A model railroader ?...

[Anonymous]

I know a guy that has train fever like a gambler has the gambling bug... This guy isn't rich, but almost every Friday or Saturday he takes off for one of the area hobby shops and blows anywhere from $150.00 to $300.00 on engines or rolling stock-almost his entire paycheck. The thing about this guy is that he's not mechanically inclined, and has to pay someone to build his layouts as well as work on his engines and rolling stock when they're broken, but calls himself a model railroader...

Do any of you folks know anyone like this ?.

trainluver1

[Anonymous]

Yes, sort of. He retired at age 55 from Ford Motor but he has money. He was always asking me to do work for him. I enjoyed it, but it got to be a bit much. After all, I had my own projects too. However he gave up the hobby and took up bike riding (there was a woman involved, good for him!) and he gave me all his Seivers bench work that he paid a fortune for.

[AntonioFP45]

I see what you're saying about the man that you know, Trainluver. But, yes, even though he doesn't lift a finger to detail, repair, or build he is still a model railroader if he's running realistic "models" and not toys. Spending that kind of money seems to indicate that he is serious about the hobby. Sounds like he's either an operations modeler or a "watch the trains roll" guy.

I've noticed in the past that people like this are usually intimidated by the crafts and, in their mind, find them too challenging (caprentry, electricity, mechanical, etc). Sometimes they're too proud or embarassed to admit it, especially some of the ones with higher education backgrounds. After high school I went to work at a bank. One day as I was leaving for home, I found one of the senior executives in the parking lot looking under the hood of an employee's car. To my surprise, he was trying to figure out how to hook up jumper cables!

So TrainLuver1,

it still would be good though if this gentleman that you know took the time out and did learn to perform "some" maintenance. Perhaps you could offer to teach him some of the basics of maintenance and minor repairs. At times, even proud or lazy people respond to a kind offer as long as they don't detect that its out of criticism or ridicule.

Just something to think about!

Cheers![:D]

[turbine682]

Yes, I would agree he is a model railroader as stated above.

Yes, Siever's costs a fortune.

--Ed

[cwclark]

he is a model railroader but maybe you can talk him into joining a club instead of you and others building his layout for him ..there, he can just operate and leave the tricky stuff to the guys at the workbench....Chuck

[Anonymous]

I knew a fellow sort of like this a while ago. He was partially handicapped but did have a job so he made some money. He didn't have much, but he sure was interested in trains. He wasn't very nimble with his fingers so another friend did a lot of work for him like adding Kadee couplers, assembling models, etc. Other than his two cats he didn't have much of a life, and playing with his model trains seemed to be the high point of his life. He passed away several years ago. He might not have fit into the tradditional "model railroader" mold, but he was one with all of his heart.

Rest in peace Malcolm. Hope there are trains wherever you are now.

Bob Boudreau

[davekelly]

Bob,
Lucky that Malcolm found a hobby that could be the high point of his life. Although it is sad that he passed away, I've always wondered what would his life have been like had he not found a hobby. Seems to me that older folks who have a hobby that challenges the mind seem to have a higher quality of life and live longer.

Dave

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by trainluver1

I know a guy that has train fever like a gambler has the gambling bug... This guy isn't rich, but almost every Friday or Saturday he takes off for one of the area hobby shops and blows anywhere from $150.00 to $300.00 on engines or rolling stock-almost his entire paycheck..... and has to pay someone to build his layouts as well as work on his engines and rolling stock when they're broken, but calls himself a model railroader... trainluver1

Is this a close friend of yours? He appears to have an adictive personality. It's good he's not spending his money on drinking or drugs that can ruin his mind and health. Fortunately he does have something to show for the money he spends and if he gets into a tough financial bind, he can sell them, maybe for more than what he paid for. As Antonio said, he is still a model railroader because he is serious about the hobby. If paying someone else to do the modeling doesn't make you a model railroader, then anyone who buys prebuilt or RTR models is not a true model railroader.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I should tell you folks a little more about this guy so you'll be able to get a better idea of the kind of person he is. Yes gsetter, I guess you could say he's a "distant" friend of mine, and yes, he is the kind that has an addictive personality. He just ended a seven year relationship with a prostitute-if you can call it a relationship, is filthy and disorganized and has one of the most vulgar mouths on earth... Every time I turn around he's calling me to come over and repair one of his engines or something that he's droped and broken because he's so clumsy. It's as if he never learns. I've tried being patient with him and tried teaching him things, but I'd have better luck trying to teach a rock... I don't mean to be so critical of the guy, but this is really how he is.

trainluver1

[tstage]

Sam,

You need to sit down with this guy and set him straight. MRRing is a hobby; not a reason for existance.

