Gandy Dancer wrote: caboobaroo wrote:I heard of something similar happening but instead of trains, it was the guy's cars, .... He stood 200 feet away with a video camera while he taped her and her boyfriend crushing all of his cars with a front end loader. One of which, was an original 1965 Shelby Cobra 427 AC The boyfriend must have been a real ummm ummm sissy boy. No real man would intentionally do anything to harm a classic Shelby. Even if you don't respect the owner you respect the car.
caboobaroo wrote:I heard of something similar happening but instead of trains, it was the guy's cars, .... He stood 200 feet away with a video camera while he taped her and her boyfriend crushing all of his cars with a front end loader. One of which, was an original 1965 Shelby Cobra 427 AC
Well at least having the front end loader handy, you could bury the Shelby with the offending couple.
Modeling B&O- Chessie Bob K. www.ssmrc.org
Just an update. I found a townhouse. I put in an offer, a the seller accepted!
Although I did not want to move back into a smaller place (basement), I was lucky enough to find a real nice place. My daughter heled my look, and she loves it. It has a small loft on the second floor that she can use as her own personal "living room". She is thrilled.
Now the news. It has a finished 36X26 basement. WOW. Pretty much unheard of in my area. As noted it is already finished, has a bathroom, small kitchen area (keep the sink and it will be a great workshop), and no daylight basement type doors. All in all it is perfectly shaped to provide me about 600 sf of layout area. I may never go upstairs again.
I started designing the new layout. Some light ...
Bill, your story reminds me a great deal of a gentleman who used to frequent this forum. He dropped out of sight about 20 months ago, maybe more. He was a gifted modeler whose wife would express herself in tantrums, often destroying weeks of paintstaking work that he had done on his layout. Wonderful work.
You are not alone.
I guess I can count myself VERY LUCKY!!!My future wife likes my train hobbies(HO) and encourages me in it and even helps me work on my layout, and she has five grandkids, and two of them are boys and they like trains, so I intend on sharing my hobby with them later on.I also am a private pilot,and own and fly a 1946 Ercoupe, and she likes and supports me in this also, and loves to go flying with me! So here I am reading all this bad stuff, and I have someone who supports me in my hobbies, and besides that she can cook the greatest dinners after a long day of MRRing or Flying!
LIFE IS GOOD!!!!!
TheK4Kid
My wife and i go thru lots, however i try not to blame her so much since she had brain surgery back in 2002 that did lots of things to her personality. So i protect my trains in a craftsman rolling tool locker that i can lock and not worry about.
On another forum there is a guy in 3 rail that has his wife posting on the disney forum that since he was sneaking trains into the house, she could just as easily sneak them out and sell them on ebay for money to go to disney world. My wife and i are continuing to work thru things, however each day is a challenge. Since the trains are the only thing i personally care about (many passed down from my dad) (in material objects) locking them up gives me the peace of mind to deal with her from the high road. I also put copies of all my photos and our photos in a safe fire proof book. Again just to allow me to put the most patience into my relationship.
Bill
UP2CSX wrote: I was happily married to my wife for 38 years. She thought trains were "cute", which is about how far as her interests in trains went. Still, she had things she liked to do that I didn't and we were able to compromise. Neither of us went overboard on our hobbies and, although we had some rough times, we worked everything out. We had two sons who both shared my interest in trains and we often went "train watching" together even when they were still in diapers. We had a wonderful life until my oldest son was killed in a traffic accident in 1988. Somehow, we survived that and still managed to live a happy life. Then she got leukemia at the age of 57 and died in 2005 at 59. I was devastated. I sold my home in California, all my models, bought an RV, and decided to travel and live on the road. By the grace of God, I met the second love of my life in Alabama. We were married last July. We bought a house with a great basement and I'm building another layout, starting from scratch except for a few models I kept for sentimental value. It's been a ball building a layout again even though my wife thinks trains are even less than "cute". I guess my point is that all our models, even as much as we love them, mean absolutely nothing compared to the love of our spouse and children. Keep this in mnd when you are putting priorities on things. New models we can always get but wives and kids are a one-time shot.
