A Humorous Train Story

[cp1057]

Hi folks,

Here's a train story I thought people might get a chuckle out of, told to me by my wife's late grandfather, Art:

When Art was a young man working on his father's farm, the CN main line between Toronto and Montreal crossed their property. There was a crossing to allow the farm vehicles across.

One day Art was towing a wagon full of manure over the crossing with the farm tractor. The wagon got hung up on the crossing. Art was trying to free the wagon when he heard an approaching train. No matter what, he couldn't get the wagon unstuck so he had to unhitch and drive the tractor to safety. Along came the train and WHAM! the wagon was smashed apart and manure was flying everywhere!

Of course the train hit the brakes and stopped a ways down the line. Art saw the engineer climb down and start walking towards him. As he got closer Art could see that the engineer was laughing so hard he was almost doubled over. When he finally reached Art, he pulled himself up and said:

"Well, young fella, I'll bet you never saw manure spread that fast before!"

I hope you enjoy the story. It's given me plenty of laughs over the past years.

Charles

[Anonymous]

Then in Mississippi a train hit a truckload of manure a couple years ago and the RR safety guy rideing along in the train drowned in it.

[foamer4000]

Missouri
You have issues better delt with in Pueblo!
David

[Anonymous]

Thats a good one. I have friends who work for the railroad. They will get a good chuckle out of that story.
TIM A

[cp1057]

Eeewwwwwwwwwww!!!!

[Mookie]

And yet again! You are unusually verbose today!

And you know about manure? I am impressed as well!

Jen

[CShaveRR]

--it happens...

(lack of capitalization intentional)

[Mookie]

especially if you eat enough!

Blush...

[vsmith]

It sounds apocryphal to me... But very funny!

Have ya heard the one about about the young Sheriff driving around the backroads of California. Seams he passes a farmer standing out on the side of the road when the farmer starts pointing at the cop screaming "PIG!, PIG!" The sheriff sticks his head out the window, looks back and yells back "REDNECK!, REDNECK!" and promplty slams into a large hog that had wandered onto the road.

[Mookie]

Isn't this a hoot!

Marty of California, are you reading? And I think we have a deputy sheriff out there that probably knows this one!

Jen

[louisnash]

A few years ago I had the pleasure to talk to a gentleman that was full of history. He was in his 80's and a joy just to sit back and listen to him talk.

Anyway, he told me of a train that hit a wagon load of watermelons in the area of Northern KY on the L&N KC Line. This incident hapeened in the late 30's.

He said the whole community had come out to survey the damage and saw that there were watermelons everywhere. He said that the engineer just sit back while everyone got them a watermelon and went on there merry way. Then I was told that the upper brass came down to see the wreckage and told the engineer that he needed to tell these people they could not take these watermelons for they belonged to the railroad at that time.

He then said the engineer looked at him and said, "This is my train, I hit the wagon, and if they want those d@mn watermelons then they are going to get them."

That was the end of the matter. The upper brass walked off and did their report.

I thought it was a funny story and to hear him tell it was even funnier. Hope you enjoyed it.

Brian (KY)

[Anonymous]

I like hearing stories like that. Keep them coming in.
TIM A

[cp1057]

Hi there, Charles again,

Another story came to mind that my wife's grandfather Art told me:

Art worked as a streetcar driver for the Toronto Transit Commission in the late 1940's. At that time the TTC was acquiring streamlined PCC cars. Art was assigned to one on a late night shift and he was curious as to how fast they would go. He was impressed by the speed as the storefronts whizzed by.

While waiting at a traffic light, a police car pulled up beside him and the officer motioned to him to open the door so they could speak.

"Did you know you were doing 70 mph back there? Take it easy, alright?"

Why wasn't he ticketed? I think maybe streetcars might not have been subject to the same traffic laws since they are a rail vehicle. All the same I'm sure a phone call to the transit commission would have landed him in some hot water!

These stories are supposed to be absolutely true. I sure did enjoy listening to my wife's grandfather tell them.

Charles

[sooblue]

Hey Jenny,
That was a rather refreshing post from Missouri
wasn't it.
Sooblue

[Anonymous]

Oh I believe it, At the Illinios railway museum I have rode on trollies that were very quick. I heard stories from old timers that trolly drivers had been terminated for racing cars.
TIM A

[Anonymous]

Holy Crap!

kev.

[eolafan]

I am certain that the engineer in question was thinking a variation of the old airline pilots saying "Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing"...and I will bet you the engineer way plenty nervous but very, very happy that he nor anybody else got injured or killed in that accident. I don't doubt that there was some very nervous tension in that laughter!

