The Two Trees Times - "All the Large Scale news Printed to Fit!" Est. 2005

[Anonymous]

The Two Tress Times
Established 9 Sept 2005
All the Large Scale news Printed to Fit!

This publication is hereby founded to record the RAILNEWS of Companies, Shortlines and other rail interests that hold membership in the UNITED ASSOCIATION of GARDEN RAILLINES and syndacated by the Gardern Railways Assoc. Press Service. All articles printed herein are to be done in proper journaistic style (choosen by the THREDSTER) as if read by a denizen of one of said raillines.

Volume 1 Issue 1................................................................................Sept 2005

[Anonymous]

The First Run of the "Garden Flyer"
Although not a Regular Train
By Richard "Scoop" Carails- Two Trees Times

Two Trees, Texas- Citizens of Two Trees, Texas were rewarded with a special treat. The Norma &Micaela Railroad announced Monday that it would run a Special train between the Two Trees Depot, the Notherly Plantation, the Del Sur Plantation and the end of usable track near Poor Vic's just beyond the Borracho Gultch Trestle.

The Garden Flyer's special trip will occur weekly, twice on Wednesday, until further notice for the price of 50 cents.

"This is a good faith effort," said Shop Maganer Jimmy Sanderson, "made in return for the Locomotive the citizens of Two Trees donated. We have to get out workcrews our anyway...might as well take people with us."



(above) The Garden Flyer makes its way through "The Cut" loaded with excursionists!

Railroad officials indicated that regular passenger service would begin to Micaela, Texas as soon as the area known as Poor Vic's Curve is suitable for regular trains. In 1901 this area was the seen of an accident when Viktor Schmitt, a locomotive engineer on the Two Trees Tramline, jumped the tracks trying to top out his locomotive.

Rail service to Norma, Texas will resume once the section known as Ian's Pass is cleared by state inspectors from the Texas Railroad Commisson.


Source: Two Trees Times 20 May 2005...

[Anonymous]

Giant Tomato Tree Kills Four.
Garden Railroad Associated Press Enterprises

Rosebud Falls- Douglas Flatbottom, President D&RGW, Rosebud Falls Branch, confirmed that a giant, 120 foot tall tomato tree fell to earth today while Maintenance Of Way crews were making final repairs to track that had been damaged in the recent floods. Confirmed deaths include Jack T. Hammar, Wheeler DaBarrow, and Foreman Finias Underlord, all of whom expired at the scene. Raga Muffin, local hobo of note, expired later at Rosebud Falls General Hospital. Land Use Commissioner Ms. Bonbon denied initial requests for removal of the offending tree. Only after all harvestable produce had been removed from the tree was a removal permit granted. Two 0-5-0 Overhead gantry cranes were used to remove the fallen vegetation. Minor repairs of track in the area were quickly completed and local rail service resumed after a half hour delay.


File Photo, Victims l-r Mr. Underlord, Mr. Muffin, Mr. DaBarrow, and Mr. Hammar.

Funeral arrangements are pending at the Rosebud Falls Mortuary. Mr. Hammar and Mr. DaBarrow have no known relatives in the Rosebud Falls area. Mr. Underlord is survived by his wife Lissa and four teenage sons. Mr. Muffin's relatives were last seen in the encampment six miles south of the falls. Sheriff Eyegota Star states that his deputies are engaged in searching out Mr. Muffin's relatives. Both deputies were seen by this reporter to be actively engaged with the "support staff" of Ms. Legga Bloomer, Proprietess of "The Red Garter Saloon and Hotel." President Flatbottom has informed the Widow Underlord that she will be allowed to remain in the Foreman's Shanty until such time as a new Foreman is announced, most likely around the first of next month.

Originally posted by ttrigg

[Rene Schweitzer]

Unfortunately, it's prime falling-tomato season. [;)][:D][:D] Gotta keep those workers safe.

Capt, this newsletter is hilarious! Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

N&MRR President Lobbies Garden Railroad Commissioner
Commissioner Schweitzer to Consider new "Rail Forum"
By Richard "Scoop" Carails- Two Trees Times

Two Trees, Texas- N&MRR President Capt J. E. Carrales announced his intentions to lobby the Office of the Garden Railroad Commission Friday 9 September 2005. In a formal letter to said office he expressed the need for "...a forum for the reporting of news on the daily/weekly or monthly operations of the railroad industry under her jurisdiction."

The effort would mark a whole new and original idea on any of the major authorties currently operating in Texas, The United States and the little known UN garden railroad oganization UNGRADED (United Nations Garden Railroad Authority & Development Enginerring Department).

Officials of the UNITED ASSOCIATION of GARDEN RAILLINES are hopeful the effort will pay off.


Of couse you know, my Dear Rene, that this is a pilot for a new forum. And thus Begins a new attempt at lobbing for said forum. Thanks to Trigg for the inspiration.

[Train 284]

Great job Capt.! I am loving it! Keep the fun coming!

[Capt Bob Johnson]

That's what I'm talking about! I love it! Wish I could be that creative!