I was happily married to my wife for 38 years. She thought trains were "cute", which is about how far as her interests in trains went. Still, she had things she liked to do that I didn't and we were able to compromise. Neither of us went overboard on our hobbies and, although we had some rough times, we worked everything out. We had two sons who both shared my interest in trains and we often went "train watching" together even when they were still in diapers.
We had a wonderful life until my oldest son was killed in a traffic accident in 1988. Somehow, we survived that and still managed to live a happy life. Then she got leukemia at the age of 57 and died in 2005 at 59.
I was devastated. I sold my home in California, all my models, bought an RV, and decided to travel and live on the road. By the grace of God, I met the second love of my life in Alabama. We were married last July. We bought a house with a great basement and I'm building another layout, starting from scratch except for a few models I kept for sentimental value. It's been a ball building a layout again even though my wife thinks trains are even less than "cute".
I guess my point is that all our models, even as much as we love them, mean absolutely nothing compared to the love of our spouse and children. Keep this in mnd when you are putting priorities on things. New models we can always get but wives and kids are a one-time shot.
Well said. My best railroading times are with my family. Often my boys hand me tools, talk to me and just love running the trains. Life is about balance, is it not?
Brian
Selector,
Ah, that would be the smart answer wouldn't it? lol
Dave, being the shrewd person that he is, would immediately have responded, "Whichever house it is in which you would be happiest, my dear. That will be the ideal layout for me."
Kaaaaah CHIIIIIIINNNNGGG!!!
Allan,
Thanks for your kind thoughts. No, I didn't think your divorce centered around the hobby but just wanted to make the point that a lot of us get wrapped up in the small radar screen blips and miss the big ones. It never hurts to emerge from the train room just when your wife is sure that new 2-8-0 or finishing that bit of scenery is more important than her and giving her a kiss and telling her you love her. Same for the kids. There are times that I wish I could get back with my late wife and son that I never can so this point really resonates with me. I hope things work out for your divorce and you've been as lucky as me in finding a second love.
Jim,
First off, I am so sorry about your losses. I am glad to hear that there are things to look forward to though. You are correct, this whole nightmare has made me realize that my #1 priority will be my daughter, them myself. I hope that I did not imply that my wife and I's issues centered around my love for the hobby. They did not. We have had issues for some time, long before trains (we just had our 25th anniversary).
God bless. I hope your happiness continues to grow. Thanks for youe thoughts
It is better to marry for love and fix the problems with solutions that are acceptable to both spouses. Our own marriage was stormy at times and sometimes you have to go through the drama. But we know how to "Fight" and fix the root causes of the problems. Life is too short to be angry and destructive. As far as Im concerned once down the aisleway is sufficient to last a life time.
Safety Valve wrote: There is always the Jail cell for the destructive spouse,
There is always the Jail cell for the destructive spouse,
A girl I knew in Ohio got divorced and kicked her X out of the house. It was her house and stuff from before they got married. (he was a total bum) He was an X cop and friends with a bunch of Columbus cops. He broke into the house while she was at work and destroyed EVERYTHING!! Windows, walls, carpet, ceilings, cabinets, cloths, furniture, pictures, possessions. I mean literally everything! He was a psycho! The cops blew her off and said they couldn't do anything since he had lived there and his prints were on everything. (no witnesses) One even made a smart alack comment that she should consider it a learning experience.
She gets re-married to different guy a couple years later. That marriage goes sour and she boots him out. He turns around and destroys everything just like psycho #1 did. AGAIN, the cops give her the same excuse and do nothing.
Wow. I hope this is a hypothetical question, and is not happening to you. I guess I should not feel so bad. I am getting divorced. She wants nothing to do with my "stupid toys".
I got into the hobby in 2000. I built two layouts in our old house, in the 10x16 half basement (real small) and I got hooked. I wanted to build a bigger layout, a real layout, so I dreamed of a bigger basement. It even got to the point of getting bids to add an addition, but for the house we had it just did not make sense (investment wise). I talked her into a new house. We searched for 6 months (and yes the typical ... I was searching for the perfect basement). She found a brand new house, half constructed, so she got to pick out all the particulars. I found an 1100 SF basement with 10 foot ceilings, and successfully negotiated for ownership of half the space with my daughter (I figured I would expand to the remaining space when my daughter goes to college in 5 years). We moved in July 06. Life was good.
