Let me start off by saying I am not saying I won't have a child if that interferes with trains. I simply would like to hear from people as to what to expect after having children. I would fully expect to be there for any children I have and make them my priority. My wife is not pregnant now, but I would like that to be different soon.
I know that the last time my father worked on his trains was the day my oldest sister (the first child) was born. He later gave me his trains and I took off with it. My dad's cousin was very into Lionel trains and always talked about having a great layout, but 22 years later, with his last child in college, he has yet to do anything with it. He has a ton of the original Lionel trains and houses in their original boxes, but it's pretty clear they'll stay there.
I currently live in a townhouse and have the dream of building a nice N scale layout when my wife and I get a house, but I'm wondering if I'm dreaming too big. What have you experienced regarding your ability to work and run your trains before and after having kids. Obviously your financial resources cannot be as you'd like with your trains, and I know you need to first be a good parent to your child.
Should I expect to kiss my trains goodbye until after all children are out of the house, or is there a balance that still leaves you with enough time to still work on or build a layout without neglecting your children? All honesty would be appreciated. Thank you.
The N scale section of my website is now uploaded with a lot of various things. Check it out: www.CarlettaTrains.com
Not goodbye, but so long for about 20 years. Both your examples are my story too. Its called 'life happens'. It has its good side though. After the twenty years is over, if everything went well, you get to break out your trains again and start all over. Kinda like Xmas in summer.
Kids are a huge responsibility. Especially in todays world. Which takes time not only from your hobbys, but other aspects of your life. There is one saving grace though.... During the 20 years, at any time you can introduce your offspring to trains.
Hopefully they will get the bug too and then not only do you get to enjoy your hobby without the 20 year wait, but you have one more thing to share with your children. Do know this does have a 50/50 chance of happening.
I had a beautiful little girl. And much like i would expect, she preferred Barbies than trains. So i got the 20 year wait which is pretty much now over. Merry Christmas!
So yes, Id have to say sometimes, your trains go on hold when you have kids.
Kids and trains can co-exist or conflict, much depends on your space and your other halfs understanding of having a hobby.
There is always the almighty dollar to think about, kids cost money. Hobbies cost money, but what I did was set aside a little each week for my interests. Amazing how it will add up if you faithfully add to the kitty. If she has a hobby or likes to do things with the girls, you can each have your little "fun account." Personally, I was able to say it was my cigarette money, but I know many need it for their habit, which they can't let go of. My wife travels to see friends and supports many feline critters as her "hobbies."
With tiny ones, one can babysit with your ears and hobby with your hands. As they get bigger, they need to be watched more, but hopefully they enjoy watching trains from their chair. Later, as they become more active your hobby time will decrease, bowing to helping with homework, attending concerts and sporting events. Hopefully they enjoy helping dad with his hobby, their participation will also be altered by the above, but a little together time is always nice. Mine weren't particularly interested and we didn't have a good place to set anything up. Once they were out on their own, I was able to begin to do more. I had collected some things and was planning a nice, sizeable layout. Unfortunatly, one that flew the nest returned and reduced my planned space to 1/3 of what I was originally planning on.
Kids and hobbies can co-exist, but ther will be many times when family over rides hobby. It is a place to "escape" to when a little seperation is needed. Maybe you just go to a show, build a kit or read, but it keeps you connected.
Good luck,
Richard
snjroyIf you truly enjoy model railroading, you will find the time.
Just as the above statement says.....not only Model railroading, but any other hobby.
Worked a full time job, went to school 4hrs, watched daughter, while wife worked part-time, then slept and cycle repeated. Still found time to build or paint a model. Maybe on weekends, but still had the time. Had four kids, now eight grandkids. Had my own built custom cars, owned my own semi's/repaired same. You would be surprised at what you are capable of, once you put your mind to it. Going on 73 now, been retired 14yrs and take one day at a time, don't worry about tomorrow....put Your energy into taking care of today. Tomorrow will come whether you like it or not.
Take Care!
Frank
Nope. My model railroad career started when I was 2, somewhwere I have an old 8mm silent home movie of me running the train around the Christmas tree. We ALWAYS had a layout, if only during the holidays, because we didn;t have any spare space in the house, all the while I was gorwing up and even after my little sister came along.
