Buddy isn't interested in model railroading...

[Tracklayer]

Hey gang.

I was really let down recently when Steve, a friend of mine that I've known for over twenty five years lowered the boom on me and said he's not the least bit interested in model railroading or any of my other hobbies such as gun collecting and vintage toy collecting which he said were all a waste of time and money... This guy and I use to build model planes, go fishing, hang out and party, etc, but in the last couple of years he's gotten to where he's distant and not interested in anything anymore except his little internet bride from Nepal that he secretly met and sneaked off and married last year. Oh well. To each his own. I'll stick with the hobbies...

Anyone else out there got a friend or friends that have done a 180 on you or made remarks like this ?.

Tracklayer

[selector]

Sort of, and quite a few years ago.  Upon reflection (and this is not an indictment of you, Tracklayer, by any means...I'm just replying at face value based on my own personal past), the person who "turned on me" did me a kindness, even though his delivery was forthright and blunt.  Turns out I was compulsive about distance running (later Astronomy, and now MRR), and wouldn't shut up about it.  He finally let me know that he was sick of the unidimensional conversations...there's more to life than running.  He was right, and I have been very sensitive to nurturing friendships with more depth than my own interests ever since.

-Crandell

[MisterBeasley]

Internet bride, eh?  Well, I did know a guy who did that.  It didn't work out, and he discovered that you can't just send them back, either.  So, I guess the moral of the story is that if you're in the market, you'd be better coupling up with someone you get at your LHS.

[tinman1]

I had one. He acted interested in what interests me (model RR, guns, hunting, and stamps), but seemed more interested in what I could do for him. It got to the point where all he wanted was for me to loan him tools, money or just fix his stuff. Maybe I'm just not very interesting. That's fine though, as what I do I do for myself, not to impress others.

[BATMAN]

I have a great circle of friends and family and the one thing I have noticed is that the two that sort of scoff at my MR hobby and scoff at my other friends hobbies and interest are the ones that have absolutely no interest in anything or no hobbies of their own. As far as my friends interest and hobbies I have always been intrigued by other forum members "other interest" as they seem to mirror so many of my friends, families and my own other interest. As far as brides go, well I married a girl who I new for 14 years as a friend before we got together. Because we got together when we were both in our very late 30s we could afford a fairly large house. Upon moving in I commented that our 18' x 40' living /dinning room would make a good train room. She said "go ahead and do it. If there is anything I can't stand it's rooms that don't get used". She knew so many people whose living/dinning rooms are nothing but showcases that are never used. To make the story a little shorter I opted for the room in the back of the house and we put the rec room stuff in the living room. Our house is full of friends and family every weekend and they think it's great. I'm a lucky guy.

Brent

[Tracklayer]

Sort of, and quite a few years ago.  Upon reflection (and this is not an indictment of you, Tracklayer, by any means...I'm just replying at face value based on my own personal past), the person who "turned on me" did me a kindness, even though his delivery was forthright and blunt.  Turns out I was compulsive about distance running (later Astronomy, and now MRR), and wouldn't shut up about it.  He finally let me know that he was sick of the unidimensional conversations...there's more to life than running.  He was right, and I have been very sensitive to nurturing friendships with more depth than my own interests ever since.

-Crandell

Hello Crandell.

None taken... But you did make some very good points. I guess I thought I was entertaining this guy when in fact he was just putting on a false front pretending to enjoy it all because he had nothing better to do at the time. He's a very boring person to be around when it comes down to it and we actually have little or nothing in common now that we're older. I've tried to get him into model railroading and came real close to buying him a train set one Christmas a couple of years ago to get him started but figured at the last minute it was probably a waste of time. Oh well. More power to him...

Tracklayer

[loathar]

Not trains, but my brother and I used to everything together. Then he married a possessive witch and that put a stop to THAT! Never really had any friends that were into MR as much as I am.