I started on the layout design right away. Oddly, it was more difficult to design than the dozens of layouts I had designed for my old house. Too much space? I know those words are not in the model railroad dictionary, but I had become an expert at stuffing track on a small layout. I had the time of my life learning new techniques for all that space and I finished the design 8 months later (ya, I'm a bit of a perfectionist). The night that I put the final changes into the computer (I use AutoCAD), my wife came down to the basement (affectionately ?referred to as the "Troll Hole" by her) and announced that she "did not want to live the rest of her life like this."
We are currently working out the terms. Its friendly. But I honestly can't say If I am more upset about losing her, or the basement (yep, she is keeping the house). I found plans to build a new basement with a house, and started designing a new, new layout. My builder gave me a general price for it and I could afford it, but just barely. Now the paradox.. Is it better to have the basement with no extra money to fill it, or ... you get it). I accepted the fact that I can not build a new house, and started looking for a smaller house or townhouse. I frustrate my realtor though, the multi lists do not prioritise by basement configuration. Though, it is kinda fun pulling up to a place, walking straight to the basement and after 2 seconds saying "nope" to her.
So she is not getting the trains, but she does get the basement.
Unfortunately, those kind of poeple who resort to using kids and possessions to try to hurt the other party usually do not realize how they are hurting their kids, innocent family, and, ultimately, themselves. They often think only in the short term only about themselves, and do not think out the consequences of their actions. They think only about hurting the other person, to try to make themselves feel better; it's kind of like trying to get revenge.
Fortunately, I've come to realize that hurting someone else for revenge does not make me feel better, the guilt makes me feel worse. Maybe these kind of people do not feel guilt (maybe they bury it so deep, they can't feel it.) The worst thing you can do to these kind of folks is to (a) ignore them, or (b), forgive them. They can't stand that. Once they realize that no matter what they do, it won't hurt or otherwise affect you, you take away the only reason for them to do it in the first place.
Brad
EMD - Every Model Different
ALCO - Always Leaking Coolant and Oil
CSX - Coal Spilling eXperts
loathar wrote: I'm happily divorced and she wanted nothing to do with the trains.(before or after)There was a story about a guy who was getting divorced. His wife and her new boyfriend went into his house while he was at work and smashed every single train thing he had. Destroyed the whole layout.(I would have killed her)
I'm happily divorced and she wanted nothing to do with the trains.(before or after)
There was a story about a guy who was getting divorced. His wife and her new boyfriend went into his house while he was at work and smashed every single train thing he had. Destroyed the whole layout.(I would have killed her)
I would have gone OJ on both their butts. LOL
Divorce is nasty buisness and NO ONE WINS except the lawyers. It is especially difficult when children are involved. I have been down this road and wish NEVER to repeat it again. In my case I married my high school sweet heart and to make a long story short after 14 years of marriage she decided she didnt know "who she was" and had to go out and find herself. Of course with her new boyfriend. Enough said about that.However I think sometimes we major on the minors. Trains they are a great hobby,but in the big picture they are a minor. What does matter is living with who we are and what we are to become. I have developed the position that it is better not to fight over material things and to walk away verses fighting and paying lawyers big bucks to fight over a $100 train or even a $500 train. The lawyer, trust me will cost you many times that amount.
Especially with children involved it is better for their sakes to split as pleasantly as possible with out making their life more of a living hell than it already is if there is no chance of reconciling with the spouse.If there is a chance sell all that is near and dear to you to spend on the relationship in order to salvage the marriage,you will be money and happiness ahead.Things can be replaced,damage to family , friends,children last a life time. Avoid the temptation to retaliate,become bitter and angry. Ultimately you hurt your own cause. If you choose not to fight over "things" you take away leverage that is being used against you. In the end at some point it may even be returned.
Usually I call it the "Stupid Factor" when ex-spouses proceed to commit property damage or destruction. It is much easier when both spouses understand that either can play "Dirty" as it was put and it is far better to both parties involved to fix the problems together.
