case (I hadn't decided, but the close proximity of steam locomotives operating on short headways had me leaning in that direction.)
For my birthday, a couple of weeks later, she gave me a Japanese-prototype brass locomotive kit. That sealed the deal, on both the relationship and the choice of prototype.
Chuck (modeling Central Japan in September, 1964 - happily married since 1960)
rambo1 wrote:I let my old lady go to the shoe store bye what she wants then she can't open her trap to me.rambo1...........
Good point, I'll file that one away for later use lol.....
One Track Mind wrote:For real excitement, go to your wife and ask her what she thinks about you buying the local train store. See what she says then! I have a good and patient wife!
I did that and my wife said"go for it". We didn't get it but , hey what a wife!
I told my future wife that there will be trains. Nothing wussy about it. She did stake her territory and told me that they will not take over the house.
That was about 10 years ago. We're still here. There is a room for the trains with some expansion possible in the future. Considering, I think we did very well.
It was interesting reading how you deal with relationship/train expenses.
My husband, Larry, and I spend in spurts. We have found that if we see something we like or might want, and don't purchase it, it will be discontinued. We have missed out before.
Our trouble is no checks and balances. If one of us says, "Oh, I like that." We jump and buy it.
Sorry, guys. You should find a way to involve you spouses.
Sue
Anything is possible if you do not know what you are talking about.
shawnee wrote: Answer: separate checking accounts.
Answer: separate checking accounts.
DING! Give that man a cigar!
Have fun with your trains
sfrailfan wrote:Hey All,Is this common? We aren't rich but I'm not poor (anymore). Is it only the rich guys who aren't questioned?Dan
Depends on what you mean by common! Everyone seems to approach the financial expenses and budgeting with the spouse issue a little differently. What seems to work best however is that the two parties in the relationship can agree on is the best way to handle the finances. In my estimation it is best to be above board and honest with your spouse in all matters, financial or otherwise, again, maintaining and nurturing an agreed upon system or approach.
I can't answer your question about the "rich guys" because I haven't won the lottery yet! LOL
Actually, I think the whole statement about having a solid, honest and open dialog with your spouse about the hobby and hobby spending in addition to the financial picture as a whole will help to create what is considered the practical and expected level of expenditures in the relationship.
Specifically, in our case my bride and I have had joint accounts since day one -wouldn't have it any other way. When we became a union it was under the oath of a one for all and all for one bond. As long as the bills get paid on time, the retirement is getting its steady amount, and the savings stays at a certain level everything runs smoothly, business as usual. And that means that when I need to buy some model railroad stuff I buy it, and when she needs some make up or a new hand bag, she buys it. We both know our limits and we both respect each other by not going overboard with extravagant items. We don't give each other the "business", we both make steady contributions to the pot, and therefore we both have a certain amount of privileges too.
Cheers,
Ryan
Ryan BoudreauxThe Piedmont Division Modeling The Southern Railway, Norfolk & Western & Norfolk Southern in HO during the merger eraCajun Chef Ryan
frisco kid wrote:! The kitchen table is my repair shop, the living room is where I stack the the railroad magazines and the spare bedroom is the train room.
Brent
"All of the world's problems are the result of the difference between how we think and how the world works."
My late wife and I had our "hobby allowance" in our monthly budget.After all we both knew the importance of a hobby in our daily lives.The good part is once she became interested in the hobby her " hobby allowance" was added to the "model train" budget.Of course she spent her "share" on structures,paints and other such items to include wee folks and vehicles freeing my "share" for locomotives and cars.We was happily married for 22 years.
Larry
Conductor.
Summerset Ry.
"Stay Alert, Don't get hurt Safety First!"
jeffers_mz wrote:I'm not married, and therefore, financial discussions with my better half are short and sweet."More trains?""Well maybe...I might take these back and get a new service rifle instead...haven't decided yet." "Whatever you think is best dear, I trust your judgement.""You are wise and generous, I'm lucky I found a gem like you.""Not only am I wise and generous, I'm also way overstocked on clothes, shoes, and make-up, will you spend my allowance on trains for me this month, too?"Of course dear, always glad to help.""While you're at the LHS, that cute little cashier seemed to be flirting with you last buying trip, why don't you see if she'd like to have dinner?""Will do, I'll call if it looks like I'll be out late.""Okay, I'll watch the layout for you and keep the cats off it, you have fun!""Yes, ma'am! Your wish is my command!"
I'm not married, and therefore, financial discussions with my better half are short and sweet.
"More trains?"
