A little humor in these trying times.
SWITCHMAN - A man dedicated to doing less today than what he did yesterday. Looks his best when standing in the rain. Some of these men, after years of training, can spot a returnable bottle at 75 car lengths if the light is good. Can also carry three times his body weight in copper, brass or grain -- depending on the season. HEADEND BRAKEMAN - A new man who does all his thinking with his feet. Target of criticism for the rest of the crew. He can generally add short columns of single digits if not rushed. REAR BRAKEMAN - The conductor's stooge; a lazy fellow of average ignorance who bosses the head brakeman, tries to act like an old head while silently contemplating on how he would do the work were he the conductor. CONDUCTOR - A grouchy individual, void of soul, with a big head and flat feet. Continually advising rear brakeman as to both handling women and running engines. FIREMAN - A mental midget with a pointed head, hero worshiper of the engineer. He is usually found talking to beanery queen or trying to figure his time. Also coaches student brakemen. ENGINEER - A marked success story, an authority on government and financial matters. Can usually write his own name. Has a burning envy of road foremen; spends most of his time at the water tank taking slack or oiling around. CREW CALLER - An absolutely friendless character who takes fiendish delight in making calls too short when you want to eat and too long when you want to sleep. Passes the buck and sheds crocodile tears for the rawhided crew. Apathetic soul when timeslipped. TRAIN DISPATCHER - Dot-dash expert wired for sound. Tonnage hog and side track artist. Sees all, knows nothing, poor guesser whose hobby is delaying trains. ROAD FOREMAN - A rare blend of talent and tact. A job taken by those engineers with a marked inability to handle switch engines. Usually promoted at insistence of customers to prevent further damage to their goods. ASST. SUPERINTENDENT - Typewriter expert greatly impressed by his own importance. Loves to make tests and instruct students. Chief qualifications: learn to smoke cigars and look intelligent. SUPERINTENDENT - A brakeman or switchman who couldn't add short columns of single digits, abhorred criticism; couldn't act like an old head because he didn't know how to do the work. Chief qualification: has a name with a nice ring to it to go on the timetable.
Love it!
I once heard that a head brakeman's greatest fear was to come to work fully rested.
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