When mine were about 4 and newborn, I had a shelf layout in what was supposed to be a 'closet' - a 'closet' with no rods for hangers, and no shelves til I put some in, one level for my layout, the other for my railroad books and magazines.
Obviously you don;t want HO and smaller trains within reach of a baby or toddler, the pieces are too small and too easily swallowed, and at that age they taste everything. That doesn't mean you can;t have a layout though. As they get older, you teach them to handle things with care - I was brought up to respect other people and other people's things, and to take care of my things, be they toys or tools or whatever. About the only thing I had trouble with were the N scale remote switches when i was about 5, they had the old Atlas 'lever' control boxes - move the lever, then push it a bit further momentarily to power the coil. I had no problem with the HO ones, with various kinds of controls (since the layout grew over time, there were many brands represented), but the N scale ones, I kept burning out coils. Back then no one had heard of a capacitor discharge supply. By 7 I had figured out wiring - one Saturday morning, I found my Dad had finished the track all the way around the loop, so I turned everything on and tried to run a train around. it got halfway and stopped. I did some investigating, and found the insulated joiners - and the extra feeders for the back half. I managed to wire them up and had the train running by the time my Dad got back from his half day shift. (and you wonder why I went to college for electrical engineering...). The final two years of that layout, I was the only one who could actually operate it. Even though my Dad built most of it, he couldn;t get more than a lap or two without throwing a switch wrong and derailing. People would come over and I'd sit in my chair in front of the control panel with my engineer cap on and run multiple trains on different routes and occasionally switch on all the structure lights. Managed to get part of it put up myself the year after that, first Christmas without my Dad. I just couldn;t get the second half up the stairs from the basement, it was too heavy - it had a large mountain made the old-fashioned way with all heavy plaster. But I could run trains, and the tradition of always having trains for the holidays continued on. I didn;t want to take it down, but it took up too much of the family room, so i negotiated with my Mom to dig out the N scale and build a smaller layout that I could leave up all the time, about a 2x4, from one of the Atlas books. I had that for a few years and then went back to HO, with a 4x8 in my bedroom. By then I was getting more interested in some sort of operating, rather than just have things go around in circles, so I planned a bigger layout that would have still fit but I wasn;t allowed to build - so back to N scale, this time a 3x6, so nearly equivalent to the 6x12 HO layout i wanted to build. That one lasted into HS when computers, school, and preparing for college started taking up more of my time. It's still in my Mom's basement, with some hefty track cleaning it could probably still run, but when I look at it I realize how much I didn't know at the time.
Now, it doesn;t alway stake hold though, this model railroad bug. I got it good. I had trains around my kids from when they were small, took them on train rides, the whole works, same as me when i was little. Neither one today is much interested in any of this, at 23 and 19. They might go if I go ride a train somewhere, but help on the layout? Run trains? Not really. Maybe they'll come around, but I don;t hold out much hope. Maybe in the distant future when there are grandkids, they'll be someone to play trains with. And it better be WAY distant future, too.
--Randy
Modeling the Reading Railroad in the 1950's
Visit my web site at www.readingeastpenn.com for construction updates, DCC Info, and more.
My late wife and I found even with kids we needed "me" time and this worked quite well and resulted in a happy family-the kids had their pursuits like school work, football practice and cheer leading practice and after becoming teenagers we had to loosen the leash a tad and allow them to hang with their friends like normal teens and of course this loosen up some free time for mom and pop.
So,yes,children and hobbies can coexist if one allows it too..
Larry
Conductor.
Summerset Ry.
"Stay Alert, Don't get hurt Safety First!"
I am 57 and my wife is 53 and we have been retired for 5 years. My son is 15 and my daughter is 12. I work on the layout when they are at school, so yes I have time since I'm retired. Before! No way!
Both kids go to a hoity toity private school that has us very busy. Both son and daughter have been on the school swim team, golf team and other sports teams. Out of school hockey tournaments and swim events. My son plays the drums (takes lessons) and my daughter plays piano, clarinet, and cello (takes lessons). The school requires many volunteer hours be done by the students every year, so there is also that. Weekends are still a "forget it" for "me" time.
