* You’ve been questioned more than once by the police asking, “What are you doing parked by the tracks?”
* The crossing lights start flashing in your review mirror and you make a “U” turn to be first in line at the grade crossing.
* You time your errands around town based on the train schedule to spot trains and get groceries.
* While stopped at a RR Crossing for a long train, the other drivers are swearing and shaking their fists, but you’re smiling and waving at the engineer & conductor.
* You’re in your car and you come up to a railroad crossing. The crossing lights are not flashing and no trains are coming, but you slow to a crawl and look up the track both ways in hope of seeing a train.
* You find yourself looking for old locomotives and color schemes during the obligatory chase scene through the rail yards when you’re watching old cop shows and movies on TV.
* People look at you funny as they drive by while you are standing out in the middle of nowhere by a railroad track with a tripod and a camera.
Passenger: “What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late?”
Conductor: “How would we know if we're late, if we didn’t have a schedule?”
A passenger train is creeping slowly along. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
“What’s going on?” she yells out of the window.
”Cow on the track!” replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later the train resumes its slow pace but within five minutes it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walking past again.She leans out of the window and yells “What happened? Did we catch up with the cow?”
When I retired several years ago I was concerned that without the pressures of a job I might need something to help keep my mind active. I have tried computer games, but they get old after a while... I mean, you can only play Minesweeper just so many times! I tried doing some computer programming and have written a few programs, but the needs to do so just are not there as I cannot find anything of interest to code a program to do. I have done a few special Excel spreadsheets for a budget and income tracking, but that is now just a fill in the blanks type of thing and not very challenging. Sudoku has become ho-hum, especially since I wrote an Excel spreadsheet to solve them for me. Crossword puzzles have gotten boring as they all seem to have the same silly clues for the same obscure words. A month or so ago I decided I really needed something else, so I bought a jigsaw puzzle (of a train, what else?) that indicated it was quite difficult to do. I am very proud to announce that in only two weeks I have managed to assemble the jigsaw puzzle, and that assembly time is quite a bit better than the time indicated on the box... it listed "3 to 5 years". Since I did so well with that one that I decided to get a couple more to do. The first one indicates on the box that it is a drawing of a large rooster, but when I spread the pieces out on the table I realized I have no idea where to start with this one. I can find no edge pieces and all the colors are just a dull redish brown. I called a friend of mine to come over to take a look to see if maybe he could get me started somehow. He took one look and went to the kitchen and got a bowl and a spoon, some sugar and milk. He then proceeded to scrape some of the puzzle pieces off the table and into the bowl, sprinkled on some sugar and then doused them with a portion of milk. Then he ATE them! Just before he left, he said that if I would put the remaining pieces back in the box he'd come back again tomorrow for more breakfast. Because he ruined that puzzle, I don't think I will invite him over to work on the puzzle with the picture of the tiger on the box.
Semper Vaporo
Pkgs.
On the importance of understanding grammar, spelling and punctuation:
OOPS
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"A stranger's just a friend you ain't met yet." --- Dave Gardner
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from New York, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
The New York contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The New York contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
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I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me...
The two fathers and two sons eating a total of three eggs is simple--a man, his son (also a man), and the son's son.
I hope the lawyers never had to teach math.
Each one paid, $8 1/3 for the room, and each one tipped the bellhop $2/3--which adds up to $27.00; this + $1 each adds up to $30.00.
Johnny
zardoz Two fathers and two sons sat down to eat eggs for breakfast. They ate exactly three eggs, each person had an egg. The riddle is for you to explain how. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Three guys rent a hotel room for the night. When they get to the hotel they pay the $$\$30 $$ fee, then go up to their room. Soon the bellhop brings up their bags and gives the lawyers back $5 because the hotel was having a special discount that weekend. So the three lawyers decide to each keep one of the $5 dollars and to give the bellhop a $2 tip. However, when they sat down to tally up their expenses for the weekend the could not explain the following details: Each one of them had originally paid $10 (towards the initial $30), then each got back $1 which meant that they each paid $9. Then they gave the bellhop a $2 tip. HOWEVER, 3 • $9 + $2 = $29 The guys couldn't figure out what happened to the other dollar. After all, the three paid out $30 but could only account for $29. This post is not exactly humor, but perhaps maybe a bit of fun.
Two fathers and two sons sat down to eat eggs for breakfast. They ate exactly three eggs, each person had an egg. The riddle is for you to explain how.
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Three guys rent a hotel room for the night. When they get to the hotel they pay the $$\$30 $$ fee, then go up to their room. Soon the bellhop brings up their bags and gives the lawyers back $5 because the hotel was having a special discount that weekend. So the three lawyers decide to each keep one of the $5 dollars and to give the bellhop a $2 tip. However, when they sat down to tally up their expenses for the weekend the could not explain the following details:
Each one of them had originally paid $10 (towards the initial $30), then each got back $1 which meant that they each paid $9. Then they gave the bellhop a $2 tip. HOWEVER, 3 • $9 + $2 = $29
The guys couldn't figure out what happened to the other dollar. After all, the three paid out $30 but could only account for $29.
This post is not exactly humor, but perhaps maybe a bit of fun.
