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Posted by jeffhergert on Monday, December 27, 2010 4:13 AM

zardoz

Several years ago, an adventurous pair decided to take their ropes and rappel off the Boone Scenic Valley Railroad train bridge over the Des Moines river. Words can't describe how breathtakingly high this narrow train bridge is over the river valley. The open train ride over the abyss is both stunningly beautiful and somewhat nerve-wracking.

Our adventurers had to be completely fearless, because they walked to the middle of this narrow railroad bridge, tied off their ropes, and began to rappel down. When the train came by on it's daily tour of the valley, their one mistake became apparent. They had tied the ropes to the sturdiest support possible: the steel train tracks... 

It was the Kate Shelley High Bridge, not the B&SV high bridge.

Jeff 

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Posted by Paul_D_North_Jr on Saturday, December 25, 2010 3:19 PM

High-tech consumer gadgets and applications, somewhat irreverent (not "irrelevant")  and perhaps slightly sacriligeous - but pretty funny all the same, and not offensive, in my view - "The Digital Story of the Nativity".  It's 2 mins. 58 secs. long - it moves pretty quickly with some fast editing and cuts - and pay attention to the details for the full effect. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkHNNPM7pJA&feature=youtu.be 

 Interesting, if you look closely you'll see that Nazareth, PA and Bethlehem PA each show up briefly at a certain point - they're both within 10 - 15 miles of here - and I can literally see Egypt, PA out the window to my left. 

A joyous and merry Christmas to all !

- Paul North. 

"This Fascinating Railroad Business" (title of 1943 book by Robert Selph Henry of the AAR)
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Posted by dmoore74 on Saturday, December 25, 2010 1:46 PM

 

 

Romance Novel - 2010 Edition...

 

He grasped me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room.
Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone.
He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. "Just relax."
Without warning he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles,
gently probing, and moving upward along my calves slowly but steadily.
My breath caught in my throat.
I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care.
His touch was so experienced, so sure
When  his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly  closed my eyes.
My pulse was pounding.
I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my ribcage.
 And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply.
Probing, searching, knowing  what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down  my tingling spine.
Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant.
This is a man, I thought.
A man used to  taking charge.
A man not used to taking `no' for an answer.
 A man who would tell me what he wanted.
 A man who would look into my soul and say ...
"Okay, ma'am," said a voice. "All done."
My eyes snapped open and he was standing in front of me, smiling, holding out my purse.
"You can board your flight now."
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Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 3:17 PM

Several years ago, an adventurous pair decided to take their ropes and rappel off the Boone Scenic Valley Railroad train bridge over the Des Moines river. Words can't describe how breathtakingly high this narrow train bridge is over the river valley. The open train ride over the abyss is both stunningly beautiful and somewhat nerve-wracking.

Our adventurers had to be completely fearless, because they walked to the middle of this narrow railroad bridge, tied off their ropes, and began to rappel down. When the train came by on it's daily tour of the valley, their one mistake became apparent. They had tied the ropes to the sturdiest support possible: the steel train tracks... 

(Can you Confirm?) -->

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Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 3:16 PM

(3 November 2006, Michigan) Death by train is almost too common to merit a Darwin Award. Few people are unaware of the three most important facts about trains: 1) Trains cannot stop quickly. 2) Trains cannot swerve. 3) In any collision, the train always wins.

Forgetting these rules, a 20-year old man was walking down the railroad tracks in Comstock Township, near Kalamazoo, Michigan. This, in and of itself, is not even close to Darwinian stupidity. Trains are loud, and they announce their approach from quite a distance, allowing ample time to clear their path. However, our Darwin contender made sure the odds were in the train's favor by wearing a pair of headphones with the music turned up loud. Louder than the train's whistle, apparently.

The news report didn't mention what song he was listening to, but I'm guessing it was "Don't Look Back" by Boston. Not looking back sealed his fate. Despite several loud blasts of the horn by the train engineer, our Darwin contender kept strolling down the rails in musical bliss, until Amtrak removed him from the gene pool. Reference: Kalamazoo Gazette Guest Writer

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Posted by zardoz on Tuesday, November 23, 2010 3:13 PM

1 October 2010, ARIZONA | The Grand Canyon, one of the seven wonders of the world, recently welcomed home the soul of one of the witless wonders of the world. 

Because of the tiresome problem of tourists falling their way into disaster, the more treacherous overlooks in the Grand Canyon are protected by fences and signs. All of these overlooks are spectacular. Some have towering columns, some have small plateaus that tourists toss coins onto, like dry wishing wells.

One entrepreneur wished for financial success. And there in front of him was a means to an end. He had a brilliant, an obvious, idea. No stranger to danger, the man climbed over the fence with a bag, leapt to one of the precarious, coin-covered perches, and filled the bag with booty. Harvest time!