"Well maybe...I might take these back and get a new service rifle instead...haven't decided yet."
"Whatever you think is best dear, I trust your judgement."
"You are wise and generous, I'm lucky I found a gem like you."
"Not only am I wise and generous, I'm also way overstocked on clothes, shoes, and make-up, will you spend my allowance on trains for me this month, too?
"Of course dear, always glad to help."
"While you're at the LHS, that cute little cashier seemed to be flirting with you last buying trip, why don't you see if she'd like to have dinner?"
"Will do, I'll call if it looks like I'll be out late."
"Okay, I'll watch the layout for you and keep the cats off it, you have fun!"
"Yes, ma'am! Your wish is my command!"
First of all, we are both early retired, although I did take a small country church part time 10 years ago and still there. We have pensions, investment income, and own our home. So money is not an issue except for an unplanned emergency.
That said, I spend more than I should for trains, always have, but we don't go without and she has her spending thingies also. However, the difference for us is she participates in the layout also. She does scenery, makes trees, etc. and has even built a few structures. Her eye for detail is very good. And she provided creature comforts for the train room. So we don't have any real problems, even when the UPS guys shows up more than once in a week.
Bob
Mrs fifedog will ask ---"What would you like for your birthday..."
---"What would you like for Father's Day..."
---"What would you like for our anniversary..."
---"What would you like for Christmas..."
...and I always seem to have an answer.
Driline wrote: GAPPLEG wrote:My position is different due to this being a second marriage , she had a job for 30 years and is now retired with a pension, Anyway we started our second round with the proposition that what's hers is hers and whats mine is mine and never the twain shall meet. We split the household bills and as long as everything gets paid, we buy what we want with our individual monies. It's worked for 18 years. If I were soul provider then it would have to be different , but she makes as much not working as some people get working.That makes sense if there are children involved between spouses. But I've known couples who have NO children blended or otherwise and still split expenses right down the middle. I find that extremely odd. Marriage is a union, not a business adventure.
GAPPLEG wrote:My position is different due to this being a second marriage , she had a job for 30 years and is now retired with a pension, Anyway we started our second round with the proposition that what's hers is hers and whats mine is mine and never the twain shall meet. We split the household bills and as long as everything gets paid, we buy what we want with our individual monies. It's worked for 18 years. If I were soul provider then it would have to be different , but she makes as much not working as some people get working.
That makes sense if there are children involved between spouses. But I've known couples who have NO children blended or otherwise and still split expenses right down the middle. I find that extremely odd. Marriage is a union, not a business adventure.
Early in our marriage we tried to have a sort of crazy "His" and "Hers" in the money. Didnt work.
So we dump all of the money into the kettle and make decisions on how best to use it or not use it.
IF you love someone who has a money involvement in your life it is very good to show respect and honor to that person by asking for thier thoughts when you prepare to spend something. If it s a 30 dollar coffee pot or a 400 dollar steam engine (that has issues or other potential problems)
These last few weeks my spouse has been showing resistance to my idea of replacing our Mr Coffee with a new one. We had this one for a year and it needs alot of time to make a pot. It's a grand total of 19.00 at stake here. Very small amount of money.
Ultimately we bought vinegar, cleaned it and brewed rinse water through it. that buys us another few more months on that coffee pot. When it fries, we can discuss how to spend that 19 dollars for a new one at that time.
When two people worked together on a small thing they can be trusting in big things when necessary. Honey I need 1200 dollars for a new mower becuase the old one burned up the engine. Ok?
There is actually no trouble planning to get that new mower for the 08 season. Never mind that 19 dollar coffee pot.
The moral of the story in my home is that we both understand each other and talk freely without conflict or problems about money. I think that is one of the great things about a proper marriage. The freedom to work together in all things money. Large or small.
There is a great deal of peace in a home when potentially powerful issues like money are ... well... not a issue anymore between two people.
Now, once in a while.... you hear a loud "NO" from one or both of us. Then we have a discussion for as long as it takes to find out why "NO" and how we can work around it. Take that coffee pot I mentioned earlier. We have been discussing it for 2 months now. Examined the issue in a court of household, argued the defense of a need of new pot, argued the prosecution against such a purchase, explored alternatives like vinegar and various other parts of the talks.
Eventually there will be a coffee pot old or new on that counter.
One thing we agree on. that monthly 8 dollar coffee budget stands. Especially if you want peace in that house. Better to live on a roof than with angry sleepie who has no coffee.
=)
But we dont yell, fight or scream about it. No is no and yes is yes. Simple No?