RR jokes!! Laugh about your hobby

[RedLeader]

It's friday and I'm doing nothing in my office... so I came with this great, almost divine idea! Let's tell jokes about MR and RRing in general and beat the coffee shop's thread record! Okay here goes mine:

Q: What do bad locos tell to their lady friends?
A: "Hey baby, lets go to the hump yard and couple"[:p]

P.s. Please keep it clean [:o)]

[PennsyHoosier]

QUOTE: P.s. Please keep it clean [:o)]

Too late...

[Anonymous]

hmmm, i really dont see the value in this topic...

[yellowducky]

Joe: "Why do I feel like the only CSX fan in south texas?"

Everyone else: "Because YOU are!"


[:)]SMILE

[Fergmiester]

Did you here about the two hunters?

They died!

Found a set of fre***racks and got hit by a train!

Honest

Fergie

[Anonymous]

Why can't the engineer be electrocuted?


Because he's not a conductor

[Anonymous]

Why can't a steam locomotive sit down?

Cause it has a tender behind.


What to you call a group of caboose?

Cabeese

[Anonymous]

What is the difference between a school teacher and a steam locomotive?


The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says "Choo Choo Choo!"

[Anonymous]

Why is the track gauge 4' 8 1/2" ?


Because its the mean distance between the neck and ankles of damsels in distress.

------------------------------------------------------------------
Why don't elephants like to ride on railways?


They hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.

[Anonymous]

A blonde saw a freight train coming and speeds up to beat it across the tracks. The investigator at the scene of the accident later wrote in his report, "Some idiot, racing to beat the train, died when he drove his car into the caboose at high speed."

[Anonymous]

Q. In what kind of railroad car would you expect to find:
1. A rabbit
2. Othello
3. A deflated tire
4. An armored vehicle
5. Marijuana
6. A broker
7. Vince Lombardi
8. A chiropractor
9. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolf, and Olive
A. Answers
1. Hopper car
2. Gondola
3. Flat car
4. Tank car
5. Reefer
6. Stock car
7. Coach
8. Spine car
9. Ten-de(e)r

[Anonymous]

A fired newspaper editor took an ex-press train out of town.

[Anonymous]

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed
by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from
the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only
wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the
peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker
attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and
tried to get him to settle out of court.

He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to
take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check,
the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his
success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old
man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the
case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the
caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I
didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a
little worried about winning that case myself, because that
durned bull came home this morning."

[Anonymous]

AMTRAK?
On a slow train a young woman passenger said to the conductor, "See here, Conductor, aren't we ever going to reach Chicago? You can see I'm far gone in pregnancy. Well, if we don't get to Chicago soon, you'll have to help deliver the baby." The Conductor stared at her in horror. "But madam, you shouldn't have got on the train in this condition." And the woman replied, "I didn't."

[Anonymous]

Hi Fergie

Just curious......was that a train joke, or an animal rights statement?

Jim

[Anonymous]

Heard one about a station porter over here who, after helping a scout group to load a huge pile of tents, sleeping bags, etc. into the baggage area of a DMU (RDC equivelent) turned to their leader and said:

"Just off for the day then?"

[PennsyHoosier]

What is a lawyer's favorite railroad?


the SOO Line.

[PennsyHoosier]

Two drunks were walking upgrade between the railroad tracks. One of them said, "this is is longest stairway I have ever been on." The other one said, "It's not the stairs that bother me, it's the low banister."

[PennsyHoosier]

What's the difference between a teacher and a conductor on the railroad?

One trains the mind, the other minds the train.

[Anonymous]

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he was hit and thrown to the side of the tracks, with some internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After months in the hospital recovering, he was at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly heard the tea kettle whistling. He grabbed a baseball bat from the nearby closet and bashed the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushed into the kitchen, saw what had happened, and asked the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"

The desert man replied, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."

Luc
CPR fan

[yellowducky]

This thread got off to a bad (bad joke that is) start, but thanks to the rest .
Keep on!

[TrainFreak409]

Why was the old steamer kicked out of a restaurant?

He couldn't stop smoking.

(HAHA, man, that was corny)

What happened when someone ruined the steamer's new paint.

He got all steamed up.

(That was corny also)

A PEANUT SAT ON THE RAILROAD TRACKS
HIS HEART WAS ALL A FLUTTER
ALONG CAME THE 505
TOOT TOOT! PEANUT BUTTER!

~[8]~ TrainFreak409 ~[8]~