Beware !! The Model Railroad Train Gods May Be Watching and Listening to You !!!

[switchman]

What ! You don't believe in the, "Model Railroad Train Gods."  You fool you. 

 

In my younger MRR days (just 8 months ago) I dismissed the silly notion of so called Train Gods. I've learned the error of my ways.  And I do, I really, really do, believe in them and sure don't want to tick them off.

 

There are some things in life, you just don't say, Like, "I've never been in an automobile accident." 

 

Well, The Train Gods have a real big grin when they hear the following: 

1 "All my track plans are masterpieces and no one can find any improvements to them."

 

2 "My trackwork skills are perfect with no kinks or derailments on my layout."

3 "All my wiring is completed without any shorts."

4 "I've never dropped an expensive steam locomotive on the ground."

 

5 "I can install decoders without frying them or my loco motors."

 

And Last but not least,    "Things are going so well!."

When you say any of the above, like Ichors, you have flown too close to the sun. The MRR Train Gods do not smile on humans. In their eyes, we are mere ants waiting to be crushed. 

 

Yes! Oh Yes!!   The MRR Train Gods will destroy our pride and ego, embarrassed us in front of friends, family and important visitors. 

And yet some of you will still fail to believe. You will follow those who offer all sorts of scientific methods backed up by claimed experience and faked pictures showing how they can fix your model train problems. They will have you believe that a particular kink can be fixed so that a certain locomotive will now negotiate it with ease. But this will destroy the karma of your other locomotives and they will then stall, slip and/or derail at the "fixed" spot.

 

These scientific rivet counters are unbelievers and will be brought down low. 

 

They will grovel on the floor, muttering and moaning sounds like "Oh Lynn Westcott where are you", "Save me, John of realistic operations save me" , "Lionel, oh!  Lionel, all praise DCC made easy"  " Ahhh!  Ahhh!! Ahh!!! Atlas."  

The MRR Train Gods are anywhere Goggle Earth can fly. They hit without any preference for country of origin.  And can reside anywhere, in the ceiling, behind the walls, and even under your bed. They do not work alone, some Gods send gremlins from under the floor to wreak havoc on your benchwork. 

 

Beware if you have multiple levels. There may be trolls there. They come out and hide out under your bridges and in your tunnels. If your trains run close to the edge the trolls will derail them. Watch out for those pesky gremlins and cat.  Be especially aware of and beware of the cats. 

 

Certainly you know the domestic cat descended from the ancient Egyptian Gods?  Cats are wary. A locomotive resembles a mouse and a locomotive pulling a unit  load of coal resembles a snake. The hunter instinct is aroused and if you turn away, Crash, Boom, Bam. Your Big Boy with DCC and Sound is no more. The money it will cost you to replace it will be negligible compared to the cost of jeweled collars, fresh tuna and belly rubs. Even then you still can't trust them. 

There may be only one possibly cure. You must recognized the errors of your ways and seek the path to enlightenment. Holding a Kato double slip crossover over your child's heart, repeat the mantra: "Sekisui Kinzoku Kato USA, USA Kato Kinzoku Sekisui" over and over again while burning all the Bachmann EZ-Track, Atlas Remote turnouts, and Brass Locomotives you can find. 

 

You should also burn incense and offer many libations to the track crew so you do not anger the MRR Train Gods. This will please them for they love kink free track laying. 

 

You can try sacrificing decoders, by running from full forward to full reverse, without a stop in between. However, be careful, the Decoder Gods, are much more mysterious and may be more powerful than the Train Gods, Just ask any Decoder installer, They say the Decoder gods made an installers house disappear and leave him in an empty lot.  I personally believe, that the MRR Train Gods think this decoder offering is like serving peanuts with cocktails. Just a snack to get them ready for the main course. 

 

I'm trying to think of a way to sacrifice something big in a way that would appease them. Maybe my old 4x7 layout, track, T/Os, scenery and all. Because my fear is that the MRR Train Gods are listening/looking at my every move.  Just waiting for me to start my big new, (Gosh! I hope my designer at SRdesign did not anger them) layout.

 

Is wanting a large layout to tempting a target for the Train Gods?  To desire a large...uh...layout, a layout is what I mean.  Is it really that bad?   Oh I'm scared!  I think I'll start wearing a garlic necklace.  

 

I need to know where the MRR Train Gods are, whose house are they watching. Everyone of us needs to set up and run a very long train backwards. And invite lots of friends, family (don't forget your brother-in-law) to watch. Then we can see where they will hit first.  

 

Your house, No, at their house,  but not mine, please not mine. 

 

OH Noooooo I'm Domed, Domed, I tell you.  What did I just say?  "Not my House."   Oh no!  The leg just broke off my layout and the box full of 50 new Lococ's that were just converted to DCC fell 65" to the floor.....busted...all broken... Woe is me...I never even got to program them..... 

I thought Model trains were supposed to be fun and relaxing for the nerves.......

 

My wife enjoys puzzles I think I look into it.  Anybody want some Model train stuff?

 

Ron

The Sad and Sorry one. 

[dwhitetop2]

you are so right . the train gods hung out with me last week. nothing went right with a new extension im building. by the way the automotive gods were at work with me also. im an auto tech. by trade. there are better days ahead.        dave

 

[loathar]

SO, SO TRUE!!! And they only do it when you have guests over.

[tomikawaTT]

Magical incantations that stop the Malignant Gods of Model Railroading in their tracks:

"When I stop learning, it will be because I've just finished dying."

"Anyone who thinks he knows all the answers hasn't heard most of the questions."

"Take the time to do it right:  Measure twice, cut once.  Debur EVERY rail joint.  Test, test again, and then one more time after that.  If it's not good enough, fix it NOW!"

And my very favorite, a little poem:

If you wish to find fortune, and fame, and success,

There really is nothing much to it.

Just have somebody list all the things you can't do,

Pick the one you like best - and go DO it!

There are also the magic words to say when somebody wants to do something, but is hesitant about starting, for fear of failure:

"GO FOR IT!"

Chuck

[GearDrivenSteam]

There are lots of model railroading Gods right here....just ask them, they will tell you.

[Train 284]

Why must they be so cruel?

[switchman]

Gentlemen
I've enjoyed the posts tonight. It has been fun for me and i hope you folks have also gotten a smile or two from it. All reply posts were very funny and fun.

Everyone who posted a reply scares me though. I did not realize there were this many folks in the same mental state I'm in. :):)

I've finished dismantling my old 4x7 layout tonight and striped it down to the plywood top. Tomorrow I'll take it apart and reuse as much of the lumber as I can on my new "J" shaped layout. It'll be an N-scale,Lenz Set100 DCC, Peco T/O's, and Atlas flex track. All my N scale Locos have been converted to DCC. So I'm ready to roll.

If I need help I hope I haven't worn out my welcome and would like to come back for questions and/or advise.

Thanks all and have a good week.
Ron

[Anonymous]

1 "All my track plans are masterpieces and no one can find any improvements to them."

Yeah, that's me (actually, I'm not bad at trackplanning)

Everyone of us needs to set up and run a very long train backwards. And invite lots of friends, family (don't forget your brother-in-law) to watch. Then we can see where they will hit first.  

That'd be me. With my Tyco cars, running any train over 9-10 cars in reverse for any distance is risky.