Train Levity Stuff [:)]

[dbaker48]

I'm not trying to create another permanet thread, but just finished reading all the daily email.  This one joke stuck in my mind.  And, since I'm always thinking about different things that could be used or adapted to a layout thought this could be a possible source of Dr Office window signs.

(Maybe we could have a Levity Train thread, jokes, or funny train related items.  Could be a problem too, but certainly would be better than all the recent whinning and crying.   (Notice - I've run out of patience)) 

 

The Psychiatrist & Proctologist -

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign  reading:

"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones , Psychiatry and Proctology."

The town council was not happy with the sign,  so the doctors changed it

to "Hysterias and Posteriors."

This was not acceptable either, so in an  effort to satisfy the council

they changed the sign to

"Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." No go.

Next, they tried

"Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again.

Then came

"Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in

"Minds and  Behinds." Unacceptable.

So they tried

"Lost Souls and Butt Holes." No way.

"Analysis and Anal Cysts?" Nope.

Nuts and  Butts?"  Uh uh.

"Freaks and Cheeks?"  Still no go.

"Loons and Moons?"  Forget it.

Almost  a t their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:

"Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."

Everyone loved it! 

 

 

[fifedog]

Hey, Don, guys on the Model Railroader board got ya covered with their "Would you believe...A little Humor" thread.  Pages and pages of pretty funny stuff.

[dbaker48]

Fifedog - That works!  Didn't know it was there, will check it out, Thanks

[dwiemer]

Thanks Don, I too don't go for the whining.  I enjoyed the humor too.  I recall and old joke from the movies, not sure which, but it may have been Marx Bros, or Abott and Costello.  They are talking and the one goes:

"Yeah, when they were handing out Brains, you thought they said Trains, and told them you didn't want any."

I wish I had more material, but most of the jokes I know are Lawyer or Dr. jokes.  I could tell you about some of the things I have seen, but that would probably make some folks gag.

I hope this thread does continue.

Dennis

[ChiefEagles]

  Thanks

[kpolak]

 

I think you may have some new ideas for Blueberry's Building signs.

Nuts and Butts! 

Kurt

 

[FJ and G]

SURVIVOR-- SOUTHERN STYLE
Because of the  popularity of the Survivor shows, several  southern TV stations are joining  together and are planning to do their own, entitled: "SURVIVOR--  SOUTHERN STYLE"

The contestants will start in Alabama , travel over to Georgia  and  on to South Carolina .  From there they will head up to North  Carolina and over to Tennessee . They will then proceed down  to Mississippi and  
Louisiana, finally ending up back in Alabama  .

Each will be  driving a pink Volvo with New Jersey license plates and large bumper  stickers that read:  I'm a Vegetarian, NASCAR sucks, Go Yankees; Hillary in 2008, and Deer Hunting is Murder!

The  first one that makes it back to Montgomery alive,  wins!

[palallin]

How about a little train humor?

 

"Argument by Analogy"

A good story is told of a fireman who went to the Superintendent for a pass out on the road to his home, and the Superintendent declined to give it.  The fireman thought and said that it was pretty tough after working several years for the company to be compelled to pay his fare home when he wanted to go, which was not often, and naturally he growled about it.

"Now look here," said the Superintendent, "suppose you worked for a farmer out in the country, would you expect him to hitch up his team and take you home for nothing every time you wanted to go?"

"Well, no," said the fireman, "but if he had his team all hitched up and was going out by the house, he'd be a d----d hog if he wouln't let me ride."

He got his pass all right and went home.

 

From Early Day Railroading from Chicago by D.C. Prescott, p. 117.  Cpyright, 1910, by D. C. Prescott, Chicago:  David B. Clarkson Company.  Found in A Treasury of Railroad Folklore.

[dbaker48]

Then of course : 

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.

"What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.

Within five minutes, however, it stops again.

The woman sees the same conductor walk again.

She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

[csxt30]

Then of course : 

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.

"What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.

Within five minutes, however, it stops again.

The woman sees the same conductor walk again.

She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

Good one Don !!  That's how the N & S goes through here !!  

Thanks, John

[BMRR]

SURVIVOR-- SOUTHERN STYLE
Because of the  popularity of the Survivor shows, several  southern TV stations are joining  together and are planning to do their own, entitled: "SURVIVOR--  SOUTHERN STYLE"

The contestants will start in Alabama , travel over to Georgia  and  on to South Carolina .  From there they will head up to North  Carolina and over to Tennessee . They will then proceed down  to Mississippi and  
Louisiana, finally ending up back in Alabama  .

Each will be  driving a pink Volvo with New Jersey license plates and large bumper  stickers that read:  I'm a Vegetarian, NASCAR sucks, Go Yankees; Hillary in 2008, and Deer Hunting is Murder!

The  first one that makes it back to Montgomery alive,  wins!

I really like this one.

[1688torpedo]

 Hello Don-  When I saw the title for this Thread, I knew it was a Joke. Anyone know how to get a One-Arm Southerner down from a Tree?...............Wave to them! Take Care.

[magicman710]

!

 Hello Don-  When I saw the title for this Thread, I knew it was a Joke. Anyone know how to get a One-Arm Southerner down from a Tree?...............Wave to them! Take Care.

 

      Haha........ 

Proud To be Southern !!!!!!!! 

[dbaker48]

I thought this thread would have died.  

Anyway:

 

Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride. They had brought along bananas for lunch. Just as they began to peel them, the train entered a long, dark tunnel.

"Have you eaten your banana yet?" Ole asked excitedly.

"No, " replied Lars.

"Vell don't touch it den, " Ole exclaimed. "I yust took vun bite and vent blind!"