But. When he tried to leap back to the safe side, he went head to head with physics. Specifically, F = mg. Our entrepreneur had increased his mass, and the force required to lift himself against the pull of gravity was now greater.

The heavy bag of coins arrested his jump, and the birds were treated to a view of his long plunge to the valley floor below, followed by a shower of coins. 

Gravity. More than a good idea, it's The Law.

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Posted by zardoz on Saturday, November 20, 2010 8:44 AM

A minister was feeling bored one Sunday and decided to take the day off from church. He told the assistant minister he wasn't feeling well and drove to a golf course about forty miles away so that no one there would know him.

Up in Heaven, the angels were talking. One said to Jesus, "Are you going to let him get away with that?" Jesus said, "No, I won't." The minister teed off on the first hole and suddenly, the wind picked up, blowing the ball right in the hole for a 420 yard hole-in-one.

The angel looked at Jesus and said, "Why did you do that?" Jesus smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

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Posted by zardoz on Saturday, November 20, 2010 8:41 AM

The Pope, having been invited to address the United Nations, arrives in New York and is wisked away in a private limo. Unfortunately, security delays have made the Pope late for his speech and he instructs his driver to make up the delay by driving as fast as he can. Even with the driver's best efforts, the Pope knows they are still going to arrive late and insists that the driver make even better time. The driver fears for the Pope's safety and hesitates to drive any faster. Now totally frustrated, the Pope tells the driver to get in the back and let him drive.

The Pontiff takes the limo beyond known limits, making incredible turns and wildly dodges in and out of traffic in an effort to reach the United Nations in time. Six blocks from their destination a New York police officer catches up with the limo and pulls them over. Upon approaching the driver's side window and recognizing the Pope immediately, the police officer informs the Pope he was speeding and driving recklessly. The Pope explains "We are in a very big hurry to address an international audience on the most urgent of worldly matters". The officer begs the Pope's pardon and returns to his squad car to make a call to headquarters.

"Get me the chief right away!" the officer demands.

"This is the chief, what's the problem?"

"Chief, this is Roberts. I've pulled over a big shot, and I'm not so sure what to do"

"Who is it, the Mayor?" asks the chief.

"Bigger than that" says the officer.

"Don't tell me you pulled over the Governor!" asks the chief.

"Bigger than the Governor" says the officer.

"Bigger than the Governor! A Senator? A Congressman?"

"Bigger" say the officer.

"Who the hell did you pull over, the President of the United States?!" the chief asks, alarmed.

"Chief, I'm not sure who he is, but his driver is the Pope!"

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Posted by zardoz on Saturday, November 20, 2010 8:29 AM

The priest was preparing a dying man for his voyage into the great beyond. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?" The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody."

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Posted by zardoz on Saturday, November 20, 2010 8:25 AM

A little Bear is at his custody hearing. The judge asks Little Bear whom he wants to live with. "Well, I don't want to live with Mamma bear, she beats me. And I do not want to live with Papa Bear, he beats me too."

The Judge asks Little Bear if he has any relatives whom he likes. Little Bear says, "No. . .but I would feel safe with the Chicago Bears.....they don't beat anybody".

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Posted by zardoz on Saturday, November 20, 2010 8:20 AM

"He's great on the court," a sportswriter said of a college basketball player in a interview with his coach. "But's how's his scholastic work?"

"Why, he makes straight A's," replied the coach.

"Wonderful!" said the sportswriter.

"Yes," agreed the coach, "but his B's are a little crooked."

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Posted by zardoz on Saturday, November 20, 2010 8:17 AM

Design Engineers' Terminologies

 

  • A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
    We are still peeing in the wind.

     

  • EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
    We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

     

  • CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION
    We know who to blame.

     

  • MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
    It works OK, but looks very hitech.

     

  • CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED
    We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.

     

  • PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
    The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch

     

  • TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING
    We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

     

  • THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED
    The only person who understood the thing quit.

     

  • IT IS IN THE PROCESS
    It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

     

  • WE WILL LOOK INTO IT
    Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

     

  • PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL
    Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.

     

  • GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING
    We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.

     

  • GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION
    I can't wait to hear this bull!

     

  • SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS
    Come into my office, I'm lonely.

     

  • ALL NEW
    Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

     

  • RUGGED
    Too *** heavy to lift!

     

  • LIGHTWEIGHT
    Lighter than RUGGED.

     

  • YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
    One finally worked.

     

  • ENERGY SAVING
    Achieved when the power switch is off.

     

  • LOW MAINTENANCE
    Impossible to fix if broken

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Posted by zardoz on Saturday, November 20, 2010 8:14 AM

tree68

 

 zardoz:
 I don't know how the engineer could see out the front window.

 

 

 

Who needs to see out the front?  The train'll stay on the rails, and you'll know when to stop when you get there.  I'm sure the frontriders will let you know if there's something in the way...Confused

Yeah, when the 'frontriders' start bailing off at a high rate the visibility will improve just in time to see what you are about to hit.

