You ever notice that choosing a locomotive is easier and less troublesome than picking a mate?
You never hear a train ask you "do these knuckle couplers make my caboose look too big?".
How many times are you stuck waiting at the door for an hour ready to go out to a train event because your loco is in the service bay 'dolling' up to go out?
Do your locos leave grab irons hanging from the shower rod or gear lubricants clogging up the medicine cabinet?
Do your trains give you the 3rd degree when they find a styrene plastic shaving on your lapelle?
When your mate talks to you, do you here grade crossing whistle chimes, air hisses, and flange squeels?
Why doesnt MR have centerfolds? Or loco of the year?
When you mention visiting the Southern Pacific for a vacation, does you mate expect to find tickets to Australia?
Who does your mate call when you not home late from work.... your secretary or your local hobby shop?
Have you ever reffered to your talkitive mate as a 'steam generator'?
I enjoy all the posts about domestic relationships. They remind me how lucky I am and that I truely made the right choice 47 years ago.
Dave
Lackawanna Route of the Phoebe Snow
I have about broke even with my model railroading but then I have always been a bottom feeder. It is only recently as I am working on finishing the scenery on my layout that I have paid anything close to retail for anything. The wife complains at times but mainly for attention and the fact that she didn't have any hobbies she realy wanted to do, untill about a year ago, she got into sports!!!!! Talk about an expencive hobby, just got her a ticket for a football game for x-mas, $135.00 and I got a real deal through a relative, more than I ever spent for an engine except one (a brass 2 cylinder shay for $200).
I guess I lucked out. My wife is an enabler. At trainfest she convinced me to buy a new fmh1044. I've been putting it into my shopping cart and deleting it for months. Then there she was. About 30% of sticker price. I brought only enough cash to buy a kaydee boxcar and she offered to lend me cash from her allowance to get the loco until we got back home. A key to our happiness is that we each get an allowance to spend as we see fit. I buy trains and I win. She buys make up, clothes, gets her nails and hair did and I win again! She thinks I don't need more because "how many boxcars does one really need?" My response: "I don't think you need the make up because you're so pretty without it anyway!" (see what I did there?)
I spend a decent amount of time with the layout however it's just right downstairs. I know she likes that I'm not out on a golf course or out on a lake fishing and away from the house. However if she did have a problem with my hobby I'm sure it would be any hobby not specifically trains. If that was the case I would have headed for the hills years ago. Life is too short for that imho. I know some couples love to fight and that's fine for them. Just not my cup of tea.
T e d
My wife knew right away what she was getting into. When she met me, dad & I had trains all over the basement in 3 different scales. She (like my mom before her) liked what she saw because she realized the two of us enjoyed a safe hobby together & it kept us home instead of out drinking in a bar.
With that said, once we were married, of course spending became an issue, but, since we pool all our money, we both mention major purchases beforehand & make sure we're both on the same page with the budget in case there isn't enough money to cover it, if not, then we just wait.
One interesting thing that happened once was a time she was downstairs, walked over to the locos in the cabinate, & flat out asked me "When will enough be enough?" Man, that hit me hard. I stammered for an answer & it took me a day or two to realize, hey, the layout is only so big, & you can only run so many at any given time. That's the saturation point- when you see that you have plenty & you're ok with that. Now, if something really special comes up, sure I'd like to have it, but the "stock up" phase of my hobby is over. That probably happened at 35 after steadily buying at a normal pace since I was a kid. Now I'm 41 & feel pretty content with my variety. One thing I can say is that buying a mix of nice stuff & fixer uppers & staying away from top end, crazy retail prices has helped me have way more than Jr & I could normally could afford.
tedteddersonMy response: "I don't think you need the make up because you're so pretty without it anyway!" (see what I did there?)
"One difference between pessimists and optimists is that while pessimists are more often right, optimists have far more fun."
Keeping the wife happy should be your priority. Ask her why she's opposed to your purchases.. maybe she has some good reasons.
gmpullman I welcomed my wife's involvement in the hobby right from the start. She has done a good deal of the scenery and there is quite a bit of tedious work that she has done that I'm glad I didn't have to be saddled with. (I built four Walthers Hulett Unloaders, there's 64 wheel halves on each one. She clipped and cleaned up all 256 of them! Not to mention painting scores of my little people!) Everyone's situation is different but for us, we take an interest in our respective hobbies. Thus she understands why I absolutely cannot live without yet another model RR purchase. Good luck, Ed
I welcomed my wife's involvement in the hobby right from the start. She has done a good deal of the scenery and there is quite a bit of tedious work that she has done that I'm glad I didn't have to be saddled with. (I built four Walthers Hulett Unloaders, there's 64 wheel halves on each one. She clipped and cleaned up all 256 of them! Not to mention painting scores of my little people!)
Everyone's situation is different but for us, we take an interest in our respective hobbies. Thus she understands why I absolutely cannot live without yet another model RR purchase.
Good luck, Ed
Four Hullets? I know what you're building.
