Since I am entertaining all of you.....

[zardoz]

>Who's on first...
>
>Telephone rings....
>
> ABBOT: Ultimate SuperDuper Computer Store. Can I help you?
>
> COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm
> thinking of buying a computer.
>
> ABBOT: Mac?
>
> COSTELLO: No, the name is Bud.
>
> ABBOT: Your computer?
>
> COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
>
> ABBOT: Mac?
>
> COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Bud.
>
> ABBOT: What about Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?
>
> ABBOT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?
>
> ABBOT: Wallpaper.
>
> COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
>
> ABBOT: Software that runs on Windows?
>
> COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write
> proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you
got ?
>
> ABBOT: Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
>
> ABBOT: I just did.
>
> COSTELLO: You just did what?
>
> ABBOT: Recommended something.
>
> COSTELLO: You recommended something?
>
> ABBOT: Yes.
>
> COSTELLO: For my office?
>
> ABBOT: Yes.
>
> COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?
>
> ABBOT: Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.
>
> ABBOT: Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows!
Let's say
> I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do
I
>need ?
>
> ABBOT: Word.
>
> COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of
words.
> But what program do I load?
>
> ABBOT: Word.
>
> COSTELLO: What word?
>
> ABBOT: The Word in Office.
>
> COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
>
> ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"
>
> ABBOT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
>
> COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a
> straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I
need
> if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?
>
> ABBOT: RealOne.
>
> COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none
of
> your business. But what do I need to watch it?
>
> ABBOT: RealOne.
>
> COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two,
> three and four. Can I watch reel four?
>
> ABBOT: Of course.
>
> COSTELLO: Great! With what?
>
> ABBOT: RealOne.
>
> COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a
> movie. What do I do?
>
> ABBOT: You click the blue 1.
>
> COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
>
> ABBOT: The blue 1.
>
> COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?
>
> ABBOT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is RealOne. The blue W is Word.
>
> COSTELLO: What word?
>
> ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.
>
> COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
>
> ABBOT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
>
> COSTELLO: It is?
>
> ABBOT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left.
It
> pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
>
> COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?
>
> ABBOT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even
> part of Office.
>
> COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again.
But
> I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do
> you have to help me track my money?
>
> ABBOT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
>
> ABBOT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
>
> ABBOT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
>
> COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
>
> ABBOT: Money.
>
> COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?
>
> ABBOT: Exactly. No extra charge.
>
> COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra
> charge? How much money do I get?
>
> ABBOT: Just one copy.
>
>
>
> > COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?
> >
> > ABBOT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of
Money.
> >
> > COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?
> >
> > ABBOT: Why not? They own it.
> >
> > COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but
I'll
> > still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your
money?
> >
> > ABBOT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
> >
> > COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?
> >
> > ABBOT: Money.
> >
> > COSTELLO: You sell money?
> >
> > ABBOT: Of course, but if you buy a computer from us, you get it
for
>free.
> >
> > COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a
business.
> > Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?
> >
> > ABBOT: Simply Accounting.
> >
> > COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.
> >
> > ABBOT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try
M.Y.O.B.
> >
> > COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?
> >
> > ABBOT: Mind Your Own Business.
> >
> > COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?
> >
> > ABBOT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
> >
> > COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home
> > business. You know--accounting? You do it with money.
> >
> > ABBOT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may
need
> > more.
> >
> > COSTELLO: More money?
> >
> > ABBOT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
> >
> > COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money
for
> > the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word?
> > Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my
data?
> >
> > ABBOT: Go Back.
> >
> > COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need
> > something to restore my data. What do you recommend?
> >
> > ABBOT: GoBack.
> >
> > COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?
> >
> > ABBOT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was
GoBack.
> >
> > COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere?
Okay,
> > I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal? Word.
> >
> > COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.
> >
> > ABBOT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.
> >
> > COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.
> >
> > ABBOT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me?
Oh,
> > well. Ultimate Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?