[Anonymous]

Capt C. you provided the best entertainment my Friday night could allow! Well done. OFLMAO[(-D]

[Anonymous]

N&MRR President Withdraws Request
After Much Deliberation Carrales Capitulates
By Richard "Scoop" Carails- Two Trees Times

Ian's Meadow, Texas- N&MRR President Capt J. E. Carrales returned from a meeting with Railroad Commissioner R. Schweitzer Monday September 12, 2005. In a short speech given from the back of the Railway Coach Del Sol he announced that he withdrew is motion to create a forum for the reporting of news on a daily/weekly basis.

"After much debate," began Carrales, "the members of the UNITED ASSOCIATION of GARDEN RAIL LINES elected to continue the efforts of the Two Trees Times without special despensation."

Several company officials of the N&MRR were present and refused to answer questions concerning this latest of political junkets to Austin to lobby for the Railroad.

Treasurer E. N. Velopes had only this to say en re the matter, "Capt Carrales made a valiant effort, but the people have spoken. Our portfolio looks excellent and we are poised for an excellent second year in operations. In fact, we have placed an order for another locomotive from the Scientific Locomotive Works...er...the Sow's Ear Division and we are planning to open more milage for operation."

[ttrigg]

Victims of Fallen Tree Laid to Rest
Rosebud Falls, (6 Sept, 1905)

The victims of the falling tomato tree were laid to rest in three separate ceremonies yesterday. Jack T. Hammar and Wheeler DaBarrow were laid to rest in twin short and simple services attended by Douglas Flatbottom, Ms. Legga Bloomer of "The Red Garter Saloon and Hotel" and all of her ladies from the "support staff." of the saloon.

Foreman Finias Underlord was laid to rest later in the afternoon, in attendance were President Flatbottom, Mr. Underlord's brother The Right Reverend Elias Underlord, and the Widow Underlord. Mr. Underlord's teenage sons were not in attendance, having been most recently seen in the company of the "support staff' from the Red Garter Saloon and Hotel.

Mr. Raga Muffin "King of the Rails" was laid to rest in the twilight hours, in attendance were representatives of the local Road Clan, Travelin Jack, Setten Sam, Rod Ryder Raymond, and Mr. Muffin's Dog Fifi. Mr. Muffin's wife was last seen hopping the local freight with the Right Reverend Underlord earlier in the afternoon.

[Capt Bob Johnson]

I'd better watch out, I got a few of those giant tomato trees around my place. Mort Uary is gonna be one rich undertaker if we keep havin these multiple death accidents due to weather weakend trunks on those trees. Maybe the town fathers need to have those trees cut down to size and get the railroad to remove all that waste as a backhaul cargo for empty gondolas and flatcars!

No matter what Capt. Carrales sez about doing his civic duty in assisting in that removal, Mr. E. N. Velope will not permit any such non revenue generating use of road equipment. What do we do with all that debris?

We understand that the Widow Underlord is considering opening a spaghetti sauce canning plant if'in she can corral those boys long enough to do some of the liftin and haulin. At least that might help (along with that piddlin little stipend the railroad's paying) to replace the old man's paycheck so's she can send the boys on to school!

[Anonymous]

Two Trees Times
Classified Section
September 13, 2005


Wanted: The Norma & Micaela Railroad is currently looking for persons to fill the following occupations...track crewmen, breakman and Ticket Clerk/ Station manager at Two Trees, Texas. Apply at the N&MRR offices or at the U.S. Post Office at Two Trees, Texas. Call [phone] ext 3. Ask for Mr. C. Sanderson.

Wanted: The Northerly Plantation is currently looking for a Giant Tomato Tree consultant willing to work with the County Agent to prevent events like the recent tragedy in Rosebud Falls. Must have a BS in Agricultural Science. Call [phone] or apply at the Manor House.

Announcement: Puckdropper's Place, Inc. seeking supplier of good quality Aristocraft track at reasonable prices for outdoor expansion. Member UAGR. Call [phone].


Announcement: Mr. E. M. Balmer of the E. M. Balmer Funeral Home and Restaurant located in Two Trees, Texas send his professional courtesy to Mort Uary of Rosebud, Falls.

Announcement: The Rosebud Falls Gazette proudly announces the first of weekly scrawls to begin this Friday, 16 September 1905.

For Sale Complete set of Sherm Alpert & The Reynosa Brass LPS. Only used some 200 times. $10 or best offer. Call Vic Betts [phone]

[grandpopswalt]

Cappy,

This is great stuff! I think you've created a permenent position for yourself on this forum.
Keep it coming.

I'm anxiously waiting for other "journalists" to submit more of their own articles to this thread.

Walt

[tangerine-jack]

Do we submit to the local "two trees times" for publication or start our own rags?



[oX)]

[Anonymous]

I think we should all become outlying freelance reporters and submit to the Editor.

[Anonymous]

Well, the issue of rules has come up.

Here ar emy suggestions...

1) The Two Trees Times is monthly, a new thread will be posted once a month. That will prevent the problem with the coffeeshop threads that become so long they lose there meaning.

2) Older Issues will be linked to the current issue for those that want to archive.