My wife doesn't have much interest in the hobby but doesn't complain about it. She knows I'm the responsible type. She usually has to encourage me to get what I want.
Modeling the Cleveland and Pittsburgh during the PennCentral era starting on the Cleveland lakefront and ending in Mingo junction
My wife has always been supportive of my hobbies. I'm my own guilt trip on things I buy. I often go along with some of her ideas about family visits and travel to keep a balance in interests. As I get older (70) I want to travel less and less but her fmily is 350 miles away so thats another compromise. One way to economize is to sell old stock and kits at swap meets and use the proceeds to buy the latest "gotta have". So anyway "keep the peace baby". Peace out. BILL in Idaho
My wife and I know what it cost to run the household ops and know what comes in. Neither one of us would spend money on anything extra if all the bills weren't paid and the reserve wasn't topped up. An expense such as a new hot water tank or major car expense is easily handled out of the reserve. When that is again topped up at what it cost to operate the house op's for three months we spend what we want.
She has stopped by PWRS on the way home and picked up on three separate occasions two Atlas Trainmasters Gold series and a Proto SW1200 and other things at other times. She has come in the house and while I am sitting at the computer or doing something else, kiss me on the head pass it over my shoulder and say I bought you a present. PWRS has my wish list on file and have an easy time helping her choose something. It's her way of buying me flowers.
Some measure success at staying one step of the debt collector, My wife and I have both gone through our lives by being able to pay the credit card off in full every month. Neither one of us has ever carried a balance over, ever in our lives. Interest can add up to an awfull lot of money in ones life.
Brent
"All of the world's problems are the result of the difference between how we think and how the world works."
I have a regular steady income. Then, for extra cash, I scrap out abandoned vehicles, do odd jobs, mostly welding. Pick up a freebie vehicle, sell it...
The steady income goes for the bills and such. The other money is mine to do with as I please. certainly not all of it goes to the hobby, but my bigger eBay or LHS purchases are covered by it. No friction. (at least for that)
mactier_hoggerDo you have a layout to justify all this rolling stock?
Dean, yes and no. Layout is 174 square feet with one main being 90 feet and the other main around 50 feet. Toal track is around 350 feet with sidings and small switching yard. When all of the rolling stock is on the layout it is a little crowded.
One of the reason I have so many rolling stock is I got in to the hobby when you could still buy Blue Box Kits. Most of mine are BB and at $3.50 too $5.00 each it did not cost that much.
Cuda Ken
I hate Rust
Good for her, and good for you, too. When I was very early in my layout-building process, I bought stuff. I bought, that is, too much stuff. Now, some of that stuff is still in my workroom 8 years later, and some of it is on my layout where it's really not needed, just taking up space.
While it sometimes pays to take advantage of buying in bulk to save on shipping, etc., I find it's better to buy stuff as I need it, because plans change as you progress. It's better to get what you need when you need it than to be forced down a less desireable path because you've already bought something that's not quite right.
It takes an iron man to play with a toy iron horse.
That brings up another thing, when I sense that something has "timed out" & I no longer like it, for whatever reason, it's got to go. She likes to see me flip stuff that I don't need because any money I get for it rolls back into a new purchase & then I'm not *really* spending *actual* money.
I also had to stop the Ebay thing. Not because of the wife... I just ran out of funds
Have fun with your trains
PM Railfan Talking about it has produced no solution, rather the talks ended in arguements. And truthfully, for all that I love this woman, trains may be the end of us. Sure am gonna miss her! That probably sounds wrong though I just dont know what to do about it anymore. Ive slowed my buying down but feel a void that she cant fill. Help!
Talking about it has produced no solution, rather the talks ended in arguements. And truthfully, for all that I love this woman, trains may be the end of us. Sure am gonna miss her! That probably sounds wrong though I just dont know what to do about it anymore. Ive slowed my buying down but feel a void that she cant fill.
Help!
20 years from now, which will you regret more?
Personally, if you can figure out how to have a conversation about trains without it desintegrating into an argument, you'll be much better off, and maybe it can help you figure out what void trains fill, that she doesn't. My 2 cents is that I wouldn't walk away until you can at least articulate to yourself, why.
Reading about all the troubles with significant others and trains, Maybe I should stay single. lol
Vincent
Wants: 1. high-quality, sound equipped, SD40-2s, C636s, C30-7s, and F-units in BN. As for ones that don't cost an arm and a leg, that's out of the question....
2. An end to the limited-production and other crap that makes models harder to get and more expensive.
Packer Reading about all the troubles with significant others and trains, Maybe I should stay single. lol
...Or look for one like mine.
Phoebe Vet Packer Reading about all the troubles with significant others and trains, Maybe I should stay single. lol ...Or look for one like mine.
Or mine!
I almost always had a girlfriend, but didn't find one I wanted to marry until I was 39.
Sorry to hear that. My wife never found out what I bought, when I bought it or how I got it in the house. Don't have to worry about that now as I am separated. I don't have to hide my purchases now.