[Tracklayer]

Internet bride, eh?  Well, I did know a guy who did that.  It didn't work out, and he discovered that you can't just send them back, either.  So, I guess the moral of the story is that if you're in the market, you'd be better coupling up with someone you get at your LHS.

I hear you... What happened was the guy married a very dominating witch back in the late 80s that made him miserable until she finally left him for another sucker back in 03. Believe it or not he was really heart sick about this... Then he sneaks around and mets this little gal from Nepal who's very timid and sheepish and he hooks up with her because he thinks she'll be much easier to deal with. Funny thing is she's only been over here a year and has taken two six week trips to Boston to see relatives while he stayed behind. If you ask me that's kind of fishy right there.

I had a premonition right from the start that it wasn't going to work out and that when it finally does fall apart that he'll go jump off of a bridge. His grandfather and uncle both did themselves in when life didn't go their way and his father is on medication to prevent him from doing so...

Oh well. It's not my problem. I'm just sorry to see what use to be a great friendship end for no good reason.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Tracklayer

[jeffrey-wimberly]

I had a friend who did a complete 180 like that almost overnight. He was interested in all kinds of hobbies then in the short space of a month he dropped them all and became a distant callous jerk who liked nothing and nobody. I started checking on what he was doing and found that he was into the drug scene bad. I tried getting him out of it but he got worse and worse. Now he's doing time in prison.

[Robby P.]

I have always been into trains and my bud kinda helped me out when I needed it.  Now, since the move to Pa (over 2 years now) I don't have anybody here, other than the wife.  She seems to like it, but I am sure shes just listening.  Maybe I need to look into into getting in to a train club.

[BRAKIE]

A lot of my old fishing buddies has either quit fishing or stop coming around.Of the 5 of us only 2 still fish together.

In the end it doesn't matter..People change and that includes friendship.

The best part 90% of my friends are modelers..You know that old saying-Birds of a feather?

[twhite]

Well, most of my 'buddies' aren't that interested in my hobby at all, but we have a lot of other things in common, they're either professional musicians (as I am) or educators (as I am) or movie buffs (as I am) so the fact that they're actually being 'kind' when they say, "Hey, run a train for me, Tom", doesn't really bother me.  

I'm kind of a real 'loner' when it comes to my hobby anyway, I kind of prefer it that way.  So if I have a buddy over for dinner and he'd rather watch a classic movie or listen to some good music, or have me accompany him while he sings--hey, he's still my buddy.   

And my buddies still 'Ooh and Aah' over the layout details, so it's not a complete loss.  They know how much relaxation and enjoyment I get out of my hobby.  And it makes me feel good that they appreciate the work I've put into it. 

'Nuff said. 

Tom

[BATMAN]

Tom you sound like me. I am a loner in the RR department but will still pull out the six and twelve strings for an evening with the buds. ( getting to old to pick til dawn though)They always go and look at the progress on the layout when they come over and I will help drop a v8 into my friends vega racecars ( he has 6) even though I hate working on cars. That's what goes on between good long time friends.

Brent

[Ballantrae Road]

Well, most of my 'buddies' aren't that interested in my hobby at all, but we have a lot of other things in common, they're either professional musicians (as I am) or educators (as I am) or movie buffs (as I am) so the fact that they're actually being 'kind' when they say, "Hey, run a train for me, Tom", doesn't really bother me.  

I'm kind of a real 'loner' when it comes to my hobby anyway, I kind of prefer it that way.  So if I have a buddy over for dinner and he'd rather watch a classic movie or listen to some good music, or have me accompany him while he sings--hey, he's still my buddy.   

And my buddies still 'Ooh and Aah' over the layout details, so it's not a complete loss.  They know how much relaxation and enjoyment I get out of my hobby.  And it makes me feel good that they appreciate the work I've put into it. 

'Nuff said. 