Having kids was without a doubt the best thing I have ever done. They are and should be your life. They will require less attention as they grow and they grow very quickly. Less attention means they can feed themselves , dress themselves and do their homework and take care of other responsibilities without being told. It doesn't mean they know how to turn on the TV by themselves so my job is over.
I don't think you will miss trains when you have kids. I stopped a lot of activities I loved when my kids came along and didn't miss them (the activities) a bit. I was too tired to.
My kids and I spent many years with a giant Thomas setup on a 5' x 10' sheet of plywood. I had just as much fun as they did.
It may just be me, but I would feel really guilty if I put the kid in front of the TV just so I could work on the layout. As far as I am concerned my "me time" is every minute I get to spend doing something with the kids.
Brent
"All of the world's problems are the result of the difference between how we think and how the world works."
My four sons were the reason the layout survived! I had little time and ambition to work on it while I was working on the RR, but with the birth of my first son in November of 1989, I decided to try to make it our hobby. All four sons participated in the layout project, but my oldest and third sons still show the most interest in it.
Yes.
Although It was long before that when I packed away my 'N' equipment when I went out on the road for a living. One thing led to another as it always seemed too & after two wives & three children I managed at long last to have the means to head back into the hobby again. It was the purchase of a suitably sized house that meant a picking up of my interest possible, an interest that had layed dormant for twenty years or more.
During the interum period I keep reading about trains & railways & built models of cars & aircraft often in motel room's at night while I was on the road selling.
Then the opportunity came when I could return to a more active interest in railway modeling. I broke out my 'N' stuff, sold it soon after & started out afresh in 'HO'. During my modeling hiatus I had worked out that I would be better served going with a more popular scale to take advantage of the greater number of items available in the larger scale I had now chosen in which to create my railway scene.
With a larger house I was able to create a kids free zone in which to model. Entry only by invitation! Time away from the family was limited, very limited, the result of spending most of my time, willingly, happily as a family man which was & still is. Even now my eldest daughter is forty three with kids of her own, the most important & rewardi
ng part of my life is still my family.
But choosing a road to model, a locale to set it in, building models of all kinds, has had the huge benefit of keeping me focused on the things in life that really matter.
Dusty
BATMANIt may just be me, but I would feel really guilty if I put the kid in front of the TV just so I could work on the layout. As far as I am concerned my "me time" is every minute I get to spend doing something with the kids.
To a point a lot of that was missed by me.
Being a railroader I missed my son's first home run,sacking the quarterback and my daughter cheer leading.All that is of no real consequence since providing a quality life style was my main goal.
After being laid off I found time for the things I missed and taught my son and daughter how to fish,hunt,gun safety and other stuff and still enjoyed the hobby.
Both turned out to be resposible adults and I couldn't asked for anything more..
BRAKIE Both turned out to be resposible adults and I couldn't asked for anything more..
Amen Larry, amen. Was a little touch and go for a while with my youngest but in the past couple of years he's really turned himself around and has become a fine young man with a decent job and a real desire to better himself.
I tried to get my son into trains, lasted about 2 weeks, then he went back to Ipad or video games. It doesn't always work out. But I did join a Local Club where 2 times a month I can go play with other like minded ppl. And me and son do other stuff together. Been building a layout in garage for over a year, takes time with kids, but kids are always more important.
My 13x9 L Shape Garage Layout build
http://cs.trains.com/mrr/f/11/t/225242.aspx
No question about it: children require an enormous investment of time and money. I defy you to look at the chubby, red face of your (hypothetical) newborn and not want to devote your life to it. If you think having a child is not a life changing event, you're wrong. Your life will never be the same, and your relationship with your wife won't either.
That said, you will need personal time to stay sane. Your kids may love your hobby (2 out of 3 of mine do), but they may not. If they do, it's great father-child bonding time, if not, it's your escape. Just don't expect to run off and run trains when your child's teacher calls to discuss his behavior in school. But make an agreement with your wife. For the first couple of weeks, it's all about her and the baby. After that, you BOTH need a break now and then. My wife and I each got a week night, on which we either went out to a social or club event or do something at home. Likewise weekends: Saturday was mine, Sunday was hers. Until noon, the other parent has the kids, and you can sleep in, do your hobby, play golf, or whatever. Not to say you can't do other times as well, but try to keep your "me" time, and your wife's, sacrosanct.