Brought to you by the letters C.P.R. as well as D&H!
K1a - all the way
CP5415 My wife never found out what I bought, when I bought it or how I got it in the house. now I am separated.
My wife never found out what I bought, when I bought it or how I got it in the house.
now I am separated.
I wonder if those two thoughts are related.
Any hobby can put pressure on a marriage, especially if it starts to become expensive and money is then a problem.
Even if money is not the problem, the amount of TIME one spends away from the other spouse to enjoy the hobby can, in itself, create a big problem.
Personally, I think one MUST discuss the money and time issues and see where that leads. It would be sad indeed if one were to separate for failure to spend less money on toys and more time together.
Here is my club - started recently - we had one nice "Marklin" show at a senior citizens' home last fall (2015) and it went well:
https://sites.google.com/site/modeltrainslovers/toronto-model-trains-fun-club
Ebay should have a special service that allows you to schedule your deliveries on the days the wife is out.
BaggioEven if money is not the problem, the amount of TIME one spends away from the other spouse to enjoy the hobby can, in itself, create a big problem.
The only time I have ever seen a problem with hobbies/past times and couples running in to problems, is when one spouse has no hobbies or interest of their own. I have seen this often. My wifes and my interest couldn't be further apart, yet we both respect each others interest and lend a hand to each other when required.
On a side note, people that scoff at us train guys are also the ones that appear to me to just exist and not live life to the fullest. They seem to have no interest in anything and pass their time in front of the idiot box.
One of the reasons the Staten Island West operates at late night is because my Wife leaves for work at 11 pm. So I set aside an hour or so if I am not too tired for the RR. That way she gets my time in the evenings and trains get time later on.
She actually is supportive of my hobby so I try to be supportive of her needs.
Joe Staten Island West
PM RailfanYou never hear a train ask you "do these knuckle couplers make my caboose look too big?".
A question I avoid for 22 years while I was married.Nope,noway would I even consider answering such a fool no win question.
Larry
Conductor.
Summerset Ry.
"Stay Alert, Don't get hurt Safety First!"
BRAKIE PM Railfan You never hear a train ask you "do these knuckle couplers make my caboose look too big?". A question I avoid for 22 years while I was married.Nope,noway would I even consider answering such a fool no win question.
PM Railfan You never hear a train ask you "do these knuckle couplers make my caboose look too big?".
I would assume that if she asks the question she must want to know the truth. It is not the same as if you volunteered the information...
TheWizard PM Railfan Talking about it has produced no solution, rather the talks ended in arguements. And truthfully, for all that I love this woman, trains may be the end of us. Sure am gonna miss her! That probably sounds wrong though I just dont know what to do about it anymore. Ive slowed my buying down but feel a void that she cant fill. Help! 20 years from now, which will you regret more? Personally, if you can figure out how to have a conversation about trains without it desintegrating into an argument, you'll be much better off, and maybe it can help you figure out what void trains fill, that she doesn't. My 2 cents is that I wouldn't walk away until you can at least articulate to yourself, why.
In my case, ever since I was a wee little lad, I loved trains. So when it started to be an issue very early on in my first marriage, I knew trouble was brewing and ultimately it did play a role in our discord and eventual divorce. During my single years following that, I realized that I would factor my love of trains into future relationships because it was part of who I was, and not fair for a woman to expect me to give it up. That being said, balance is important, so I would expect to make some compromises on my time and money spend on the hobby - I've always (even when I was single) tried to make sure I could save up and would spend more or less depending on my available income. Spending would be drastically reduced during lean times and even during times of good income, I've never gone crazy and spend thousands as some appear to do! I know I can't have every thing so I do try to use a little common sense, sell off unneeded models to raise funds, spread my purchases out over time etc.
The only time I have ever seen a problem with hobbies/past times and couples running in to problems, is when one spouse has no hobbies or interest of their own.
My wife never really did have any hobbies, but she grew up very poor and had to raise 2 children on next to nothing. Even now with her situation improved, she still doesn't have any particular hobby - unless moderating forums and a little computer gaming can be considered a hobby.
Jim
Rio Grande. The Action Road - Focus 1977-1983
I dated a lot of girls before I met my wife. I also always said I would probably never get married. But when I found a girl that became my best friend that I spent all my time with I knew I needed to marry her. She's always supportive of my hobbies as I have always included the kids and it kept me at home.
I think the key is to make sure if something happened to you tomorrow make sure you leave her way more in real property and investments than you spent on hobbies.
When it comes to ebay i don't have to worry about it as I find more than enough stuff as cheap or cheaper on the major web train stores And don't have to mess with the bidding game.
SB
Phoebe VetI would assume that if she asks the question she must want to know the truth.
Indeed..That's why I avoided the fool question..No need to open mouth ~insert foot like I did when we was first married..Lesson learned.
At any rate I knew who ran things....
I rather enjoyed running the dish washer,washer,dyer etc,etc..