Tom

I don't have any friends in this hobby either. My brother does make excellent model aircraft and has made some really great MR models for me cause he doesn't have the place for a layout. My other friends are just impressed with what I have done to date. No condescending attitudes at all. I don't expect them to do what I did. They have their own lives and their own hobbies . I show them my layout and they say"great"....enjoy it. ...and I do.  My wife is very supportive .....she just asks me to keep the purchases in line, which I do.....so far.

 

Tom

[Flashwave]

Internet bride, eh?  Well, I did know a guy who did that.  It didn't work out, and he discovered that you can't just send them back, either.  So, I guess the moral of the story is that if you're in the market, you'd be better coupling up with someone you get at your LHS.

I hear you... What happened was the guy married a very dominating witch back in the late 80s that made him miserable until she finally left him for another sucker back in 03. Believe it or not he was really heart sick about this... Then he sneaks around and mets this little gal from Nepal who's very timid and sheepish and he hooks up with her because he thinks she'll be much easier to deal with. Funny thing is she's only been over here a year and has taken two six week trips to Boston to see relatives while he stayed behind. If you ask me that's kind of fishy right there.

I had a premonition right from the start that it wasn't going to work out and that when it finally does fall apart that he'll go jump off of a bridge. His grandfather and uncle both did themselves in when life didn't go their way and his father is on medication to prevent him from doing so...

Oh well. It's not my problem. I'm just sorry to see what use to be a great friendship end for no good reason.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Tracklayer

Actually, Depression wa sthe first thing that popped into  my head also. The fact that yuou posted this tells me your at least slightly hurt or concerned. So even if you have nothing in common now, you did. At least make sure he doesn't do something stoopid and irreversible to himself. And that might get you back to yuor fun times. And if not, you don;t have to like a guy to look out for his life.

[Tracklayer]

Internet bride, eh?  Well, I did know a guy who did that.  It didn't work out, and he discovered that you can't just send them back, either.  So, I guess the moral of the story is that if you're in the market, you'd be better coupling up with someone you get at your LHS.

I hear you... What happened was the guy married a very dominating witch back in the late 80s that made him miserable until she finally left him for another sucker back in 03. Believe it or not he was really heart sick about this... Then he sneaks around and mets this little gal from Nepal who's very timid and sheepish and he hooks up with her because he thinks she'll be much easier to deal with. Funny thing is she's only been over here a year and has taken two six week trips to Boston to see relatives while he stayed behind. If you ask me that's kind of fishy right there.

I had a premonition right from the start that it wasn't going to work out and that when it finally does fall apart that he'll go jump off of a bridge. His grandfather and uncle both did themselves in when life didn't go their way and his father is on medication to prevent him from doing so...

Oh well. It's not my problem. I'm just sorry to see what use to be a great friendship end for no good reason.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Tracklayer

Actually, Depression wa sthe first thing that popped into  my head also. The fact that yuou posted this tells me your at least slightly hurt or concerned. So even if you have nothing in common now, you did. At least make sure he doesn't do something stoopid and irreversible to himself. And that might get you back to yuor fun times. And if not, you don;t have to like a guy to look out for his life.

You're probably correct Flashwave. And yes, I do suspect a bit of depression because when someone has no interest in anything at all something just isn't right. But, he's a grown man with a masters degree in psychology so there's no one on earth that can help him more than himself. He's one of these guys that has way too much pride and too big of an ego to let anyone know he's having problems. Oh well. Back to model railroading...

Tracklayer

[Medina1128]

I guess I got lucky all the way around; I have a fiancee who loves to work on my layout with me. I also have one tuxedo cat who loves to watch me work on it. I've never seen a cat that didn't do a lickety-split when I turned on the table saw, until Buster, that is.

[pastorbob]

Have you consulted Dear Abby??  Geesh

Bob

[vsmith]

Nepal, is she cute?

People change, it happens, its almost inevitable, of all of my closest friends from high school and college over the past few years, most all have eventually drifted away, moved, ...died.

