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[quote user="Driline"] [quote user="GAPPLEG"]My position is different due to this being a second marriage , she had a job for 30 years and is now retired with a pension,  Anyway we started our second round with the proposition that what's hers is hers and whats mine is mine and never the twain shall meet. We split the household bills and as long as everything gets paid, we buy what we want with our individual monies. It's worked for 18 years. If I were soul provider then it would have to be different , but she makes as much not working as some people get working.[/quote]That makes sense if there are children involved between spouses. But I've known couples who have NO children blended or otherwise and still split expenses right down the middle. I find that extremely odd. Marriage is a union, not a business adventure.[/quote]Early in our marriage we tried to have a sort of crazy "His" and "Hers" in the money. Didnt work.So we dump all of the money into the kettle and make decisions on how best to use it or not use it.IF you love someone who has a money involvement in your life it is very good to show respect and honor to that person by asking for thier thoughts when you prepare to spend something. If it s a 30 dollar coffee pot or a 400 dollar steam engine (that has issues or other potential problems)These last few weeks my spouse has been showing resistance to my idea of replacing our Mr Coffee with a new one. We had this one for a year and it needs alot of time to make a pot. It's a grand total of 19.00 at stake here. Very small amount of money.Ultimately we bought vinegar, cleaned it and brewed rinse water through it. that buys us another few more months on that coffee pot. When it fries, we can discuss how to spend that 19 dollars for a new one at that time.When two people worked together on a small thing they can be trusting in big things when necessary. Honey I need 1200 dollars for a new mower becuase the old one burned up the engine. Ok?There is actually no trouble planning to get that new mower for the 08 season. Never mind that 19 dollar coffee pot.The moral of the story in my home is that we both understand each other and talk freely without conflict or problems about money. I think that is one of the great things about a proper marriage. The freedom to work together in all things money. Large or small.There is a great deal of peace in a home when potentially powerful issues like money are ... well... not a issue anymore between two people.Now, once in a while.... you hear a loud "NO" from one or both of us. Then we have a discussion for as long as it takes to find out why "NO" and how we can work around it. Take that coffee pot I mentioned earlier. We have been discussing it for 2 months now. Examined the issue in a court of household, argued the defense of a need of new pot, argued the prosecution against such a purchase, explored alternatives like vinegar and various other parts of the talks.Eventually there will be a coffee pot old or new on that counter.One thing we agree on. that monthly 8 dollar coffee budget stands. Especially if you want peace in that house. Better to live on a roof than with angry sleepie who has no coffee.=)But we dont yell, fight or scream about it. No is no and yes is yes. Simple No?
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