Well... ya see... two accountants came in later and got a room... they were charged $20 for it, so each paid $10 and went up to settle in. The bell hop brought their bags up and like for the 3 lawyers, said they had been overcharged by $5, so he gave them five $1 bills in refund. The two accountants decided the bell hop was so nice to have brought the bags and the refund that they gave him a $3 tip... so, each paid $9 and the bell hop got $3... thus 2 * $9 + $3 = $21... leave it to the accountants to figure out how to get the whole thing to add up right and restore the missing $1.
Last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
{I altered Paul's post a bit to suit my motivation for mischief}
Paul of Covington A little quiz: Which of the following names are you familiar with? 1. Monica Lewinsky 2. Spiro Agnew 3. Benito Mussolini 4. Adolf Hitler 5. Donald Trump6. Alfonse Capone 7. Vladimir Putin 8. Linda Lovelace 9. Saddam Hussein 10. Tiger Woods You had trouble figuring out which ones were the liars, criminals, adulterers, murderers, thieves, and cheaters, didn't you?
A little quiz: Which of the following names are you familiar with? 1. Monica Lewinsky 2. Spiro Agnew 3. Benito Mussolini 4. Adolf Hitler 5. Donald Trump6. Alfonse Capone 7. Vladimir Putin 8. Linda Lovelace 9. Saddam Hussein 10. Tiger Woods
You had trouble figuring out which ones were the liars, criminals, adulterers, murderers, thieves, and cheaters, didn't you?
Answer: They all are!!
Semper Vaporo A loco motive.
A loco motive.
And what do have if you desire to crash 2 trains?
A crush on Katy
What do you have if you desire to crash a train?
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Isn't it fascinating how conversations evolve?
54light15Don't the two princes go by the last name of Windsor?
Mountbatten-Windsor, officially (the Anglicization of Battenberg inside the UK).
The princes usually go by 'royal styles' (either using just a title or their first and middle names). Since 1960 if any family member were for some reason to have to use a surname, Mountbatten-Windsor would be it.
And yes, 'Lilibet'; I think it's what Philip has called her since they were in their teens, and most of the family has come to use it.
Don't the two princes go by the last name of Windsor? As I understand it, Phil calls her Lilibet.
Still a lot of monarchists up here in the colonies, errr, Canada. Not me. Just a bunch of hooey, ditch 'em. Australia darn near did but chickened out.
One possible good usage would be to resurrect in a big way the Commonwealth worldwide as a major trading block, including India, Suadi Arabia, perhaps even China. Now that would be a big economic zone with some serious cojones.
Of course I'm battling the flu and a bit delusional.
DeggestyHow many are aware that her father was the fourth and last Emperor of India?
or that her uncle-in-law was essential in making sure her father would be the last?
In part I think we have Winston Churchill to thank for the continuation of the name of Windsor ... he did not much care for the haste in shucking that part of the Empire or the bloodshed that followed, or the person who pursued that course seemingly so avidly...
Overmod Deggesty Yes, how many people in this country would recognize the family name Saxe Cobourg-Gotha? Or would know who Batty Betty Battenberg is?
Deggesty Yes, how many people in this country would recognize the family name Saxe Cobourg-Gotha?
Or would know who Batty Betty Battenberg is?
How many are aware that her father was the fourth and last Emperor of India?
DeggestyYes, how many people in this country would recognize the family name Saxe Cobourg-Gotha?
blue streak 1 BaltACD If Pope's went by their parent given names while they were Pope, we might. Pope's change their names like they are in Witness Protection! Not far behind are the kings and Queens of the UK .
BaltACD If Pope's went by their parent given names while they were Pope, we might. Pope's change their names like they are in Witness Protection!
If Pope's went by their parent given names while they were Pope, we might. Pope's change their names like they are in Witness Protection!
I believe, maybe mistakenly, that the Monarchs of the UK do use their given first names. The last name is rarely publicized.
Never too old to have a happy childhood!
Yes, how many people in this country would recognize the family name Saxe Cobourg-Gotha? There were two English kings with this name: Edward VII and George V. The name was changed to Windsor during the Great War (WW I). Also, Edward VII and George VI were known in the family as Bertie, and Edward VIII was David.
Excuses, excuses.
Paul of CovingtonA little quiz: Which of the following names are you familiar with? 1. Monica Lewinsky 2. Spiro Agnew 3. Benito Mussolini 4. Adolf Hitler 5. Jorge Bergoglio 6. Alfonse Capone 7. Vladimir Putin 8. Linda Lovelace 9. Saddam Hussein 10. Tiger Woods You had trouble with #5, didn't you? You know all the liars, criminals, adulterers, murderers, thieves, and cheaters, but you don't know the Pope?? Lovely, just lovely...
Which of the following names are you familiar with?
1. Monica Lewinsky 2. Spiro Agnew 3. Benito Mussolini 4. Adolf Hitler 5. Jorge Bergoglio 6. Alfonse Capone 7. Vladimir Putin 8. Linda Lovelace 9. Saddam Hussein 10. Tiger Woods
Paul of CovingtonYou had trouble with #5, didn't you?
Alas, if you listed the real names of the last 10 popes, you'd probably come up with a lot of blanks.
Larry Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date Come ride the rails with me! There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it...
A little quiz:
Counter showing "666"...
Enough BAD NEWS for this date! {RIP CREW AMTRK #91}
Definition: Elephant
Answer: An Elephant is a Mouse built to Government Specifications.
Counter now should read '667'
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