My best freind in high school was never interested in my hobby but that didnt matter, he didint hate it, we had other interests, but he drifted away after he got married and had kids and had no time for anything else, including old freinds, I never beleived that old story that once couples have kids, they drop their single friends or non-kid couple friends like a hot rock. Well I can tell you its 100% true. But for me, the hobby was never a barrier between friends, mostly because for me, its a deeply personal hobby, I dont impose it upon friends, talk about it or apostolate to the uncleaned masses about it either, its just something I do, most of my extended family has no idea what I do in my garage, same for my co-workers and none of my neighbors, which is the way I want it.

I'm very much a Lone Wolf in the local hobby community, the on-line community is perhaps my largest connection with others in the hobby, but even then its ephemeral, you only know people by their online presence, not on a face-to-face individual basis, so you never really know who that person is like you would with a true friend. On another forum we had a member who was well liked and respected, till we found out he was arrested by the FBI for some heinous crime, talk about blindsided, but thats the thing about online relationships, you just never know.

When I have met other modelers at shows or online members from other forums, sometimes its good, but most times you just know there are going to differences beyond interest in the hobby that will prevent any meaningful freindships, politics, religion, lifestyle, all those things effect the other, guess thats why I find the Lone Wolf aspect so appealing....

[Anonymous]

I know two kids that are into trains that I met normally, except neither of them are into trains as much as I am. One always gets sidetracked and starts showing me his bottle collection... The other one moved to Texas...

Then I have two model railroading friends who I met through this forum...I would say both are into trains as much as I am, and one of them is a regular operator on my layout.

The rest of my friends don't really show all that much interest in my hobby, they just don't understand it. My family is extemely supportive, letting me use much of the basement, and driving me to train shows and such. My 12 year old brother occasionally helps me work on the layout, for some reason the thing he enjoys doing most is sifting dirt and applying it to the layout. He likes doing the scenery, but gets bored after the dirt... Go figure...

Then there's my 1 year old and 3 year old brothers. I built them a layout on a shelf underneath mine, with brass track. They like to drive the cars (matchbox variety) there and push around the trains by hand. Equipment consists of a Tyco GP20, a Tyco tank car, some sort of RDC thing, and a demotered Bachmann GP40. The 3 year old actually drives the trains and cars in a (relatively) realistic manner, while the 1 year old picks them up and walks around the layout area... I'm teaching them so they can operate with me on my layout someday...

[Tracklayer]

Have you consulted Dear Abby??  Geesh

Bob

No bent Bob (you'd have to be a Red Dwarf fan to know what that means...), I haven't consulted Dear Abby but do very much appreciate the suggestion. I can hear her now. Dear Mr. Tracklayer, people change and drift away over the years whether we like it or not. Sometimes we don't understand the reasons why they do so but we move on and find new friends and life goes on. Wow. I feel better already...

By the way Bob, who's Geesh ?...

Tracklayer

[DingySP]

Dude....

Women change everything...I mean EVERYTHING.

Sometimes good, sometimes bad...but it changes.

[Tracklayer]

Dude....

Women change everything...I mean EVERYTHING.

Sometimes good, sometimes bad...but it changes.

Thanks DingySP.

It's not her it's him. He just all of a sudden seems to want to be an old reclusive married man at 42 years old. He also no longer has anything to do with his brother-in-law who was also one of his best friends just a couple of years ago. Oh well. Maybe after his little internet bride leaves him in a couple of years he'll finally realize model railroading would have been a better choice...

Now let's let this thread die!.

Thanks guys.

Tracklayer 

[DingySP]

What's wrong with being an old reclusive married guy at 42??!!...Actually I'm 44

One last thing before this is put to rest. My point is that maybe it is her opinion that his hobbies are a waste of time and money. Maybe he will come to his senses, maybe he won't...in the meantime...live and let die...oops...live.