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Posted by Deggesty on Friday, November 19, 2010 10:16 PM

Paul_D_North_Jr

 zardoz:
  And you thought your commuter train was crowded......

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=54403 

Mischief What the NJT trains to Penn Station NYC will look like in a few years, now that NJ Governor Chris Christie cancelled the ARC = 2 new tunnels under the Hudson River . . .

Yes, and what will the majority of the passengers do as the train approaches the Hudson River?

Johnny

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Posted by Paul_D_North_Jr on Friday, November 19, 2010 3:31 PM

zardoz
  And you thought your commuter train was crowded......

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=54403 

Mischief What the NJT trains to Penn Station NYC will look like in a few years, now that NJ Governor Chris Christie cancelled the ARC = 2 new tunnels under the Hudson River . . .

"This Fascinating Railroad Business" (title of 1943 book by Robert Selph Henry of the AAR)
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Posted by tree68 on Friday, November 19, 2010 7:11 AM

zardoz
 I don't know how the engineer could see out the front window.

Who needs to see out the front?  The train'll stay on the rails, and you'll know when to stop when you get there.  I'm sure the frontriders will let you know if there's something in the way...Confused

LarryWhistling
Resident Microferroequinologist (at least at my house) 
Everyone goes home; Safety begins with you
My Opinion. Standard Disclaimers Apply. No Expiration Date
Come ride the rails with me!
There's one thing about humility - the moment you think you've got it, you've lost it...

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Posted by zardoz on Thursday, November 18, 2010 7:18 PM

ChuckCobleigh

 

 zardoz:

 

And you thought your commuter train was crowded......

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=54403

 

 

 

That wasn't a typical railfan excursion?

If so, it certainly was a tad overbooked.

I don't know how the engineer could see out the front window.

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Posted by ChuckCobleigh on Thursday, November 18, 2010 4:53 PM

zardoz

And you thought your commuter train was crowded......

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=54403

 

That wasn't a typical railfan excursion?

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Posted by zardoz on Thursday, November 18, 2010 1:03 PM

And you thought your commuter train was crowded......

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=54403

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Posted by Ishmael on Tuesday, November 16, 2010 3:39 PM

Two grumpy old men are sitting on a bench in a waiting room in a railroad station.

One says, "I just bought a round trip ticket."

The other says, "Where to?"

The first says, Why right here, you fool!"

Baltimore and Ohio-America's First Railroad
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Posted by Mr. Railman on Tuesday, November 16, 2010 12:21 PM

Good one. This one might not go under humor but it can relate to the subject.

Back in the 60s, the CTA had a little garden at their Kimball yard. Waterfowl and woodland critters would stop by the little slice of nature or make it their home. The employees would use the area as a BBQ type thing. unfortunately, it was removed when they did construction on the yard in the 70s 

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Posted by Anonymous on Tuesday, November 16, 2010 11:54 AM

Cannibal Nbr. 1:  My wife has been disagreeing with me.

Cannibal Nbr. 2: Could be just the garlic or the onions, but here, have an antacid.

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Posted by locomutt on Saturday, November 6, 2010 9:28 AM

Murphy Siding

     Test-  main page shows this thread as locked?

Not now; it was.

Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!!

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Posted by Murphy Siding on Saturday, November 6, 2010 9:21 AM

     Test-  main page shows this thread as locked?

Thanks to Chris / CopCarSS for my avatar.

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Posted by Kootenay Central on Saturday, November 6, 2010 12:16 AM

 Thank You.

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Posted by Semper Vaporo on Friday, November 5, 2010 11:27 PM

That is the result of the earthquake in New Zealand in early September (6th or 7th).  When I first saw that particular image in a posting on another forum I didn't believe it.  The poster then provided other images and others found news reports about it and there were other images of the same damage from other angles.  I decided to try to figure out what the earth did to cause that particular kinking.  My best guess is that about 100-feet of track was compressed to a length of only about 90.5 feet.  It is remarkable that the track remained so flat.  Note how the ballast was just flung sideways at the peaks of the kinks.

Semper Vaporo

Pkgs.

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Posted by ChuckCobleigh on Friday, November 5, 2010 11:00 PM

dmoore74

 

Now that's just kinky!

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Posted by Deggesty on Friday, November 5, 2010 5:43 PM

Before reading Mutt's comment, I thought, "I wonder what the speed limit is." It really is amazing how much the rails seem to have stretched under the strain.

Johnny

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Posted by locomutt on Friday, November 5, 2010 5:30 PM

If I remember correctly, that was due to an earthquake; not sure I would call that one humorous.

Being Crazy,keeps you from going "INSANE" !! "The light at the end of the tunnel,has been turned off due to budget cuts" NOT AFRAID A Vet., and PROUD OF IT!!

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Posted by dmoore74 on Friday, November 5, 2010 5:04 PM

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