I share your frustration, as I have, on occasion, uttered more four letter words than George Carlin does on an hour show.
I use Gargraves track and Ross Custom switches. Ross uses the same DZ-1000 switch machines and the same control buttons. There are 22 of these on my layout, and believe me, I have had issues. Gargraves switches are configured almost identical to the Ross ones, meaning both require a bunch of soldering if you want the non-derailing feature. I agree with you that it would have been better for us to have the manufacturer wire the switches for non-derailing and let those that do not want that feature to disable it. Having to solder 22 switches for non-derailing appeared to me to be just too much of a job. I was anxious to get operating and that process would have caused a major delay. Why Ross and Gargraves do not sell switches already wired for de-railing is probably an issue of cost and demand.
Now, as to those DZ-1000 switch machines: some of mine have the three wires connected to it with small screws; some are hard wired. I'm no expert on judging wire gauge, but those wires are smaller than any wire I have purchased - 22 gauge. Thus, the switch machine wires are most likely 24 guage. Connecting wires of that gauge require more care to get a good connection, especially if you are using suitcase or solderless connectors. One of the wires that was hard wired broke at the solder point. At the time I did not have a soldering capability for micro soldering, so the switch machine went to my junk parts bin. Had the wire broken on one that was connected with screws, it would have been a simple matter to screw down another one. I was lucky that I had an extra switch machine left over from a Gargraves switch I never used. Bottom line here is you/we are dealing with very small, fragile wires requiring extra care in hook-up.
Gargraves track: this track has been referred to in various literature as a more "advanced" track for modelers, especially when bending flex track for a custom curve. I lost count a long time ago on how many 3 foot sections I ruined trying to get just the right curve I needed. Bending flex track is, for the most part, a one shot deal. A very slight bend can be straightened, allowing for a retry. A bend of several degrees, however, would be very difficult to straighten. On the plus side, Gargraves track offers some electrical advantages over traditional track because all 3 rails are insulated. I'm not an electrical expert, but it provides for easier/niftier wiring and operation of accessories. I, too, am an operator but I have that desire to make the roadbed a little more prototypical than what you can do with "factory roadbed track" such as Realtrax. A layout with Gargraves track,its' wooden ties, and your own custom appllied ballast provides the best realistic appearance (my opinion, of course).
I won't bore you here with all my wiring/electrical problems, but just to let you know you're not alone. Some of my issues have caused delays in terms of months while I tried to resolve the problems. Nevertheless, it's a great hobby. Don't give up; just walk away from it for a while when frustration develops, and then, come back with a renewed vigor.
"Put in your two cents worth"; "A penny for your thoughts" - where did the other penny go?