12 Days of Christmas

[Anonymous]

Speaking from hard experience, The cost of that bright spot and the peace it brings is worth every dime of it.

[Mookie]

Zardoz! I think you just spoke for many, many women!

Thanx for the bright spot!

Mook

[zardoz]

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin and bitchin.
I've been here for hours, I cant stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!


Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.


There's a knock at the door and the telephones ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwaves dinging.
Two pies in the oven, desserts almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had alI I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.


He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret,
says "What's taking so long....aren't you through in here yet?"


As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
He flees from the room in terror and pain
and screams "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE !!"


Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh damn, it's the pies !! They're burned all to hell
I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong ?? Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.


Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, If I live till next year,
You wont find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!!!

[adrianspeeder]

Wow, somebody done been to the WalMart!
Man, this is the stuff I got for Christmas.
Well you cleaned up! Whadya git?

Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Hey Bubba, you got gypped -- there's 12 days to Christmas.
I know that, I got it covered. Look over in the corner.
That's yours too?
Yea!

Twelve-pack of Bud


Eleven Wrastling tickets



Ten o' Copenhagen




Nine years probation




Eight table dancers




Seven packs of Redman




Six cans of Spam




Five flannel shirts




Four big mud tires




Three shotgun shells




Two hunting dogs




... And some parts to a Mustang GT.



Man, this ain't normal Christmas presents!
No, they're redneck gifts!
Redneck gifts?
Yea, you know, like
if you buy your wife earrings that double as fishing lures.
Or, if you can burp the entire chorus of "Jingle Bells"
Perhaps if you think "The Nutcracker" is something you did off a high-dive.
Or, if you've ever misspelled something in Christmas lights.
Or, if you leave cold beer and pickled eggs for Santa Claus.

What's wrong with that?
I didn't say anything wrong with it...
It's hard to beat...

Twelve-pack of Bud
Eleven Wrastling tickets
Ten o' Copenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight table dancers
Seven packs of Redman
Six cans of Spam
Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Well, you can't really consider it a Christmas
'less you go down to the penitentiary and visit your mama.
You're not listenin' to me!
Get the car key outta your ear.
That's where the nine years probation comes in...
I'm gonna do it for ya again.
Now listen...

Twelve-pack of Bud
Eleven Wrastling tickets
Ten o' Copenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight table dancers
Seven packs of Redman
Six cans of Spam
Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

[csxengineer98]

the power stroke one sounds alot like jeff foxworthys 12 redneck days of christmas
csx engineer

[adrianspeeder]

For those of us with a Power Stroke Diesel,

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me
A MODIFIED TURBO PSD
On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me
TWO CPS'S
On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me
THREE GUAGES AND A PILLAR POD
On the forth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
FOUR GALLONS OF ROTELLA
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
a 5 INCH EXHAUST
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
a BANKS SIX GUN
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me
a NEW EGR.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
a EIGHT BABY SWAMPS
On the nineth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
a NINE INCH DROP HITCH
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
TEN TANKS OF PROPANE
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
ELEVEN SECOND TIME SLIP
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
TWELVE INCH LIFT KIT

Wow, I think i may have a slight case of dieselitus.

Adrianspeeder

[Anonymous]

LOL...

This sounds strangely familiar...

LC

[jeaton]

Well guys, you know what they say. "You haul freight with the railroad you have, not the one you want".

(I don't say that. "They" say that. Hang on to your sense of humor, it helps a little.)

Jay

[csxengineer98]

QUOTE: Originally posted by Lehigh Valley Railroad

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my railroad gave
to me:
Twelve P.O.'ed crews, all stuck away from home;
Eleven lazy pool engineers, all laid off sick;
Ten misroutes, that have to be setout at the nearest
side track;
Nine cars on the ground, dragged through the ties and
two switches;
Eight broken crossings that need to be flagged;
Seven broken rails to keep it entertaining;
Six slow orders, for ten miles an hour;
Five Form D's;
Four railroad managers hiding in the weeds;
Three lousy Yardmasters ducking behind a window sill;
Two grouchy dispatchers with trains in every hole;
and one junk freight with zero point two horsepower
per ton.

Have fun: Chris.

i got this in an email not to long ago... funny..but its not just for the 12 days of christmas...its eveyday...lol
csx engineer

[Anonymous]

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my railroad gave
to me:
Twelve P.O.'ed crews, all stuck away from home;
Eleven lazy pool engineers, all laid off sick;
Ten misroutes, that have to be setout at the nearest
side track;
Nine cars on the ground, dragged through the ties and
two switches;
Eight broken crossings that need to be flagged;
Seven broken rails to keep it entertaining;
Six slow orders, for ten miles an hour;
Five Form D's;
Four railroad managers hiding in the weeds;
Three lousy Yardmasters ducking behind a window sill;
Two grouchy dispatchers with trains in every hole;
and one junk freight with zero point two horsepower
per ton.

Have fun: Chris.