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Hello Ed, Nice to meet you. You know I did hear the "I am sorry for you loss, and I know how you feel" bit. But unfortunately not from the ones it would have been the most comforting from. Well as for "I know how you feel" I hate that saying becaue no one can know how some one else feels. But the "I am sorry for your loss" We heard it from every one but the railroad people. I am not saying they needed to admit any fault but it would have been nice to know they felt bad that it happened. Perhaps that is petty on my part but it just kind of made me feel like they hit a cow or some thing on the road and it did not make a difference to them and yet it altered me and my families life for ever. Do you understant what I am saying? I don't know perhaps I am not explaining it right. Well any how to move on. I never did blame the conductor for what happened. I know they can't stop on a dime. I know no sane minded individual wants to kill any one. I realize the conductor surely felt bad that he killed some one. I could never imagine that feeling nor do I ever want to have to feel it. But I can see why people may think some may be uncaring. I agree that thought is misplaced for the most part. From what I have seen of this site so far you are a very smart bunch of individuals. I personally would not expect the conductor themselves to come to the family and say I am sorry for the loss of your loved one just as I did not go to the conductor and say "sorry you have to deal with this death" But it would have been thoughtful of the company with witch this conductors works for to send a note to say they are sorry for the loss. But honestly I looked at it this way. They did not know this person. The productive life that they led. All the people that cared and loved this person. The fact this person did not even begin to live their life to it potential. I guess I am feeling guarded about this loss of mine because I don't want to feel a attack about it or any harsh words about it because I did nothing wrong and I feel the pain of it every day. I have suffered the loss. I still do at times. So I am some what afraid of a attack. So I am sure you realize why I am protecting my own mental well being. I am not shack wacky or any thing like that. I am sure many would think I was for even comming on this site after having such a loss and not attacking you all. I feel that is not the way to go about. I realize that you guys want safety too. You are guys are not at fault for what happened. But it is why I get a little bent out of shape when people who have been in a train/vehicle collision get called names and are insulted even after thier death. I feel that by calling people names it does not get any one any where. It is a sad misfortunate thing that happens and I guess I see it as that person is dead but when that person is called stupid and dumb it hurts those family members that are alive and haveing to deal with the loss of that person every day and to have that person insulted just throws salt in a wound. A wound that they are trying to live with that they did not ask for or deserve. I wi***here were alternative ways also. I agree with you whole heartedly that it would be best to eliminate all crossings. That is the safest way to go. But like I have said our local people, be it state or city, Don't want to fork over the dough to make it better because they more then likely have not lost their loved one to a crossing accident. I agree the kids are one of my major concerns. I love kids and feel they are our futur. When I go to a larger town and see the kids walking across the tracks at a area ther is not even a road or going down the tracks I want to jerk them off it and shake the crap out of them for putting themselves in grave danger. I don't have a cell phone to call the cops and report it (how I wish I did) if I did I would report to 911 when ever I see gates malfunctioning. I have had to sit and wait at a crossing that had arms down and lights flashing for 10 to 15 minutes with out a train comming. I have seen people get tired of waiting and just go around. I have actually seen pedestrians try to flag others around them (not a good idea). I my self prefer to find another cossing that is not activated and go that rout. I never have nor never will go around gates no matter how long I have to sit an wait if there are not alternative routs. But if I had a phone and could call 911 about that crossing I think I would be doing a great justice. But once again I fail. I should invest in a phone. perhaps it would save a life some day. Any way other then raising heck with designers (who ever they are) any other ideas to help? I try to help the kids understand. I have told them of my loss and told them not to understimate a train or a crossing. I only hope that they remember that when they become drivers(doubtful though)Kids have a way of thinking they are invincable. Any way enough of my ramble. Thanks for taking your time to help me out Ed. I just think I might stick around and get to know you all. Take care always, Melissa
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