I get this question a LOT. And the women who haven’t asked, well, they probably should have. The ideas about what men think about this seem to be all over the place. There was a post over at hilario-blog Loveawake a couple of weeks ago that asked this very question. It seems like some women drive themselves totally nuts on this subject, and you really don’t have to.

Let’s go through the most common questions, shall we? (Since I can’t hear you, I’ll assume you said ‘Sure, pally. Type away!’ This is how I assume you say things.)

Q: SHOULD THE WOMAN MAKE FIRST CONTACT AFTER A Craigslist DATE?
A: You know, it doesn’t matter as much as you think. If you keep it light and flirty, it really can’t hurt you. You’re not going to screw up by telling him you had fun. Think about it:

1. IF HE LIKES YOU: He will like hearing from you. No, stop arguing. Never, ever, in the history of the world, has a man said, “I really like this woman. I had a great time on our date. But then she told me that SHE had a good time as well. Ugh. What a turnoff.” Never. Seriously, stop arguing.
2. IF HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU: Well, it’s not going to matter anyway, so who cares? What’s he going to do, come and kill you? If he blows you off after you call or email him, trust me, he was going to blow you off anyway.
3. IF HE ISN’T SURE IF HE LIKES YOU OR NOT: I can’t remember this ever happening to me (like women, we usually know one way or the other) but if he somehow IS so freaked out by an email that he can’t take it, you have gone on a Craigslist date with Rainman. In which case, you know, maybe you’re better off. (Again, this never happens.)

Q: WHAT SHOULD I SAY?

Omaha

Knoxville

Akron

Milwaukee

Greenville

Raleigh

Syracuse

Indianapolis

DO

• tell him how much fun you had — you don’t need to go crazy, just “I had so much fun at the movie/restaurant/zeppelin ride.” What, would it kill you to go on a zeppelin ride now and again? Oh, right. (Too soon?)
• how you should do it again sometime soon — “If you’re up for it, I’d love to get together again sometime,” is fine here. I’d have it there, though, or else he might not know you want to. Seriously. (I’ve gotten Craigslist emails after a date where I had zero idea if I should ask her out again.)
• How something he said/did was so funny/great/interesting– We all want to have left you with the impression that we are a great guy. You do think he’s a great Craigslist guy, don’t you? (If you don’t, why do you want to go out with him again?)

DON’T

• get too specific about WHEN you want to go out again – You don’t want him to feel like you’re planning out his week for him. “I could do Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday. After that, I could do next Tuesday or Thursday, or…” This starts to sound like maybe you had a calendar printed up with pictures that you took of him in his sleep on the different months.
• tell him how many babies you want to have
• catalogue what you’d like your wedding ceremony to be like. Even if you’ve got it all planned out, and it’s going to kick ass.
• apologize for how fat (or ugly, tired, unfunny, or stupid) you thought you were on your date. Even if you do think this, even if you think you weren’t doing your best work, just shut up. If he likes you, he didn’t notice or care. If he didn’t like you, you’re not going to make him go, “Hm. Maybe she’ll be less stupid on our NEXT date.”

Basically, if he likes you, you want him to know that you like him and are up for another date. If he doesn’t like you, I don’t care how good a writer you are, he’s not going to like you any more or less after an email.

Q: SHOULD I CALL, TEXT, OR EMAIL?
A: In most cases, I’d go with an email. If it turns out he doesn’t like you…Personally, my life is humiliating enough that I don’t need to have a phone conversation about it if I can help it, you know?

I’d suggest email over text, because it’s easier to be clear about what’s going on. If you really like him, do you want your first communication to be “i hd fun lets do agn lol”? If I got that, I might feel like I had just been politely snubbed. Or that I had been on a date with one of the Bratz.

(DISCLAIMER: I am a hundred years old, so I’m not sure what the kids are doing these days with their fancy communication methods and their loud music and their designer drugs. Get off my lawn!)

Q: HOW LONG SHOULD I WAIT?
A: The next evening is actually totally acceptable. Some women think that if they email too quickly, it will scare him off. Unless you’re dating a baby deer in a forest, relax.

Then again, I suppose if you email him ten seconds after the date, and then again every five minutes until he responds, yeah, that would be a little creepy. But if he likes you, a single email 24 hours later is totally fine.

SAMPLE EMAIL:

Dear Ferdinand, (hey, it’s my Craigslist website, I can write whatever I want.)

I just wanted to say that I had so much fun with you at the otter races last night. (my website, remember.) I was cracking up again about that story you told about the first otter you ever saw! How did he get into your parents’ teepee? So hilarious!

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I had a great time. We should do it again sometime soon. Let me know.

See you soon,

Isabella

IF YOU LEARN NOTHING ELSE, REMEMBER THIS: You aren’t going to wreck anything with a nice, fun, short email to say “thanks I had fun”. If he’s the right guy, it will be great. And if he blows you off, he wasn’t the right guy — he was absolutely going to blow you off anyway, so no harm done.

What say you, ladies of Earth*? Any special circumstances I should cover here?