It's a lie, it's a lie, it's a lie!...

[Anonymous]

Look at this one (wish I could take credit, but that would be a ... oh!):

http://www.trainorders.com/discussion/read.php?3,897902

[Anonymous]

I own the UP & have operated steam around the tehachapi loop, No kidding!

[Anonymous]

The seaboard R.R. flew the first modern vehicle.

[SpaceMouse]

I know what I'm talking about.

[Anonymous]

A consortium of venture capitalist have agreed to pool their funds and purchase the original C&NW trackage back from the UP. This new company will be run by real railroaders and will run only Steam Locomotives and First Generation Diesels. All railfans will be welcome and cab rides will be regularly given. Passenger service on the original "400" will commence immediately with Dining Cars and Sleepers on all runs. All original depots will be rebuilt from original plans, all Towers returned to their rightful places, and all roundhouses, coal towers and water towers restored.

Hey, I can Dream...

Paul

[Anonymous]

I don't know about anyone else, but I've had some rather bizarre experiences in the past , after I purchased two of the UFO's, from the Walthers Train Catalog. Shhhhh, they may hear us talking about them. One night after I had placed them on my train layout, I heard some strange noises coming from the basement. Upon investigating, I saw these two little characters, dressed in space suits, walking around the layout. They were turning over rocks and leaves and so forth, when suddenly one of them turned to the other and asked, "hey duuuuuude, what arrrre we lookin for?" The other one turned and said, in a very calm voice, " little bitty women". So began the nightly activities of these two. Their activities ranged from raiding the fridge after midnite to trying to abduct our Miniature French Poodle. Thank God our poodle learned to bark in English shortly after we brought her back from France, where we adopted her. I often wonder what bizarre experiments they wanted to run on her. Those two are real sickos. Anyway this went on for the better part of a month, and then those two crazy little farts really did it. One night after the whole family went to bed, I heard the garage door open up and the car start. Out they went, snockered to the gills, for a big night down on the strip. They terrorized half the town, with their wild driving and boozing, before returning around 2:30 or 3:00 in the morning, with a couple of really tiny girls. We heard giggling and some of the most bizarre noises , to date, that night. Those two carried on with the girls till around 6am, before passing out from the booze. When I went down in the basement that morning, I was greeted with a real mess. Beer bottles, an empty little bottle of very good scotch, and something that looked like a small edition of a porn centerfold. I didn't see the girls but those two were stretched out on the park benches in the middle of my HO town, with out so much as a stitch of clothing on. Your imagination could run wild, trying to figure out, what all those two had done that night. I don't even want to know. Anyway, I waited until they had awakend and gone back inside the UFO's, before removing them from the layout. I quickly took them back to the hobby shop where I had bought them, and tried to return them but the store owner didn't want them back. He even tried to pay me to keep them. Hmmmmm, what does he know that I don't? Anyway after much bickering, he finally did take them back, but promptly sold them to someone else who was absolutely fascinated with them. I saw that customer about a week later, and he looked like he had been thru a meat grinder. I was sure I knew why.

1.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by IRONROOSTER

Help!!! I have a problem with the car ferry in my swimming pool. A family of chipmunks has locked themselves in the bridge and sailed to the middle of the deep end. They are threatening to sink the ferry unless I fork over 5 lbs of peanuts. What should I do?


Paul

Man alive IRONROOSTER!... I know we live in a country that doesn't give into hijackers and alike, but you've got to do something. I say give the chipmunks their *** peanuts and let's put this whole ugly ordeal behind us, and pray it never happens again...

[JohnT14808]

I attended the monthly meeting of our local RR club last night and am happy to report the following:
1) All DCC electrical problems with the layout have been resolved.
2) The back order of D____t__x throttles was received earlier this week with a letter of apology for the delay. Included in the back order were two additional throttles, gratis!
3) The club president apologized for his loud and obnoxious behaviour of the previous meeting when he was berating most of the other members for lack of participation.
4) Now that the layout is back to DC, operational runs will commence this Saturday.
5) Some jerk broke into the clubhouse and COMPLETELY sceniced the entire lower level of the layout. Track appears to have been cleaned within a scale inch of code 83.
6) I promise to start cleaning out the tool shed this weekend, mow the yard and weed the gardens....heheheheh [}:)][:D]

[Anonymous]

Derailments never occur especially on amtrack.

[davekelly]

trainluver,

Give in to those chipmunks? No way!!! I've got my old COX army train set moving into position now . . . ..

[davekelly]

Or how about my Lionel submarine on a flatcar? We'll sneak up on 'em.

[Anonymous]

My new sound chip in my proto F units doesnt cut out on turnouts....

UP didnt derail another train here in san antonio....

My layout is done!!!

After months of waiting the BLI AC6000CW has finnally been released

[Anonymous]

Warren Buffet, got bored with his WC experiment we read about some years ago, and just now, came to my house, and gave me a big fancy layout that represents the N&W on August 29th 1949. With only the finest models for the layout, scratchbuilt buildings, with lighting and interiors, and all the loco's are fine brass models with sound and DCC, and everything was done in a day. Your all invited to operate!