[Mookie]

He is probably looking up verbose in his Funk and Wagnall!

:)

Jen

[Anonymous]

I guess that brings up the saying " When the S*** goes down, you better be running!" :) Speaking of s*** I heard hot "it" got the name. When manure was dryed out it could be shiped safely on a boat. However usualy the botton of the ship got wet durring transit. As the manure got wet it had a explosive gas that was easy to detionate. After having a few ships explode they figured it whould be safer to have the crap high & dry. = S***
Ship High In Transit ! Unreal but true! :)

There is another story Ive heard about the bottom of the ship from a guy from work, but due to legalitys and the possibility of being called an racist, I cannot share that one :(
lets just say words realy can have more then 1 meaning in other languages (Good and Bad)!
Icemanmike-Milwaukee

[Anonymous]

One of the conductors I used to work with once told me a similar story to the original.

They were around Woodstock, Ontario, when the engineers applied the emergency brakes, then, having been traumatised by having seen the incident happen, called back to the tailend to do an inspection.

None too pleased, and fully expecting to see the worst, she trudged to the front of the train. Sure enough she found a farm tackter, but no farmer. "Are you guys sure there was someone in the trackter when we hit?'

"Oh, yes! We saw his face" they said, obviously quite spoocked by the event. So our conductor looked around. Looked high in the trees, off into the bushes for any sign. In frustration, she kicked her feet in the snow. HANG ON HERE! There were foot prints. Not her's, but large boot foot prints in the snow, leading away from the trackter. She followed the prints all the way to a farm house.

Feeling quite shocked, currious, bemused and running on an adrenalhine high, she opened the front door to the farm house to find a snow suit on the floor which looked as though it had been hastily taken off. Surrounding the snow suit was a puddle of melted snow. She looked up and found a farmer, his wife, and their two kids at the breakfast table eating their cereal.

"Excuse me sir, were you just on that trackter that just got hit by a train out there?"

"Aw, yup."

"Well, sir, there's an ambulance on it's way for you....."

She swears it's true story!
-Toronto

[ironhorseman]

This one comes from one of my books. It's my favorite story.

PUT HIM ON ICE

There was a group of gentlemen traveling to Nashville and one of the crowd suggested a drink. The day was very warm, and one man said he had a bottle which he would furnish if anybody could get ice. A fellow passenger remarked that he would do that if they would share with him. He left the car and came back with plenty of ice, which was duly used.

In due course, another drink was proposed and the ice man was asked to furnish it, but with his mouth watering for a drink and every look one of longing, he sad: 'Gentlemen, I want the drink, and I could furni***he ice, but I'm afraid if I take any more off the corpse, it will spoil.'

Source: Yenne, Bill. The Romance and Folklore of North American's Railroads. SMITHMARK Publishers, Inc. New York, 1994.

[Mookie]

EEEWWWWW again! But it is funny!

Jen

[REDDYK]

This story fits with the general theme of this thread. It will be difficult, but I will attempt to relate it in such a way as to be family friendly.
Two hoboes found themselves halfway thru a train tunnel when they heard the oncoming trains whistle. Too far to run either way, so they flattened against the wall and hoped for the best. Now decency prevents me from describing in detail just what the conductor chose to do at that very moment, but it was indeed messy.
Says hobo # 1 what kind of tobacco do you suppose that guy was chewing?
Hobo # 2 I'm sure I don't know, but did you see the JAWS ON THAT MAN?

[Anonymous]

Igg, I guess I would have to say "Hold The Ice!"

[Anonymous]

I have a story.I was watching trains in Defiance Ohio.I was listining to the cumunacating radio and the guy over the radio says,SET IT TO THE SCRAPYARD and the other guy says,DUH OKAY BOSS.But he sets it to the wrong track and then says,UM OKAY BOSS,and the engineer floors it and rams into the front of the wating work truck,the guy must have been fired from every job he had.

[JoeKoh]

hey train4u
matt and i would like to meet you.i know your in the neighboorhood.
stay safe
joe

[GDRMCo]

I got a story, its about this thing my mum told me when i was young. As we drove out of the carpark at Castletown Shopping World here in aus we ran over a water bottle and i hadent a clue what it was. i asked my mum what it was that we had ran over. she replied "it was a toddler. they sound like that when you run them over with your front wheels". so i asked her what they sound like when you run them over with your back wheels. she said "they sound like your driving on people because they stick to your wheels". so i looked back and there was this aboriginie standing there looking really mad and holding this flat water bottle.