(clean) train jokes

[Anonymous]

3 funny train jokes. feel free to share yours, railroad related or not.

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The Train Lantern

In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.

At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.

"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."

"Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried."

"How's that?" the lawyer asked.

"I was afraid he was going to ask if the damned lantern was lit!"




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Train Crash

Roy is applying for a high paying executive job at the railroad and during the interview, an inspector asks him, "What would you do if you saw two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"

Roy says, "I would switch one train to another track." "What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.

"Then I’d use the manual lever." answers Roy.

"What if that had been struck by lightning?" asks the inspector.

"I’d use the phone to call the next signal box."

"What if the phone was busy?"

"I’d use the public phone near the station."

"What if that had been vandalized?"

"If that happened," Roy answers, " I'd run home and get Carla. "

The inspector asked, "Why would you do that?"

"Because Carla has never seen a train crash."




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The Sleeping Carriage

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.

After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married."

"Why not," giggles the woman. "Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."

[Anonymous]

This ain't exactly train oriented, but these 2 jokes are good ones. I made up the 1st one myself.
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A poor man had relatives in Europe, but couldn't afford a plane ticket to see them. One day he was walking home and he saw a Popular Mechanics book lying on the ground. He picked it up and saw the article "How to make a boat out of your car." This gave him a wonderful idea. He would just convert his old truck into a boat and sail to Europe! After many months of work, the boat was ready. He decided to test it on the Ohio River.
Guess how he did? CHEVY'S ARE LIKE A ROCK![(-D][C):-)]
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A man was driving home when a rabbit jumped out in front of his car. He swerved to miss the animal but hit it. Fearing the worst, he pulled over and got out to see what was left of the rabbit. He had killed it. He began to cry, as he was very sensitive and an animal lover. Suddenly a lady pulled over behind him and got out of her car. "what's wrong" she asked. "I feel teribble." the man replied. "I just killed that poor rabbit." The woman went back to her car and took an aerosol can out of her trunk. She sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Suddenly the rabbit jumped up, waved, and hopped ten feet. The animal kept repeating this. "what's in that can?" asked the man. The lady showed him the can's label: "Hare spray puts life back in dead hare. Adds pernament wave."

[Noah Hofrichter]

[(-D][(-D][(-D][(-D][bow][bow][bow][swg][swg][swg]
Hey cmj89 you made that up? I like it.[(-D][C):-)]

Noah[:P][(-D][C):-)]