There is always the Jail cell for the destructive spouse, it would be difficult to continue with the divorce effort from a jail cell... especially if the destructor is the one who initilated the divorce.
caboobaroo wrote: loathar wrote: I'm happily divorced and she wanted nothing to do with the trains.(before or after)There was a story about a guy who was getting divorced. His wife and her new boyfriend went into his house while he was at work and smashed every single train thing he had. Destroyed the whole layout.(I would have killed her) I heard of something similar happening but instead of trains, it was the guy's cars, some ranging up to almost $500,000! Basically, the guy was in the process of getting the divorce from his wife because she had a new boyfriend and she got a restraining order against him so he couldn't come near the property. He stood 200 feet away with a video camera while he taped her and her boyfriend crushing all of his cars with a front end loader. One of which, was an original 1965 Shelby Cobra 427 AC
I heard of something similar happening but instead of trains, it was the guy's cars, some ranging up to almost $500,000! Basically, the guy was in the process of getting the divorce from his wife because she had a new boyfriend and she got a restraining order against him so he couldn't come near the property. He stood 200 feet away with a video camera while he taped her and her boyfriend crushing all of his cars with a front end loader. One of which, was an original 1965 Shelby Cobra 427 AC
Well, with one person in jail (due to the damage) the divorce would proceed much more smoothly. Down here in GA, most judges don't take that sort of behavior very kindly. Usually the spouse in question (along with boy/girlfriend) would both sit in jail. Of course, if seen with significant other (not spouse), it makes for an easy association of infidelity on their part.
I've been down this road once, but it did not end up in divorce, we ended up reconciling (well, sort of, that's another long drawn out story that I WON'T go into online), but during our separation, she refused to allow me to get my trains or anything else I needed that was inside the house. If there's a "next time" it will be she that leaves, and I play dirty when the need arises. I can oblige that sort of behavior if she want to go that route, and (I think) she knows it. Lately we've come to something of an understanding.
Another oft-heard "urban legend" concerning divorce and model trains goes something like this:
Bob is getting a divorce..Bob shows up at his friend Joe's house:
"Hey Joe, here are my brass steamers you said you wanted to try out on your layout..why dont you borrow them for say..a year or so..I will come and get them back when you are done with them."
the scene repeats at other friends homes as necessary!
;)
Scot
Let's say that the trains will be sold, given away, donated or otherwise shipped to a storage location. Those that are not able to make the deadline are simply sent to the scrap line downtown dumpster.
Once Divorce Lawyers get involved, one party will be sent out of the home, everything inventoried and sold with straight down the middle split of assets and liabilities regardless of the items involved. It is a ruthless and cold business stripping a marriage and all material things from home, cars down to little stuff and bills. And that is just for two people without children.
When it comes down to it, trains are toys; unecessary and sometimes potentially liability especially when there is real dollar value associated with them. My spouse and I would have no problem choosing a vehicle, dividing the bill load, selling off the home and contents (The proceeds 50-50 after bill payoff) and moving on our seperate ways without combat or legal fighting. However...
What is really tragic and even more damaging is that most issues related to the Divorce can usually be fixed so that the Marriage can continue. There are only a few causes that will spark a divorce from me or my wife.
Now if a ex-wife is fighting to get your layout when you saw that she was not interested, then it is a action of a person seeking to do damage to you using legal means. Basically things are so bad that the ex-spouse will take everything that the person can away from you so you will have nothing or better yet, less than nothing in thier eyes.
Sometimes people are very vicious in intent to reduce a ex-spouse to rubble. Life is like that.
The good part about trains as a hobby is, for a few hundred dollars one can easily re-start the hobby and use it to move on after the Divorce is final or reconciliation is completed.
For those who are single and thinking of marriage, if you are going to be around trains after the "I-do's" make certain that your spouse can deal with it because the hobby is likely to be around for a LONG time regardless of spouse's participation in your life or not. If trains are a source of tension or problems with your potential spouse then it probably will not be a good match.
I haven't been through a divorce, but knew of a case of a pending divorce in Tucson where the man took all of his trains to a hobby shop and put them up for sale on consignment so his spouse couldn't get them. He probably also needed the money to pay his lawyer.