Perhaps I may come across to be a bit harsh on th fella but what he is doing is NOT good. I would go out on a limb and state that your friend is most likely pouring himself into MRRing and, at the same time, procrastinating and'or neglecting other areas of his life. I know because I fight those "temptations" myself. This is a good reminder for me. You've got to keep everything you do in perspective.

Sam, I just read your last post. Your friend has some deep needs that only Someone greater than all of us here on this forum can help him with. I will be praying for him. Keep us posted. E-mail me directly if you'd like to talk further.

Tom

[Todd McWilliam]

I am terrible at benchwork, so I paid a carpenter to build me a really nice train layout table. It is beautiful, it is stained and looks great. the wife is happy and now I can lay the track, and make a great layout. There are just some things in this hobby not all of us are good at, and benchwork is mine. [:D]

[Anonymous]

The guy sounds like he definitely has some issues that need some attention. I think whether or not he falls into some category of being a model railroader or not is a fairly irrelevant matter compared to these deeper problems. I would be less concerned with putting the proper label on him and more concerned with allowing the time spent on your common interest in MRRing to be a good influence on him.

[selector]

The man is self-absorbed and old enough that it will be virtually impossible to reform him. A person who seeks shallow and non-commital relationships, as evinced, not by his association with prostitutes, but his inability to find contentment with even one of his new train purchases, will not respond well to interference.. He needs to feel in control, and prostitutes and assuaging his materialistic predilection is a symptom of that need.

If you enjoy working on his locos, then do it for that reason alone if need be. Otherwise, you are making a torn soul happier the way he defines it.

My 0.005 cents worth.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by selector

The man is self-absorbed and old enough that it will be virtually impossible to reform him. A person who seeks shallow and non-commital relationships, as evinced, not by his association with prostitutes, but his inability to find contentment with even one of his new train purchases, will not respond well to interference.. He needs to feel in control, and prostitutes and assuaging his materialistic predilection is a symptom of that need.

If you enjoy working on his locos, then do it for that reason alone if need be. Otherwise, you are making a torn soul happier the way he defines it.

My 0.005 cents worth.

You hit the nail right on the head. In my opinion he is incurable, and will leave this world just like he is-maybe way before his time if he doesn't take some of that money he's been blowing and get his steering system on his car repaired...

trainluver1

[tstage]

Mary and Martha thought Lazerus was "incurable". Jesus thought otherwise. (John 11)

Tom

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by trainluver1

... I guess you could say he's a "distant" friend of mine, and yes, he is the kind that has an addictive personality.

Sounds more like an irritating acquaintance than a friend to you.

QUOTE: He just ended a seven year relationship with a prostitute-if you can call it a relationship, is filthy and disorganized and has one of the most vulgar mouths on earth..

In other words, low self-esteem and a loud mouth slob that doesn't make much money. I think I work with him!
Seriously, If anyone needs therapy, this poor soul does. As Tom said "(his) inability to find contentment with even one of his new train purchases, will not respond well to interference". It is not about model railroading but escapism. He is most likely in denial and may not realize he has a problem until he hits bottom. It's more obvious when drinking, drugs or gambling is involved.
Are there other people in his life, like family, who genuinely care about him? Do you know and talk to them?

QUOTE: Every time I turn around he's calling me to come over and repair one of his engines or something that he's droped and broken...

He's got your number and you're enabling him, sorry to say. He'll keep calling you because you're a caring person at heart (otherwise you would just take his money or tell him to get bent) and he's going to take advantage of that.
For example, I knew a guy, Tim, who had a friend, Charlie, who worked in an auto parts store. Tim needed a starter for his truck, but he also knew the starter ring on the flywheel was chewing up the starter. Replacing the flywheel was a lot of work and he didn't want to do it or pay to have it done. So Instead of replacing the flywheel, he would just change the starter. When the starter would wear out in a month or two, he'd take it back to Charlie. Being a good friend, Charlie would replace it under warranty for free. When I asked Tim why he didn't just replace the flywheel, he said " why should I when I can get new starters from Charlie".
You may be dealing with a person with flawed logic.

QUOTE: It's as if he never learns.

Sometimes they do, others never. Just pray he doesn't kill or hurt himself or someone else.

QUOTE: ...I've tried being patient with him and tried teaching him things, but I'd have better luck trying to teach a rock...

Sounds like it's getting to you. Don't let it discourage you from helping others. You win some, you loose some. You don't have to respond to him everytime he calls.

QUOTE: I don't mean to be so critical of the guy, but this is really how he is.

