Pail fraud and contorsions

[edblysard]

Houston Post, 06/07/03

"Sneaky, just plain sneaky"

With theses words, a spokesperson for the Uniheads, housed in a compound outside Houston, described the fraudulent pails of strawberries left on the doorstep of the gatehouse at the front entrance of their modest ranch style compound.
"At first, we though they were goodwill offerings, from the BfS folks out west, but closer inspection showed they had been tampered with".
"Due to the turmoil surrounding the cake revolt, we have been on or highest level of readiness, purple alert, and our gatekeeper was suspicious of the strawberries"
Upon closer inspection, it was reveled that squash, including a stray zucchini, had contorted themselves into balls, and were hiding under a single layer of berries.
"This is clear proof that the vegatable consortium in the east is, once again, twisting truth to fit their sick desire to ruin things for others."
"We have known for a long time that the EVC has wanted to disrupt our activities here, but this is just plain sneaky".
"And those poor strawberries, having to sit on a zucchini for so long, well, thats just plain sick"
The EVC (Eastern Vegatable Consortium) is a loosley knit group of unlikable folks, including several of the nut growers and a few candy peddlers that have long held the belief that others are responsible for what happens to them.
"I mean, jeeze, what do they think is going to happen to them, after all, they dont call them squash for nothing?"
"We have a better understanding of where they are, and what they are doing" said the spokesperson, while holding up one of the pails. "Look, what other proof do you need besides this?"
Clearly stamped into the bottom of the pail was the logo, "Made In New Jersey"
"New Jersy strawberries?, Aint that kinda like New York Salsa?"
"The sad thing is, from the outside, they really look like strawberry pails, it ins't until you pick one up your realize it's full of this other stuff" .
The EVC has long been know to have a personal hatred for Uniheads, due in large part to the Uniheads absolute belife that each person is responsible for the actions they take, or fail to take.
"They want you to believe that they are something that their not, sincere folks, when in fact, just like this, they are pretending to be strawberries but their really squash". " It's the old apple and pears thing all over, but you know what, I think they are all just a bunch of fruits".

Reported by Truly Scooped, Houston Post. 06/07/03

[JoeKoh]

mama's got a recipie for zucchini nut bread.
stay safe
joe

[bfsfabs]

NONE, NOT ANY, strawberries escape the clutches of BfS. Ever. Strawberries are seasonal delights and would not be squandered on such menial tasks as bribing the Uniheads. Jelly Bellys, in the other hand, are a FAAARR more suitable and year round available bribe, peace offering or "olive branch" for the Uniheads. Absolutely effective on the likes of the Uniheads, they will do 'most anything for a 5 # bag of assorteds.

Lowell

[edblysard]

Yes, we will, we will, anything, anytime,you are truly one of the bests friends we ever had...
The Unihead Ed

[Anonymous]

I don't know what you guys have been smoking, or drinking, but it looks like nonsense to me. On second thought, pass it along to me....
Confused in Michigan.....

[JoeKoh]

Hello northern neighbor.
if you have read any posts lately this is our controled response to the M&M twins who continue to put their bs on this forum.I have choose to ignore them because I have seen too many people go around gates or crossing just to stand in line at walmart.they twist facts in reports when the reports clearly say that if the driver of the car would have look and listened they would be alive.they really need some help.I hope you understand and I never wi***o see what Ed and others have gone through.
your buckeye neighbor
stay safe
joe

[Anonymous]

This is a disturbing development. The Uniheads had better circle the wagons; the Eastern Vegetable Consortium is a front for the Vegetarian movement. Vegetarians are like a canker worm; they are relentless and of single purpose. Just let a few of them in, and before you know it, you're driving a Volvo and joining Sierra Club and PETA! By then, it's too late; you're writing checks to the Democratic National Commitee, and swooning at the sound of Barbara Mikulski. AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

[Mookie]

and your point is?

Jen

[Anonymous]

Mook, This is a heck of a way to run the Unihead Cult. Here Ed starts these threads and disappears. Itain'tfairItellyuh! skeets

[Anonymous]

Hey wait a minute! What kind of car do you drive, Jen?

[edblysard]

Onmygosh! Not a Volvo?
I guess we have to worry about free range zucinni now.
Just when things semes about to calm down.'The Unihead Ed

[edblysard]

Jelly Bean overdose.
Better now. Will commence again tomorrow.
The Unihead Ed

[Mookie]

Skeets - wanna ride?

Depends - have an '81 Ford LTD that I rod around in with the radio up loud or an '02 Buick Century - that I call Millie (Millenium model) and drive very sedately in!

Jen

[Mookie]

You would have loved my orange Road Runner!

Or the short guardianship of the Mustang Ragtop - they were both movers! I could have scared a train right off the tracks! :)

Jen

[edblysard]

71 Dodge Challenger, green metalflake and rust, tonnaue top half tore off, head lined falling down and flopping around, both doors dented in, loud, drank a gallon or two of gas just getting started, fast, real fast. Just what my parents wanted to see their son buy as a first car.
So much fun it should have been illegal.
Stay Frosty,
Ed

[bfsfabs]

Ed, Whaddya mean SHOULD HAVE been illegal. Probably was. I know some of the stuff me and my Plum Crazy '70 Charger RT did were definately ILLEGAL.

Sure a lot of fun though . . .

Lowell

[Mookie]

Wasn't it Lowell that said he was the Mo-Par man?
He will be proud of us!

:)

Jen

[Anonymous]

My first was a '63 Chevy II 4-door (a Nova without the chrome) that my brother gave me. I STILL had fun...even with the 3-speed shift on the steering column.

[Anonymous]

I was just concerned that you had a Volvo. You've got a Buick? Better watch it; they'll make you old before your time. 8^0

[edblysard]

Nothing like a real V8 to get the blood pumped up. Shame the kids today think a header with a fartmaster muffler, and a bolt on wing make their cars a hot rod. Your Charger, jenny's road runner, any gto, (the judge) and my old challenger and even a badly tuned javilin, on their worst day, would eat these rice rockets for lunch.
Stay Frosty,
Ed

[edblysard]

With a little tweaking, the chevy II could get the front wheels off the ground, even with 3 on the stick. Fun car.
Ed

[Mookie]

HE drives the Buick - I drive the 81 Ford, with the radio up loud, windows down and it is a stock hot rod - well as much as you can hot rod in downtown Lincoln! Millie just doesn't have the pickup the Ford has - but then again, to park the Ford in the garage, you have to pull the garage over the Ford and with Millie - it goes in and disappears!

Jen

[Mookie]

ok Ed - i am in tears again! :)

[edblysard]

Thats what Lillybeth call them, fartmaster mufflers. Laughed so hard the first time she said that I almost drove off the road.
Stay Frosty,
The Unihead Ed