So no, having children won't be the end of your hobby unless you let it. I only manage a couple hours a week, but I get down there.
Connecticut Valley Railroad A Branch of the New York, New Haven, and Hartford
"If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right." -- Henry Ford
Soon after my first son was born I realized that I would have to give up my hobby at the time. My hobby then was a 1968 MGC GT which I had intended to restore, and I had started the process by stripping the car down to a bare shell (sounds like model railroading). However, it pretty soon became obvious that the car and the family clashed. It simply would not have been fair to my wife Dianne and son Glenn if I were to spend many hours and thousands of dollars entertaining myself with the MG. We had three people in the family with a fourth on the way and it was a two seater car. It got sold. In hindsight I wish I had simply let it sit in the garage but we needed the money at the time.
A few years later I got back into trains. That was about 13 years ago. I still don't have a layout but my second son is very close to leaving the nest and when he does his exercise equipment, which currently occupies my future layout space, will be gone! (I thought he was moving out a couple of years ago but he had a serious medical condition crop up which set him back a couple of years. He is fully recovered thank goodness).
So, to answer the OP's question from my perspective at least, yes there will be trains after kids.
Dave
I'm just a dude with a bad back having a lot of fun with model trains, and finally building a layout!
I was never fully out of the hobby as my 3 sons came along, but I had much less time for the hobby. Money was tight, but never the deciding factor and I always had some space where a layout was under construction, just never got a lot done on it. My suggestion is to keep it small and enjoy your children while you can. They're only with you for a short time and then they're off on their own pursuits.
Good luck
Paul
NP 2626 "Northern Pacific, really terrific"
Northern Pacific Railway Historical Association: http://www.nprha.org/
None of my children have any interest in trains. I do and I did all along. I just didn't know it. You have to made do with the family, but there will come a time when you can do your thing. :-)
Roger Hensley= ECI Railroad - http://madisonrails.railfan.net/eci/eci_new.html == Railroads of Madison County - http://madisonrails.railfan.net/ =
I started my layout when my daughter was transitioning from tween to teen. Earlier on, I didn't have as much free time, but once she got to her teenage years she didn't need or want so much parenting. There was a bit of tension as the "family room" turned into the train room, but in reality it was mostly dead space that wasn't being used, and I built Phase 1 so that it could be rolled out of the way an not interfere with the slumber parties.
It worked out fine. She never showed significant interest in the trains, but now when she's home for a visit she makes a point to walk around and ask what's new, and I think the layout is a matter of pride for her when she shows it to her friends. And, I always have to look around and find where she's moved the Grim Reaper this time.
But, you know, I'd love to go back to reading her stories at bedtime.
It takes an iron man to play with a toy iron horse.
You can still enjoy the hobby, but you probably won't have as much free time to devote to it as you may like. But I do think that it's important on so many levels to make the time (something...anything...is better then nothing IMHO). Perhaps it's after the kid(s) go to bed or before they get up? My two kids (6 and 12) are extremely busy with baseball (all year round), volleyball, music lessons, art classes, family and religious obligations, friends, school, and a whole list of activities. I enjoy each one and love being a part of it. But I still make time to run some trains and work on the layout. You just have to be creative. But it's good for me to escape life's everyday pressures and stresses, even for a few minutes here and there. Of course, my 6 year old has been trian crazy from the get go so he and I spend great quality time at the layout and on railfanning excursions.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly."
Oddly, I found that when my 2 boys were toddlers I still had time to build and work on an N guage layout. But, when they started school and activities there was little time for the hobby, not to mention less and less space (they collect more stuff as the get older).
By the time they were 5 & 7, the layout was gone and the equipment boxed up.
But, I never regretted it. That time with them was unbelievable! (and it goes so fast!) And, if I had it to do over, I wouldn't change anything!
For the first few years I continued to buy equipment and supplies, subscribe to MR and other mag's, and draw layout diagrams. I eventually came to the realization that it was going to be a long time before I could get back into the hobby, so I stopped doing that.
Then about a year or so ago my older son moved out and I had an extra bedroom! After that room cleared out I had benchwork in place before my wife could think of something else to do with it! (or he could move back in)
All that being said, I don't think you have to give it up if you don't want to, but you may need to be very realistic about the amount of time you get to spend doing it. Space may actually become more critical than time?