[:D]

[Anonymous]

Kinda long, but still very funny. [:D]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by valleytenderfoot

valleytenderfoot

I live in a valley (yes I do, it's true, and it's a very pretty valley too) and I am new to the wonderous world of railroads, railfanning (dirty word) and model railroading.
{Websters 3rd Edition Definition: tenderfoot: 2. any newcomer, novice or beginner}

Jeff

valleytenderfoot [:)]

You may have once been "tender" but after 28 posts you are not now so. [:p]

b t w . . . I see you are from (drum roll please) Nova Scotia. EVERY picture I have ever seen of Nova Scotia is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. i SURE WISH I COULD SEE IT IN PERSON. [:)]

Hey Jim,

I agree, it is beautiful up here. If you're ever up this way let me know and I'll give you the nickle tour. In the mean time the links below might be interesting.

The first is a webcam from "downtown" (5000-6000 people = very small town The large building is a former Canadian Pacific hotel, now seniors apartments, called the Cornwallis Inn. (the DAR/CP line ran behind the building)

The second is a pic of the valley.

Later

Jeff

http://142.176.17.53/townofkentville/webcam/default.asp

tourbytaxi.com/img0009.htm

[Anonymous]

I think I will change my nickname...lol...

Hmmmm, should I name myself after the airline or the restaurant chain or perhaps just my friendly neighborhood owl...lol....

Limited Clear
40 mph until clear of all interlocking switches and devices...

[JoeKoh]

zardov very nice!
thank you
stay safe
Joe

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

A poor mechanic always blames his tools....

That's a riot!![:D]

The Abbot & costello routine even funnier

And while I may be po' compared to a Bill Gatermonster, it is not a lack of coin that keeps me from running Windows on my machine(s). In fact I've got copys of Win 98 Win 98SE, Win 2000 server, Win 2000 server Advanced, Win xp, and Win xp pro, sitting in the closet (I used to work IT before I retired) I simply refuse to load the bunkware on my machines. Having a cat5 network hardwired into the walls of my house, the router and fileserver in the basement (Running OS/2 Warpserver for E-business), and the front end runnning Ecommstation 1.1 (latest OS/2 fat client) or, at my discretion SUSE Linux 8.1pro, there simply is no reason for me to want to bunk up my system with Billware and his "freedom to monopolate" agenda, thannkyou very much [:I]

[Anonymous]

All right, I'll play.
"rebelfdl" is my e-mail address. Being from Wisconsin, people ask why? Well, I used to have an orange Nova, and the "Dukes of Hazzard" was popular, so my CB handle was "Rebel Cruiser".[;)]

I could change my user name to what I use on my camping and truck boards, but I don't think "Miller Tyme" would go over very good on this board. [:0]

Rule "G", ya know.[8D]

[zardoz]

QUOTE: Originally posted by TheAntiGates

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

A poor mechanic always blames his tools....

That's a riot!![:D]

The Abbot & costello routine even funnier

And while I may be po' compared to a Bill Gatermonster, it is not a lack of coin that keeps me from running Windows on my machine(s). In fact I've got copys of Win 98 Win 98SE, Win 2000 server, Win 2000 server Advanced, Win xp, and Win xp pro, sitting in the closet (I used to work IT before I retired) I simply refuse to load the bunkware on my machines. Having a cat5 network hardwired into the walls of my house, the router and fileserver in the basement (Running OS/2 Warpserver for E-business), and the front end runnning Ecommstation 1.1 (latest OS/2 fat client) or, at my discretion SUSE Linux 8.1pro, there simply is no reason for me to want to bunk up my system with Billware and his "freedom to monopolate" agenda, thannkyou very much [:I]

I'm glad you liked it. I did not realize it was quite so long when I started.

You are fortunate that you have the knowledge to avoid microsoft junk. I have never had the opportunity to learn any other OS, so I'm rather stuck in Windows. 2000 isn't too bad, though. To me, it seems to be about the best they have offered.

DOS; now there was an nice operating system!

And remember BASIC? Ah, those were the days.......

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

A poor mechanic always blames his tools....

Hey, I'm not a mec I'm a tec. [:p]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by valleytenderfoot

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes

QUOTE: Originally posted by valleytenderfoot

valleytenderfoot

I live in a valley (yes I do, it's true, and it's a very pretty valley too) and I am new to the wonderous world of railroads, railfanning (dirty word) and model railroading.
{Websters 3rd Edition Definition: tenderfoot: 2. any newcomer, novice or beginner}

Jeff

valleytenderfoot [:)]

You may have once been "tender" but after 28 posts you are not now so. [:p]

b t w . . . I see you are from (drum roll please) Nova Scotia. EVERY picture I have ever seen of Nova Scotia is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. i SURE WISH I COULD SEE IT IN PERSON. [:)]

Hey Jim,

I agree, it is beautiful up here. If you're ever up this way let me know and I'll give you the nickle tour. In the mean time the links below might be interesting.

