General Discussion (Model Railroader)

My best guess is that if she doesn't like your hobbies, then she really doesn't completely like you, since our interests are part of our personality. 

The same goes both ways. I support my wife's hobbies fully, no serious complaints, and she shows me the same amount of respect.

I must bring up the budget idea, though. As it is we only do any luxury spending after tax returns come in, and I'm not really making very much progress, but then I DO have too many hobbies as it is.

:)

We keep our pay and budgets separate in our house. So i can spend what i want on trains and she spends what she wants on her hobbies. She knows I have tried several hobbies before trains and now she is happy i found a hobby i really like. As long as the bills are paid i can do what i want. She does make comments about me buying allot of engines but they are very interesting to me. I enjoy purchasing an engine and reading up on the history on the internet. She likes i found a hobby I really can sink my teeth into and dont loose interest. She is into crafts so she helps me with the layout. I am not very artisitc but she shows me how to do certain things. The biggest beef is really how much space can i use in the basement for trains. I have an 8x11ft layout and going to add a 4x4 to it, that is the most she will allow me to do. I have a 11x28 utilitiy room that is just open space with the washer and dryer. Though she does not want my layout near the laundry area or the furnace. I can handle that and I could not have the house if we were not together.

 Just remember one thing. Whats hers is hers and whats yours is hers too. For some reason the courts believe that too. First wife just hated to see me happy. Second is a whole lot better and realy tolerates the hobby. She even buys me trains. Now after the kids have gone again (They keep coming back again and again) I took over the top floor of the house for a layout space.

     Pete

Including her in the hobby to some extent,a request for advice or constructive criticism, can go a long way to keeping things balanced, that way she won't feel that 'it's the trains or her' but never both. If a scene doesn't look quite right, ask her what she thinks. Being an 'outsider' to the hobby, she'll likely have some viewpoints that you wouldn't have considered otherwise, and that may be exactly what you need at the time. It can't hurt to ask (unless she says that you are a terrible modeler).

I'm lucky, my wife is a pretty good painter, and I suck at it. She wants to paint the backdrop, so I said 'Great!'

I quit smoking so I am aloud to spend not quite what I smoked but close enough for satisfaction. How long can it go on? Probably not much longer, its been a year already so I think my time is just about up. Will have to squirrel away my 20.00 dollar allowance.

I am fascinated reading all this I do this, she does that, stuff.

45 years ago, I moved from my parents' house into the Navy.  42 years ago, I came home on a 96 hour liberty, married her, and took her directly from her parents' home to our new home.  She was 18 and I was 20.  Neither of us ever lived on our own.  We adjusted to life away from our parents together.  perhaps that is why we have never had any his and hers.  Everything is ours. (Though we do maintain separate exlusive use of most of the clothing).  We have two cars, but they are not his and hers.  They are both ours.  We do almost everything together.  We meet for lunch every Wednesday.  We have a date, usually dinner and a movie, every Friday.

Soooooooo...  Why would she get upset when I spend some of OUR money to buy something for OUR train?

 Hello,

thank you everybody for the awesome responses.  I very greatly appreciate all the advice.  It has certainly given me a lot of food for thought and I believe there will be a few more purchases.  

Thank you again everybody.

Frank

I'll admit that, on the verge of moving out with my girlfriend, this has been food for thought for me as well.  Not so much the spending - I've got most of what I need, with the rest en route from the USA as we speak.

 The key points I've gotten from this are;

1) It's important to have someone who supports - or at least understands - your attachment to the hobby.

2) You need to make sure that your attachment to the hobby doesn't overwhelm/replace your devotion to her

3) Time and budget management are critical.

I think my gf's got a slight interest - I told her this from our second date, and she's bought me a few items.  There's an LHS a couple of streets away from her place, and she's even suggested a visit there, once or twice.  I think she's mainly interested in it from a scenery/artistic POV.

Time will tell...

tbdanny:

I'll admit that, on the verge of moving out with my girlfriend, this has been food for thought for me as well.  Not so much the spending - I've got most of what I need, with the rest en route from the USA as we speak.

 The key points I've gotten from this are;

1) It's important to have someone who supports - or at least understands - your attachment to the hobby.

2) You need to make sure that your attachment to the hobby doesn't overwhelm/replace your devotion to her

3) Time and budget management are critical.

I think my gf's got a slight interest - I told her this from our second date, and she's bought me a few items.  There's an LHS a couple of streets away from her place, and she's even suggested a visit there, once or twice.  I think she's mainly interested in it from a scenery/artistic POV.

Time will tell...

Those all seem like great points.  Anyone dating should keep in mind how you hobby fits in with your future g/f or spouse.  I'm dating and engaged and discussed my hobby with my fiancee.  She seems to understand its important to me and may even participate in it with me.  The finances will be something we will have to work at - for now I've been able to (as a single guy) buy at my own pace and disgression, but I know that will change when I have to live with a wife again, and a budget.  My firstr wife was extreemly tight with what I could budget monthly and eventually I circumvented it in various ways.  She expected me to only spend $20/mo which was pretty hard to stick too, probably is for most people.  Fortunately during my last 8 or 9 years on my own, I've been able to collect a sizable roster of loco's and rolling stock so in the future, hopefully it will be easier since there will be mostly filling in gaps.