Good luck!
Tim
I look back on raising my kids with fond memories and they tell me the same. Both turned out to be devoted fathers, good husbands and hard-working contributors to society on their own and both have their own hobbies. One grandchild likes trains and I put together a set for him as a Christmas present, so the hobby is perpetuating itself in my family. I think the fact that people feel they maybe have to put aside their own interests to raise kids, is a misconception about what life is really about. Yes, money and time will be in shorter supply; but, it doesn’t mean your life must be totally devoted to raising your kids. Don’t we have enough guilt in our lives without adding one more!
In today’s world, we all need diversions to keep us relatively sane!
BATMANI am 57 and my wife is 53 and we have been retired for 5 years. My son is 15 and my daughter is 12. I work on the layout when they are at school, so yes I have time since I'm retired. Before! No way! Both kids go to a hoity toity private school that has us very busy. Both son and daughter have been on the school swim team, golf team and other sports teams. Out of school hockey tournaments and swim events. My son plays the drums (takes lessons) and my daughter plays piano, clarinet, and cello (takes lessons).
Both kids go to a hoity toity private school that has us very busy. Both son and daughter have been on the school swim team, golf team and other sports teams. Out of school hockey tournaments and swim events. My son plays the drums (takes lessons) and my daughter plays piano, clarinet, and cello (takes lessons).
Many "working" people struggle to afford those things while they are working! My daughter, now in college, was in a hoity toity private school from 6th - 12th grade and it wasn't cheap - I don't think retirement is anywhere in my future for a long time and I'm 55. How can you be retired and afford those major expenses unless you are independantly wealthy? The OP may not be able to follow your "path" in life without the financial means - just sayin ...
I've heard reports on the radio that in todays world in the US raising a child takes a shocking amount of money - considering all the trimmings we have in our culture etc. and standard of living, and most kids don't go to private schools. It's crazy and totally different than how I was raised in the 60's and 70's.
Getting back to the OP's question - I do see many people in the forums post that they are active modelers and have children - I imagine it depends on their income level, their wifes willingness and their ability to carve out a little "me" time each week - you certainly have to have money, be very organized and have a understanding wife to do it. It also might help if you've managed to do some of the time consuming things like get the benchwork up and a basic layout built so when the kids come along, you can tinker and enjoy the trains with small snippets of time.
Rio Grande. The Action Road - Focus 1977-1983
My Dad used the model trains to teach me about carpentry, electricity, and model building. We'd go railfanning together and I learned about photography, railroad operations, and history. I do the same with my kids. It's a good reason to spend some time together rather than be a wedge to avoid.
It might be possible, but it might not be probable. Both of my kids loved trains when they were small; and I owned a hobby shop until they were 4 & 6. But then they got involved in sports; something they wanted to do and something my wife and I supported with our time and money.
It paid off for us; our son is on a full athletic scholarship to Purdue (we are heading to Lincoln tonight to watch him play football at Nebraska on Saturday). My daughter is on a a full athletic/academic scholarship to play volleyball at Western Carolina University.
I didn't do much train stuff (except acquire more stuff) while they were in jr. high or high school. But that was my choice; I was working long hours and the time I had, belonged to my kids. Now that they are gone; I have re-upped at the local club; I am building a small layout for a friend; and I am actively working in the hobby again.
I also think I am hampered because I do not have the space for a permanent layout. No basement, no room in the garage, no extra bedroom. As I get back into the active side of the hobby, I may build a building in the backyard; or we may decide to move into a home that is layout friendly.
riogrande5761. How can you be retired and afford those major expenses unless you are independantly wealthy?
My Dad worked for the Post office and I did not want to always be juggling to make ends meet like he did. With my high school education I became comfortable by doing grunt work for good pay.(remember our conversation on working in the oil patch) I did not work in the resource industry but had a job that paid really well and I could work as much as I wanted. After the first 40 hrs a week it was double time or triple time on Stat holidays.
It is all about choices we make. I didn't get married until I was forty and that was a conscious choice. I would go for weeks without a day off and would often work right around the clock. I had no time to spend anything so I started buying real estate and stocks. Never had a drink until I was 30, no time. Yes I am comfortable but I worked for every dime.