The first is a webcam from "downtown" (5000-6000 people = very small town The large building is a former Canadian Pacific hotel, now seniors apartments, called the Cornwallis Inn. (the DAR/CP line ran behind the building)

The second is a pic of the valley.

Later

Jeff

http://142.176.17.53/townofkentville/webcam/default.asp

tourbytaxi.com/img0009.htm

Jeff [:)]

After work last night / early this morning I watched a dvd of Great American Rail Journeys The Canadian Rockies. It was of British Columbia and featured the Skeena. I know this is way across Canada from you. WOW the views were awsome. Very pretty, very nice. If it wasn't so cold I just might become a Canadian.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by zardoz

You are fortunate that you have the knowledge to avoid microsoft junk. I have never had the opportunity to learn any other OS, so I'm rather stuck in Windows. 2000 isn't too bad, though. To me, it seems to be about the best they have offered.

DOS; now there was an nice operating system!

And remember BASIC? Ah, those were the days.......

Little known fact: the underlying framework of the operating system (kernel etc) for Win NT 3.51, NT4, Win2000, and Win Xp are all derived from OS/2, back when MS and IBM were joint venturing. They were working on a "portable" version of OS/2, targeted at the "Power pc" and VMS platforms, which, the codebase was given to MS as part of the divorce settlement. So, when people say "Windows won the operating system war" They really couldn''t be more wrong. "Windows" (the true 'windows") died with Windows Me...

[Anonymous]

<----------------------------------------------- LOOK i just turned 500 too!! a few days ago..

Oh and.. a note for abbot and costello: whos on first is the best skit ever..

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Limitedclear

I think I will change my nickname...lol...

Hmmmm, should I name myself after the restaurant chain

LC now thinking of changing his name to ? could it be HOOTERS ? lol [:D]

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

<----------------------------------------------- LOOK i just turned 500 too!! a few days ago..

I guess Kev's red streak is now green. [:p] [^] [xx(] [?] [^] [:p]

[Anonymous]

LC i will send you a crisp clean Canadian 5 dollar bill in the mail if you change your ID name to HOOTERS.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by kevinstheRRman

LC i will send you a crisp clean Canadian 5 dollar bill in the mail if you change your ID name to HOOTERS.

Hey for $5 you can call me anything you want to.

[bnsfkline]

Can anyone guess how MY handle came to be...and no, its not because of the Burlington Northern Santa Fes K-line (AKA Hannible sub)

[Anonymous]

Jim T.,

I'll give it a try:

Big Norfolk Southern Fan Kinda Like I Never Envisioned

Close?

Jeff

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by jhhtrainsplanes


After work last night / early this morning I watched a dvd of Great American Rail Journeys The Canadian Rockies. It was of British Columbia and featured the Skeena. I know this is way across Canada from you. WOW the views were awsome. Very pretty, very nice. If it wasn't so cold I just might become a Canadian.

Oh come on Jim, it's only cold up here for nine or ten months of the year. And last winter wasn't too bad, only three or four feet of snow (in that one flurry).

Yeah the Skeena is supposed to be a pretty "cool" trip. Via rail treats you pretty good on that run. I haven't had the pleasure of that ride, my only venture across the Rockies was at 38,000 feet compliments of that other great Canadian people hauler Air Canada.

Jeff

[bnsfkline]

Vallytenderfoot.....Not even close.............Burlington Northern Santa Fe Kline (My middle name) :)

[Anonymous]

Ok, since others have told about their names.....ok, I have, but I'll tell here.....

Ra'akone supposedly means "Raccoon" in Samoan, even if there are no raccoons in Samoa.

Ok, weird obsessions, eh?

I liked that Windows explanation. I read that too that O/S 2 and Windows NT essentially have "common ancestry"

~Ra'akone

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by raakone

Ok, since others have told about their names.....ok, I have, but I'll tell here.....

Ra'akone supposedly means "Raccoon" in Samoan, even if there are no raccoons in Samoa.

Ok, weird obsessions, eh?