You must see some redeeming qualities in him. If you don't think he'd get mad and kill you, be frank with him. Tell him he's going to crash and burn if he doesn't get his priorities straight. One day it's all going to catch up to him. He may not like what you say or listen, but he will remember your warning when it happens.

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by gsetter

QUOTE: Originally posted by trainluver1

... I guess you could say he's a "distant" friend of mine, and yes, he is the kind that has an addictive personality.

Sounds more like an irritating acquaintance than a friend to you.

QUOTE: He just ended a seven year relationship with a prostitute-if you can call it a relationship, is filthy and disorganized and has one of the most vulgar mouths on earth..

In other words, low self-esteem and a loud mouth slob that doesn't make much money. I think I work with him!
Seriously, If anyone needs therapy, this poor soul does. As Tom said "(his) inability to find contentment with even one of his new train purchases, will not respond well to interference". It is not about model railroading but escapism. He is most likely in denial and may not realize he has a problem until he hits bottom. It's more obvious when drinking, drugs or gambling is involved.
Are there other people in his life, like family, who genuinely care about him? Do you know and talk to them?

QUOTE: Every time I turn around he's calling me to come over and repair one of his engines or something that he's droped and broken...

He's got your number and you're enabling him, sorry to say. He'll keep calling you because you're a caring person at heart (otherwise you would just take his money or tell him to get bent) and he's going to take advantage of that.
For example, I knew a guy, Tim, who had a friend, Charlie, who worked in an auto parts store. Tim needed a starter for his truck, but he also knew the starter ring on the flywheel was chewing up the starter. Replacing the flywheel was a lot of work and he didn't want to do it or pay to have it done. So Instead of replacing the flywheel, he would just change the starter. When the starter would wear out in a month or two, he'd take it back to Charlie. Being a good friend, Charlie would replace it under warranty for free. When I asked Tim why he didn't just replace the flywheel, he said " why should I when I can get new starters from Charlie".
You may be dealing with a person with flawed logic.

QUOTE: It's as if he never learns.

Sometimes they do, others never. Just pray he doesn't kill or hurt himself or someone else.

QUOTE: ...I've tried being patient with him and tried teaching him things, but I'd have better luck trying to teach a rock...

Sounds like it's getting to you. Don't let it discourage you from helping others. You win some, you loose some. You don't have to respond to him everytime he calls.

QUOTE: I don't mean to be so critical of the guy, but this is really how he is.

You must see some redeeming qualities in him. If you don't think he'd get mad and kill you, be frank with him. Tell him he's going to crash and burn if he doesn't get his priorities straight. One day it's all going to catch up to him. He may not like what you say or listen, but he will remember your warning when it happens.

Thanks for all the great advice and so forth gsetter. I mean that. You could have just read it all, laughed and moved on like a lot of people have probably done.

I've tried talking sense to this guy, and tried to reason with him about the fact that nothing stays the same forever. One day moma's going to be gone, and he's going to have to make his own living and way through life, which will include spending his money a lot more wisely than he has been. He won't be able to blow his paychecks like he has. And very few people beyond his mom are going to put up with him going off on one of his
infamous cursing and threatening tantrums. He may not mean it, but the law won't take it lightly...

If you ask me-not that I'm a qualified professional, I'd say that he's headed for a break down of some kind in the future. I don't really think he's the type that would hurt himself or someone else, but then that's been said before only to find out otherwise.
He puts on this tough guy, vulgar mouth front, yet he's as fragile as can be.
Like you said, he pours himself into the train hobby in order to avoid all other issues in life. But I've got news for him, he's eventually going to have to face them anyway...

Another thing about him is that he refuses to even attempt to learn new things. He won't change his car oil or check his fluid levels-let alone wash it. He has no knowledge of tools, machinery or anything else mechanical or electronic, nothing.

You're right in what you said about my "having to put up with him", and that's the only reason I have anything to do with him. Otherwise I would have told him to go get f----d a long time ago!.

I could go on and on, but I think you have a pretty good idea of the character I'm having to deal with here. Just wish me luck that I'll get away from him soon and back to my own quiet life...

I had a really bad head injury back in 1981 on a construction job and had seizures for about three years. I'm normally real quiet and reserved, and not really up to dealing with someone like this.

I do home repairs for a living, and it all started about two years ago when his mom asked me to stop by and look at a leak under her kitchen sink. I got to talking to him, we got on the subject of trains, I told him I had some N scale stuff for sale, he got interested and bought it, and I've had to put up with him ever since.

Oh well. Life deals us all a different hand. Some people get a full house or a straight, while the rest of us get what we do...

Thanks again for listening.

trainluver1

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by trainluver1
Thanks for all the great advice and so forth gsetter. I mean that. You could have just read it all, laughed and moved on like a lot of people have probably done.