Alvie.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by davekelly

Or how about my Lionel submarine on a flatcar? We'll sneak up on 'em.

Violence. All you and your kind know is violence davekelly!... You're not even making a reasonable attempt to solve this matter by peaceful means. Well I'm warning you right now that if you attack those chipmonks-even though they're wrong, you'll make heros out of them in the eyes of their own kind, and then we'll have to contend with terrorchips from then on. I hope you'll think long and hard about this before you open a can of worms that can't ever be closed...

trainluver1 (aka the negotiator)

[davekelly]

mmmmm good point. Perhaps we can wipe them out in such a way that the cats will be blamed.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by davekelly

mmmmm good point. Perhaps we can wipe them out in such a way that the cats will be blamed.

Now you're using that one lonely little brain cell... Hey, wait a minute. Give that back!.

(Folks, what you're witnessing here is two looney Texans giving it their all. But don't be afraid, they lock us up every night...)

tl1

[davekelly]

But I've got a copy of the key!!

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by davekelly

But I've got a copy of the key!!

I'm telling my mom!...

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by adirondackrr

Derailments never occur especially on amtrack.

The truth was never spoken so plainly... The only railroad in the country with a perfect safety record.

Thank you adirondackrr

[Anonymous]

I own the last running Big Boy, Challenger. I found both of these in my back yard?! i know i know, what would a big boy, and a challenger be doing in the texas hill country, but well WE TEXANS NEVER LIE! then on another one of my drives on my big boy, i stuled upon a yard of pefect rolling stock from the 30s! so i decided to start my own railroad, and once amtrack is gone, i plan to go national, ill be getting more engines from steamtown so that should take care of that problem, and as for passenger cars, you never know what you'll find in the basement! I know its hard to belive all this, but its all true and all 1:1 scale. And free rides to all 5 star repliers in this forum!

[Anonymous]

I also found a working Shay in the dumpster!

[SpaceMouse]

I've got a Bachman 4-4-0 Jupiter that can pull 2 running SD-45s backwards up a 4% grade. Don't be surprized, it's the little engine that could.

[Anonymous]

My wife handed me the check book last night and said I could spend as much as I want on train stuff. She said that seeing me happy with all my new purchases more than made up for the utilities being turned off and the rent being late. In fact, she told me that her mother had agreed to cook meals for us (all my favorite dishes) as long as we needed after we ran out of grocery money because she is just as thrilled at my expanded RR empire. Then my boss told me to take as much time off as I need whenever I want (with pay) to properly attend to my layout (he admitted a touch of envy at the vastness and intricate detail of my HO scale wonderland, but consoled himself by vicariously enjoying it through me).
Oprah just called and asked if she could feature my layout on her show. It's a tough call because Dr. Phil already called and wanted to do a feature on the positive effects of Model Railroading on marriage.
What's a guy to do???

[Anonymous]

I just found a whole bunch of previously extinct diesels hiding in the hills. Transpires they were left over from a plan to speed up dieselisation over here but nobody realised that US diesels are a lot bigger than ours, so they've been hiding out ever since. The serial numbers carry on from where the plant left off, and there's about 2 trailerloads of paperwork with them - apparently all the stateside records were destroyed to save the embarrassment. Not sure if these oldies want to come in from the cold or not, but I think a warm museum would be better than a soggy hillside.

[DigitalGriffin]

QUOTE: Originally posted by trainluver1

QUOTE: Originally posted by davekelly

Or how about my Lionel submarine on a flatcar? We'll sneak up on 'em.

I hope you'll think long and hard about this before you open a can of worms that can't ever be closed...

trainluver1 (aka the negotiator)

Be careful, those chipmunks are a most foul, unholy and unnatrual beaseties on the planet. Men have wet their bottoms at the sheer site of them. They have teeth like this <puts two fingers in front of mouth>You better bring the holy granade of Antioch

[twhite]

QUOTE: Originally posted by davekelly

mmmmm good point. Perhaps we can wipe them out in such a way that the cats will be blamed.

Naah---unless those chipmunks come in little cans with FANCY FEAST on the label, Spooky, Lowell and Wiley will never touch 'em. Best thing to do, if there's a caboose on the ferry, is to talk the chipmunks into chaining it to the rails, somehow, then I'll send Spooky out to steal the caboose, and VIOLA! She'll haul the whole thing back to shore, and you can arrest the chipmunks and Lowell (who's in 12-step Catnip Recovery) can give them a lecture on the evils of lacing their pine-nuts with mood-altering pharmaceuticals.
Tom[:p]


(The last thing the rail-fan ever saw)

[Anonymous]

Well, the most amazing thing happened to me yesterday, April 1st. There's this old guy in town named Carl Isacson. I didn't know anything about his past, but he's wasn't born in Canada and speaks with a foreign accent. He loves trains and knows me quite well. He's been to see my layout many times and has a small N scale layout in his house. He lives on a farm a little ways out of town. I got a call from him saying that he had some trains that he'd like to show me. I drove over to his house, not knowing what to expect. He said that what he was about to show me was a huge secret and that I shouldn't tell anyone. He only decided now to let me in on the secret because he's known me very well for quite some time and trusts me.

