A Railroad version of "Twas the Night Before Christmas"

[mackb4]

Here is a railroad version of "Twas the Night Before Christmas". I got reminded of this since I hope I get back before Christmas morning.My run is 5th out and on the calling line to be called soon. It was most likely written by a railroader because of the railraod slang and terminology used. I have substituted cleaner more family friendly words for those that wasn't as acceptable to some. But it is pretty funny,and some may have heard it before because it's been around for awhile,as notied by the presense of deadheading crews on units instead of taxi's and the mention of railroaders maybe having drank alittle before or during the trip.This is totaly unlike the way railroaders of today are suppose to act,with the FRA's rule G on alcohol. But with all the red tape out of the way,I hope everyone enjoys and have a Merry Christmas and Godbless ! Twas the night before Christmas,and out on the rail. The trains were still running,I'm sorry to tell. The call office was calling,the phones gave a ring. We all turned a deaf ear,to the whole darn thing. The crews went about,their work on the train. While visions of deadheads,appeared in their brains. We traveled the rail,at the speed of light. Cussing and swearing,all though the night. We talked about trainmasters,and roadforemans the same. Even some dispatchers,and cussed each by name. And what to our unbelieving ears should we hear ? The darned things in emergency,we'll never get there ! But we glided into the station,so pretty and sweet. Little did we know,we'd get time on the street. When what to my bloodshot eyes should appear ? It was a company pee wagon,testing for beer ! And out jumped a roadforeman,clanging a ladder. The conductor woke up,and asked "What's the matter ?" He went to his work,so lively and quik. The Engineer looked pale,I think he was sick ! He grabbed all the tapes,and started to grin. We knew in our hearts,that this was the end. He loaded up his loot,and brushed back his hair. Took his middle finger,and stuck it in the air. We stood there like zombiies ,in total disbelief. As the call wagon came with a crew for releif. He turned 'round,his jeep for one last pass. Smiled and said<"I 've got your little a** !" He spit out tobacco,and said with a cuss. "By this time next year,you"ll be driving a bus ! "

[Railfan1]