3) Anyone can post on the Two Trees Times with a story. It would be nice if those that did made up their own newspaper (now I have a functioning structure to display on my layout) and reporter. The Two Tree Times syndacate will form from the Gardern Railways Assoc. Press Service. Thus your post should ,ist the name of your newspaper and the caveat "G.R. Assoc. Press."

4) If you send your story to myself or Ttrigg, we will post it as a story "off the wire."

5) I think it would be best to encourage he formation of other publications. If it is agreable, the titl eof the post could change to G.R. Assoc. Press Wire and remove Two Trees TImes since TTT is more of a Local Production. Thus, your "rags" are welcome.

OK...amdend change as needed...

[tangerine-jack]

I don't like the sound of "syndicate"- I'm alergic to concrete.......

Maybe not such a bad idea, a forum for local "papers".. hmmm....................



[oX)]

[ttrigg]

Missing Underlord Boys Found
Alive and Well
Rosebud Falls, (13 Sept, 1905)
Sheriff Eyegota Star confirmed this afternoon that the sons of the late Mr. Finias Underlord and the Widow Lissa Underlord have been found alive and well if not extremely tired today. The boys had been missing since just moments before their fathers funeral. The Widow Underlord said at the time that she noticed that the boys all went missing just moments after the funeral entourage for the Hammar/DaBarrow funerals left the cemetery. The boys were conspicuously missing when they were not in attendance at their fathers funeral, having been seen in the vicinity of the cemetery just a half hour prior. Deputy Sheriff (Junior) Eyegota Star II confirmed to this Reporter that the boys were all found in the second floor apartments above the Red Garter Saloon. Deputy Star stated that the boys were in excellent health considering the duration of their hiatus. It is believed that the boys had spent the last week surviving on scraps of food brought to the rooms by the female employees of The Red Garter Saloon. When reunited with her sons the Widow Underlord slapped her eldest son up side the head and screamed "what on earth possessed you to take your brothers to that filthy place?" Relieved that the boys were found safe and alive, President Flatbottom offered the boys positions on the road gangs that are being hired in anticipation of the expansion out through Rosebud Flats. Flatbottom further said that any man strong enough to survive seven days and seven nights in those apartments is certainly strong enough to work on the railroad. Ms. Legga Bloomer, Proprietress of The Red Garter Saloon and Hotel denied any knowledge that the missing boys had been in the apartments above her saloon, claiming that both she and her employees did not know that the boys were missing. It is her contention that the elder Underlord had "spent many an afternoon in my company" and that "seeing the boys upstairs with their dad had become a fairly common occurrence." It is believed that the boys each squandered their twelve dollar inheritance two bits at a time while in the apartments.

[ttrigg]

Cappy;

I propose we change the name of the "press association" from

"Garden Railroad Associated Press"

to

"Garden Railroad Associated Press Enterprises"

Then we can trully get our "news" from the "GRAPE vine"

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by ttrigg

Cappy;

I propose we change the name of the "press association" from

"Garden Railroad Associated Press"

to

"Garden Railroad Associated Press Enterprises"

Then we can trully get our "news" from the "GRAPE vine"

Well said and seconded!!! Motion carries!!

[bman36]

Well done Capt. The tomatoes were just the laugh I needed today1Later eh...Brian.

[Anonymous]

Puckdropper's Place, Inc. Announces New Venture
Railroad seeks to Open New Doors
Garden Railroad Associated Press Enterprises

Septemebr 13, 2005- Mr. U.S. Puckdropper of Puckdropper's Place, Inc announced Tuesday of the intentions of his rail line to join the ranks of the UNITED ASSOCIATION of GARDEN RAIL LINES' outdoor Chapter.

Mr. Puckdropper, the executive engineer, was quoted saying, "Right now, we're looking for a supplier for good quality Aristocraft track without spending all our capital."

N&MRR Company President and Operator applauded the effort saying, "The advancement of the goals of UNITED ASSOCIATION of GARDEN RAIL LINES is a benefit to us all. We at the Norma & Micaela Railroad do not look at Mr. Puckdropper's efforts as competition in any way and would one day hope to see rolling stock from that railroad bringing goods to the Micaela Valley.

Various suppliers are being contacted to provide rail of the exact weight and specifications for the needs of this effort.

Source: G.R.A.P.E. 20 May 2005...

[ttrigg]

Rosebud Falls (12 Sept., 1905)

Claims filed on behalf of surviving "dependents"
of the victims of falling tomato tree

Union Steward, Books Takeep, of Local #274 of the National Brotherhood of Railway Workers of America and Lawyer Imagona Suuya, council for the children, held a rather raucous meeting today concerning Survivors Pensions for several "dependent" children of the victims of the recent falling tomato tree incident. Lawyer Imagona Suuya announced at his Press Conference this evening that he was taking Mr. Takeep and the local and national Union to Court. For further details turn to page http://members.cox.net/rosebudfallsgrr


Sorry guys, could not clean this one up enough to post on these pages. Don't want Rene upset at me!

[Anonymous]

QUOTE: Originally posted by tangerine-jack

Maybe not such a bad idea, a forum for local "papers".. hmmm....................

Toy not with my emotions!!![4:-)]