He took me down into his basement, where I had never been before, since his layout is upstairs. It was very dark. He then led me into a door on the wall. I was at the edge of the basement, so I wondered where it might lead. We went down many stairs. Finally, we came to a huge steel door. Carl pushed a code into a keypad on the wall and the door opened. There, in front of me, was the most amazing site that I have ever seen. There was a giant, seemingly endless room. Inside, there were tracks lined with an amazing variety of locomotives and rolling stock, some of it very old. Among the notable items were a couple of NYC J3 hudsons, the Pennsy S2 turbine, a PRR T-1 4-4-4-4, a streamlined Hiawatha 4-4-2, two Big Boys, three SP cab forwards and several old streamliners, such as the UP M-10000 and the original IC Green Diamond. Not all of the trains were North American, there were some foreign ones as well. Most notable were a large selection of British steam locomotives, most of which were 8F's and 9F's. Also present were unusual locomotives and cars that I could not identify and had never seen before.

Carl explined to me that this "train room" took up the entire area beneath his farmland. He had been a "train collector" for many years. He told me that he was able to afford all of these trains becuse he was in fact the son of Anastasia, daughter of Czar Nicholas II, who escaped from being killed by the Bolsheviks during WWI. Through the help of allies of the Romanov family, she was able to flee to Canada with a vast fortune of enormous proportions. She lived a humble life under the assumed name of Margaret Isacson.

Carl explained that he had loved trains all his life and couldn't bear to see so many fine locomotives get sent to the scrapyard. He decided to use the money he had to accompli***his, but he did this all in secret so as not to give away his famous ancestry. He was able to have the giant subterrainian complex built and the trains transported there via a tunnel from Chicago that was built by Al Capone during prohibition.

The British steam locomotives had come from the legendary strategic steam reserve. The British government decided that they no longer needed to reserve, but felt that if they let the public know about it that it could lead to the leaking out of various state secrets. Through connections he wouldn't itendify, he had all the engines shipped here. As for the trains that were unknown to me, these were all top-secret prototypes built for military or government purposes that for whatever reason weren't put into mass production. Among them were some nuclear powered trains and special missile launching trains. Also in the room were a couple of UFO's from Area 51 that Carl decided to pick up just because "they were really cool looking." These had also been built by the government for military reconnaissance work.

Then, two men came out of a passenger car. They looked scared when they saw me, but Carl assured them that I was a friend and could be trusted. I was to find out that these men were in fact Elvis Presley and John Lennon! They both were tired of the celebrity life and having to deal with crazy fans and just needed to get away from it all. Carl helped them out by faking their deaths and letting them live with him. The four of us then had a very enjoyable lunch one of Carl's dining cars and talked about trains, music and other things.

Before long, it was time for me to get going, but I promised that I'd be back again and visit Carl, Elvis and John very soon. They're really a great bunch of guys to know! Some of the friendliest people you'd ever meet!

Of course, I promised them that I wouldn't tell anyone about this, so you all have to promise to keep this a secret. O.K.?

[twhite]

Sask--I always wondered what happened to Uncle Carl's collection--he was so disappointed in the fact that I switched from Lionel to HO scale in my 'teens, that he all but dis-owned me, which I think a tragedy, since Grandma Anastasia felt that he was being a little too controlling and that he should realize that as a teen-ager, I was going to go through a natural period of rebelliousness. Luckly, from your post, I was able to contact Uncle Carl, who has since mellowed (as have I), and though we still differ in our scales, we realized that our great respect for each other simply transcends those little differences (especially when I assured him of my great love for Lionel). Blessings on Uncle Carl, he has since sent me 16 HO scale model Missabe Yellowstones so that I can have as many on my layout as the prototype (I already had two). And for my next birthday, he's hinted that I'll be receiving about 15 SP AC-6 Cab-forwards. He's a wonderful man, isn't he? Grandma Anastasia would be very proud!
Tom [:D]

[Anonymous]

Okay my fellow liars. It's been 24 hours since I opened this topic, and as promised, it's now time for me to pick a winner. First I'd like to say that you're all a bunch of good liars, and I've enjoyed your stories very much, but the one that I felt was the most funny and well thought out was the one by emeraldisle... Congratulations emeraldisle. You're a great liar and story teller if there ever was one.

Thank you all for you contributions to this. It was fun.

trainluver1

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by IRONROOSTER

Help!!! I have a problem with the car ferry in my swimming pool. A family of chipmunks has locked themselves in the bridge and sailed to the middle of the deep end. They are threatening to sink the ferry unless I fork over 5 lbs of peanuts. What should I do?


Paul

This reminds me of a film I saw recently - "North Sea Hijack". Storyline is that a group of extortionists take over a North Sea oil rig supply ship, then threaten to blow it up along with a couple of oil platforms if the UK government doesn't pay up. Sounds like you have the furry version!

Hint: In the film, a group of commando types led by Roger Moore manages to board the ship armed with harpoon guns, and promptly knock out the gang. Worth a try if you can train a few ferrets...