I liked that Windows explanation. I read that too that O/S 2 and Windows NT essentially have "common ancestry"

~Ra'akone

[:(] ok - you lost the muddled Mook. You live in Canada. You are using a Samoan word. Are you a Samoan Canadian? If there are no raccoons in Samoa, why would they even have a word for it, unless it is referring to an animal in another part of the world. Wouldn't it be better to use a Samoan word for trains, which they may not have either - but would be more logical. I think a long lunch hour is in order after all that!

Mookie

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Mookie

[:(] ok - you lost the muddled Mook. You live in Canada. You are using a Samoan word. Are you a Samoan Canadian? If there are no raccoons in Samoa, why would they even have a word for it, unless it is referring to an animal in another part of the world. Wouldn't it be better to use a Samoan word for trains, which they may not have either - but would be more logical. I think a long lunch hour is in order after all that!

Mookie

[Mookie]

Jim - Mookie has about 90 hours of vacation to use up before the end of the year. She is just about as devoted to her job as she is to trains! She hates taking time off! They say no one is ever going to die and have "I Wish I Would Have Worked More" engraved on their headstone - well, I got news for them - Mookie will!

Jen

[Anonymous]

Well, I came up with the name Ra'akone before I became a born-again railfan. I use Ra'akone almost everywhere...except my YIM, where I use rdctwist (after a certain dance popularized by Chubby Checker.....and a certain self-propelled diesel railcar I may have ridden on when I was younger)

There were once rails in Samoa.....Independant Samoa had a narrow-gauge "wireless tramway" (in both senses...it was used to service a transmitter tower...or "wireless"....and it used gasoline rather than catenary), which was later extended to serve several plantations, erected by the Germans, and kept through the NZ administration until the late 50's (the last years, modified NZ rail locos were used).
American Samoa had a temporary railroad built during WW2 for hauling cannons into position, it was donkeys hauling flatcars....and because it took so long for the material from the US to arrive, the local forces arranged for native carpenters to "carve" a wooden track and wooden flatcars. Definitly NOT FRA approved!

Incidentally the Samoan word for train is "Ta'avale'afi" or "fire-car"......and Hawaiian used a similar word.

~Ra'akone

[Anonymous]

I don't know how interesting this will be, but I'll explain the "Admiral H". It is short for Admiral Halsey. He was William Fredrick Halsey, Admiral, USN (Retired), now deceased. I am distantly related, but was named after him. In high school, I had a science teacher that was a WWII history buff, and he made the connection. From that point on, in his class I was known as "The Admiral". He was kind of a kook, and had me put "The Admiral" on all my tests. Well, to make a long story longer, the name stuck. It is now also my "Biker" name, amongst the folks I ride with. And my CB handle as well. I figure, since I've been branded with it, I might as well use it.

Admiral.

[Anonymous]

I promised myself I wouldn't do this 'cause it's in a different topic but I really have to know. Mookie, just how the devil could you hold a headless corpse to, quote, '**** down the hole'

[JoeKoh]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Scottydog

I promised myself I wouldn't do this 'cause it's in a different topic but I really have to know. Mookie, just how the devil could you hold a headless corpse to, quote, '**** down the hole'

hell hath no fury like a woman scorned-william shakesphere
stay safe
Joe

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by admiralh

I don't know how interesting this will be, but I'll explain the "Admiral H". It is short for Admiral Halsey. He was William Fredrick Halsey, Admiral, USN (Retired), now deceased. I am distantly related, but was named after him. In high school, I had a science teacher that was a WWII history buff, and he made the connection. From that point on, in his class I was known as "The Admiral". He was kind of a kook, and had me put "The Admiral" on all my tests. Well, to make a long story longer, the name stuck. It is now also my "Biker" name, amongst the folks I ride with. And my CB handle as well. I figure, since I've been branded with it, I might as well use it.

Admiral.

Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead. Oh sorry, wrong person.

Just couldn't resist. [}:)] [:p] [:D]

[Mookie]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Scottydog

I promised myself I wouldn't do this 'cause it's in a different topic but I really have to know. Mookie, just how the devil could you hold a headless corpse to, quote, '**** down the hole'

[:D] The guy making coffee threw everything down to come and see what I was laughing so hard about! Well, Pop, you just made my day!

Actually, it is very simple. I have a driver - ergo 4 hands instead of just two. You know, co-conspirator!

Laughing Mookie!