Railroad jokes

[Eriediamond]

I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple. (Isaiah 6:1)
And he made the table; (Exodus 35:10)
twenty cubits was the length thereof, according to the breadth of the house; and ten cubits was the breadth thereof, (I Kings 6:3)
being in the form (Philippians 2:6)
of the island. (Isaiah 34:14)
But Peter said, "Not so, Lord; for (Acts 10:14)
every wise hearted man, (Exodus 36:2)
working with his hands the thing which is good, (Ephesians 4:28)
against the wall of the house he built." (I Kings 6:5)
But God said unto him, (Luke 12:20)
"I am the LORD, I change not." (Malachi 3:6)
The LORD hath made all things (Proverbs 16:4)
on the table, (Luke 22:21)
Unto the mountains, and to the hills, to the rivers, and to the valleys, (Ezekiel 36:6)
and the towns thereof. (I Chronicles 7:28)
And make straight paths for your (Hebrews 12:13)
train. (Proverbs 22:6)
Them of old time (Matthew 5:21)
have made them crooked paths: whosoever goeth therein, (Isaiah 59:8)
sudden destruction cometh upon them. (I Thessalonians 5:3)
The crooked shall be made straight, and the rough ways shall be made smooth. (Luke 3:5)
And God said, "Let there be (Genesis 1:6)
horses (II Kings 2:11)
of iron." (Deuteronomy 3:11)
And he made in Jerusalem engines, invented by cunning men, (II Chronicles 26:15)
of brass (Ex 27:2)
very precious; (Mk 14:3)
Mountains, with (Ezekiel 35:8)
four wheels (Eze 10:9)
and eight (Ex 36:9)
and two (Gen 7:9)
with the tender. (Song 2:13)
They shall run like (Joel 2:7)
a watch. (Matthew 27:65)
And he shall set engines of (Ezekiel 26:9)
good speed (Genesis 24:12)
in the way wherein they should go, (Nehemiah 9:12)
and to pull (Jeremiah 18:7)
very many chariots. (II Chronicles 16:8)

And Mary arose in those days, (Luke 1:39)
and she came to Jerusalem with a very great train. (I Kings 10:2)
And she said, "Oh my lord, (I Samuel 1:26)
verily it shall (Jeremiah 15:11)
stay upon (Isaiah 50:10)
the good way, (Jeremiah 6:16)
and that which should be set on thy table should (Job 36:16)
turn not aside therefrom to the right hand or to the left." (Joshua 23:6)
And I heard the voice of many angels, (Revelation 5:11)
and they said one to another, "Behold, this dreamer cometh." (Genesis 37:19)
And he sighed deeply in his spirit, (Mark 8:12)
and he said, "Thou hast asked a hard thing: (II Kings 2:10)
according to your faith be it unto you." (Matthew 9:29)
And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, (Genesis 24:15)
the Mountain (Joshua 11:16)
turned aside out of the way, and went into the field, (Numbers 22:23)
and all the chariots (II Kings 8:21)
went backward, and fell to the ground. (John 18:6)
Then the LORD said unto (Jeremiah 11:6)
the Mountain, (Joshua 11:16)
"The frogs (Exodus 8:4)
be too narrow for thee." (Joshua 17:15)
And he repaired the (II Chronicles 33:16)
turn...out. (Hebrews 12:13)
And so it (II Samuel 1:2)
went another way (I Kings 13:10)
until it (Hosea 7:4)
began to be stopped. Then they were very wroth, (Nehemiah 4:7)
And the LORD said, (Job 1:8)
"Behold now, I perceive that this is (II Kings 4:9)
some uncleanness." (Deuteronomy 24:1)
And after he... cleansed (Ezekiel 44:26)
the wheels, (Ezekiel 10:12)
while he yet spake, behold, a Bright (Matthew 17:5)
Boy for (Joel 3:3)
cleansing (Leviticus 13:7)
rail, on (II Chronicles 32:17)
both the top of it, and the sides thereof. (Exodus 37:26)
What God hath cleansed, (Acts 10:15)
it shall be clean, (Leviticus 11:37)
round about thy table. (Psalm 128:3)
And, lo, I perceived that (Nehemiah 6:12)
it moveth itself, (Proverbs 23:31)
And ran through that whole region round about, and began to (Mark 6:55)
run continually. (Psalm 58:7)
The angels said, (Hebrews 1:13)
"Indeed a notable miracle hath been done." (Acts 4:16)
And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. (Genesis 1:31)

There, you see!!! There is more to my signature then meets the eye!  Ken

[larak]

I dun gettit.

The train engineer stole the ticket form the electrical engineers. 

[Flashwave]

I dun gettit.

The train engineer stole the ticket form the electrical engineers. 

Ah. I see now, a little slow on the cliffhanger style I are

[concretelackey]

I dun gettit.

The train engineer stole the ticket form the electrical engineers. 

Ah. I see now, a little slow on the cliffhanger style I are

OR.....the electrical engineers got SHORTED!

[munster]

From Australia

 

[cregil]

I dun gettit.

The train engineer stole the ticket form the electrical engineers. 

Ah. I see now, a little slow on the cliffhanger style I are

OR.....the electrical engineers got SHORTED!

And, oddly enough, not by a conductor.

Crews 

[Flashwave]

I dun gettit.

The train engineer stole the ticket form the electrical engineers. 

Ah. I see now, a little slow on the cliffhanger style I are

OR.....the electrical engineers got SHORTED!

And, oddly enough, not by a conductor.

Crews 

OOOH! I think it;s time for the produce now...

[SteamFreak]

I dun gettit.

The train engineer stole the ticket form the electrical engineers. 

Ah. I see now, a little slow on the cliffhanger style I are

OR.....the electrical engineers got SHORTED!

And, oddly enough, not by a conductor.

He was only a trainee. You know, a semi-conductor.

[danmerkel]

Two drunks were walking down a New York City street.  One, being full of spirits & obviously disoriented, went down into a subway station entrance.  A few minutes later, when he came back up to the street, the first drunk slurred to him, "Where have you been?"

The first drunk slurred back, "Man, I got lost in some guy's basement... and you should see his train layout!"

----------------------------------

A couple were driving along a country road when they came to a railroad crossing.  The man, being a real railfan, said excitedly, "Great a crossing!  I wonder when the next train is coming."

His female companion who couldn't care less, sighed & yawned then said, "Sorry honey.  We just missed one.  See its tracks??!?"

[Packers#1]

Love the first one, danmerkel

[lvanhen]

From Australia

 

Now if one of us yankees posted that, we'd be in deep do do!

[auburnrails]

I hope I don't mess this one up :-).

Four railfans were trainwatching one day and during a lull, the first said "Man, it sure was a challenge getting out here today.  My wife told me if I wanted to go railfanning I needed to mow the lawn first."

The second replied "Ya, well my wife told me I had to fix the oven."

The third piped in "Well, that's nothing.  My wife told me I had to repaint the bedroom!"

After a short period of silence, they all looked at the fourth guy, who hadn't said anything.  "What about you?  What did you have to do?" they asked. 

The fourth guy replied "Oh it was easy.  I set the alarm for 6am.  When it went off, I leaned over, nudged my wife, and said 'Railfanning or sex?'.  She said "Wear a sweater."

-Dave

[Packers#1]

Hopefully no young kids are browsing these forums.