I've been there brother. I know exactly what you are experiencing.

QUOTE: One day moma's going to be gone, and he's going to have to make his own living and way through life

He'll have to grow up fast when she does. He will probably inherit her home and that will be a big reality check. I hope he has family. Let me guess his age. 35'ish?

QUOTE: I don't really think he's the type that would hurt himself or someone else, but then that's been said before only to find out otherwise.

I didn't think so. You said he should get steering on his car fixed. I was concerned he get into an accident.

QUOTE: He puts on this tough guy, vulgar mouth front, yet he's as fragile as can be.

Like a barking dog. If a dog wants to bite you and he has the chance, he will! He's not going to warn you first.

QUOTE: Like you said, he pours himself into the train hobby in order to avoid all other issues in life.

Actually Tom said that and I just reflected on it.

QUOTE: ... Just wish me luck that I'll get away from him soon and back to my own quiet life...

Yes, good luck with that. Just let him know you don't have time and recommend someone else. After all, you're not his father and you didn't raise him. It's sad though that he's like that. It's fun and rewarding to teach someone who wants to learn.

QUOTE: I had a really bad head injury back in 1981 on a construction job and had seizures for about three years. I'm normally real quiet and reserved, and not really up to dealing with someone like this.

My God! I should say not. You probably more empathetic towards people after having to deal with the seizures. Experiencing pain and suffering will do that.
I do volunteer work at an animal shelter. As hard as we try, we just can't save them all. Same with people. Either they have to save themself or by a higher power.

[Anonymous]

So tell me gsetter. Is this guy I'm telling you about a rare and isolated case, or are there more like him out there ?... I pray not.

trainluver1

[selector]

They are out there, male and female, educated and not, rich and poor.

I still think you'd have to have the will and constitution of Mother Theresa to even think about dealing with this person's habits, preferences, and interests. An old saying in psychology is that a person does what they are reinforced for doing. Gamblers are reinforced intermittently when they win, and this sets up the brain for the compulsive behaviours that follow in the hope of reproducing the excitement and euphoria that accompanied their last 'win'...which is really a loss because the cycle then repeats itself.

I stand on my last advice; do it because you want to get your own reinforcement out of it. Once it gets overhwelmed by the other types of 'interference', you can move on.

Let me ask you a question. Is he miserable? Then how can you judge him?

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by selector

They are out there, male and female, educated and not, rich and poor.

I still think you'd have to have the will and constitution of Mother Theresa to even think about dealing with this person's habits, preferences, and interests. An old saying in psychology is that a person does what they are reinforced for doing. Gamblers are reinforced intermittently when they win, and this sets up the brain for the compulsive behaviours that follow in the hope of reproducing the excitement and euphoria that accompanied their last 'win'...which is really a loss because the cycle then repeats itself.

I stand on my last advice; do it because you want to get your own reinforcement out of it. Once it gets overhwelmed by the other types of 'interference', you can move on.

Let me ask you a question. Is he miserable? Then how can you judge him?

He's miserable as long as everyone else is happy, and does his best to try and ruin a festive or fun atmosphere. He refers to people with class and manners as stuck up prissies that need a good stomping. I know that he's also including me when he says things like that, which I ignore and go on, but God help him if he ever says something directly to me in such a way because I'll break a leg off of a chair and wear it out on him!. Gasoline is peaceful until it meets fire...
To sum this guy up I would have to say that he is one of the worst if not the worst human being I've ever had the misfortune of knowing in my life, and I pray to God I never know another one like him...
I come from a strict, upper middle class type back ground, so you can imagine how I view people like this.

Thanks for listening guys. Sorry to bother you with my troubles.

trainluver1

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by trainluver1

So tell me gsetter. Is this guy I'm telling you about a rare and isolated case, or are there more like him out there ?... I pray not. trainluver1

He has a serious personality disorder. Oh, yea. They're out there more or less. Just ask 8500HPGASTURBINE. He met one in a hobby shop.

[Anonymous]

I forgot to mention that about four years ago, his mom told him that she didn't want his prostitute girlfriend in her house ever again, so he exploded and threw a chair at her. She called the police and they took him to a mental hospital in Houston for evaluation for a couple of days. He must have really put on an act because they let him out after about 48 hours. He was telling me about it and laughing, but I told him that he's got a record now, and that if they ever put him back in there that he's going to be staying for a while next time...
He's one of these that when he gets mad, he starts ranting and raving about all the things he's going to say and do, but then when he confronts who he's mad at, he doesn't say a word-unless it's his poor old mom.

trainluver1