I GOT BAck into Trains when my first Son was 2 years old.
I knew that if I was going to have kids - especially boys - they were going to be exposed to Model Railroading.
I was when I was 5 years old and my first train was an American Flyer S gauge set.
I had a second boy - so when we went running around the country - they got to see the trains where ever we went - Train Rides Hobby Shops.
At 6 and 8 they went with me to the Club - on Layout Tours - Operations Sessions.
They could RUN Trains and DO Serious Operations better than most Adults (which just Fried the adults).
But then they wanted to go and do these things and I liked them being along -
I got to spend more time with them (which most parents don't want to - They want to make them but once thay are here - don't want to spend time with them) Sad!
Now they both have Boys and GUESS WHAT - The Grand Kids (the Grand Daughters are interested too) in trains.
The Boys have home layouts so the Grand Kids are getting exposed to Model Railroading - Another Generation.
It all boils down as what is important in life - AND NOT Spending time with your Kids - Is the worst thing a Parent can do!
BOB H - Clarion, PA
BATMAN My Dad worked for the Post office and I did not want to always be juggling to make ends meet like he did. With my high school education I became comfortable by doing grunt work for good pay.(remember our conversation on working in the oil patch)
My Dad worked for the Post office and I did not want to always be juggling to make ends meet like he did. With my high school education I became comfortable by doing grunt work for good pay.(remember our conversation on working in the oil patch)
Nothing wrong with grunt work - as you noted, if you get into the right line of work, it can pay pretty well - and it's especially good if you can maintain it year after year. Some of those lines of work are very cyclical, which can be the down side. Construction, oil patch etc. I am currently sponsering my wifes sone to immigrate from England to here, and since we simply can't afford to send him to college other than a few community college classes, his future is likely to be one of supporting himself without a university degree also, but there are (as you pointed out) some viable options.
Certainly you can look back and pat yourself on the back and you did work hard and earn your nest egg. That may or may not be the position the original poster is in, so I'm not sure if your sage life experiences can help him or not. Hopefuly it will.
As "choices you make" - those choices are probably easier for some than others, where those great paying jobs may simply not exist or the people may not be able to move to a place with great jobs. Isn't that the reason why so many people are trying to get into the US or Canada - because they have no opportunities to better themselves due to extremely few jobs or too much violence and unstability. So count your blessings that you were born in a time and place that you your good choices were rewarded. (it doesn't hurt that you were maybe a little lucky that you timed the realestate and stocks to profit well from too My dad dabled a bit in stocks and lost, but he put most of his eggs in real estate back in the 80's and early 90's and are also sitting pretty like you! Timing pretty key there.
NP2626 I look back on raising my kids with fond memories and they tell me the same. Both turned out to be devoted fathers, good husbands and hard-working contributors to society on their own and both have their own hobbies. One grandchild likes trains and I put together a set for him as a Christmas present, so the hobby is perpetuating itself in my family. I think the fact that people feel they maybe have to put aside their own interests to raise kids, is a misconception about what life is really about. Yes, money and time will be in shorter supply; but, it doesn’t mean your life must be totally devoted to raising your kids. Don’t we have enough guilt in our lives without adding one more! In today’s world, we all need diversions to keep us relatively sane!
It was a descision I willingly & happily made to put aside my MRR ambitions while we raised our kids. Beleive me when I say it was no hardship. I don't beleive that I ever experienced even a brush with insanity during the time I was not actvly involed with railroad modeling. Sure, it was tough at times the demans of a growing family can often seem relentless, but the demands of a hobby such as MRR fitted into small & infrequent gaps in our family life together would not have provided me with anything other than the frustration of interupted tasks & a mind not clearly focused on the hobby, making planning difficult. So the way my brain works means that if I had continued with my MRR durin the time of raising a family I would have added to my life a level of anguish, frustration & disapointment - possibly resentment even - if I was to have tried to fit in too much into an already busy life.
Distraction & the preservation of ones sanity - well there were many, just not MRR during that time is all. I've always read widely, I enjoy card games & playing pool, playing guitar & listening to music: all easy on the mind & the spirit.
What has worked for some folks just doesn't happen for others in the same way. None of it is wrong, just different.
Dusty.